


Smells Like Chalk and a Cockatoo

by ShittyDinner



Series: Smells [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bad Puns, Cunnilingus, Dom Sans, Dom!Sans, Domestic, Dub!Con, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Frisk, Growling, Jealousy, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mouth Kink, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, PTA Sans, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Pacifist Route, Racism, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader has a vagina, Reader-Insert, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, dad!Sans, monster bonding, puns, reader is female
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-05-14 05:34:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 91
Words: 128,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5731306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShittyDinner/pseuds/ShittyDinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You just wanted to eat your lunch but it looks like you were swept into the lives of a couple of skeletons instead. You just had to fall for one of them, didn't you? Harassed by people all over the neighbourhood because of it? Whatever, those jerks aren't worth your time. Besides, your boyfriend probably means well despite how possessive he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fettuccine AFRAID-o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just trying to exist.

Today is Absolute Garbage so you're eating your lunch outside for once. To hell with everyone and everything. Work's been a disaster from the second you set your foot in the door this morning so you've taken it upon yourself to grab a little fresh air. There's a small park only a five minute walk from where you work and your lunch is in a thermos. Of course the boss would take their sweet time getting the microwave repaired. Your coworkers weren't driving you mad on purpose or anything; it was just one of those days where something small goes wrong the second you set foot out of bed and your bad mood gradually snowballs at every little thing until you're Completely Done with the world. One of those days. You're absentmindedly watching a squirrel fight some pigeons for park trash when a booming voice startles you back to planet freaking Earth.

"EXCUSE ME, HUMAN. I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU'VE MADE A GRAVE MISTAKE IN YOUR COOKING." There is a six foot something skeleton looming over you.

"Excuse me?" You're not sure if you should feel terrified, insulted, or both. Why is there a monster talking to you? You're just trying to exist in a space and eat your food. Everyone knows that monsters have terrifying powerful magic. Aren't they supposed to keep to themselves the way they always do? You don't want to piss him off so you decide to tread lightly.

"YOUR PASTA SAUCE IS ALL WRONG. HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DRAIN IT OF ITS COLOUR?" He leans forward as if completely perplexed by the idea of a white pasta sauce. How many years has it been since monsters have been on the surface now? Surely enough that this dude could've come across a freaking Alfredo sauce.

"There's nothing wrong with it?" It wasn't a question but nerves made you raise your voice at the end. You recover quickly. "It's, um, called an Alfredo sauce. There's no tomato or anything in it; it's mostly cream." The skeleton has taken a seat at your picnic table without an invitation. You tense up.

"WOWIE!" The skeleton's eyes light up. "I HAD NO IDEA HUMANS COULD BE SO CREATIVE IN THEIR COOKING. TO THINK THEY WOULD MAKE SPAGHETTI SAUCE WITHOUT A SINGLE VEGETABLE. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN TASTE LIKE?" His sincere enthusiasm catches you off guard.

You're not sure why but for some reason this monster suddenly scares you a lot less. You chuckle and offer him the last three or four bites and he exclaims joyfully. It's almost adorable. This giant terrifying skeleton is adorable? You exchange names. His name is ("the great") Papyrus. As it turns out, he was on his way to the store to get ingredients for a cooking lesson when he spotted you. He confides that the first thing he ever learned to cook properly was spaghetti so pasta has always been his Big Favourite (a common monster term for something held deeply close to one's heart).

It isn't until you realize that you're going to be late getting back to work that you cut the conversation short. The skeleton seems upset but understanding. His sadness to see you leave hits you more than it should and you offer to give him a copy of your Alfredo sauce recipe. Not really wanting to give any of your personal information to a monster you just met, you both agree to meet in the park for lunch the next day.

 

\--

 

The next day you're sitting in the park with Papyrus and trying to explain what a roux is. He doesn't seem to understand cooking basics at all despite having let you sample a bit of his relatively decent lunch. The meal is interrupted when you find a hand on your shoulder.

"Now why would you go around eating lunch at the same table as a monster, babe?" Interrogates a stereotypically obtuse-looking meathead. There are two more of a similar caliber standing behind him.

 

Nope.

 

"We're eating lunch?" You hunch your shoulders and respond, slowly? …Hesitantly?

"AH YES, THIS HUMAN IS SHARING HER KNOWLEDGE OF MAKING DAIRY SAUCE FOR PASTA." Papyrus chimes in, obviously having no idea what the implications of this group are.

"Well darling, lemme tell it to ya straight." Begins harasser number one, clicking his tongue, "We don't really like seeing our kind getting mixed up with monsters in this neighbourhood. Don't want to lose it to a buncha demons." His hand is still on your shoulder and you can feel it tighten somewhat as he says this.

 

Nope. Nope.

 

At the word "demon," Papyrus seemed to have picked up on the nature of this confrontation. That was a pretty shitty slur to throw around. "NOW. NOW. THAT IS A RATHER RUDE WORD. FEAR NOT THOUGH, FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL ELECT TO FORGIVE YOU, SHOULD YOU APOLOGIZE."

Oh man. They did not look happy to hear this. The background goons start shifting.

 

Nope. Nope. NOPE.

 

You nudge Papyrus with your knee and mouth, "We. Need. To. Run." Facing away from the three beefcakes.

What you were not expecting is for him to hurl you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes when he follows through.

 

 


	2. PUNctuated Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You will not be out-punned. Okay, maybe you will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTOCORRECT MAKES IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR US TO WRITE PUNS

Monsters run fast. Real fast. Or at least Papyrus does. He turns corners so sharply that you've lost the gang of shit disturbers within minutes. Your lunch break's over now but it doesn't strike you as very intelligent to wander back in that general direction. You just, uh, flop along as Papyrus runs? How long has he been running now? Five minutes? Ten? It kind of really hurts to be bounced around on a skeleton on a full stomach. You think you're gonna puke when he stops.

 

"WELCOME TO SCENIC MY HOUSE." Papyrus slams the door open and plops you down. Oh gosh. You feel like you're gonna hurl. "PLEASE HAVE A SEAT ON THE COUCH." You are really out of it so you comply, sinking into the plush saviour that is this steady, unmoving beautiful piece of anchorage. Oh gosh. So much better.

 

The sound of relief that escapes you is somewhere between a whine and a sob.

 

"That was terrifying." You take a moment to look up and compose yourself. "Um, thank you? You run really fast."

 

"YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY WELCOME. THE MOST RIGOROUS TRAINING I HAVE DONE HAS FINALLY COME IN HANDY. IT IS I WHO SHOULD BE THANKING YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY." Is he posing dramatically? Yes. Yes he is.

 

 

Okay. Papyrus is wacky as hell and you're in his monster house. Probably alone. Nobody knows you're here and going back to work means you risk running into those psycho crazies. Well, at least you _know_ you're going to get into trouble if you go back. What are the odds that this monster'll grind you up and turn you into bolognese? Probably lower.

 

"ALL THAT RUNNING HAS TIRED ME OUT. I'M GETTING SOME WATER." Papyrus declares. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?"

 

"Oh please, yes!" You wheeze. "I mean, yes please." You say with slightly more composure. Some cold water will maybe probably definitely ease your stomach.

 

After drinking some water and hanging out in the living room talking about white sauce and then other culinary topics for a couple of hours you notice how late in the evening it's getting. You live maybe a fifteen minute walk away. It's not far but that park is definitely between you and home. Cripes, why? You explain your predicament and he offers to walk you home. He does, however, request a favour in exchange.

 

 

\--

 

 

So now you're stirring a roux in a skeleton's kitchen. Your shirt's lightly dusted with flour and the smell of butter wafts through the air. There was some parmesan in the fridge but no Romano so it's not going to be the best Alfredo sauce. Whatever, you're showing your new skeleton buddy the basics so what gets made gets made. The garlic and cheese definitely make the sauce more appealing. (The secret is ALWAYS extra garlic.)

 

"smells good, bro."

 

You almost jump out of your skin. You did NOT hear the source of that voice enter the kitchen. The skeletons both chuckle at your obvious complete lack of serenity.

 

"S-sorry I screamed." You recover, "I j-just didn't hear you!"

 

"no big. no big." It's a much shorter skeleton? Skeleton family? He closes an eye and grins from ear to ear. "what's cooking?"

 

"THIS HUMAN IS TEACHING ME HOW TO MAKE DAIRY SPAGHETTI." Papyrus boasts like he's won the lottery. "SANS, YOU HAVE TO COME AND SEE. THERE IS NOT A SINGLE VEGETABLE INVOLVED." He's way too excitable for his own good but you're not afraid of him any more? Probably not afraid of him any more.

 

"hello then, _this human_." The smaller bro responds. "thanks for making me dinner. really appreciate a bit of variety once in a while but you know, i'm not sure if a sauce without tomatoes is really authentic. sounds like a real _impasta_."

 

"No it's not, it actually from--" You stop mid-sentence as the stupid fucking pun registers. "Oh." Ok. Papyrus is flailing or something in the background but you're not even paying attention. Oh no, wise guy. It's on. It's fucking on.

 

"Hey Papyrus," you nudge him with your arm as you start, "you never told me you had a brother let alone how _humerus_ he was." Sans chortles at this.

 

"I REGRET EVERYTHING." Papyrus declares angrily.

 

"glad to know someone around here appreciates comedy gold when they hear it. good thing I was _pun_ ctual for dinner." Sans smugly raises a brow bone. Did the skeleton just move solid bone? How the hell does skeleton anatomy work? Not important right now. This was a freaking challenge.

 

"Pretty funny but," you turn your head to the short skeleton as slowly as possible, "got anything with an actual _pun_ chline?"

 

"questioning my humour is _pun_ ishable, you know." He grins from ear to ear.

 

"Oh come on, you can do better. That one was unquestionably _pun_ gent." You heckle, waving your hand in front of your face.

 

"I HATE THIS. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Papyrus is completely vexed.

 

"aw, come on paps. your friend's real s _pun_ ky." He crosses the kitchen to greet you properly. "didn't introduce myself, kiddo. i'm sans. sans the skeleton." He pulls a hand out of his hoodie pocket and holds it out. You introduce yourself and shake his hand.

 

 

WAS THAT A FUCKING WOOPIE CUSHION?

 

 

\--

 

 

Dinner's on the table. Looks good. Smells good. You're all seated and eating. Your brow is a little furrowed. You're not offended by people modifying the food you make them but it would have been polite to maybe taste the stuff before pouring half a bottle of ketchup on it. Sans catches your look and passes you the bottle with a wink and a grin. Is this some weird skeleton ritual? You suppose it wouldn't hurt to try. You pour a small amount onto your pasta and mix it in. It now looks like a rosé sauce. You lift it to your mouth.

 

Fucking. Disgusting.

 

Mistakes were made. Ketchup does not go in Alfredo sauce. It takes all the effort you can muster to not screw your face up at the sudden acidity that throws the whole dish out of whack. A muscle twitches. You finish your plate. You might have died and gone to hell in the process. OK, it wasn't _that_ bad but it was pretty bad. Papyrus completely ignores the ketchup. You could have opted out?! Why?

 

Dinner conversation's not bad. The conversation shifts from cooking and sauces to other completely unrelated stuff and you're having a good time. The skeletons tell you about not having that many human friends. Monsters generally keep to their own kind. By the end of dinner you're almost sad to go. Guess it wouldn't hurt to trade cell phone numbers with Papyrus. As long as you don't hang out in public too much.

 

 

\--

  

 

Papyrus is walking you home. You get to the door and… um, shit? You've been so overwhelmed that you didn't think about the fact that your keys are in your purse. Your purse is in your workplace, which is now closed and locked? Shit, of course. 

 

 

 

 


	3. inferNO-MADISM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This anime sucks.

Going into work the next day is a little weird. You haven't showered or brushed your hair. You ended up crashing at Papyrus and Sans' place last night. Their couch isn't too bad but your pride was definitely hurt when you had to explain that you didn't have your keys twice. That was then and this is now though. You comb your hair with your fingers and thank your lucky stars that you have a travel deodorant in your purse when you open it. Maybe you're being overly paranoid but you could have sworn that you saw one of the dudes from yesterday on your walk to work this morning. (You are definitely just paranoid.)

 

Aside from having a mildly stiff neck, either from yesterday's stress or the couch (you're not really sure), you have a pleasant day. Papyrus even packed you a decent-tasting lunch. You've decided that he's a total sweetie pie. You pick up some groceries on the way home and continue living your life as usual.

 

\--

 

Walking to and from work takes you an extra five minutes because you avoid the side of the block with that park. You've been hanging out with the skeleton brothers twice a week for three or four months now. They've become a regular part of your life and you spend more time at their place than you do with any other of your friends at this point. Papyrus has introduced you to two of his best friends: Undyne, a loud scaly monster with an eyepatch who's been teaching him how to cook for years, and Alphys, Undyne's totally nerdy, equally scaly lizard monster girlfriend. Apparently they both used to work for the monster king back when they were confined underground, which you find cute because they are very much in love.

 

\--

 

Tonight is movie night. Alphys has some new moé anime on. You don't all fit on the couch so you, Undyne, and some teen human named Frisk whom you just met are on the floor with your backs up against it while the rest arrange their legs to make room. Papyrus has been recently doing this new thing where he pets your head during movie nights. He sure loves humans.

 

Frisk laughs when they see him doing it. "Aw, Papyrus, you're leaving me out?" Guess this reassures you that it's not creepy or anything.

 

"FRISK, YOU KNOW I HAVE HAD MANY MOVIE NIGHTS TO PET YOU. I HAVE NOT DEVOTED NEARLY ENOUGH TIME TO ________, OVER HERE. BESIDES," he extends an arm in their direction, "YOU ARE TOO FAR."

 

"SHHHHH," hisses Alphys.

 

"Yeah, it's getting good!" Undyne chimes in.

 

Guys, there are freaking subtitles.

 

Well, close personal contact isn't something you'd have ever imagined having with monsters but these guys were probably your best friends at this point. Pet. Pet. Pet. It makes this particularly bad anime more bearable, anyway. Pet. Pet. Pet. It's not that all the anime Alphys chooses is bad. She has some hits and she has some misses. Tonight was definitely a miss. Pet. Pet. This was still nice. You don't even remember how the petting thing started but you're pretty sure Papyrus didn't even ask the first time he did it. He wouldn't. He, um, has difficulty with nonverbal communication and similar things like personal space. He's not creepy or anything. Pet. Pet. Actually, if anyone but Papyrus did the kind of weird things he did, you'd probably punch them in the face. Pet. Pet. Pet.

 

The film ends. Alphys goes on an Alphys Rant™; her signature overenthusiastic breakneck speed gushing at the end of literally every anime she recommends for movie night. The popcorn and chips get finished. Alphys and Undyne leave the house to walk Frisk home. Sans and Papyrus walk you home. A while ago they decided that they didn't want you walking home alone at night in a neighbourhood with a bunch of thugs out to get you for being friends with monsters.

 

\-- 

 

You smell it before you see it.

You see the flashing lights before you turn the corner.

You freak out when you actually do turn the corner. There are no fewer than three firetrucks outside of your place. Whoa. Um, what's going on?! Three-foot flames emanate from your bedroom window. Is this real? 

"looks like you've met your _match_ , kid." Maybe Sans was trying to lighten the mood but you can't help it, you just start sobbing. Your entire life was in that place. All your photos, clothes, personal belongings, your computer, your shelter, your safe space, everything is gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title's a portmanteau of inferno and nomadism. But you know, you're "In for nomadism."
> 
> ALSO: Frisk is a teen so you can assume it's -quite- a few years post-pacifist ending. Papyrus, you have no excuse for your pasta ignorance.


	4. In-FLU-ential

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why? Fucking WHY?  
> Maybe you should have gotten your flu shot, ya stupid.

You've been crashing on this couch for a week now. You're wearing some pants you nabbed at the store in a distracted haste and a shirt Papyrus lent you. All he seems to own are crop tops but he has such a large build that you're comfortable wearing them on your much smaller frame. You're emotionally overwhelmed and stressed beyond imagination dealing with insurance companies and trying to find a place to live and trying to buy some basic living essentials, never mind even thinking about furniture yet. So, naturally, all this stress has destroyed your immune system and you are sick as a dog. Of _course_  it had to all happen on the week you get your period too. What did you even do to deserve all this at once? This is not fair. You wish you were dead. You might as well be browsing for grave sites instead of apartments during your brief moments of consciousness between fever-induced nightmare sleep. You're sitting up on the couch with a low-end laptop you involuntarily had to splurge some rainy day money on to help with apartment hunting and general communication with people. Not that you've gotten much help from your non-monster friends since the fire.

 

A head pokes into the living room. "how's it going, kiddo?" You might be sick as a dog but Sans still likes his reading time on the couch. The company's nice so you're not complaining. Oh, except-!

 

"Nooo! Stay away! I haven't showered in two days!" You might be bunking with a couple of monsters. You might be in a state where you can barely make it to the restroom without collapsing, let alone be able to stand in the shower. You might be completely incapable of coherent thought for most of the day because of fever, but you are definitely at least not going to subject either of your gracious hosts to your nasty sick human funk.

 

"pfft. whatever. can't be worse than what my room smells like." He scoots next to you on the couch and nabs his book off the side table. It looks like a joke book but it's actually some pretty advanced quantum mechanics stuff that you couldn't grasp at all that one time you took a peek. Ugh. Fine. Let him subject himself to your gross stank. Come to think of it, you've seen the inside of Papyrus' room but Sans always keeps his door locked. He is a bit of a slob so maybe he keeps it locked so Papyrus doesn't give him a hard time. Probably. You give up on your search for the umpteenth time, put your laptop on the floor for now, and lean over in the fetal position. There's enough space for both of you if you curl your legs. Your feet are facing away from him so your head's almost but not quite touching his legs.

 

"Uuuugh," you groan, "this sucks." You pull the blanket you've been wrapped in a bit higher and snuggle into it. You can feel the fever aches crawling on your back. You're aching from head to toe.

 

Sans pets your head without even looking up from his book. "don't sweat it. you'll find a new place." It catches you a bit off guard because the only petting you ever get in this house is from Papyrus and Paps wears gloves. The feeling of bare bone on your scalp is really… soothing. He's not petting you like a dog the way Papyrus does; it's more like a gentle scratching. You find yourself drifting off. Why does this feel so intimate? Scratch. Scratch. Scratch.

 

The box under the TV says 2:36AM when you wake up from your next fever dream. Ugh, weird fever dreams. Also, there's a snoring skeleton on top of you. What the hell, Sans? His stupid brick textbook is on the floor and it looks like it slipped and fell there rather than got put down. Right, because sleeping on a couch isn't uncomfortable enough, now there's a sweaty skeleton on you. You nudge him. He doesn't even stir in his sleep. You wiggle around. Sleeping like a rock. You resign and try to go back to sleep. It takes forever to actually fall asleep with Sans on top of you. Surprisingly, he's really light. The problem lies more in the awkward pointy hard bits poking you here and there. Huh, actually, you never noticed how small he is. He's still much bigger-boned than Papyrus but his jacket makes him look twice his actual width. Hmm. Despite the pokey and unmoving skeleton on top of you, you manage to drift back into slumber and are only awoken when you feel Sans shifting in the morning.

 

"aw, shoot, sorry." He groggily apologizes as he shifts to a sitting position. He pulls the light blue handkerchief he keeps on him out of his pocket and wipes the sweat from his brow. He's always a bit sweaty and he carries that thing for good reason but he's downright soaked this morning. Why are his hands shaking? Did he catch whatever nasty flu thing you have?

 

"Are you okay?" Your tone reveals your sincere concern but he seems to barely process it.

 

"f-fine. t-totally fine." His eyes are wide, his pupils are tiny and he looks like he's halfway between panting and hyperventilating. He absolutely does not look fine. "yeah, j-just going to head to work." He moves out of living room and he's out of the house within around two minutes?

 

What the hell just happened?


	5. Weekend SANS Sans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some actual comfort and relaxation.

It's about halfway through the day when you hear some scraping and shuffling around in the office. You wobble over to see Papyrus disconnecting his computer.

 

"What's up, Paps?"

 

"AH, ________, I WAS JUST CLEARING OUT THE OFFICE SPACE. YOU SEE, WHEN I LIVED UNDERGROUND, I KEPT MY COMPUTER IN MY BEDROOM. WE ONLY HAD TWO BEDROOMS SO THERE WAS NO NEED TO SEPARATE MY BEING POPULAR ONLINE SPACE FROM MY BATTLE SCENARIO SPACE." Papyrus refers to the armada of action figures he uses for mock battle scenarios. He squints as he says this. Or was it a leer? Glad to know that's what he thinks bedrooms are for. "I FOUND THAT SITUATION TO BE MORE COMFORTABLE SO I'VE DECIDED TO... RECREATE IT." What is that face he's making? He looks like a kid who just got caught stealing from the cookie jar.

 

By the end of the day you're feeling confident enough in your health that you decide to head back to work for the first time in days. At least you have a medical note. You usually help with dinner when you come over and you have been for the entirety of your squatting on their couch but you've taken a break from cooking for the duration of your flu. Seeing as you're feeling better, you decide to make a nice risotto for supper as thanks for Sans and Papyrus' support. Papyrus likes risotto more than most dishes because it's almost like pasta. When Sans doesn't get home in time for supper, you assume he's probably working one of his occasional odd jobs will probably be coming home late. You leave his plate on the counter.

 

Your return to work the next day isn't as draining as you thought it would be. You manage to get through it and Papyrus has even made you some weird spinach and carrot soup thing that's supposed to give you extra energy. It tastes pretty decent when you sit down for lunch. Sometimes you worry about Papyrus. He works part-time from home (something about being a consultant for a puzzle game site) so he doesn't get to socialize that much in person.

 

You decide to check up on his workstation moving process when you get to your temporary home after work. Strangely, the door to the office has been changed to one that locks. Okay, that's not suspicious at aaaall. The only other locked rooms are Sans' bedroom and his basement workshop where he makes things that cut the entire house's power every now and then. He doesn't want anyone messing with his stuff, so that's understandable.

 

"HELLO, HUMAN." The door across from the office flies open. Papyrus sticks his head out of his room. "I SEE YOU'RE LOOKING TO MARVEL AT MY SPEEDY MOVING PROCESS." He lets you in and you sit cross-legged on the bed. He once mentioned having a racecar bed when he lived underground. Now that he a has a real speedy convertible in the garage so he's opted for some minimalistic twin-sized whatever piece. It's a shame he almost never sleeps because it's so comfortable; or maybe it just feels extra comfy because you haven't touched a real bed in a week. He begins demonstrating his new installation. You lay onto your side and prop your head up on your hand as you humour him with your "ooos" and "aaaahs" throughout his explanation of the way he's optimized his space.

 

You startle awake. Papyrus is on the computer. "Wh-what time is it?" You're starving.

 

"ABOUT FOUR THIRTY. YOU SLEPT THROUGH DINNER. TSK TSK." Papyrus chuckles at you "YOUR PLATE IS ON THE COUNTER."

 

You get back from eating and he's laid a pyjama top out for you. It's one of the ones you've been using but now it's freshly laundered. (yay!) You grab it and just change on the spot. Alphys mentioned something about skeleton monsters not being very interested in that kind of stuff so you know Paps isn't going to perv out on you. It's almost weird how oblivious Papyrus is to most things. You lie on the bed on your stomach and listen to explanations of the puzzles he's working on. Of course you wake up at 4AM on a weekend when you don't need to be at work. You watch the sun rise through the window while sincerely laughing at one of the more clever puzzles Papyrus has generated and decide that you will definitely have a comfy stay-in pyjama day.

 

It's around 7 when you realize that Sans is going to be late for his Saturday morning shift. You head over to his room and give the door a slightly meek-sounding knock. "Sans?" You're a bit hesitant because you literally haven't seen him in two days. What if caught that flu from you and wants to take the day off because he's too sick? You suddenly feel like you're intruding and turn away.

 

"HE'S NOT IN THERE." You hear Papyrus call out from his room. "HE HAD SOME BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO. HE CALLED ME AND SAID THAT HE WOULD NOT BE BACK FOR A WHILE."

 

You flop backward on the bed back in his room in a star pose. "I didn't know that Sans would be gone for a while." How long was "a while" to them? Then you add, "I hope he's okay. He looked really out of it when he left." You hope the concern in your voice doesn't worry him too much.

 

"HE SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS NOT BEING LAZY FOR ONCE WHEN HE CALLED. HE SHOULD BE FINE." You know that Papyrus loves his brother very much but he always berates him for being lazy. It's weird because Sans has like three(?) jobs on top of the random odd ones he picks up now and then and is always exhausted from overwork when he gets home. You wonder why Sans rolls with it so easily. Come to think of it, it's probably because of Papyrus' weird social inhibitions. Papyrus probably just doesn't get it.

 

It's nice spending the day on Papyrus' bed looking for apartments. You guys both break from what you're doing for meals and cleaning and stuff and also take some time to joke around and watch that Mettaton show he loves. Papyrus loves being serious and pretends to hate jokes but you can tell that he enjoys them. You indulge in an hour-long bath that evening and he's wholly transfixed by your fingers when you emerge. He never knew that human fingers can get pruny if you soak them for long enough.You even take an hour to play with his action figures together. (It's a very serious battle scenario, of course.) You end up falling asleep on his bed again that night. Goodness, real beds are something you've completely taken for granted for your entire life.

 

Sunday's more or less the same but Sans walks in at a bit past 9:30 looking completely haggard. You perk up when you hear him come in and go to the entrance to greet him.

 

"Hey Sans, how've you been?"

 

"ok. how're you?" He normally looks really tired after a job but tonight he looks like walking death. (Well, _aside_ from the fact that he's a skeleton monster.) He's grinning but you know him well enough at this point to see straight through that garbage fake smile. He's gone for four days and gets back looking like roadkill and he's "ok" now? You try really hard to not flash him an "I call bullshit" look.

 

"I'm fine. Much better than I was a couple of days ago." You assure him. "There's a plate of food in the fridge for you. Eat up, or you'll be nothing but bones. Well, you'll be nothing but bones either way." You shrug and wink while flashing him a stupid grin the way he does when he makes skeleton jokes and he keels over laughing at how poor your crappy imitation of him is.

 

You leave Sans with his dinner and return to the nest you've built on Papyrus' bed over the past two days to keep up with your apartment search. The problem so far has been finding a place that's affordable _and_ within walking distance from work but not on the other side of the park with the hooligan meathead bros. You could always drive but last time you drove to work your tires got slashed. It's a really nice neighbourhood too. You suspect that it's all the result of your… affiliations. Maybe you can chance a third night of falling asleep on Papyrus' bed instead of the couch. He does like to power nap once in a while too though and you don't want to overstay your welcome.

 

You wake up to the sound of shuffling and breakfast noises coming from the kitchen. Guess you fell asleep here anyway. Hey, uh, there's a skeleton spooning you? This is, um, new for Papyrus. His arms are around you and he's fast asleep on the bed. Guess he can only go so many days without one of his short power naps. You wouldn't mind but you can't loosen yourself? You have to go to work and also, this is some mild boundary overstepping. Well, you're the one who hijacked his bed (to be fair) but still, he could have shooed you. Wiggle wiggle. Squirm squirm. Okay. You're stuck. Ugh. Why do skeletons sleep so hard? (Don't answer with a mental punchline. Ugh. Too late. Dammit.)

 

"Sans?" You call for help. A few seconds pass.

 

"hm?" A groggy morning face pokes in through the open door. "hey now?" His tone is not one you've heard him use before.

 

"Help, I'm stuck!" You plead half-jokingly.

 

It all happens very quickly. You blink and he's over you. The lights in his eye sockets dart from side to side for about a second and he appears extremely conflicted about what to do. He looks almost… Angry? Afraid? A mixture of both? He grabs one of Papyrus' wrists and pulls his arm up just enough for you roll off the bed.

 

He takes a moment to compose himself with his eyes closed. He proceeds to yank the bedspread from under Papyrus and tuck him in gently. He gives him a pat on the head and turns around to squat low to the ground and make direct eye contact with you where you're seated. His hands are on his knees and his face is inches from yours, eyes half-lidded.

 

"don't do that again."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know sans is exhausted when he just laughs instead of trying to pun back at you


	6. vROOM vROOM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was fast.

The way it happened was extremely bizarre. You sat down with the brothers for breakfast on a Thursday morning after a bunch of incredibly underwhelming apartment visits.

 

Papyrus was the one who spoke first. "UM, ________, WE WERE THINKING, AND BY 'WE,' I MEAN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WAS THINKING THAT YOU SHOULD STOP LOOKING FOR APARTMENTS." He declared proudly.

 

"I kind of need a place to live, Paps." Your mouth is half full of breakfast cereal as you work at the morning crossword with Sans. Your relationship with Sans has been a little bit _different_ since that morning he found you sleeping with his brother. You can't quite read the feelings you're getting from him because they're new and unfamiliar and kinda scary so you've been treading lightly ever since. "26 across is 'push.'" You point at the crossword and Sans gets scribbling.

 

"YES, I AM WELL AWARE OF THAT BUT FEAR NOT, FOR I AM VERY GREAT AND I HAVE PREPARED A SPACE IN WHICH YOU MAY LIVE. NYEH HEH HEH." He makes a triumphant fist.

 

"he cleared out the office if you want to sleep there." Sans isn't looking up from the crossword. "it's, uh, better than the couch." He pencils another word into the puzzle.

 

"How much would rent be?" You're kind of hesitant.

 

"we didn't say anything about renting." Sans is stumped by a pop culture reference, as always. "what's the yellow brick road?"

 

"I don't really feel comfortable living here formally if I'm not paying rent. I'll only stay if you let me pay." You're not going to live in for free. "The answer to that one is 'Emerald City,' by the way." Looks like you'll be watching the Wizard of Oz next time it's your call for movie night.

 

"IT WOULD BE BETTER THAN LIVING SOMEWHERE THAT ANYONE CAN STALK YOU TO." Papyrus has crossed his arms and is leering at you. You know that he thinks he's thoroughly outwitted any retort you could muster. There was no confirmation that you'd been followed home but people weren't likely to mess with monsters.

 

"look, just write me a cheque at the end of the month if it makes you feel better." Sans is paused over an actor name. He really sucks at the human world stuff. "whatever amount you think would be good for a food budget."

 

"Fine. Is parking extra?" You resign more out of sheer unwillingness to subject yourself to more apartment hunting than anything.

 

"find a good home-made ketchup recipe." Sans looks up from the crossword for the first time all morning. You know he's serious because he always eats the food you make. Sometimes Papyrus'll make something… _questionable_ and he'll just nope out and say he'll be getting take-out or something. He ALWAYS eats at home when you cook though. Better start hunting.

 

 

\--

 

 

You literally just get, uh, home(?) when you're whisked into your new room by Papyrus.

 

"LOOKIE LOOKIE!" He's beaming. "I WILL ALLOW YOU TO ONCE AGAIN MARVEL AT MY SPEEDY MOVING PROCESS. WELCOME TO SCENIC YOUR ROOM."

 

"Oh my gosh Papyrus, it looks like you searched 'how to furnish a baby girl room' on the internet." You're laughing. The room is comically pastel but beautifully furnished with really, really expensive-looking bleached hardwood furniture. You peruse the room slowly. The bed is queen-sized and the sheets are a very high thread-count silk fabric. There's a bedside table on each side of the bed with its own lamp. There's a huge wardrobe with two doors; one of which doubles as a full-length mirror. The whole set includes a matching bookshelf, and a small desk and chair; all definitely hand-made. It's all too much. You were expecting to look through a bunch of ads online to score a cheap secondhand bed and dresser. You're not sure what to make of it all. You brace yourself for the price tag. "How much do I owe you for the furniture, Paps?"

 

Papyrus scowls at you. "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. IT COMES WITH YOUR ROOM." He places his hands on his hips. "AND BESIDES, SANS PAID FOR IT."

 

You weren't expecting that.

 

 


	7. WASTED Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know this isn't going to make your problems go away, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a real pain in the ARSEon

It's 11:30 at night when Sans gets home. He didn't know what to expect but he wasn't expecting to find you completely shit-faced and sobbing in the kitchen.

 

"hey kiddo, how'd you like your-- whoa." He walks over to the table hesitantly. "you okay?"

 

You motion what you deem to be an understandable enough 'whatever!' gesture through heaving sobs.

 

"SHE HAS BEEN GETTING WORSE AND WORSE FOR HOURS NOW, SANS." Papyrus walks into the kitchen when he hears his brother's voice. "SHE CHECKED AN EMAIL AFTER DINNER AND HASN'T STOPPED CRYING SINCE."

 

"one day in officially and you had to help yourself to my good stash, huh kiddo? I had some cheap wine in that cupboard too, you know." Sans takes a seat at the table and picks up the bottle you've been emptying. He confiscates your glass and pours some for himself. It _might_ have been a tad wasteful to get plastered using the twelve year old single malt scotch. "what'd the email say?" Your drunken blubbering is incomprehensible.

 

Papyrus hands him your laptop. "SHE'S NOT GETTING ANY INSURANCE MONEY TO REPLACE HER BELONGINGS. MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT'S BECAUSE SOMEONE DELIBERATELY SET HER OLD DWELLING ON FIRE."

 

Sans skims the lengthy email muttering things like, "canine accelerant detection unit," and "denied claim on the basis of fraud for profit," before saying, "go to bed, bro."

 

You're too drunk to even really take in Papyrus' reply but he's gone pretty freaking immediately. You go to comment but all that escapes your mouth is a bunch of incoherent slurring.

 

"sssshhhh." He tries to soothe you and does that scalpy massagy thingy you really enjoy and hey, um, it might be the booze but you're feeling a feeling that you probably shouldn't be feeling about a skeleton monster right now.

 

Sans gets up and you manage to mumble a wimpy, "noooo," before he's back in a flash with a glass of water and some leftover ibuprofen from your fever week for you. He sits back down and sips his drink.

 

"wanna come and get some fresh air?"

 

You finish your water and nod. You pathetically stumble after him, gripping his arm for dear life despite him being a head shorter than you and a small fraction of your weight. You've never been this wasted before and you start to feel a twinge of embarrassment. You both sit in the grass in the yard. You've calmed down a bit. Sans reaches into his pocket and pulls out what looks like a dog biscuit. He catches your puzzled expression.

 

"dog treats." He grins. "i don't know if you're willing to try monster remedies but this works wonders when it comes to stress. think of it as drinking a cup of chamomile tea but maybe… quadruple the effects." He rolls it between his phalanges. Flip. Flip. Flip. Watching the motion is actually not helping your drunk ass right now.

 

"How?"

 

He throws a bunch of science at your ears and you suddenly wish you were dead.

 

"No. _How_?"

 

"oh. you smoke it." He pulls out a lighter, lights it, and takes a long haul to demonstrate. Where the hell does the smoke go? Skeleton monsters don't have lungs, do they? The thought of monster anatomy is freaking you out a little. How does he purse his lips on it? Papyrus doesn't have lips but he seems to have no difficulty pronouncing words and Sans' face moves like freaking clay. You poke his face. "um, hello?" You place your hands so that your fingers are on each of his zygomatic arches and you try to squish his cheeks. His face doesn't surrender to the pressure of your hands as much as flesh would it but moves when he talks. "hey shtahpit, whatddaya djoooin?" He's chuckling but you're too mystified by the texture to really register he's trying to say. He waves the dog treat in front of your face. You'll deal with that in a second. You're too busy trying to knead his face. What does the texture remind you of? Is it raw gingerbread? Maybe it's like wet cement and a really firm polymer clay. You can't quite put your finger on it. Why is this turning you on? Okay, he's waving the dog treat.

 

You take a drag and immediately feel like your lungs are on fire. Your eyes water and the sandy, scraping texture of the smoke in your lungs causes you to go into a fit of coughing and retching. You settle down and give him a stare. From the look of it, he's never seen a human react to the stuff. He looks like he's torn between concern and wanting to tease you. You both sit in silence as you pass it back to him. He shrugs and butts it out. Only about three or fourminutes have passed when the effects start to hit you. Your facial muscles relax and your breathing eases. You feel a gentle calmness washing over your body. You lay down in the grass. The dew is cold and wet. Suddenly you realize how tired you are. Okay, that terrible burning monster remedy might have been just what you needed.

 

 

\--

 

 

 

You wake up in your bed with a huge hangover and only a vague recollection of last night's events. Your face feels gross and there's a faint vomit aftertaste in your mouth. Oh, great. Okay, that was a waste of good scotch and your first night in your new bed. Way to botch the experience, ________. Good job. You start moving your arms to stretch but stop abruptly. There's something in your hand that's anchored to the floor. It's Sans' hand? Why is he asleep in a sitting position on the floor next to your bed? Why is his hand in yours? You rack your hazed memory. He was being really supportive last night, wasn't he? He even had the decency to put you to bed and keep you company without encroaching on your personal space. It kind of sucks that he fell asleep sitting on the floor though; especially when there's a chair at your desk.

 

You release his hand and clamber out of bed in way to not step on him. It's really a shame to leave him on the floor like this. You brace yourself and put it all the effort you can muster to lift him up off the the floor. Well, you needn't have done that because you practically rocket into orbit. Right, you'd forgotten how light he is. You gauge his weight (25-35lbs? so weird) as you put the dozing skeleton into your bed and pull the comforter over him. You move to the bathroom and take a quick shower. You'll be about an hour and a half late for work and you look and feel like garbage. You brush your teeth and get dressed. It's not until you get to your room to nab your cell phone after a rushed breakfast that you get the idea. You reach into your purse and pull out the small tube, an impish grin on your face. Time for some payback.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans doesn't wake up for at least another two hours. You're long gone and at work. He groans because he should be at his job right now but he notes that he's been placed in the bed. Testing the plush mattress and really taking in the decor for the first time since he chose the furniture makes him reveal an expression like he's rather proud of himself.

 

He's still half asleep when he catches the red in the reflection of his face while brushing his teeth. He spits the toothpaste out and makes a huge mess of the bathroom counter. You'll never know the expression he's making right now because you're at work but hell if it isn't the cutest thing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just imagine him making a huge mess of it before frantically googling "how to get lipstick off bone"


	8. It Was an ORAL Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You pay the rent.  
> Some stuff happens.  
> ...  
> Well, he didn't lie, did he?

The end of the month rolls around. You take half an hour to make some calculations based on your food consumption and you write up your rent cheque. This doesn't include that expensive bottle of scotch, which you've replaced separately. You look around your bedroom. It definitely looks a bit more "you" now that you have various newly purchased additions here and there. You're not nearly as neat as Papyrus so you keep your door closed. It's not a huge mess but you have personal belongings strewn around. It feels less clinical and more lived-in that way. You tacked a film poster to the wall one day and came back home to find it in a frame. It wasn't some IKEA garbage either. It had been placed in one of those commissioned pro-framer, custom dimension frames with fancy matting and everything. Same day rush-ordered. Yikes. It's weird that your personal space is, for the most part, being respected but there's still some obvious trespassing going on. Papyrus insists that it's a family thing. He comes in to collect your laundry if his loads are too small every now and then. You keep insisting that you can take care of yourself, being a grown-ass adult and all, but he just tut-tuts at anything of that nature.

 

 

"Sans?" You knock on his bedroom door with the cheque in your hand. He opens it just a crack. He always only opens it just a crack.

 

"sup?" It's only when you're standing this close and he has to look up slightly to make eye contact that you remember how short he is.

 

"I brought my rent payment." You hold up the slip of paper.

 

"oh yeah. i forgot about that," He slips out into the hallway. His movements sound even more silent than usual because of Papyrus' shower running. The bathroom is across from Sans' room. Yours is next to his, facing Papyrus'. He takes the cheque and reads it. "we agreed on a rough food cost estimate, right?"

 

He fucking. Balls it up. And eats it.

 

"What the hell, you freaking monster?" You're half cackling, half fuming. "That wasn't part of the agreement!"

 

"actually, you freaking human," he's mocking your tone, "the agreement was that you write me a food cheque. you write the cheque, i get to eat. i'm still waiting for that ketchup by the way. oh, and maybe restock the baking soda. I had to use it all on my face a few weeks back. You put me in a real _stick-_ y situation." He's chuckling through the entirety of it like he thinks he's so darn clever. Why's his face so close? He's smiling as he shifts his hand to your face and grabs your chin, tilting your head down and gently pinching so your lips pucker slightly. Wait, is it a smile or is it a smirk? It's hard to tell because his smile's a bit crooked to begin with. He thumbs at your lower lip. You can feel the faint brush of bone on your bottom teeth.

 

The shower turns off. He releases your face, ruffles your hair and snickers. "get outta here." He returns to the other side of his door swiftly just as Papyrus emerges from the bathroom.

 

"OH, I'M SORRY. WERE YOU WAITING LONG TO USE THE RESTROOM?" Papyrus looks concerned.

 

"Oh no, I was, um, just waiting to brush my teeth before bed." It started as a lie but you think going to bed's probably a good idea right now.

 

"OH, I SEE. GOOD NIGHT THEN." He heads to his room.

 

You wash up and brush your teeth before heading to bed in a bit of of a hurry. You lock your door, feeling guilty and dirty.

 

Why are you so wet?

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just imagine Papyrus wondering what the strange noises coming from your room are and brushing it off


	9. STARving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that's what it's like to make out with a skeleton.

You were starting to feel safe in your day-to-day routine. That is, until you were greeted outside your workplace by that same gang of terrifying monster haters this morning. It's movie night. Tomorrow's the weekend. The gang's all here. Turns out that Frisk's mom is an old lady goat monster. She also happens to be Sans' best friend and they're constantly setting each other up for terrible jokes. It becomes a three-way pun-off after the film every few weeks but you're not able to really come up with anything good tonight. Even Papyrus has noticed.

 

"________, ARE YOU FEELING OK? YOU HAVEN'T MADE A SINGLE TERRIBLE COMEBACK AND AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE YOU SPARING EVERYONE, I AM A LITTLE BIT CONCERNED." Wow, if even _Papyrus_ noticed, it must be pretty bad. You decide to voice your anxiety over the situation from this morning.

 

"That's insane!" Obviously Undyne's the first to exclaim. The first of many. It's a universal uproar. The only one not saying anything is Frisk. They give you a knowing look through all the chaos and it's the only thing you really register. It goes on forever and you're reduced to a whimpering mess. Bringing it up here and now was a mistake and you thank your lucky stars for Toriel because she's the one who speaks up through all the outrage.

 

"Perhaps we should not try to overwhelm _______ too much, shall we?" You shoot her a grateful look. "In any case, it's getting late and Frisk and I should be heading home." She gives Alphys and Undyne this weird mom stare and they're pressured into awkward silence and shuffling.

 

"Y-yeah, Undyne and I should probably be heading h-home too." Alphys fumbles with her movie case as she packs it up.

 

You can't help but mouth a "thank you" at Toriel when everyone's shuffling out the door ten minutes later. She gives you a warm smile. Papyrus is cleaning up in the kitchen. As you're heading in that direction to help with the cleanup, you're stopped by a skeletal hand on your shoulder. It turns you around with a surprisingly formidable strength.

 

"hey." Sans looks serious at first. "i wanna talk. are you okay with joining me on a little adventure?" Now he's wearing the bullshit grin.

 

"Sure, where to?"

 

"it's a surprise." Sans heads into the kitchen. "hey bro, i'm going to show ________ the spot tonight. she needs some downtime." Cryptic. Typical. Borderline annoying when you're in this particular mood.

 

He heads into the basement for five minutes and emerges with a couple of steel cases and what looks like a rolled up picnic blanket. You follow him to Papyrus' car and help him load it all up. You chortle a bit when he has to adjust the driver's seat because of the brothers' height difference.

 

 

\--

 

 

The drive lasts about an hour and a half. Sans said that he was going to take a "shortcut" to get there. His "shortcuts" are always the long scenic route. The car ride gives you enough time to unwind from that uproar though. He exits the highway and takes a smaller road, then a smaller road, then, finally, the kind of dirt road that you should probably not be driving a car this nice on. He stops the car and cuts the engine at a cliffside clearing, telling you that this is where he and Papyrus come to look at the stars. The view of both the sky and town at the base of the mountain is breathtaking. You help him unpack the car and he charges you with laying down the picnic blanket. He opens the larger of the steel cases and you're pleasantly surprised to see that is contains a telescope.

 

"hey, no peeking." He catches you. "set up the blanket." You comply excitedly.

 

You spend the next two hours with an astronomy textbook propped open and your faces plastered to the telescope at various intervals. It's so much fun that you've completely forgotten about the incident in the living room until he brings it up again.

 

"so i said i wanted to talk. real _sirius_ business." He begins with a pun but his tone of voice isn't joking and you settle back into reality. "you want to hear me out?"

 

"Sure." You did agree to come for that purpose, after all.

 

"i want to start walking you to work in the mornings," he looks dead serious, "and I want Papyrus to pick you up after your shifts." You know he works security but you're still a little skeptical. He's a tiny skeleton monster and you've never seen him use any magic. At least Papyrus is tall and capable of looking scary without even meaning to sometimes.

 

"I'm not sure." You're not sure how to voice this without offending him. "I don't know if it'll do anything."

 

He grins. "i want you to feel safe. you shouldn't have to deal with those trash humans. i don't want them coming near you ever again." He pauses for a second. "i want to make it clear to them that they don't want to get involved with us. do you know what i'll do if they lay a single fucking finger on you?"

 

"What?"

 

"cover your ears, kid."

 

His eye sockets go black.

 

He raises an arm and a giant beastly skull materializes behind him. It's almost canine-looking and it's something that you could only imagine encountering in your worst nightmares. In a split-second, it fires a jet of white-hot magic into a row of trees, splintering them and almost shattering your eardrums despite you having covered your ears. The light is so bright, it's like looking at a welding torch without a mask on, burning your retinas in the pitch blackness. The smell of fire and burning wood fills the air. You hear the sound of wildlife evacuating, birds flapping their wings, frantic calls, all on top of a high-pitched ringing that fills your ears as a result of the noise. You almost shit yourself.

 

 

\--

 

 

It isn't until half an hour later that your cortisol levels drop to an acceptable level. Your blood pressure has descended and your heart rate really enjoyed taking its time to slow down but it's finally back to normal. The chilly night air helped cool you down but now the temperature is starting to become mildly unbearable. Sans has packed up the telescope and is sitting next to you on the blanket, scratching your scalp the way he does when he's trying to soothe you. Maybe it was a little much to suddenly demonstrate that kind of power without warning.

 

"i can't believe you're still trembling because of that." Sans isn't looking at you but at the stars. "that's not really something i'd do in anything but a life-threatening situation, by the way."

 

"I'm just c-cold." You're shivering from head to toe and your teeth begin to chatter when you speak.

 

He grabs the side of his jacket and pulls it around you, drawing you close. It's soft, plush and fits over both of you just as a comfortable blanket would. He's so much warmer than you. Your body presses against his and you can feel his ribcage digging into yours. Your cheek squishes against his skull and you can feel it growing hot. That might not be from his body heat. You only hesitate for a moment before wrapping your arm around him in a hug. He turns to you so that your foreheads are touching and his free hand is on your shoulder inside the jacket. He's running a bony finger back and forth over your clavicle. You're not really sure where to place your hands and you feel mildly embarrassed and awkward. You would have never imagined yourself in a position this intimate with a monster. It makes your adrenaline soar. That's when you catch a whiff of his scent. Maybe it's the proximity or maybe it's the jacket but you notice his scent for the first time since living with him for all these months. It smells chalky and musky, somewhat like the scent of salt and somewhat like the scent of a bird's skin. It's not a bad smell at all but it's not what you were expecting.

 

You knew it was coming before it happened but that didn't brace you for what kissing a skeleton would feel like. It's that same slightly malleable texture of only partially dried cement. He starts slowly and takes his time with the buildup. He nibbles at your lips quite hungrily and glides his tongue playfully against yours, relishing the feeling and breaking away. "i've never kissed a human before." He gives you another playful peck while his hands explore the softer regions of the human body, squeezing your arms, your legs, your abdomen. He must really like your stomach because his hands won't stop returning there.

 

"Well, I've never kissed a monster before." It's all you can manage before your lips are locked in another passionate embrace. His lips and hands disclose his lust for your flesh. You wonder vaguely how long he's wanted this. He's not holding the jacket over you any more because your body is pressed so closely against his that he needn't. Your exploration of his body is equally thorough. Your hands find their way on his ribs, _in_ his ribs, touching his spine, his, scapulas, his pelvis, all which radiate a certain warmth. It's the same anatomy as a human's but it feels so foreign. This is so wrong. You break away from the kiss and move your lips to his cervical vertebrae, running your tongue along the skeleton's neck and watching his body quiver in response. Just as you begin to wonder how skeletons even procreate, a finger finds its way between your wet folds, exploring. Not knowing. Oh no. You can't. Oh, but you're squirming. You can't have sex with a monster. Isn't that on the same level as bestiality or something? But. It's Sans. You know Sans. You're throbbing and aching and wet and about to have sex with a monster in a partially burnt down forest on a mountain cliffside. You

 

can't.

 

Tonight was too much. You're overwhelmed. You need some time to think about what you've done.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You filthy sinner.


	10. DISHES a Bad Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans. Sans no. Go away, Sans.  
> (Okay maybe don't go away.)

It's gotten really out of hand.

No one can know.

 

It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing; he'll find an opportunity. He sneaks up on you almost every time and it can be anywhere in the house. If Papyrus isn't around, Sans slides right up to you and puts his fingers in your mouth. It's been his new fascination since kissing you. He loves your warmth, your wetness, your tongue, your textures. Sometimes it's just one finger, sometimes more. He adores it. He'll occasionally ask you to suck on them. Now and then he plays with your frenulum or strokes the ribbed texture of your palate. If you're watching a movie alone he'll try to play with your mouth until you're fed up and tell him to cut it out. You're not even sure about why you humour him.

 

You're on dish duty tonight. You tell Papyrus to take a break this evening because he worked so hard on dinner. You're almost done when you feel Sans walk up behind you and wrap his arms around you.

 

"hey human." It's barely a whisper.

 

"Hey monster."

 

He places a finger in your mouth and moves his other hand to pinch up and down your spine. "I see you're almost done here. Hope I'm not _holding you back_ though." He gives one of your lower lumbar vertebrae a slightly harder pinch for emphasis.

 

You try to reply but he shoves another finger in your mouth and depresses your tongue.

 

"hey now. i have an idea. i've been doing some reading on the human body and the things you can do with it, _to_ it, these past couple of weeks. then i was wondering: hm, where can _i_ find one of those?" His fingers trail down from your lumbar to your coccyx, under your pants, applying mild pressure and parting your ass cheeks ever so slightly. He rubs them up and down a bit. You can tell by the way he's moving his hand on you and the way he's hovering over your neck and exhaling onto it slightly that he's definitely been doing his homework. Nerd. He bites down and you squeal, dropping the plate you were holding back into the sudsy water with a splash and a loud CLUNK. The cry was more because of the surprise than the mild pain. He's running his tongue over the flesh his teeth have clamped. You can't help it, you arch your back and inhale sharply. He releases you. "i think _dishes_ the right place to look for a human."

 

"S-sans this is not a good time or place for that," you hiss, pulling your face away from his prying, mouth fucking fingers.

 

"but your body language is awfully _self-explanatory_." Oh my gosh, the punny bastard. He slides his other hand further down your pants and moves it forward, inserting two fingers between your folds. "you're soaked to the _bone._ " He starts to move around inside you and--

 

"IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT? I HEARD A LOUD NOISE." It's a good thing that, A: Papyrus was at an angle that made it hard to tell what was going on, and B: that Sans was _awfully_  quick at removing himself.

 

"yeah bro. just dropped a plate in the sink. no big deal."

 

"SANS, YOU LAZYBONES." Papyrus leers. "DON'T THINK FEIGNING INCOMPETENCE WILL GET YOU OUT OF DISH DUTY." He turns on the spot and exits the kitchen.

 

"that was close." Sans pulls himself up onto the counter and installs himself in a comfortable sitting position.

 

"I told you so!"

 

He makes sure that your eyes are locked when he licks your slick off his fingers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you be mad if he left a mark?  
> Would you WANT him to have left a mark?


	11. SOCKET to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "don't touch me there!"

"Papyrus, can I borrow a scarf?" Your hand is covering the mark Sans left on you and you're trying your best to make it look like you're casually stretching. Papyrus has countless scarves. 

 

"OF COURSE. YOU MAY BORROW A SCARF ANY TIME." He's working on a "very serious battle scenario" with his action figures. "HAVE YOU SUDDENLY DECIDED TO LOOK MORE LIKE THE IMAGE OF GREATNESS?"

 

"Yeah, exactly. You're so great that I was suddenly inspired to co-ordinate an outfit like yours." Flattery is almost always the best option if you want to get something out of Paps. "The only problem is that I haven't bought any scarves since my place burnt down." His eyes always light up at the idea of anyone looking up to him. Bless this cinnamon roll.

 

 

\--

 

 

"why are you wearing my brother's clothes? you have your own." You're tidying the living room when Sans comes in for some reading.

 

"Actually, I haven't bought a a scarf since the fire. I don't want to walk around advertising that you bit me."

 

He winks. "don't like it when monsters mark their territory?"

 

"I'm not going to walk around making a public statement that I'm being constantly molested by a skeleton."

 

"'molested' is a pretty harsh word. i always stop when you tell me. besides," he smirks, "you never said anything about not liking it." He blows a raspberry. You pinch his tongue.

 

"How would you like it if I shoved my fingers in _your_ mouth all the time?" You pry his mouth open. Well, you don't really need to pry it because he tilts his head back ever so slightly and opens wide while maintaining eye contact. It's almost as if he's daring you. Come to think of it, you've never really. Seen. The inside of a skeleton mouth. You bend over just a tad and take a look inside.

 

Most of it is definitely bone. He doesn't have gums and the insides of his cheeks look exactly like the outsides. Looks more or less like a human mouth minus the fact that it's a tiny bit wider and his canines are a bit sharper. They're not like _fangs_ or anything; they're just a bit pointier. The only fleshy bits of his mouth are the tongue and the uvula but they… gradually harden into bone at the base? It's the weirdest thing. You thought that they were simply animated skeletons when you first met them but but you've gradually come to know that they're so much more than that. They have brains and tongues and nerve endings. They're just like most of the other monsters. Sans has no gag reflex. Monsters transform food into pure energy when they swallow it so they can't evacuate or excrete in any way. You try to see where the throat ends. It just… tapers? What the hell? Where does the air go? He's definitely breathing. He also clearly has all four of his third molars. You suppose monsters don't do the whole wisdom tooth extraction thing. You stretch a cheek out. It doesn't give in to pressure as easily as human flesh but it definitely does move and stretch if you use enough force. Everything's a lot wetter than a human mouth. You wonder if it's a monster thing, a skeleton thing, or if it has any correlation with the fact that Sans is also really sweaty all the time. It's kind of creepy if you think about if for too long. You pull your finger out.

 

"Monster mouths are weird."

 

"no need to _badmouth_ me." He shrugs.

 

"'Ooh. I'm Sans. I have a bad pun for everything.'" Admittedly, your whiny mock Sans voice needs some work.

 

"no need to _chew me out_ either." Wink. "you know my jokes are hilarious."

 

"Does your tongue bleed if it gets cut?"

 

"nah. i don't have any blood. it just stings until it heals." He licks the corner of his mouth, pondering. 

 

"Can I touch your eye sockets next?"

 

He scoffs. "what the hell? no? i don't go around poking you in the eyes." This might be the first time you've ever seen him offended.

 

"Would it hurt?" You grin maliciously. 

 

"will my answer affect whether or not you try it?" He sounds suspicious.

 

"Where does the light come from? Why are they so dark? A human skeleton's eye sockets aren't weird black voids like that. Why can't I see all the way to the back?"

 

"i see you inching closer, kiddo. _get_ ** _outta_** _here!_ " He utters something halfway between a guffaw and a squeal as he dodges when you playfully lunge for his face. You to crash to the floor and he doubles up laughing. Serves you right. You burst into a fit of laughter too. "too slow! i can pass my bro's car on a bike. you think you can touch me if i don't want you to?" You both sit there cackling for far too long before he wipes the tears of laughter from his eyes and offers a bony hand to help you up.

 

You wait until your uncontrollable laughter subsides before completely ignoring Sans' hand, flashing him the malicious grin again, springing up, and dashing out of the living room. "PAPYYYYYYYYRUS! Let me touch your eye sockets!"

 

"keep your hands off my brother!" Sans scrambles after you.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans probably wouldn't make the biggest effort to try to stop you. Papyrus can kick you out of his room on his own.
> 
> Do you want to touch Sans' eyes or mouth?


	12. ADORE Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knock knock.

This is going to be the Best. Long. Weekend. Ever.

  

Sans said he had some stuff to do and that you wouldn't be seeing him for a couple of days. Papyrus is out of town with Undyne for the weekend because she's gotten her hands on some rock climbing equipment and wants to holler things from the top of a mountain. You're not working. You have the house completely to yourself. This is probably the first time ever. Hell. Freaking. Yes.

 

You eat all the ice cream. You leave all your crap all over the living room because Paps isn't here to police your cleanliness. You take the longest bubble bath you can tolerate. You walk around naked, blasting music. You go to bed with the door open. Three whole days of this. This is the life.

 

It's halfway through day 2 and you've given yourself a complete spa treatment and put on your comfiest pyjamas. You've decided to whip up your favourite dinner and nab some booze out of the liquor cabinet to sip as it cooks. The TV is on in the background for some noise. Just as you're sitting down to eat, the lights go dark and the house goes silent. Power outage? You look outside. Nope. The streetlights are still on. So are the neighbouring house lights.

 

You roll your eyes and bang on the basement door. "SANS, you _liar_ , you said you wouldn't be around for a few days." A minute goes by. No answer. The lights and TV come back on. Ugh, whatever. You return to the table. So much for alone time. Hm. You only made enough for one. Come to think about it, you didn't hear any noise coming from the basement. Hm. That's not terrifying at _all_. You finish your food and top off your drink. You leave your dirty dishes in the sink. So evil, Papyrus would kill you if he ever knew. Muahahahaha. You're on vacation. You'll clean up before he gets home.

 

You're watching some anime DVDs Alphys lent you. It's a real hit. Episode six. He's finally going to swing the bat. Oh yeah. You're feeling it.

 

Blackout.

 

Damn it.

 

Is Sans even home? He was supposed to be working all weekend. You make your way to the basement door in the pitch blackness and press your ear to it. You don't hear a thing. The power comes back on. Someone has to be in the basement because that's where the breaker switch box is. You try to wiggle the knob. Obviously, it's locked. It occurs to you how stupid it is that the breaker switches are on the other side of a locked door. Papyrus must have a key somewhere. Knowing Paps, he has a key and just doesn't use it. It wouldn't make sense to not have access to the breakers. Too bad he definitely has his keychain on him. You resign and slide to the floor with your back to the door. This is stupid. You get a better idea. You walk to the living room, turn off the TV, pick up your cell and call Sans. You never call him when he's working but the power thing's freaking you out a bit. You sit down to avoid pacing.

 

*(Ring, ring...)

 

"heya."

 

"Knock Knock." Sans' condition for giving you his cell phone number was that you always had to open with a knock knock joke.

 

"who's there?"

 

Fuck it. "I don't know but I think there's someone in the basement and the power keeps going out and I have no idea who keeps flipping the breaker switches because I can't hear any noise coming from down there and I thought I was home alone but maybe I'm not and it's really freaking me out and I'm kind of really scared???" You say it all very quickly.

 

"i don't know but i think there's someone in the basement and the power keeps going out and i have no idea who keeps flipping the breaker switches because i can't hear any noise coming from down there and i thought i was home alone but maybe i'm not and it's really freaking me out and i'm kind of really scared who?"

 

"Sans!"

 

"that wasn't a very funny joke."

 

"Sans!!" Your voice cracks.

 

"hang on a sec. i'll get back to you."

 

*(Click)

 

 

 

You stare at your phone in absolute horror. About a minute goes by. The basement door opens and Sans emerges. There's some machine oil on his cheek but he looks otherwise like he hasn't even been working.

 

"you get stressed out pretty easily huh, kiddo."

 

"You didn't tell me you'd be home."

 

"i never said i wouldn't be home. i just said i had some work to do and that you wouldn't see me around." You make a wiping motion over your cheek as he says this and he pauses to mirror you, wiping most of the grease off his. "i think i'm going to stop today though. this project's a bust."

 

"What do you even work on down there?"

 

"i build stuff on occasion. mostly energy converters nowadays. monster magic stuff. it depends on the client though." He mumbles something about a "shitty legacy" but you don't quite catch it.

 

"What was that?"

 

"eeh. nothing important."

 

"Can I see?"

 

"the basement? yeah, okay."

 

Sans first sees to it that you go and put some good shoes on. (Safety first.) He ushers you downstairs and it's… incredibly underwhelming. It's just a partially finished basement with some fluorescent lighting and shop equipment. There are two large workbenches and a drafting table aside from _the_ messiest, most cluttered desk you've ever seen on one side of the basement. A bit of shop equipment like metal shears, a band saw, two different welders and some other small tools and electrical equipment you can't identify fills up the other side. It smells strongly of dust, machine grease, solder and flux. There's a soft mechanical whirring coming from a machine in the corner as well as a server by the desk. The unfinished walls are plastered with schematics, blue prints, and photos. You notice that a recent-looking addition to his wall is a small printout of a selfie you, he, and Papyrus took in the back yard a few weeks ago. It brings a smile to your face.

 

You don't really know what you were expecting but is wasn't this. Maybe you thought it would be more clinical and pristine. You knew about Sans being a real science buff so you were half expecting a bright, pristine white laboratory littered with crucibles containing a rainbow of chemicals. The reality seems kind of crappy. Oh well. No more cute fantasies about interrupting Sans' crazy experiments and making out with him in a sterile office while he's wearing a lab coat. He'd look pretty good in a lab coat. Hey, stop it. Don't think about that.

 

"you're smirking." He pokes your cheek. Dammit.

 

"It's different than how I imagined it."

 

"yeah, it's nothing fancy." He sits in the rolling chair by the desk after moving an apron from it and you pull up a stool. He leans back and puts his hands behind his head with his elbows in the air. "i only really keep it locked because it's hazardous… and because the converters are worth quite a bit. i should make you a key in case you need to get to the breakers. i guess i forgot to consider that."

 

"they're worth a lot?"

 

"yeah. about nine to eighteen grand each. depends on the type." Whoa. Okay. That explains why he throws money around so easily. Why does he even have a day job, or three? Well, he doesn't spend that much time down here so maybe they're not in high demand? "got one working in the corner over there." He gestures. "we're not on the power grid. that's why they're worth so much. they take monster magic and convert the energy into electricity."

 

"Wait, what?"

 

"you power the machine up by channeling a bit of magic into it and it turns it into the electricity you need to power your house. i also have blueprints for a model that uses geothermal energy instead of magic." He looks really excited and passionate all of the sudden. His speech is getting uncharacteristically fast. "we had this giant one when we lived underground. it supplied power to all the monsters and was easily ten times the size of this house!" You've never heard Sans really get excited about anything before and it's really… alluring.

 

"Whoa. That's awesome."

 

"yeah. you need to use some really cool science and magic to get it working properly." He gets up and walks to the model he's working on. He flicks it with a finger, making a small _ding_. "i'm about to kick this project in the trash though. i keep coming back to it and giving up only to return a few months later when i feel a surge of inspiration. i don't think it's going anywhere and i don't really have enough determination to keep trying. not _tibia_ drag or anything."

 

"What's that one supposed to do?"

 

He smirks. "the opposite."

 

"For _real_?" You gasp.

 

"well, the theory is there. it's just the… execution that's tricky. it's hard to pump it with enough coolant. there's no real way to isolate the raw magic. it's a fool's errand so i'm going to scrap it and salvage the parts."

 

"That's still a really amazing concept." Your face lights up at the idea of creating artificial magic. How awesome would it be to do the kind of things monster powers can do? Oh man, imagine making energy spears like the kind you saw Undyne use that one time?

 

"you're really cute, you know that?" Ah, he's staring. You must be making a really stupid face thinking about the possibilities.

 

"You might have mentioned it once or twice." You simper, making eye contact and feeling witty.

 

It probably only takes about three seconds before you're pinned to the wall and making out with a skeleton. Again. Dammit. He's gotten to be quite the good kisser. Well, he might have spent quite a few hours practicing with you. Sans' mouth finds your neck and his hands find your ass and you're wondering why you even bother resisting the urge to let him have his way with you. He's definitely sucking enough to leave another mark. The previous one was almost completely gone too. You lean your head back and exhale. You can feel your body's own familiar pulsing sensation between your legs and you know that this is what you want. You lean your head forward and suck on his cervical vertebrae, making it clear that you'd be leaving _your_ mark if he had any blood or skin. Sans moans softly and pins you back onto the wall a bit more firmly.

 

"can you do me a favour?" His voice is low.

 

"Mhm?"

 

"i want to go take a shower. when i get out i want to see if i can make a human come. would you let me try that?"

 

"Mhm."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gee, what could the next chapter possibly contain?


	13. It'S EXploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will you just relax, already?

 

Sans is in the shower. You're cross-legged, genie-style on your bed with your back to the open door. Shit, you're… nervous? Shit. You just agreed to have sex with a monster. Shit shit shit. You can't even lie to yourself and say you don't want it. You definitely absolutely positively want Sans to fuck the daylights out of you. Um. But.

 

How do you fuck a skeleton?

 

How are you going to reciprocate? You have no idea what to expect. This is worse than the night you lost your virginity in terms of stress. At least you had a vague idea of how the human freaking body works. Aaah. You put your hands to your face. Hnnnng. This should not be a stressful situation.

 

"hey, ________." Sans whispers softly into your ear and you freaking YELP. Why is he so fucking quiet all the time?

 

"Oh my gosh, you have _got_ to stop sneaking up on me like that." 

 

"you're always so stressed out." He gets up on his knees next to you on the bed and-- oh he's just wearing a towel. Okay. Obviously.

 

"Sorry."

 

"don't apologize. just relax." He eases behind you and puts his hands on your shoulders, phalanges working at your tense muscles.

 

"Okay." You exhale slowly and hunch your shoulders. He works at them for a minute or two before you start to feel a bit more at ease. He can probably feel you physically unwinding.

 

"comfortable?" His voice is inviting and supportive.

 

"…Yeah."

 

 

 

"good."

 

 

 

Without any warning whatsoever, you're aggressively thrust onto your back at breakneck speed and pinned onto the mattress.

 

"Ow! What the hell?" You gasp.

 

"that didn't hurt."

 

"No but it almost gave me whiplash."

 

"no it didn't." He slides his fingers into your hair and massages your scalp a bit, noticing your discomfort. "i'm going to be real gentle but do you need a safe word or something? will that make you feel better?"

 

You hesitate a bit before nodding.

 

"okay…" He contemplates for a moment before slowly musing the word, "blue." He pulls your shirt over your head, giving you a peck on the cheek in the process. He coos into your ear. "just imagine a blue stop sign."

 

"Um, Sans?" You fidget.

 

"mmyes?" He's admiring your areolas and lazily running a thumb around the circumference of one of them, brushing your nipple in the process.

 

"I, uh, don't really know how to reciprocate." You admit.

 

"don't worry about that." He's too busy taking in every inch of exposed flesh to make eye contact now. He looks hungry. Welp. "i want you to enjoy yourself right now." He grips the waist of your pyjama pants and slides them down along with your underwear. You lift your pelvis off the mattress to facilitate the process. Aw man, he could have taken a moment to appreciate that you were wearing one of your nicer pairs of panties, albeit completely by chance.

 

He looks completely awestruck.

 

He's, uh, staring.

 

Um…?

 

Earth to Sans?

 

Rude?

 

He catches himself. "oh. uh. sorry. i, uh," He clears his throat. "i guess i was just caught off guard. your anatomy is, well… more impressive than i anticipated." He squeezes your hips, making sure to contact as much of your pelvic bone through skin and flesh as possible. "well, you're not that different from me. you just have, um, more. it's nice to finally be able to get a proper look instead of feeling around blindly." He slides his hands from your hips to your crotch, spreading your folds and taking it all in. His expression changes to a mischievous one in a flash. Oh boy.

 

He decides to test the waters. Quite literally. He glides a bony finger in and thrusts it in and out a bit. You let out a moan of approval. He pulls his finger out and gives you a taste.

 

"hm, still has that tangy taste." Was that a growl? You still can't believe you've consented to having a monster finger you. He usually just… helps himself to your body without asking.

 

"i'm a _big fan_ of tangy." He leans forward so that he's bent completely over you and his now half-lidded eyes are only inches from yours. His hand is back to work between your legs. "bet i can _blow_ your mind." His voice is low and unusually husky. But the pun. Neutralizes. Everything.

 

"Are you fucking kidding me, guy?" You squawk, laughing. Well, at least you're feeling less stressed out now that you're cracking up (more at the inappropriate timing than the pun itself).

 

He straightens up slightly. "no kidding but i do love poking fun." His face is plastered with that shit-eating grin as his free hand pokes you in the nipple. Well, it's more like a gentle upward flick with his index. You're about to scoff when it turns into a pinch and a twist and an oh my gosh yes keep doing that. Whoa, whoa, okay, he's added a second finger down there and you can feel yourself tightening around it. He moves his face to your your neck. He's growling, teeth paused above your jugular. He doesn't clamp down hard but pinches you with them delicately. He's kissing, licking, sucking. All you can do is moan.

 

When he's done with your neck he moves to your free breast, starting at the base and scraping you slightly with his bottom teeth as he makes his way to your nipple, exhaling a warm breath along the way. His tongue is so much wetter than a human tongue would be. It feels amazing. You buck your hips. He gets the message. Lifting his face off you leaves a trail of saliva hanging from your nipple and the light catching it before is snaps back onto itself in a second just makes you feel even hotter.

 

He lowers himself and inhales deeply before going to town.

 

If there is a word to describe the sensation of a skeleton monster's tongue on your junk in the English dictionary. If there is a _single_ word for it. You would pay all the money in the world to know what it is. It's spongy but firm and the warmth glides in you and on you leaving a trail of spit in its wake. This is heaven. You must have died and gone to heaven. You buck and moan as he caresses your clit with his weird cement lips. You still can't fathom how his face could be so hard and so malleable at the same time. You arch your back as his tongue starts moving in a more steady quick motion.

 

The hand he's using to stimulate your breast starts alternating between gently squeezing your whole boob and just thumbing at the your nipple. You grab your other one with one hand. You place your free hand on the back of his skull and grip him. Your breathing accelerates as he starts using his free hand to gently massage your taint, occasionally rubbing at the pucker of your anus.

 

"you like that?" Sans only takes a moment to ask before getting back to work. one of his fingers is gently massaging your anus as his tongue moves up and down your folds. He stops rubbing your ass and decides it's a better idea to focus on your clit with his tongue and fingers your sex as he does this. It takes all your concentration to not buck your hips so hard that you smash his face. Your muscles start to contract. Your breathing becomes shallow and irregular as he works. You're close.

 

"mmhmm?" he's seeking confirmation but the vibrations from his voice coupled with his tongue and hands working sends you over the edge. Your breathing is hitched as entire body tenses up and releases. He continues to work you through your orgasm, only stopping when you lie limp and useless.

 

"whoa." He breathes, marvelling at his accomplishment.

 

"Sah-ans. That was perfect." You pant as you allow your body to sink back onto the mattress.

 

As you're coming down from your high, Sans slowly glides up on top of you and stops his face at your neck. He places two skeletal fingers and applies moderate pressure to your jugular, inhaling deeply, feeling your pulse, relishing your increased heart rate. He exhales just as deeply and gives it a kiss, moving his hand to your chest to feel your heart palpitations. His teeth linger above your jugular and his low rumbling growl resurfaces when he pulls away. He then rests his head on your chest, listening to your heart.

 

All Sans could do is breathe the word, "wow."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fascinating.
> 
> inspired by austin


	14. v-ULNA-rable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My turn.

 

You're woken up by the sound of Sans' laughter. He's covering his mouth and trying really hard to be quiet but to no avail.

 

"What?" You're still half-asleep.

 

"your. face." It's all he manages to articulate through his snickering.

 

"What?" You ask, sounding irritated. You really wanted to sleep in. Okay, you do kind of feel a faint itchy pressure on your cheek. Whatever. You pull the blanket over your head and turn around so that your back is to him.

 

"no no. you have to look in the mirror before it goes away." His laughter is silent now but just as hard as he shakes you.

 

You sit up and look over to the mirror and can't help cracking up as well. You must have fallen asleep with your face on Sans' chest because you have a perfect imprint of his ribs on your cheek and forehead. It's reminiscent of a really grainy couch upholstery imprint.

 

"Oh my gosh. You gave me couch face." You laugh as you rub your cheek. The imprint will be gone in no time but it's pretty deep so you look absolutely ridiculous. "That's what I get for sleeping with a skeleton." You both fell asleep immediately after fooling around last night which isn't a bad thing because it led you to discover what an amazing source of warmth he is despite being uncomfortably hard and pokey. You lay back down with a fluff sound. The pillows and comforter on your bed are so plush; it's almost like something out of a cartoon… Or a hotel. You roll over to face Sans, who gives you a small kiss on the forehead.

 

"Hey Sans?"

 

"yeah?"

 

"Can I try making you feel the way I felt last night?" You inch closer, less nervous than last night after a good night's sleep.

 

"you really wanna try pleasuring a skeleton?" He's smirking.

 

You get up and move on top of him under the blanket before uttering a simple, "yup," and resting your forehead on his.

 

" _bone_ to be wild, huh?"

 

You roll back to your original spot on the bed, facing away from him. "I take it back. Get out of my room." It's hard to hide the laughter in your voice.

 

"aw, no. come back." He slides toward you, chuckling.

 

"Fine." You roll your eyes and get back on top of him leaning over to give him a kiss. He playfully bites your lip when you try to pull away.

 

You've already had plenty of time to play around with him and get a general idea of where he's sensitive during the past few weeks. That said, you'd never really gotten a good look at Sans' naked body before last night. It still amuses you that he's so much tinier than his clothes make him look. You don't even start with your hands. You plant your face right on his neck and start sucking at the cervical vertebrae, relishing his low moan. You place your hands on his pelvis and start to gently massage his iliac crests as you lower your mouth and start nibbling on his clavicles. Sans lazily runs his fingers through your hair as he leans his head back gently scratching your scalp. He's making that low rumbling growl again, nice. Okay, you're feeling a bit more confident than yesterday in terms of skelly pleasuring. You're pretty sure that 90% of that uneasy feeling was nerves at this point.

 

Let's see now, what if you grab the base of his pubic arch? Okay, there's definitely some colour rising on his cheeks. Rub rub. Rub rub. Mmm. He bucks into your hand. Okay that's a hit. What if you lick it?

 

"o-oh." He gulps and huffs.

 

"Enjoying that?" You resume with your hand now that the bone's been lubed up with your saliva. Not that saliva lasts very long.

 

"yes?" You've probably never seen Sans look this defenseless before. He looks needy and desperate for more.

 

"Any requests? Anything you want to teach me?" You move one hand to his coccyx and stroke the tailbone with your thumb.

 

"my ribs." It's a whisper. "insi-ide them." He takes the hand you had on his tailbone by the wrist and gently guides it up his ribcage to the underside of his sternum.

 

"Here?" You rub the relatively flat surface first with the front end of your palm and then the heel of your palm gauging his reactions. He grips the sheets and does a poor job of suppressing a noise.

 

"Yeah-ah" He lets you play round for a minute or two before gently correcting your technique and practically bleating, "just a l-little slower." You would have never imagined him as the noisy type but he is making _hella_  noises, hoo boy. His body starts to tense up and tremble as you work at the pace he instructed.

 

You keep rubbing the underside of his sternum and decide to experiment further. Bending over, you gently run your tongue back and forth over the outside in sync with your hand. He gasps and screams. Jackpot.

 

"n-no th-that's too much!" Sans' stuttering is probably the cutest thing you've ever witnessed. In just a few minutes he's huffing and moaning and bucking and sweating. He has to remove the hand he had on your head to wipe the drool from his mouth. His breathing is coming in short busts. He's normally so calm and collected. What a treat to see him in such a vulnerable state. You refuse to ease up. The trembling starts to get jerky and you hear the faint click of his jaw rapidly clenching shut as he utters a lengthy groan. You increase the pressure on his sternum with your hand. The friction is burning you. You'll definitely have to pick up some lube next time you're out. Another gasp. Another moan. Another scream. You can feel him coming close. Almost there. You stop licking and start sucking. Suddenly, he goes stiff and his back arches. His breath hitches and you look up just in time to notice something strange. He releases a final gasp before sprawling out, panting.

 

"fuck, ______," he wheezes.

 

"Sans?"

 

"uhuh?" He almost sounds drunk.

 

"What… did your eye just do?"

 

"…" Panting.

 

"Sans?" You sit up making direct eye contact.

 

"stop it, you're staring." He turns his head away and into his arm. His speech is still weak.

 

"What was that?"

 

"i uh, do that when I use some types of magic." Still more panting.

 

"Does coming involve magic?"

 

"no but it was certainly magic _al_." He manages to say it in one breath.

 

"Monsters are weird and your puns suck." You don't mean it and he knows.

 

"you suck." He pokes you in the side.

 

" _You_ suck." You can't tell if you're laughing because he's tickling you or your funny bone.

 

"and i do a damn good job."

 

"Oh my goodness."

 

 

\--

 

 

It isn't until later in the day that Sans approaches you in the living room, sitting next to you on the couch. You notice that his hood is up.

 

"hey, uh, can i ask you something?" 

 

"What's up?"

 

"don't tell papyrus about what we did." He sounds sheepish? He never sounds sheepish. His face starts glow with colour.

 

"What? Why?"

 

"it's uh, complicated. i don't really want to get into it."

 

"So you want me to do you a favour but don't want to provide any reasoning or explanation? Don't you find it a little bit disrespectful toward Papyrus to keep that kind of thing a secret?"

 

"well, it's not that. i…" He trails off. His face is so brightly coloured right now; he looks like it's been painted on. He starts to fidget before putting a hand on his forehead. "look, i really don't feel comfortable talking about it." He's cringing.

 

"You're not… _ashamed_ of what we did, are you?"

 

"no i--" large beads of sweat must be forming on his skull under the hood. He has to pull out his handkerchief. The lights in his eye sockets disappear completely. "i just-- skeletons just-- we're, uh…" He just sits there as if frozen. Or dead.

 

"Sans, are you okay?"

 

"no?" You didn't think he was capable of making a squeak like the one that just came out of his mouth.

 

"Sans?" You sit up straight and face him. What the hell is going on with him? He leans over into the couch arm so his face is mostly hidden and you sit in awkward silence for five minutes that feel like five days. This behaviour is so unusual that you're almost scared to touch him. What the hell is wrong with him?

  

You finally decide to say something.

 

"Um. I know you don't really like talking about your feelings to anyone so I won't pry." You carefully reach out and place your hand on his shoulder. "I won't tell Papyrus about anything. It's not like we haven't already been making out under his nose for weeks." You give his shoulder a squeeze and he turns his head to face you.

 

"i don't know what's wrong with me." He confesses nervously. Maybe it's the sadness in your voice that triggered his response. It takes a while before he adds, "skeletons, in general, aren't supposed to feel sexual desire. at all."

 

"What?"

 

"skeleton monsters only reproduce by means similar to but not exactly like parthenogenesis or fragmentation. we don't need to have sex; just snap off a rib with some magic, and it turns into a kid. it doesn't even hurt and the rib'll grow back in about a week or two. apparently that's the more uncomfortable part." He's rambling.

 

"So you're not supposed to be sexually attracted to anything." You take a moment to think about the implications of all this. "You're an aberration and you don't want anyone to know?" Eep, you almost used the word "freak" and had to stop yourself. You suppose it would be scandalous. Almost as scandalous as your weird unofficial human-monster relationship. You also make a mental note that the whole rib thing would explain why his sternum is the most sensitive part of his body. You take his hand to reassure him of your support. 

 

"the crazy thing is that i haven't even always been some weird anomaly. it happened suddenly." He sounds incredibly frustrated.

 

"Do you know when?"

 

"…that week you got really sick."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (vague memory of Toby Fox tweeting something about the skeletons being asexual) 
> 
> Your comments fill us with determination.


	15. no ILL will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't make it.

You're putting the breakfast dishes away when you glance at Sans' untouched plate on the table. It's not unlike him to sleep in on weekends he's not working. It is however, unlike him to not slam his bedroom door open and dash to the table the second the smell of your pancakes wafts through the house. Maybe he's saving his appetite for the potluck you're all having in the park near Toriel's today. She does make some pretty good pie. Still, it wouldn't hurt to check up on him while Papyrus packs some outdoor equipment into the trunk of his car. You give his door a gentle knock.

 

"Sans?"

 

"…" No answer. You definitely heard some shuffling so you decide to try a different approach.

 

"Knock knock."

 

"who's there?" You need to take a moment to think of something quick on the spot.

 

"Canoe."

 

"canoe who?"

 

"Canoe come and eat breakfast? I made your favourite and it's getting cold."

 

"i'm good." His voice sounds almost strained.

 

"Too good for pancakes?" A moment of silence.

 

"i'm sick." Oh.

 

"Do you want me to bring it to your room?" You hesitate.

 

"no."

 

"Can I get you anything?" You're not really sure what kind of medicine he might need. 

 

"cold water."

 

You return momentarily with some ice water and a disconcerted expression.

 

"It's me." The door opens a crack and Sans reaches out. His hand is trembling and you catch a glimpse of him through the opening. "Whoa Sans, what the hell?"

 

"thanks." He grabs the glass and almost spills water everywhere because his hand is shaking so much. His shirt is soaked with sweat and plastered to him. His face is glowing in patches. He's panting.

 

"Sans, you need a doctor." You say this very sternly.

 

"i'm going later." Dismissal.

 

"Want me to come?"

 

"no." He doesn't quite _slam_ the door shut but he doesn't close it very gently. Yikes.

 

You feel your phone vibrate when you get to the driveway.

 

\--New Text Message-- Sans 8:49AM 

**tell paps i got called in to work**

 

 

\--

 

 

Any attempts to communicate with Sans during the day only result in radio silence so you decide to make the most of the picnic. The food's great, the air is beginning to smell like fall, you'll never be able to beat Undyne at volleyball, and everyone's having a great time. You need a break after eating so you sit out and watch Papyrus piggyback Frisk from the shade with Alphys. You wish you turned food into energy as immediately as monsters did so you wouldn't have to sit and digest like a lump for half an hour. You get that Frisk is just being carried and not doing any running themselves but you still admire their constitution. Papyrus bouncing you around on a full stomach made you wish you were dead. You fall asleep for a good 20 minute power nap.

 

"You guys are so lucky." You yawn at Alphys, who's taken a moment to stream some anime on her phone. You're still slightly groggy from your nap.

 

"W-why's that?"

 

"You guys can't puke. You don't actually digest food? That's the best." Yawn.

 

"I g-guess so." She pauses her anime. "I-I always th-thought that humans w-were so cool b-but I had no i-i-idea they'd be s-so mean to monsters."

 

"Yeah, I guess anime misled you, didn't it?" You give Alphys a sympathetic look but she just grins.

 

"I st-still prefer the surface." Awkward pause. "I got s-sunburn on a picnic the y-year after w-we were freed though." Awkward pause. Shifty eyes. She's so awkward but sweet.

 

"I bet you guys were really surprised at all the weird human illnesses you started catching when you got to the surface." Your mind drifts to Sans again, hoping he actually went to the doctor's. Wait, do monsters have monster doctors? 

 

"N-no it's okay. T-there are v-very few d-diseases we can actually c-catch from humans." She straightens her skirt.

 

"Huh, that's news to me." You stretch on the picnic blanket and roll over onto your stomach. "Pretty sure I gave Sans my flu once. He was wrecked-- shaky, and sweaty? I felt terrible."

 

...Why is she squinting at you?

 

"NGAHHH!! Stop slacking off, punk!" Undyne runs over to the picnic blanket. "You haven't played in half an hour!" She yanks you up by the arm.

 

"What about Alphys?" Alphys looks betrayed by this question.

 

"I-I-I'm not done m-my episode!" Alphys waves her phone frantically.

 

"Alphys can stay but you're coming with me, punk!" Undyne yanks you by the arm to join in a game of ultimate frisbee as if you could keep up.

 

The rest of the day is pretty enjoyable but you keep catching glimpses of Alphys staring at you. It's really off-putting and you wish she'd cut it out.

 

 

\--

 

 

It's not until around 9PM that you and Papyrus finally get home. What were you gone for, twelve hours? You're exhausted but Paps has enough stamina for six people. You collapse onto the couch and watch as he fires up the gaming system. He's gotten a new puzzle game ("for reference") and you don't mind backseat gaming every once in a while. You sit and watch for a while before heading off to bed. You make a pit stop at Sans' door to check up on him.

 

"Knock knock."

 

…

 

"Knock knock?"

 

…

 

"Sans?"

 

But nobody came.

 

 

\--

 

 

Three nights later, Sans stumbles into the house looking completely run-down. He beelines for the shower before you can catch him and you have to resort to ambushing him outside of the bathroom.

 

"You could've at least answered your phone," you cross your arms, "or maybe texted me to say you're not dead."

 

"i uh, left my phone here." Sans isn't making eye contact.

 

"Did you go see a doctor? Did you really go to work sick?"

 

"look i'm really beat. can we talk in the morning?"

 

"I was really worried about you." You give him a look from hell. "You really suck, you know that?"

 

"there was a situation beyond my control. i left my phone at home. sorry." You stare at each other in frustration for an uncomfortable amount of time.

 

"Sorry." You uncross your arms. "I was just really worried." You head to your room muttering an aggravated goodnight.

 

It's the middle of the night when the sound of your door creaking wakes you. You feel some weight on the empty side of your bed as Sans sneaks in uninvited. He spoons you and buries his face in the back of your head.

 

"you're gonna be the end of me."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's his deal?


	16. SUB-spicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING_____WARNING_____WARNING_____WARNING_____WARNING
> 
> This chapter contains some (very light) dub!con/noncon elements so please proceed with caution if that's not your jam.  
> Also, if you read the last chapter within an hour of it being posted, you got the wrong version and should prpbably re-read the last line of dialogue.

 

Shopping with Alphys is more fun than you expected. Sans is working and Papyrus is camping with Undyne so you've been assigned an escort who, well, also needed to buy some new clothes. A little over half a year of living with one skeleton that loves carbs and another skeleton that loves greasy junk food and sugary condiments has led you to go up by two pants sizes. Needless to say, it's about time you replace a few pieces of your wardrobe, which is a shame because you had to buy an entirely new one after the fire. At least you're still cute as hell.

 

You're skeptical about how useful Alphys would be in any confrontational situation but thinking back to that night in the forest, you're reminded that appearance really doesn't matter in terms of strength. Alphys' body type is such that she'll fit in about an XXL women's size if you do a bit of modifying to the general shape of the garment. Papyrus agreed to let you two use his sewing machine this weekend. He loves modifying clothes and spends a surprising amount of time tailoring his perfectly. Come to think of it, maybe that's why Sans always prefers pants with elastic waistbands. It's a little hard to keep pants up if you don't have an ass.

 

"Oh, oh! I r-really like th-these ones!" Alphys has spotted a cute pair of puffy, mid-thigh bloomer-style shorts. She's bouncing up and down.

 

"It's a little unlike you to pick something that's not a skirt." You're a little excited by her sudden change in preference. "We can probably put in a hole for your tail if we try hard enough though."

 

"Oh n-no. I was thinking they would look good on y-y-you." She fidgets.

 

You try to picture it. Maybe…? They _are_ on sale because they're part of the summer collection. It wouldn't hurt to try them on.

 

"I'll give 'em a shot." You grab two different sizes for fitting comparison and add them to your bag of infinite clothing.

 

One long fitting room montage later you're both headed to pick up some essentials in the socks and underwear department. Here's where Alphys definitely needs some modification after purchasing.

 

"I used to g-get custom-made clothes back wh-when we lived underground." She lifts a pack of basic briefs. "M-monsters have so many d-different body types s-so it's hard to m-mass produce clothing. Everything was m-made to order."

 

"Alphys, put those down." You say this a little more sternly than you meant and Alphys flinches. "Oh, sorry." You cover your mouth with your hands in apology. "Girl, those granny panties are a no-no. You're absolutely getting the cute lacy ones." You give her a saucy look. Undyne will thank you later.

 

"F-fine but…" Alphys dons a mischievous expression, "I get to pick your s-socks." True friendship.

 

The weekend ends up being much more fun than you expected. Alphys calls Undyne and tells her it's an emergency that you haven't seen any Mew Mew Kissy Cutie and ends up sleeping over. A whole day of sewing and movies later, you both retire into your bed because the couch would be awkwardly narrow for poor Alphys with her tail. You both end up extending your movie marathon on your laptop in bed. Girls' night rules and you're grateful to have a friend like Alphys.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're angrily woken up at two in the morning a day later.

 

"why does your bed smell different?" Not a tone you hear very often.

 

"Look, Sans, if you're going to be sneaking into my bedroom regularly instead of using your own damn bed, could you at least _try_ to let me sleep?"

 

"who slept in your bed?" He sounds pissed? Like it's any of his damn business? You guys aren't even a thing and he thinks he owns you or something?

 

"What the hell? Calm down. Alphys slept over, remember?" You roll over to face away from him and try to get back to sleep.

 

Chomp.

 

"WHAT? THE? FUCK? GUY?" He bit your neck. _Hard_. It hurts. He-- actually broke the skin? What the hell? You're bleeding. "Get out of my bedroom!"

 

There's a knock at the door.

 

"_________, ARE YOU OKAY?" Oh right, Papyrus sleeps for like two or thee hours a day at most. "I HEARD A SCREAM." Fuck.

 

"I had a nightmare. I'm fine. Going back to sleep now. Thanks, Paps." You call out in a miraculously calm voice.

 

"OKIE DOKIE. NIGHTY NIGHT." You hear him walk off and close the door to his room.

 

"that was close, huh?" Sans presses his body up against yours and licks the blood from your neck. It's not bleeding much but it's still enough for the licking to make a difference. He's making that growling noise.

 

"Sans, get the fuck off me."

 

"you break my heart." He coos.

 

"Skeletons don't have hearts."

 

"that doesn't mean you can't be my Big Favourite." It's a husky whisper. He grabs your wrist and pulls your arm up behind your back, sliding his free hand into your pants to play with your clit. "your blood tastes so good. i've always wondered what it'd taste like." The growling gets louder.

 

"Sans, stop it, you're scaring me." You whimper and squirm against him as he inserts his fingers between your folds and starts pumping them. You resent your mild enjoyment.

 

"but you're so cute when you're scared." He takes a moment to bite down again. It's not as hard as the last one but it's still enough to jolt you.

 

"Blue! Blue! Blue! Blue! Get out!" You sob and flail.

 

He withdraws and sits up.

 

"sorry."

 

There's another knock at the door.

 

"________, ARE YOU STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES?" He sounds really concerned. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SLEEP IN MY ROOM?"

 

"I think I would!" You call out gratefully. You get up and quietly slide out of your room after grabbing a newly purchased scarf to hide your neck."

 

You're too upset to notice Sans' reaction.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up with the wrong skeleton spooning you. Today will certainly be… a day. Papyrus does this thing where we wraps his arms around you and grips his own wrist, making it impossible to escape until he wakes up. Wiggle wiggle. Yup, trapped forever. This is where you die. You look around the room and-- what the hell?

 

"Did you just sit there and watch us sleep all night?" You whisper at Sans who's sitting cross-legged and sweaty as always in a corner.

 

"yup." Sans' voice is barely above a whisper.

 

"Would you please just leave me alone for a bit?"

 

"nope."

 

"You really freaked me out last night."

 

"i wanna talk."

 

"Sure. Later. Just leave me alone right now."

 

"not goin' anywhere."

 

"Fine." You squirm enough to rotate in Papyrus' arms and turn your body so that your face is buried in his chest. If only skeletons weren't so… bony. It's really uncomfortable. "If you don't go away, I'll lick him right here." Obviously it's a bluff. You'd never do that to Paps.

 

You're wrenched out of Papyrus' grip and painfully dragged to the basement before you could even say another word. Sans thrusts you into the chair by the desk and looms over you.

 

"why?" He normally has the patience of a saint so you've never seen him like this. He grabs your chin and pinches your lips, forcing you to look up at him. " _why_?" His voice cracks. He sounds like he's going to cry. He releases your face to allow you to speak.

 

"I'm not your property." Your tone is bitter.

 

"and i'm not your _toy_!" His voice is shaking.

 

"Why are you acting like we're in some kind of relationship and I cheated on you or something?" You're having a hard time choking back tears. This is so overwhelming.

 

"i accidentally pair-bonded with you and the smell of another monster's scent in your bed drove me insane last night. _then_ you had to pull that shit with papyrus?" His expression suddenly changes at the realization of what he just let slip.

 

 

 

"Wait, what?"

 

 

 

"i-- i didn't mean to!" His tone shifts from anger to panic. Wait. It wasn't _anger_. It was... jealousy?

 

"Wait. You what?" You vaguely recall Toriel mentioning monster bonding being a really big deal but you were only half paying attention.

 

"…" He looks away.

 

"How… long ago?"

 

"…"

 

"Sans?"

 

"…"

 

He looks back at you with blank eyes. There are tears streaming down his face. You've never seen him cry before.

 

You get off the chair and wrap your arms around him.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that awkward moment when your casual friend with benefits professes their undying and eternal devotion


	17. let'S TALK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have some nerve, asking me that.

 

Sneak sneak sneak sneak.

 

"_________, IS THAT YOU?" Dammit.

 

"Hang on, Paps, I'm just going to get dress--"

 

"OH MY GOODNESS? WHAT HAPPENED?" Shit. Fuck. Damn.

 

"I…" shit, think fast, "fell down the stairs." Intercepted. You should have brought your clothes to the bathroom instead of doing the towel sneak to your room.

 

Papyrus rips your bath towel right off and gapes at the enormous bruises covering your body.

 

" _Papyrus?!"_ Rude?

 

"HOW DID YOU FALL DOWN THE STAIRS?" How badly you want to reply that his brother literally dragged you down them but don't.

 

" _Ouch!_ Don't squeeze me! Bruises hurt." Papyrus is examining you unnecessarily thoroughly. "I just tripped at the top. Can I have my towel back?"

 

He furrows his brow. "HUMANS ARE SO DELICATE." He gently drapes your towel over your shoulders and wraps it around you before giving you a gentle hug. "PLEASE BE MORE CAREFUL. IT WOULD HURT ME DEEPLY TO LOSE A FRIEND TO STAIRS."

 

"I promise." You give him a grin before entering your room.

 

"'can i have my towel back?' took me half a year to get you naked." Sans muses while leaning against your headboard. He's seated on top of your freshly laundered bedspread.

 

"Well, Papyrus is a lot like you in that he tends to help himself to what he wants." You toss your towel at his face on your way to the wardrobe, stopping to assess the damage in the mirror. Your legs definitely got the worst of it. "You completely wrecked me this morning."

 

He doesn't need to say anything. The look in his eyes utters a thousand apologies though it doesn't make you less angry with him. You were going to put on some thick pyjamas but opt for a t-shirt and some panties instead.

 

"What am I going to do with you?" You groan as you lay down more slowly than you would normally. Your entire body aches from this morning; your bruises, your back, your neck…

 

Sans tilts his head back against the headboard. "can we talk now?"

 

"I'm all ears. Too sore to move any more for the day and you obviously have no intention of letting me sleep." You roll over and plant your face in your pillow. It smells strongly of fabric softener. Your gesture of laundering the sheets was a peace offering. It was a shitty move to threaten to pleasure Papyrus in his sleep and you've been feeling guilty all day even though you would have never actually done it. Papyrus didn't know. Papyrus must never know. Ugh.

 

"i'm sorry for dragging you across the house." You turn your head to face him only to see he's not making eye contact as he says this.

 

"You might have mentioned that several dozen times."

 

"i'm sorry i bonded with you." His tone is flat now.

 

"You don't very sound sorry about that."

 

"well, i'm not actually sorry. it's the best feeling. it feels like my soul resonates whenever i'm around you. i feel warm. i feel whole. i feel like for once in my life there's something i should be putting any real effort into." He started talking at that uncharacteristically high speed he reserves for science and machinery. Why's your face getting hot? Maybe you should remove some of the blanket. "i don't feel remorse or regret." He pauses to move from a sitting position to a laying down one, remaining on top of the bed instead of getting under the covers. He lies in a way that his eyes are inches from yours. "i guess i'm sorry because it was out of your control and you have to live with that."

 

"Why do I have to live with it? Don't I have a say?"

 

"well yeah, i guess. you could just… leave."

 

"Wouldn't you just stalk me forever? What happens to bonded monsters… if it's unrequited?"

 

"it's never unrequited. it's a mutual bonding process. it involves a lot of pheromone exchange. if the exposure's long enough for one monster to be bonded, they usually both bond in time."

 

"But you bonded to a human."

 

"… yeah." He raises a hand and moves it very slowly, almost as if requesting permission, before putting it on your head and massaging your scalp. You instantly feel your eyelids getting heavy.

 

"Can monsters… Detach? Break up once pair bonded?"

 

"yeah. it's called a breach. it, um…" He trails off as though wanting to finish but not being able to.

 

"What about it?"

 

"breakups are dangerous business. tori went through a breach." He pauses, uncertain if it would be a betrayal of trust to divulge any more. "separation could kill you if you don't go through a breach."

 

"I don't understand."

 

"monsters have to feel a strong detachment. most die within a few months of separation of a bonded pair if they don't experience a breach in their bond. they get depressed and lose the will to go outside or even eat. the messed up thing is that, unlike bonding, breaching is almost never mutual." Was that a shudder?

 

"So Tori went through a breach and that allowed her to leave her husband but he didn't breach his bond so what happened to him? Did he die?"

 

"no. he sustained himself with a force stronger than desolation."

 

"What was it?"

 

"wrath."

 

"So he's alive? What did he do?"

 

"it's, uh, some complicated and heavy stuff. you should ask frisk or tori. they'll give you a pretty decent firsthand account. anyway, the point is tori's ex had something murderous to strive for." Well, that's terrifying.

 

"And you don't have anything to strive for?"

 

"not at all."

 

"What about your love for your friends and your brother?"

 

"it's not the same kind of love. you can't understand how this feels. monster pair-bonding is an extremely anxious and preoccupied attachment."

 

"So the best option would probably be for me to do something so terrible that you breach the bond you've formed. I could do something like destroy all your work and research or maybe treat you like garbage just long enough for you to detach..." You trail off, considering your options, wondering which would leave the smallest impact.

 

"well… there's probably a slightly better way to go about it."

 

"Oh, any ideas?"

 

"you could… love me?"

 

You take a moment to stare at each other in silence.

 

"You can't just ask someone to fall in love with you, Sans."

 

"i know that but maybe you could… stick around a bit? let me try to make you happy? i'm not asking you to be my soulmate or anything but maybe… i dunno. just be the object of my affection for now? be my human and mine alone?"

 

"Nice thing to ask someone after dragging them across the house. You have some nerve."

 

"i do." He's grinning for the first time all day.

 

"I'll be your human if you never do that crazy shit again." It feels like an empty promise. You like Sans enough to make out and cuddle and have sex and stuff but thinking about being in an official relationship with any monster (let alone one who seems to have mild domestic violence tendencies) seems, well, daunting.

 

Maybe you can't imagine how it feels. Monsters are a mystery. They can't feel determined. Their bodies do weird things. They kiss like Sans is kissing you when you agree to be theirs.

 

No human ever kissed you with that much passion.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We imagine there wouldn't be many monster widow(er)s. They just... join their S/Os.


	18. CAMPy Acting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final stargazing trip of the year. Make it count.

 

It's getting late into the year and the trees are almost completely bare. Armed with a small heat lamp for extra precaution, you, Sans and Papyrus install sleeping bags in the two-person tent. It's not that much of a stretch to add the third sleeping bag if you squish them all together. Skeletons don't exactly take up much space.

 

Stargazing's the best. Papyrus is upset because he couldn't make some fancy dinner but is nonetheless satisfied with the campfire corn on the cob. The whole evening's a nice send-off to the camping season. You sit on the picnic blanket with Sans and Papyrus. It's been a couple of weeks since you and Sans became an official thing but you both decided to keep it a secret. Skeletons aren't supposed to have any kind of carnal desire and humans aren't supposed to be into skeletons. Interestingly, your relationship hasn't really changed. Sans had been sneaking into your bed in the middle of the night for weeks before you became an item. The only thing that really changed was his attitude. He's warmer now. More honest. He expresses fondness and attachment more verbally now and sometimes holds your hand for no reason. That's about it.

 

Papyrus is surprisingly well-versed in astronomy. You have a lot to learn before you can ever be at his level. Even though you've been up with them a few times already, it still impresses you every time because it almost seems like something he'd deem too trivial. He's been commandeering the telescope all night. Needing to sleep more than skeletons do, you head to the tent first, bidding them goodnight. You get to the tend and, uh, what the hell?

 

"Papyrus, Sans?" You call out.

 

"YES?"

 

"yeah?"

 

"Does either of you know why there's water all over my sleeping bag?"

 

"no idea."

 

"I DON'T KNOW BUT YOU CAN USE MINE IF YOU WISH."

 

They both come over to the tent to assess the damage. It seems to have happened when the the three of you were setting up because the sleeping bag had time to absorb all the liquid.

 

"Thanks, Paps." You're grateful for his offer. You know he doesn't sleep much unless he really tries to.

 

"whoa, paps, your sleeping bag's nice and all but then how'll you sleep?" Sans is definitely up to something. "see? mine's wide enough that _______ and i can both fit and no one has to stay up."

 

"HMMM. THAT DOES MAKE A LOT OF SENSE." Papyrus grabs your sleeping bag. "I'LL GO AND HANG THIS TO DRY." He returns to telescope immediately after, leaving you and Sans in the tent.

 

"oops." Sans tosses an empty water bottle into a corner.

 

"Really?"

 

" _water_ you talking about? couldn'ta been me." You roll your eyes at his pun and action.

 

"You could have just asked. I could have said I wanted to share because of the cold."

 

"meh." He shrugs. "want me to go sleep now? it'd probably be easier if i didn't have to wake you later.

 

"You're terrible." You climb in and pat the empty space next to you.

 

"i try." He smirks as he glides into the sleeping bag with you, not even removing his jacket. He settles down and rests his face against yours, eyes closed, wishing you goodnight. His teeth are resting on your cheek. He may be able to move his weird bone lips but his default facial expression is still always that silly grin.

 

You tuck an arm up under his clothes and into the cavity that would be a human abdomen in a hug, huddling for warmth in the fall night and whisper a goodnight as well.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake at the crack of dawn. Sans still has an arm wrapped around you. He smells nice and is slightly less pokey when wearing his jacket. You bury your face in his shoulder and take in his faint chalky musk. You lie there for a few minutes, not wanting to get out of the sleeping bag. The temperature difference is too drastic. It's freezing despite the heat lamp that was brought for you. The sleeping bag is so much warmer. You live here now.

 

You distractedly run your hands up and down Sans' spine as he sleeps. You drift in and out of a snooze and are jolted by Sans bucking his hips. How long have you been absentmindedly rubbing his pelvis? He rouses a bit but is definitely still asleep. You wonder if he'd sleep right through an orgasm if you keep going. Rub rub. Mmm nope, he's waking up. Too bad.

 

"nnn don't stop." He whispers a groggy plead.

 

"Shh, Papyrus is right here." You comply though.

 

You know Sans always comes harder if you rub his sternum but you have gotten him off many times by just stroking his pelvis. Why not play around a bit in the sleeping bag? You rub his pubic arch between your thumb and index finger and it's not long before Sans starts thrusting into your hand and making a combination of growling and whimpering noises.

 

"Ssssshh," you hiss, clamping a hand over his mouth as he squirms helplessly. It doesn't do anything at all for the growling and moaning. Maybe the thought of getting caught is what's turning you on the most right now but, hoo boy, helpless Sans is getting you all hot and bothered too.

 

He must have felt you squirming because he slides his hand into your pants as he writhes against you. Thumb on your clit and two fingers thrusting into your wetness, he starts to work as he struggles to maintain his own composure. He's not very good at the whole composure maintenance thing. You can feel a bit of drool starting to seep out of his mouth under your hand. He leans his head back and utters a long, loud groan.

 

Papyrus stirs.

 

ABORT. ABORT.

 

Silence. You and Sans lie there, mortified, and quickly pretend to be asleep on each other, both stiff as boards with tension.

A moment of silence.

False alarm.

 

You resume your stroking and run your tongue up and down his neck, taking your time and occasionally sucking on each cervical vertebra individually. Sans, having not even withdrawn his hand from you, continues to play with your folds, thrusting in and out, and pumping your clit with his thumb. You catch yourself moaning too. Your main concern is the sound of the sleeping bag fabric. As you and Sans stimulate each other into increasingly frantic lurching, your breathing gets louder but so does the sound of the annoying sleeping bag fabric scraping.

 

Papyrus stirs again.

NO. NO. You're both so close. Don't do this, Papyrus.

 

You both stiffen and silence yourselves in complete agony. You're so close. All you want to do is come. Please don't be awake. Go back to sleep. Or leave the tent. Anything. You and Sans can barely hide your ragged breathing at this point. Just stay asleep, Paps, _please_ stay asleep. This moment feels like forever in your desperation. The denial of your release makes you almost not even care to hide your relationship with Sans any more. Let him see. Let the world see. You resume stroking Sans and buck your hips into his hand, silently begging.

 

"wait." It's the least audible whisper you've ever heard. You stop.

 

 

An eternity. A torturous eternity.

 

 

Sans resumes. You resume. You were on the edge of orgasm but now you'll need more to climax because of the wait. Sans trembles in a needy way as you work and comes in minutes. He stops moving his hand in your pants as he stiffens and whines loudly. His left eye flashes a blue bright enough to illuminate the entire tent with his release. No, keep going. _Please keep moving your fingers._

 

Papyrus rolls over and stretches, yawning loudly. Awake. You and Sans immediately close your eyes and pretend to be asleep.

 

 

Life's not fair, is it?

 

 

It takes him eons to get. The fuck. Out of the tent. You want to cry as you squeeze your thighs on Sans' hand, silently pleading. He finally resumes when you both hear Papyrus start busying himself with the breakfast fire.

 

Please. Please. Please. Fucking _please._ You thrust your hips repetitively as he works you back up. You can't help it, you moan loudly and greedily as you edge closer, panting Sans' name into his ear. "Sans. Sans. Sa-ahns. Sans." Fuck if Papyrus hears.

 

"come for me, _______." It's a low growl.

 

And you ultimately do. Undulating release in all its glory. It hits you hard and renders you mindless in the seemingly endless ecstasy. Finally.

 

You gasp and slump over.

 

"I'm going back to sleep."

 

 

 

 


	19. CATastrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, kitty kitty.
> 
> TW: DV

 

There's nothing usually special about a Tuesday evening but you've dedicated this one to tilling a patch of soil in the back yard before winter really starts and the ground gets too hard. You and Papyrus made the decision to plant a tomato garden next spring and you want to start as early as possible. Actually, it was your idea. Paps loving pasta sauce and Sans loving your homemade ketchup prompted the idea to plant a few different types of tomatoes out back.

 

After a job well-done, you and Papyrus start moving the gardening equipment to the shed. You notice a scraping sound coming from beneath the floor and, sure enough, there seems to be a small animal underneath when you exit to inspect. It's getting dark so you're having a hard time seeing it. Papyrus notices you on your hands and knees so he joins you.

 

"WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?"

 

"Look." You point at the small animal. "There's something under there. It looks like a cat."

 

"HERE, KITTY CAT." Papyrus beckons sweetly. Dang, he's so cute. Too bad the cat's terrified of him.

 

"Kitty kitty." You make clicking sounds to encourage it.

 

"I DON'T THINK IT'S COMING OUT." Papyrus looks frustrated and sticks his arm under the shed.

 

"Wait, no. Don't. You'll scare it."

 

The cat wasn't a cat. The cat was a skunk. Skunks don't like being grabbed at.

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH?!" Papyrus recoils at the spray. It definitely got him in the face.

 

"Aaaaaaaahhhh?!" You got a little less of the spray but you definitely just got sprayed by a skunk.

 

"NOOOOO!" He's freaking out.

 

"Wait! Don't run into the house!" Panic.

 

"WHAT DID IT DO? WHAT DO WE DO?" Desperation.

 

"It was a skunk! It sprayed us! Don't go inside yet! The smell will be there for weeks!" You take a moment to compose yourself. "We need to wash ourselves with a special solution and not touch anything in the house. Do we have any baking soda?"

 

Papyrus nods.

 

"Good. Um..." You're still riled up and need to take a moment. "We need to take our clothes off and leave them outside-- they'll stink up the house. You go to the kitchen and grab a large bowl, the dish soap, and baking soda. Touch as little as possible. Meet me in the bathroom."

 

"ROGER THAT."

 

You both strip after making sure nobody's peeking over fence and dash into the house. You rush to the bath and fill it halfway, grabbing the hydrogen peroxide and a washcloth as it fills. Papyrus joins you with his war spoils.

 

"Excellent." You don't quite remember the ratio by heart but you empty the whole bottle of peroxide in the bowl, eyeballing an addition of about 2-3 large tablespoons of the baking soda and a splash of dish soap. "Sit in the bath."

 

You leave the bowl right next to the bath and both get in. Bathing with a skeleton might actually be a pleasant experience if you didn't both reek of skunk; though Papyrus doesn't even seem to regard the intimacy. You start scrubbing yourself with the solution-soaked washcloth and then hand it and the bowl to Paps. Now that the blow's been dealt and the panic's subsided mostly due to the relaxing warmth of the bath, you're both giggling at the absurdity of the situation. Papyrus is more of a shower person but he seems to be enjoying himself nonetheless. He does your back and you do his, more out of necessity to be thorough than anything, and he slumps into you when you're done.

 

"HUMANS ARE COMFY." You plop the wet washcloth onto his skull as he says this. This bath reminds you of your childhood.

 

"Yeah, we're lumpy flesh sacks." You close your eyes and wrap your arms around him, enjoying the warmth for a few minutes in silence.

 

"what the hell is going on here?" You open your eyes to see Sans, who must have just gotten home, at the bathroom door. He's wearing an expression of complete betrayal and disbelief. Aw shit.

 

"SANS, IT WAS TERRIBLE. WE GOT SPRAYED BY A SKUNK AND HAD TO BATHE IN A CHEMICAL SOLUTION." Not helping.

 

"funny, looks like you guys're just cuddling naked." His tone is murderous. Why isn't Papyrus terrified? It was totally innocent but you can't deny that sitting in your current position looks reprehensible. Your memory shifts to that time he dragged you down the stairs and your hands start to shake.

 

"N-no we really had to both get in and wash it off as soon as possible." Shit, your voice is trembling. He can smell your fear.

 

"YES, WE EVEN HELPED EACH OTHER SCRUB IT ALL OFF." Noooo. Papyrus. Stop. Talking.

 

"huh. okay." His voice is quavering. "just a nice bath lathering each other up and snuggling in the warmth."

 

Paps affectionately pinches your side. "SNUGGLING? I SUPPOSE YOU CAN CALL IT THAT. LOOK HOW SQUISHY SHE IS."Pa. Py. Rus.

 

He gets out and offers you a towel.

 

"I'll just stay here a while longer." You whimper.

 

"BUT WE STAYED IN SO LONG THAT THE WATER'S GETTING COLD. LOOK, YOUR SKIN'S DOING THE PRUNY THING."

 

"sounds like everyone's had a rough day, paps. we're out of milk, can you get some from the store? we can all have some hot chocolate." Sans hasn't moved from the bathroom entrance.

 

"OOH THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL. I'LL GRAB SOME CLOTHES AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT. NYEH HEH HEH."

 

You give him a look that screams, "Don't. Leave. Me. Here."

 

"DID YOU WANT MARSHMALLOWS?" He got the completely wrong message. Why did you even try? Just nod. Pull the stopper. Drain the bath and get out. This is where you die.

 

"It's really not what it looks like." You breathe as Papyrus gets dressed in his room.

 

"tell me what it looks like." He's talking through his teeth, jaw clenched.

 

"You smell the skunk scent."

 

"tell me what it looks like." His monotony carries a savageness.

 

"It looks like I was taking a bath with a skeleton?" You suddenly feel more courageous. You weren't fooling around or anything.

 

Not a second goes by when the front door closes behind Papyrus before you're pinned to the wall by the throat. Sans is crushing your windpipe and your head hurts from the impact.

 

"takin' a bath with a skeleton?"

 

Choking noises.

 

"takin' a bath with a skeleton that's not me?"

 

Choking gasping noises.

 

"you've got some nerve getting all cuddly in the nude like that. arms wrapped around my brother like that."

 

Whine. Gasp.

 

"couldn'ta just washed up and gotten out, huh?better yet, couldn'ta done it separately, huh?"

 

Choking.

 

"gotta hand it to you, i've never seen someone get out of a bath still looking so dirty."

 

Your vision's getting spotty. Tears are streaming down your face. Your neck and head hurt. Everything's going white.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up naked in your bed. Sans is asleep with one arm wrapped around your stomach, holding you close, another hand painfully clenching a handful of your hair at the scalp. Your neck hurts where his hand constricted your windpipe but also on the sides now covered in bloody bite marks: A reminder.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Green-eyed monster.


	20. BOUND For Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noped right out of that relationship.

 

You glance at your phone. Probably the millionth text message. Probably the millionth phone call. You haven't been home in weeks. You quit your job and have been trying to find a new one a few towns over. An old friend of yours has been very generous in letting you crash on their couch. You check your emails, clicking the checkboxes of about ten emails and trashing them without reading. Job search is really hard when your voicemail inbox is constantly being filled to max capacity. The story you told was quite simple: You moved in with some monsters and were forced to flee town by a gang of thugs. Not too far from the truth, to be honest.

 

A few days later, you receive a call from an unknown number and, hoping it's a job offer, you answer.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Where are you?" It's… Toriel?

 

"I moved away."

 

"How far away are you?"

 

"Why?"

 

"I do not like the game you are playing." Tori can sound pretty scary if she tries.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"Do you know what happened to Sans when you left? Do you think I'm stupid?" You've never heard Toriel angry before.

 

"Sans hurt me so I left." You hang up.

 

 

\--

 

 

Second interview for a good job. Apartment lease will be signed tonight. Good thing you have so many months' worth of rent money saved up. Existing is hard.

 

 

\--

 

 

Three weeks since you left. You admit it: You miss the warmth in your bed. Not worth that bullshit though.

 

There's a knock at your door. You look through the peephole. It's Toriel? How did she find you?

 

"I hear you in there. Open the door." What does she _want_ from you?

 

"Leave me alone."

 

"We need to talk." She sounds sad.

 

"I'm not going back if that's what you want."

 

"Would you please let me in? Finding you was very expensive. I'm not leaving until we've spoken." Yikes, did she hire a private investigator?

 

 

\--

 

 

You serve Toriel some coffee and both drink in silence. The atmosphere is tense. She waits until you've both finished before beginning.

 

"I know about the bond."

 

"He told you?"

 

"Of course not. Sans never tells anyone anything." She flips her hand in the air. "He stopped eating days ago."

 

"He beat me. Twice. I'm not going back." You pull your turtleneck collar down to reveal a white scar; the remnant of the deepest bite he took.

 

"I'm sorry." She sounds heartbroken.

 

"Bet you never would have thought he was a wife beater." Your tone is cold and bitter.

 

"He'll die, you know."

 

"I never want to see him again."

 

"Did you not love him back?"

 

"…" You suddenly become very interested in your dollar store coffee mug.

 

"_______?" Toriel really seems to want an answer.

 

"I can't love someone who beats me." It doesn't answer her question exactly.

 

"What if we get him some help?"

 

"I'm not going back, Tori."

 

"Have you ever been to a monster funeral?"

 

"No?"

 

"Do you know what it entails?"

 

"No."

 

"Monsters turn into dust when they die. Their dust is ceremonially sprinkled on their favourite thing so their essence will live on in it."

 

"Why are you telling me this?"

 

"I want you to know that you'll be invited. I also want you to know that your relationship will become evident."

 

"We'll be outed?"

 

"The signs of bond separation as a cause are extremely evident."

 

"I'm not a murderer."

 

"No one's calling you that." She pauses for a moment before adding, "I also want you to know that you'll be hurting everyone around him. We'll all be very sad to lose him." What kind of fucked up game is she playing?

 

"I'm sorry." Stay cool.

 

"I'll be on my way then." She pauses at the door. "You disappeared without a word. Please have the decency to call him."

 

 

\--

 

 

Maybe calling past midnight was a bad idea.

 

*(Ring, ring…)

 

"hello?!" How could a voice sound so weak and so simultaneously frantic?

 

"Knock kno--"

 

"come back."

 

"Hello then."

 

"i'm so-orry." He's sobbing into the phone.

 

"You hurt me, Sans."

 

"i know." Wet sobs.

 

"I was calling to say goodbye."

 

"please wait." He gasps.

 

"Give me one reason to not hang this phone up right now."

 

"i love you."

 

"I know that already."

 

"you deserve better."

 

"That's why I left."

 

"i want to do better. i need help. it won't happen again."

 

"That's what you said last time."

 

"…can i see you one last time?" He sobs, waiting for your response.

 

"…" You listen to his pathetic whimpering. It sounds woeful and despairing.

 

"_______? please?"

 

"Fine."

 

"i'm at tori's."

 

"I know."

 

 

\--

 

 

It's early morning when you get to Toriel's. She's on her way out to work but lets you in with a grim expression. Frisk has already left for school. She ushers you to the guest bedroom where Sans is and tells you not to wake him. Has she ever _tried_ waking a skeleton? It's damn near impossible. You agree to be careful and don't actually enter until she's left the house.

 

The sudden cocktail of emotions you're hit with is too much to handle. You feel guilt. You've seen Sans look like garbage after disappearing for days at a time but you've never seen him look this disheveled. His breathing is slow and shallow. He always looks a bit tired and overworked-- almost like there are permanent bags etched into the bone under his eye sockets but they look… Deeper? Darker? He's clutching his chest in his sleep. His face is so tear-stained that you can see the trails in the darkness. You feel hopelessness. You wonder if there would be any way to cause him to breach his bond with you so he wouldn't have to suffer like this. You're struck with an inkling of shame and regret. He hurt you but the damage that you caused by leaving seems incredibly disproportional. You sit cross-legged on the floor and watch him sleep, reflecting on his behaviour and its root cause. You feel sadness and remorse. Is Sans really going to stop eating until he dies? Is he going to stay in that bed until he turns to dust because you left him three weeks ago? You put your face in your hands and start crying, wishing it didn't have to be like this. Of course you loved Sans. Seeing him like this breaks your heart.

 

You don't know what compels you to do it but you eventually get up and walk to the bed. Strangely, he isn't sweating for once in his life. Maybe it's from dehydration. You slip into the bed and spoon him. He smells different-- more acidic? His scent is stronger and almost like it's mixed with ammonia and a strong vinegar. It's unpleasant. Why did you get in the bed with him? You grieve as he sleeps and fall asleep yourself only to be woken up by his sobbing hours later.

 

"Sans?" You ask groggily.

 

"i thought i'd never see you again." He bawls and grips you frantically, desperately. His grip is feeble, hands trembling. His entire being seems frail.

 

"I came to…" Why can't you finish your sentence? He's waiting with bated breath. "I, uh." This is a lot harder in person, seeing him in his current state.

 

You sit in silence as he sobs, running his hands through your hair and gripping you here and there to make sure he's not hallucinating.

 

"I should go." You start to feel really uncomfortable. You shouldn't have gotten in the bed.

 

"please stay with me." He has nowhere near his usual amount of strength but tightens his arms around you. "even if it's for an hour." He utters a harrowing sob.

 

Your chest hurts. You could never imagine what monster bonding feels like. Something that could turn Sans into a pathetic clod and kill him so easily. It's your fault. You don't want him to die. To be honest with yourself, you miss him. You miss the way he scratches your scalp and spoons you with his uncomfortably bony body. You miss his usual bird-like scent-- not this acidic sick scent but the chalky one. You miss his stupid godawful puns. You wish he didn't drag you down the stairs and nearly choke you to death. You start to cry, body trembling.

 

"why are you crying?"

 

You blubber on about your regret. About your love. About your fear. About your scars. He holds you close and rubs your scalp. He's comforting you when he's the one that's more damaged. This is the worst. You hate him. You hate yourself. You hate monsters for bonding. You hate your love for him. You hate.

 

All Sans could do is say, "I'm sorry," before passing out into a deep sleep.

 

 

\--

 

 

He wakes up hours later. You're sitting on the floor in the dark again with a plate of food.

 

"Eat."

 

"no appetite. just the smell's making me sick."

 

" _Eat! It!_ " You jump onto the bed and pin him under your knees, shoving the food down his throat. He chokes and tears well up in his eyes. He tries to spit it out but you clamp your hand over his face and scream at him. "I'm not going anywhere if you don't eat!"

 

"then i'll never eat another bite!" He manages to sob through the choking.

 

"Then I'll leave if you _don't_ eat!" Your screaming is hysterical. Your tears are splashing onto his face.

 

He swallows.

 

The pinpricks of light in his eyes dilate to huge orbs as he chokes on the food. He pushes you off him with all the force he can muster and grabs the plate from you, frantically shovelling the food down, gagging on every swallow and retching loudly and heavily between every bite. You're pretty sure monsters can't puke but you're expecting him to at any moment. He cleans the plate, panting, heaving, and wailing.

 

"now." Retch. Pant. "you can't." Pant. "leave." He sobs.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (He's gonna get some help.)


	21. BATTERED and Fried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also trying this new thing called 'respecting boundaries'

 

 

 

It took Sans over a week to recover.

 

You had to quit your new job and arrange a lease transfer for your new apartment. You also had to wear a neck brace for a week because Papyrus accidentally gave you whiplash. He tackled you as you walked through the door for the first time after disappearing without a trace for three weeks. He was crying and NYEHing and NYOO-HOOing and crushing your ribs in his hugs. You started making daily trips to Toriel's. Frisk hadn't been let in on the secret; all they knew was Sans was staying at their place because he was sick. Tori promised she'd take the secret to the grave. Undyne wasn't speaking to you out of anger and Alphys started sobbing when she heard you'd come home. It took a lot of apologizing and lying about your reasons.

 

 

\--

 

 

You hear a knock on your bedroom door in the middle of the night.

 

"knock knock."

 

"Sans?" Guess he finally came home.

 

"no, you're supposed to say 'who's there?'"

 

"It's three in the morning, Sans, just come in."

 

"knock knock."

 

"Ugh, who's there?"

 

"olive."

 

"Olive who?"

 

"olive you." His tone is sad. You hear the faint tap of his forehead resting on the door. You've heard this one somewhere.

 

"You coming in or should I go back to sleep?"

 

He enters sheepishly. You scoot to make room in the bed. He doesn't get in.

 

"i uh, just wanted to apol--"

 

"I know, Sans. You've apologized several times a day for the past week."

 

"no, i know you know." He pulls out his handkerchief and wipes his skull. "i just wanted to let you know that i enrolled in a program to uh…" He trails off.

 

"Control your crazy jealousy?" You offer. " _Tame the beast within?_ " You use a campy super-villain voice for the second bit and he chuckles.

 

"something like that. today was my first day." He sits on the side of the bed.

 

"How did it go?"

 

"didn't appreciate my jokes." He sounds genuinely disappointed.

 

"Aw, that's a shame."

 

"wanna hear?"

 

"No but shoot."

 

"okay, why didn't the skeleton need the batterer's program?" His voice is eager like it's one of his better jokes.

 

"Why?"

 

"his relationship was already fried."

 

"You're the _worst_!" You gasp and cackle. "That's actually really not funny."

 

"it's hilarious. see? you're laughing."

 

"I am and I hate it. It's so wrong."

 

"you sound like papyrus." He's chuckling.

 

"Get out of my room." You're still laughing.

 

"okay. 'night kiddo." He ruffles your hair and walks to the door.

 

"Wait, what?"

 

"…what?"

 

"You're not supposed to leave. You never leave."

 

"i'm trying this new thing called 'respecting boundaries.' it's real crappy business but meh."

 

"No, come back. Tell me more jokes. It makes me feel less mad at you. Slightly." He returns at your request.

 

"why didn't the skeleton sleep for days?"

 

"Why?"

 

"because his human sleeps at night."

 

"…"

 

"what?"

 

"I'm not really," you fidget, "comfortable being called 'your' human any more."

 

"… oh. okay. sorry."

 

Awkward silence. Pregnant pause. Alphys levels of uncomfortable silence.

 

"can i still sleep in your bed?" He murmurs the question.

 

"Wow, you're actually asking? You never asked to begin with." There's no masking the surprise in your voice.

 

"yeah, i uh…" He trails off.

 

You pat the space in the bed. "No sex." He nods, gets in, and spoons you, taking the scent of your hair in a deep breath.

 

"thanks, kid."

 

 

\--

 

 

You're woken up by him gripping you frantically while crying in his sleep once a night for at least a week and a half.

 

 

 

 

 


	22. SNOW Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluffy snowy chill.

 

You find two presents on the table one morning.

 

"What's this?" Both brothers are in the kitchen. Sans is working on his crossword and Papyrus is working on breakfast.

 

"YOU WERE GONE OVER CHRISTMAS." Papyrus tuts.

 

"Oh no, I didn't get either of you anything!" You're genuinely upset.

 

"forgeddaboudit, kiddo." Sans doesn't even look up from his crossword. "s'not a contest."

 

"BESIDES, WE HAVE HAD THESE FOR A WHILE NOW." How far in advance did they do their Christmas shopping?

 

You whine and grab the nicer of the two gifts first. It's obviously from Papyrus. He put great care and effort into the flashiest wrapping job possible. You open it to find a beautiful red cashmere scarf. It's soft and elegant.

 

"Wow, Papyrus, this is beautiful." You run your fingers over it and wrap it around your neck. You stand up and pose with your hands on your hips. "How do I look?"

 

"YOU LOOK ALMOST AS GOOD AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"

 

"Second only to the Great Papyrus? I'm flattered!" You love playing along and do your best impression of his laugh. "Nyeh heh heh!"

 

"YOUR IMITATIONS NEED SOME WORK. NOTHING LIKE THE ORIGINAL AND BEST!"

 

"no one'll ever be as cool as the _bone-_ afide thing."

 

"SANS, NO."

 

"you're laughing, both of you."

 

You wrap your arms around Papyrus and plant a smooch on his cheek with a big, "thanks," and hear Sans impatiently tapping his foot, eyes closed, concentrating on his breathing.

 

"Sans next!" You declare. He opens his eyes and grins excitedly. "What the hell, dude, you know that gift bags are the sweatpants of wrapping, right?"

 

"i'm a sweatpants kinda guy." He winks.

 

You reach into the bag and feel around, grabbing something that literally electrocutes you. It's a really low voltage but you scream, startled.

 

"didn't think you'd find my gift _that shocking._ " Sans bursts out laughing.

 

"You got me a freaking prank gift?" You spill the buzzer out of the bag and prod him with it, making him squeal as his pupils flicker with the shock. "Ahahaha! Ohmygosh your eyes did a thing!" You roar with laughter.

 

"NYEH HEH HEH! SERVES YOU RIGHT, SANS." Papyrus is doubled over laughing at the stupid noise Sans just made.

 

"aaah. cut it out." He shivers and pulls a small box out of his hoodie pocket. It looks like it was wrapped by a store clerk. "here's your real gift. no time like the _present._ " You zap him again. "eeee, stahpit."

 

"With great power comes great responsibility." You tuck the buzzer away and take the real present from him. You open it and find an elegant blue crystal pendant. "Wow," you breathe. "What is it?"

 

"a necklace."

 

" _Oh, wow, thank you. I am so enlightened_." Your sarcasm knows no bounds. "What's the stone?"

 

"dunno but it glows in the dark."

 

"Can you do a science thing to figure out what it is?"

 

"i'm a physicist, not a chemist," he scoffs, taking Papyrus' scarf off your neck and gently wrapping it around your head almost like a turban so you can put the necklace on. "we had a bunch of them in a marsh by an underground waterfall where the monsters used to live. i kinda just… pried one out of the wall before leaving. a memento, i guess. found it a few months back and thought it'd look real pretty on you so i had it made into a necklace." He fumbles with the clasp, wanting to put it on you. Fumble. Fumble. Fumble.

 

"Let me." You take it from him and put it on. Clearly bare bones are no match for a necklace clasp.

 

"IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD ON YOU, ______." Papyrus is giving you a thumbs up from the stove.

 

The stone rests right between your clavicles. Sans has a thing for your clavicles so he probably requested the specific chain length. He's looking at you expectantly. Does he want a kiss too? You thank him and give him a peck on the cheek as well.

 

"I MADE A LARGER THAN USUAL BREAKFAST AND I EXPECT YOU TO EAT IT ALL." Papyrus pours enough scrambled eggs for three people onto your plate. "WE'RE BUILDING SNOWMEN TODAY AND YOU'LL NEED YOUR ENERGY!" He's stoked.

 

 

\--

 

 

You will never, in a million years, build a more majestic snowman than Papyrus. You slouch against your lumpy snow blob self-portrait. It certainly is… a thing. You huff and stare at Snow Papyrus in contempt.

 

"he uses magic to sustain it. been doing it every year since we were kids." Sans whispers in your ear. He's not even trying with his snowman.

 

"What? How can you tell?" You haven't ever seen Papyrus use magic.

 

"look at the distribution of mass. it's too top-heavy. there's not enough snow at the base to prevent the top from collapsing under the force of gravity."

 

"Oh my gosh you have a point." You turn to his mound of snow. "Why aren't you building one?"

 

"i am building one. it's a conceptual piece. a real modern _skull_ pture--"

 

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO WHISPERING ABOUT?" Papyrus appears out of nowhere.

 

"Sans is making bad puns again!" You rat.

 

"just whispering that you're a dirty cheater, bro." Sans grins and winks.

 

"I'M NOT CHEATING. I'M USING THE RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO ME." Papyrus is indignant.

 

"Cheater! Cheater!" You lob a snowball at Papyrus' snowman and miss.

 

"WHAT HAS SNOW PAPYRUS EVER DONE TO YOU?" Papyrus lobs a snowball at you playfully but accidentally hits you.

 

"Oh, it's on." You dash, grabbing a handful of snow, circle Papyrus balling it up, and toss it at the back of his skull, cackling.

 

An all-out snowball war breaks out in the backyard in a flash. You and Papyrus start lobbing snow at each other for minutes until a rogue snowball hits Sans in the face, clogging his eye sockets with snow. You both run as he cleans them out and rapidly pitches revenge snowballs. It becomes a three-way free-for-all for over half an hour until you collapse, panting. Both brothers run to see if you're okay.

 

"I'm good." You give them a thumbs up from your comfortable snow heap, chest heaving. "Just… exhausted."

 

You collectively decide to call it a day and go in for movies and hot chocolate.

 

 

\--

 

 

You enthusiastically flop onto your mattress that night and rub your shins. Your bones ache with a dull pain.

 

"you okay?" Sans looks just as tired as you do.

 

"Yeah, just sore." You pull the blanket up to your chin. "Do your bones ever feel sore at the end of the day?"

 

"sometimes. it takes a lot of impact or vibration though. why?"

 

"My bones are killing me. My muscles too but it takes a certain kind of exertion for bone aches."

 

"it's so weird that you're just a skeleton animal." Sans runs a finger along your jaw, feeling the bone.

 

"It's so weird that you're just a skeleton." You never really thought about him likening you to an animal before.

 

"do you… want a massage?"

 

"Do you mind?"

 

"i offered." He lowers your blanket, gets on top of you and starts working at your shoulders. "tell me where you're sore."

 

Your relationship with Sans has been chaste since you came back and he's been very careful about touching you, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. He works your sore muscles and you unconsciously let out a moan.

 

"i missed that sound."

 

"Mmmm what sound?"

 

"those sounds you're making. they're some of my favourite sounds in the world." He works at the knots in your lower back. "s'been too long since i heard them. they're kinda really turning me on." He sounds almost embarrassed.

 

"Sorry. I don't mean to be a tease."

 

"naw it's fine." He finishes your massage, utters a goodnight and, oddly,goes to sleep in his room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making some real progress at breakfast, Sans.


	23. Head Over HEALS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Racism intensifies

 

Turns out you didn't really have to beg for your job back. Lucky for you, you were overqualified for the position to begin with and, despite it paying rather well, it's much more work than a lot of people are willing to put up with for the money. The position went unfilled for three months and your boss almost cried to have you back. You didn't return for the money-- staying cooped up in the house all day was starting to drive you insane. Sans actually tried to convince you to not go back, saying it would be better to find a job in a different neighbourhood if you must, but it's so hard to find a job with work _and_ coworkers you don't hate.

 

 

\--

 

 

Today is special because you're walking home from work with Sans. He has a day off so Papyrus suggested he surprise you. It's nice walking hand-in-hand without having to worry abou--

 

"Demon fucker!"

 

CRACK

 

The back of your head is searing with white hot pain. Your vision is spotty and your eyes well up with tears. You touch the throbbing area at the back of your head and pull your hand back to see it covered in blood. Someone threw a rock at your head? You're so confused. What's going on? You got hit so hard. You need a moment. Sans is freaking out. You're freaking out. You see two of those racist thugs. Maybe seeing you with a smaller escort than usual supplied them with more courage than they normally have.

 

"Filthy slut! Bet she fucks them!"

 

To say Sans is mad would be the understatement of the century. This is the most pissed off creature you have ever seen in your life. The thugs smell danger. They make a break for it. Rather, they try to make a break for it. With a flash of blue, Sans waves an arm and their knees buckle, causing them to crash to the ground. He walks up to them, snarling.

 

"anything you have to say for yourselves?" His voice is trembling with rage.

 

"Not to you, filthy demon." One of the two spits in his face.

 

"i don't think you understand the _gravity,"_ he waves his arm, causing the guys' faces to plant into the concrete, "of the situation you've put yourselves in." You can _hear_ their noses break. He wipes his face with his handkerchief and puts his hands behind his back. His eyes are black.

 

Now they're really scared.

 

"gonna make no bones about it: you stay away from me, my brother, and my human, and i don't. _fucking. kill you_. capiche?" His blue eye lights up and he hurls them into a brick wall. Their bodies make a sickening crunchy splat sound on impact. Sans walks up to them, livid, and snarls again. "fucking try me."

 

All you hear from your two assailants is whimpering and begging. Sans sends them into the wall again before turning around and walking toward you. His expression completely changes as he makes eye contact with you. He looks anxious? Fearful? Concerned? He walks up to you and ushers you away by the elbow at a brisk pace, only stopping when you've turned a corner two streets away.

 

"quick, bend over. let me see where they hit you." He sounds frantic and overwrought with worry. His whole body is shaking. "i'd give you my handkerchief if it didn't have spit on it." He rummages through his pockets, swearing. He lets out an exasperated sigh when he realizes he has nothing to use as a compress and tells you to just apply pressure with your hand for the next five minutes of your walk home.

 

"Never seen you do that with your magic before. It's terrifying."

 

"every fibre of my being was set to kill them just now. it's a miracle i didn't." He pulls out a dog treat and is trembling so much that he has a hard time lighting it.

 

 

\--

 

 

"shower," is the only thing he utters when you get home.

 

You thank your lucky stars Papyrus isn't home so you don't have any explaining to do. You run a hot shower and wash the blood matting your hair, making sure to clean the wound in the process. The blood's clotted so you try your hardest to not let it start bleeding again. Sans is standing right outside the shower with towels. You have an enormous headache. He grabs a bottle of disinfectant, dabs it on the wound and tries to make light of the situation by laughing at how disproportionately small it is for the amount it bled. At least you won't need stitches. You head over to your room and he lets himself in shortly after with some headache medication and a glass of water.

 

"sorry i let that happen." He looks unnerved.

 

"I don't think you could have foreseen that." You sit on the bed.

 

"…sorry i called you my human." He slumps next to you.

 

"It's okay." You murmur.

 

"you forgiving me?"

 

"No, it's okay that you called me that." It was the first time you heard him say it in months and it felt… nice to hear it again. You place your empty glass on the bedside table and when you turn back Sans grabs you and pulls you in for a kiss. Wow, you really missed this feeling.

 

"you'll always be my human, you know that?" He moans as your hands caress his ribs under his shirt.

 

"I know that." You're still completely traumatized by his... shortcomings but you can't say you don't miss every moment of the rest.

 

He shoves you onto the bed much more aggressively than he should given your injury and tears his sweater off as he gets on top of you, growling almost ferociously. He kisses you deeply and passionately. You grip him and let out a moan.

 

"that sound is music, you know." He pins your wrists above your head after tearing your towel off and bites your neck, licking and sucking through the growls. "you're playing my favourite song right now." It's slightly painful but you don't protest. Let him mark you. You're still worried that he might snap and beat you again one day but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn't love him. He cares about you more than anyone on this earth. He treats you with love and affection. He's doing his best to be the best he can for you. You press your forehead to his.

 

"I love you." You declare in a low voice. You finally voiced it. You're still scared and scarred but a weight has been lifted.

 

Something seems to go off in Sans' head at these words. His face darkens to the deepest shade you've ever seen it go and he wraps his arms around you tenderly. His breathing changes.

 

"you have any idea how much i love you, _______?" He groans, cups your cheek, and kisses you warmly.

 

"Mhm."

 

"you know how much i missed this? you know how much i want to own every part of you right now?" Every movement, every touch is rough and greedy. He's nipping and sucking at various parts. "my beautiful human making those noises all for me. i'm the only one that ever wants to be the cause of that."

 

"Uh-huh." You're sounding more helpless by the second.

 

"can't even begin to describe how much i missed your taste." He thrusts your legs apart, busying his tongue immediately. Ugh, it's been so long. You close your eyes and enjoy. He wants to hear music? Let him have music. You moan and pant and scream his name as you come. He scoffs when you try to reciprocate and pins you down. You're not going anywhere until he's satisfied and you're jelly-legged. You come again. And again. It's too much, you're too sensitive. He makes you beg for your turn and when you finally pleasure him he screams like it's your first time all over again. Maybe that's what literal months of sexual deprivation will do to him. Maybe he's just really feeling it.

 

 

You've had sex with Sans innumerable times but tonight is the first time you make love.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolololol gravity


	24. TRIGGER Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHOOOOOOOOOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW? uuuh, maybe just… skip everything starting at the tickles in this chapter if you're prone to anxiety attacks idk

 

Today's the day. Today's the day you get Undyne to start talking to you again. You've made her a big special, "I'm sorry," cake and she's coming over with Alphys for movie night. You also made her a card with a drawing of her looking like an Absolute Badass and bench-pressing her students. (She teaches gym at Toriel's school for monsters.) You've even gotten some tips from Alphys on how to approach apologizing to her, which is insane because Alphys is a (loveable) social train-wreck. All is set.

 

Alphys and Undyne never show up for movie night? What the hell? You baked a freaking cake.

 

"Why didn't Undyne and Alphys come over tonight?" You ask between the movie and puns. Frisk starts giggling uncontrollably. "What?" Papyrus tut-tuts and Toriel seems confused that you're not aware. No one answers your question. Sans comes back into the living room with more snacks. "Sans! Why aren't Undyne and Alphys here?"

 

"beats me, kiddo."

 

"IT'S UNDYNE'S WEEK." Papyrus is the one to finally appease your curiosity.

 

"Her week? Her what week?" You're still confused.

 

"She's on a late winter early spring schedule, I think." Toriel ponders. "Was she on an annual or biannual cycle?"

 

"ANNUAL, I BELIEVE. I THINK SHE AND APLHYS ARE SYNCED UP." Papyrus is using a tone like he's talking about something taboo. Frisk won't stop chortling in the corner.

 

"Kay are we talking periods?" Syncing up? Sounds like menstruation. "We can talk about that openly. No need to be cryptic."

 

"Ah, to be young again." Toriel is misty-eyed.

 

"Are you guys doing it on purpose?" You're legitimately frustrated now.

 

Frisk cackles and covers their mouth, not really hiding their mischievous expression. "Undyne's in heat."

 

"No. Is that a real thing?"

 

"YES IT'S A REAL THING."

 

"Do all monsters go into heat?" You had no idea.

 

"Monsters primarily responsible for reproduction in coupling have annual or biannual heat cycles. So usually females but it depends on the species." Toriel is really concise when explaining things. "Male/male couplings don't have heat cycles. In the case of a female/female, female/other, or other/other coupling, they tend to sync up but, as I explained, it depends on the species."

 

"Mooooooom, can we not have this conversation right now?" Frisk is clearly not interested in The Talk.

 

 

\--

 

 

You join Sans in the kitchen some time after Toriel and Frisk have gone home. You pour yourself a glass of the scotch he has on the table.

 

"cheers." Sans holds up his glass and you meet it with a clink. "careful not to _stirrup_ too much alcohol. don't want you getting too _hammered_ now."

 

"Are ear bones even real bones?"

 

"yup. therefore i can pun with them."

 

"Okay. _Anvil_ you try to stop me if I try?" He gets a kick out of you picking up on the prompt.

 

"use something cheaper than the twelve year-old scotch if you're not even gonna taste it." Sans prods you on the shoulder.

 

You both enjoy your whiskey and puns until Papyrus comes in and comments on the cake you're eating.

 

"THIS CAKE IS SHAPED LIKE A FISH."

 

"I knooooooow!" You let out an exasperated sigh, fling your arms over your head and lean forward onto the table. "I tried so hard." Your tone shifts to one of surrender. Whatever, Undyne. "Screw youuuuuu, Undyne."

 

"YOU'RE OVERREACTING BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK."

 

"Come on Paps, live a little." Come to think of it, you've never seen either of them drunk. "Wait, can skeletons even get drunk?"

 

"YES AND IT'S NOT PLEASANT. YOU WAKE UP WITH A HEADACHE AND FEEL LAZY ALL DAY."

 

"Awww, come on, Papyrus. Drink with us." You implore. "You don't have to get drunk."

 

"I'LL HUMOUR YOU BUT I'M NOT HAVING MORE THAN A GLASS." He makes his way to the cupboard.

 

You lean into Sans and whisper. "Let's get Papyrus shit-faced."

 

"get the rum." Sans hides the good scotch.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're half-hoping your neighbours don't ask why there's a crazy girl running up and down the street waving a tattered Jolly Roger with two skeletons whooping and hollering in her wake. You're half-hoping they do.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

"okok watch this." Sans takes the remnants of the cake and floats them in the kitchen sink. "lookit the fish's swimming. pffft."

 

"IT'S," snort, "--UNDYING.-- IT WON'T DIE. KILL IT WITH FIRE-- NO, WATER." Papyrus runs more water on it.

 

"bro. that pun. i'm so proud of you."

 

"DON'T CRY, SANS."

 

"Death to fishcakes!" You holler. "Fuck this caaaake!" The three of you make up a tribal dance for the cake sacrifice.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Ohmygoooosh Papyrus, lemme touch your eyes."

 

"DON'T STAB MEEEEE. BE GENTLE."

 

"Aaah, why can't I feel the light? Why's the light so much smaller than Sans'? Can't even see it unless I get right up in your face."

 

"NO DON'T TOUCH IT LIKE THAT."

 

"Why does it look like the light's shining from the outside in and not the inside out?"

 

"stop touching him. nnnn." Sans is whining and grabbing at the air from his facedown position on the floor. "i hate both of youuuuu."

 

"Let me touch yours then." You jump on Sans.

 

"noooooo. it feels weird. leave me aloooone. nnn." He pulls the drawstrings of his hoodie and plants his face deeper into the rug. No use fighting him.

 

 

\--

 

 

"why do humans have skeletons inside them? it's so weeeeeeird." Pinch. Pinch.

 

"HUMANS ARE FLESH SKELETONS! HUMANS ARE FLESH SKELETONS!" Pinch. Pinch.

 

"Eep! Papyrus, you can't pinch me there!"

 

"SANS IS PINCHING YOU THERE."

 

"Sans!"

 

 

\--

 

 

"drink it! drink it! drink it!"

 

"DRINK IT! DRINK IT! DRINK IT!"

 

Sans and Papyrus cheer in unison. One mouthful and you spit the ketchup out immediately.

 

"I can't," sob, "do it." You actually start crying.

 

 

\--

 

 

"SANS, WHY WON'T UNDYNE TEACH ME TO FIGHT?" Papyrus is indignant.

 

"who're ya even gonna fight, bro?"

 

"Fight meeeee!" You uselessly push Papyrus' side. "She won't teach you to fight because we drowned her in the sink."

 

"that'll _sink_ your relation _ship_."

 

"I'LL FIGHT YOU, SANS."

 

 

\--

 

 

"No, stop. It _tickles."_ You gasp.

 

"NYEH HEH HEH. YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS."

 

"paps, cut it out."

 

"No-hoooo. Get your hands off me." Cackle. Swat. Swat.

 

"I'LL GET YOU!" Tickle tickle.

 

"papyrus, stop."

 

"Naaaah!" You laugh, flailing.

 

"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE GREAT PAPYRUS' LOVE TICKLES!" He's relentless and all you can do is utter a sound halfway between a sob and a moan through the tickles--

 

" **that's _enough!_** " Sans roars and slams his fist into the wall. His voice echoes, commanding complete silence and stillness.

 

"go to bed, papyrus."

 

 

 

Nope.

 

 

 

Flight instinct. You start wailing, press your body against Papyrus and grip him for dear life.

 

"SANS, YOU MADE HER CRY." He wraps his arms around you.

 

"noooooo. nononononono. shit." Sans tries to console you in a hushed panic. "shhh. don't freak out. don't freak out." He reaches out to you and you flinch, screaming bloody murder.

 

"WHY IS SHE CRYING LIKE THIS?" Papyrus is freaking out.

 

"shit shit shit. i'm sorry." His tone is barely above a whisper. He reaches out to you again and you lurch backward, pulling Papyrus with you.

 

"No! Stay _away_ form me!" You're hysterical. "Don't _touch_ meeeeee." You're bawling. "Noooo-oh-hoh." You start hyperventilating, chest heaving.

 

"okay. okay. no touching." He takes a step back. "no touching." His hands are up, surrendering, shaking. 

 

You're trembling. Papyrus is rubbing your arm and looking back and forth from you to Sans, completely dismayed. You don't stop crying.

 

"COME ON, _______. YOU SHOULD GO TO BED. IT'S REALLY LATE." He ushers you to your bedroom.

 

"Don't leave me here." You manage a whispered sob as he tucks you in. Terror.

 

"YOU WANT ME TO STAY?"

 

"Please, Papy-yrus." You breathe, snivelling and desperately grasping him with all your strength.

 

You don't quite fall asleep so much as eventually pass out from drunken panicked exhaustion, still not quite feeling safe in Papyrus' arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like if you didn't understand how triggers work


	25. Rhe-TORI-cal Musing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a theory or two.

 

 

You wake up and realize that you're sandwiched between two skeletons, both of whom have their arms around you. You sob silently, remembering last night.

 

"shhh. you're okay. you're okay. no one's gonna hurt you." Sans whispers feebly as he massages your scalp. "shhh. calm down." Papyrus is out like a light. Guess your queen-sized bed is big enough for all of you.

 

You continue in your feeble distress.

 

"i'm sorry. shhh. nooo. stop crying." Sans sounds almost sick. He tightens his grip on you, hugging you tightly, pleading. "it hurts me so much."

 

"It hurts _you_ so much?" You whisper through sobs.

 

"yes." He's trying to pacify your crying. "i didn't touch you. i wasn't gonna touch you. you're _okay._ "

 

You're hung over and the crying isn't helping with the dehydration. Your lips feel like they're going to split. You feel pressure on your eyeballs and forehead. You groan when you finish your cry.

 

"i need you to understand something."

 

"What?"

 

He raises his head to make sure Papyrus is still sleeping, then buries it in your shoulder, whispering, "that program i enrolled in? it's not doing a thing. that bullshit's for psycho humans. my brain doesn't work that way. when i bonded with you it completely rewired itself. i get these uncontrollable animalistic urges. i literally lost the ability to control myself when i'd see anything remotely threatening."

 

"Threatening?"

 

"threatening to _interfere_. this primal instinct just… i dunno. it periodically erases any ability to think rationally or even at all sometimes.i got violent and that was _with_ me trying to fight it. gets easier and easier to manage every day though like my body's easing into the bond. i wouldn'ta touched you yesterday. i got this. we were just all kinda hammered."

 

"Is that normal? Do all monsters go through that when they bond?"

 

"dunno. don't know anything about it. i tried researching it but most of the published info's so… clinical, detached, impertinent to me. i don't… really wanna talk about it to anyone."

 

"Would Tori know?"

 

"tori and i are," he pauses for a while before burying his face deeper into your shoulder, "it's kinda awkward right now."

 

"What happened?"

 

"you know that week you came back after leaving? when i started eating again? she, uh, grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into a wall. said if i ever laid another finger on you she'd snap my neck and flush my dust down a toilet to live on like the shit i am. said it'd be her fault for makin' you come back if you got hurt. she felt like real trash for manipulating you. it was a gamble."

 

"But you guys were getting along last night."

 

"well yeah, we're still best buds. that's what friends are for, i guess. i just… don't really wanna talk 'bout relationship stuff right now. d'you notice her scanning you, looking for bruises or marks?"

 

"I didn't even notice."

 

"yeah, she's real subtle. she's got your back. keeping an eye on us."

 

Papyrus stirs.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans and Papyrus are both bedridden so you let them spend the day in yours. Seems Papyrus wasn't bluffing when he mentioned what alcohol does to skeletons when not consumed in moderation. You bring them your laptop so they can watch movies and you provide them with a smooch each, some food and water before heading out to visit Toriel. If Sans won't ask, you will. It's just as much your business as it is his.

 

Toriel serves you some tea and you both sit by the fireplace.

 

"I wanted to ask about, um, monster bonding."

 

"I had a feeling you would come to me." Toriel sips her tea. "Sans has never been much of talker and even if he were, there's no information about skeleton bonding."

 

"Yeah, that's the thing, he told me some stuff. He didn't seem to know much. He didn't feel sexually attracted to anything until he bonded with me… What?" Toriel cupped a hand to her face in shock when you said that.

 

"I never assumed skeletons could be sexually attracted to anything. That's so scandalous!" She's giggling and relishing the juicy secret.

 

"Wait, I thought bonding and sexual attraction were the same thing in monsters!" Shit. Did you just fuck up royally?

 

"Oh not at all." Toriel's expression is now mischievous. "Monsters usually start experiencing sexual desire when they hit puberty, just as in humans. Bonding only occurs after a lot of pheromone exchange." Noooooo. Definitely fucked up.

 

"Sans mentioned the pheromone thing."

 

"There is no record of a monster ever bonding with a human. Humans don't usually smell strong enough."

 

"Hey, you calling me stinky?" You chuckle but. Holy crap. It clicks. "Oh my goodness, I think I know what happened for Sans to bond with me. I was sick and I hadn't showered in days. I also had my period so I was extra hormonal," you offer.

 

"Hmm." Toriel ponders for a moment before saying, "I don't believe that would suffice."

 

"Even if he fell asleep with his face right on me in that state for like nine hours?" Toriel inhales sharply at this. A low concentration for a long time would probably amount to the equivalent of a high concentration over a short time.

 

"Ooooh exposure that prolonged and uninterrupted might trigger it. Even if human pheromones are weaker than monsters'." She's cringing?

 

"So he bonded to me that night. He started acting all possessive after that-- Not wanting me to touch or spend too much time with Papyrus."

 

"That might have been because of the bond and that might have been because he feared the same thing would happen to Papyrus. Maybe both-- I cannot be certain." You have to remind yourself that Toriel is only offering information as ideas and not fact.

 

"What about his crazy jealousy and violence?"

 

"That…" Toriel trains off. "Hm. What's that itchy disease humans want their babies exposed to called again?" You both ponder for about a minute in silence.

 

"Chickenpox…?" You offer.

 

"That!" Toriel is pleased with the metaphor. "It's always more complicated and severe in adults. I cannot be sure but I suspect that the bond triggered the desire to mate. Skeletons don't bond and don't copulate. I'm wondering that the late onslaught of emotions and desires might have overloaded him. Monsters are supposed to ease into feelings like that over literal years and almost never pair bond immediately after puberty. It's too much too soon."

 

"So the overload turned him into a jealous prick?"

 

"Oh, probably just the prick part. Bonding will instigate possessiveness but only to a certain extent. It usually just makes monsters overprotective."

 

"So Sans is jealous because Sans is the jealous type but he only loses it because of the overload?"

 

"That's my theory." Toriel nods decisively.

 

"So either way I've got a jealous, erm, _partner_ on my hands. I just need to wait for him to ease into the bond so I can stop fearing him?"

 

"Let me know if he ever lays a finger on you." Her look is stern and commanding. You withhold your knowledge of her threats to Sans. "Also." She leans in and whispers something in your ear.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Hey jelly skelly." You whisper into Sans' ear-hole from behind as you climb into bed, spooning him. Papyrus must have moved to his own at some point during the day.

 

"hnng?" Sans is clearly not over his weird monster hangover.

 

"I went to Tori's today. Asked her if she knew anything about bonding and stuff. I wanted to know if she could help me understand what was going on a bit more."

 

"huh? what'd she say?"

 

"She said that if I have any uncertainties about what you're feeling," you have no idea what she meant by instructing you to say this exact phrase but you follow through, "that I should _confront_ you about it." Probably some monster slang.

 

"…"

 

Sans roll over to face you. His pupils have vanished. His face is as blue as when you told him you loved him and there are huge sweat beads rapidly forming on his skull. He's holding his breath, tense.

 

"i-i don't think i'm ready to t-take our relationship to th-that level yet," he stammers.

 

 

 

 


	26. In-TIME-mate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months' worth of intimacy.

 

 

Sans has been jumpy all week. He doesn't want to talk about what that question meant. He's frustrated with Toriel for telling you to ask him that to the point of not even joining everyone for movie night. Well, at least you made another cake this week and Undyne seems to be more willing to speak to you. Guess time heals most wounds. Alphys pulls you aside later and privately discloses that Undyne cried the most when you left and was too proud to face anyone. Aw, Undyne.

 

 

\--

 

 

Chew chew chew.

 

"Sans, I was trying to sleep. Go away."

 

"nooooo," he moans as he grinds his sternum on you. Lick lick. Grope grope.

 

"Sans, it's the middle of the night, I have work in the morning, and my neck is raw."

 

"nnnnn. lemme finish." He pants, grinding.

 

"What's a monster confrontation?"

 

The bedroom door slams shut behind him.

Power.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Papyrus, what's a monster confrontation?"

 

"WELL…" Papyrus starts looking really uncomfortable. "IT, ERM." Fidget fidget.

 

"You too?"

 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU TOO?" He's sweating almost as much as Sans does on a regular basis.

 

"I asked Sans and he got all nervous. I asked you and you got all uncomfortable. I asked Tori and she got all giggly. What gives?"

 

"MONSTER CONFRONTATIONS ARE… WELL--"

 

"don't ask papyrus about that kind of stuff." Sans appears in the doorway of Papyrus' room looking like he just caught you molesting him.

 

 

\--

 

 

"i'll tell you what a confrontation is," you and Sans sit cross-legged in the centre of your mattress, "but you have to promise to never bother papyrus with that kind of question." He gives you a stern look.

 

"Finally."

 

"and, uh," he avoids eye contact and fidgets as he says this, "i'm uh, not going to have one. just doing some explaining's all."

 

"So what is it?"

 

"it's the most intimate thing you can do. it's when you delve into someone else's soul."

 

"What?! Like some kind of soul melding?" You didn't really know what you were expecting.

 

"well, not quite. it's more like divulgence of your inner thoughts, your past, your present. memories. feelings and shit. no secrets typa deal."

 

"Have you ever had one?"

 

"nope."

 

"Didn't think so. You're a private kind of guy, aren't you?"

 

He leans over and lazily pushes you down, eyes half-lidded.

 

"very."

 

He sighs as he runs his tongue over yours, shutting you up. You arch your back as he runs a hand up your thigh. No more questions for tonight.

 

 

\--

 

 

Wobble wobble.

 

"OH NO, _______, ARE YOU OKAY?" Ambushed in the kitchen. Noooo.

 

"Just fine, Paps."

 

"ARE YOU SURE? YOU'RE WALKING STRANGELY AND YOU'RE COVERED IN SWEAT. ARE YOU SICK?" Nope.

 

"I'm fine. Just a bit… dizzy." You reassure him with a thumbs-up. "Just getting some water and going back to bed."

 

"LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, OKAY?"

 

"Gotcha." You give him a smile as sweet as his.

 

"problem?" Sans pokes his head into the kitchen.

 

"SANS YOU LAZYBONES, WIPE THE KETCHUP OFF YOUR CHEEK."

 

 

\--

 

 

"Would you ever confront me?" You're lying with your hands behind your head. You haven't mentioned the topic in a couple of weeks.

 

"mmmmm." Sans' ear is on your stomach. You haven't spent time together all week because he said he had a job to do and was out of the house for four days. "dunno. maybe." He giggles. "heheh. it made another noise!" He's grinning from eat to ear. You're glad to see him looking less exhausted than when he got back.

 

"I wonder what it feels like."

 

"heard it depends on your partner's mental and spiritual state." Another giggle. "oh man, it did it again. digestion noises are so weird." He chuckles and gropes your stomach in bits.

 

"Gah! That tickles." You shoo his hand. "I'm not sure if I'd want you to know everything about me. That seems a little daunting."

 

"oh, got something to hide?" He raises a brow, suddenly very interested.

 

"I guess it's just not a normal thing humans would do. I wonder if humans are even able to do it. I don't know anything about my soul."

 

"ah, it did it again." Sans is endlessly fascinated by your stomach gurgles. "heh. i suppose you wouldn't need magic if i did all the work."

 

"You doing all the work sounds highly improbable."

 

"do you need a reality check?"

 

"OH MY GOSH CAN YOU NOT TEAR MY UNDERWEAR?"

 

"i'll buy you new ones."

 

 

\--

 

 

"Why do monsters love feet so much?"

 

"s'not really a feet thing so much as it's a sock thing." He's rubbing your feet through your socks.

 

"Okay, why do monsters love socks so much?"

 

"why do humans love bras so much? they're literally just armour for baby human feeders."

 

"Ooooh my gosh can you not put it that way?!" That's so ridiculous. Monsters are so ridiculous. "Why socks then? They're just foot sacks."

 

"better for orgasms. look it up."

 

"Why are monsters so secretive about confrontations but not mating?"

 

"mating's not that intimate, relatively speaking."

 

"You wouldn't want me to mate with someone else." He clenches your ankles and aggressively draws you to him at this.

 

"don't you _ever_." He hitches up your skirt, growling, "i'll cut you. you're _mine._ "

 

"Sans! Stop it."

 

"gonna," snicker, "teach you some respect." He sinks his teeth into your inner thigh, squeezing your ankle just hard enough to not leave a bruise.

 

"Ouch! Cut it out! Nn-ah!" He thrusts his fingers inside you despite your protests and gives you a soft kiss where he just bit you. You feel yourself tightening around him and let out a long groan. Fine.

 

"what was that? you _love_  me?"

 

"Sans." You can't help but chuckle.

 

"awe, i love you too."

 

 

\--

 

 

"Hey Sans?"

 

"hmm?" He doesn't even look up from his book on his spot on the couch.

 

"I've been thinking about it for the past few weeks and… if you ever wanted to uh, look into my soul or whatever? I don't think I'd mind it."

 

"mmm." He still doesn't look up but you notice the blue tinge appearing on his face.

 

"I guess I'd also be curious about how monsters think and and stuff."

 

"not happening, kid." His grip on his textbook is so strong you'd think it would cave under the pressure.

 

"Are you… nervous?"

 

"n-no?" Definitely nervous.

 

"Suit yourself then." You get up to go to bed.

 

"hey, uh," He grabs your wrist as you walk by. You look down and see that he's flushed. "if you want I can try to do a partial one. if it'll get you to stop asking about it."

 

"I don't want that. If it's that intimate then you should do it because you want to, not because it'll get me to stop asking about it."

 

"…" He doesn't relinquish your wrist. "i want to. i'm just scared you'll see some stuff i really don't want you to see. i've been reading about partial confrontations but i've never done that kind of stuff so i'm not sure if i'd be able to keep anything hidden."

 

"Then don't do it." He tightens his grip on your wrist.

 

"been wanting to since i bonded to you." Why does he look so sad?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Socks really are better for orgasms. Look it up.  
> When you think about it, Toriel doesn't normally wear socks but has a sock drawer. Scandalous.


	27. SOULed Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sans makes your heart throb.

 

 

 

"kay, you have to understand something before i do this. a monster's soul is literally the essence of their being. if you dick around i can actually die so don't do anything unless i tell you to." You've both been waiting for a night Papyrus would be cooking with Undyne to try this but that didn't stop Sans from locking your bedroom door.

 

"O-okay." That's terrifying.

 

"alright. uh. heh. i've never made a human soul come out." He pauses, groaning. "okay, uh, just… imagine projecting yourself outside of your body?"

 

You focus all your might on not being inside yourself. View the world from the outside. Okay. Got it.

 

 

…

 

 

You feel really stupid.

 

"are you… doing it?"

 

"Yes?" You open your eyes. "No? I don't know?"

 

"hmmmokay. didn't really think think that'd work." He exhales deeply. "try… wanting to be inside me? not the usual kind of inside me." He winks and you chuckle.

 

You sit and concentrate on Sans, on yourself, on wanting to be with him, in him, part of him. You feel a warmth in your chest.

 

 

…?

 

 

 

"Okay, this isn't working." Your tone is flat.

 

"ugh, i don't know. can't i just…?" He places a hand on your chest and makes a grasping motion as he lifts it off. Your chest jerks forward following an inch behind his hand as if being pulled from the inside out by an invisible force.

 

You gasp.

 

It feels like being submerged in a pool of ice water. Your entire body seizes up. You can't breathe. You can't think. You feel hollow, empty, dead inside. There's pain. Fear. Isolation. Your vision goes white.

 

"shit. shit. _shit!_ " You regain consciousness. Sans is shaking you, the pressure of his hands on your shoulders is too tight. "are you okay?" His eyes are wide.

 

"Hnng, yeah, I think s--" You turn and projectile vomit, crying from the acid burning your throat and the pain in your forehead and chest. 

 

 

\--

 

 

"feelin' better?" Sans gently scrubs your back. The water's a pleasantly warm temperature. You lean backward, feeling the gentle pressure of his ribs on your back. He starts working your shoulders.

 

"Mhm. My throat still burns a bit but the bath's definitely comforting." Come to think of it, this might be the first time you've ever actually taken a bath together. It's very different from the bath you took with Papyrus.

 

"good." Sans wraps his arms around you and plants a kiss on the back of your neck before leaning his forehead there. "i wonder why that happened."

 

"Maybe humans can't be confronted the way monsters can."

 

"doubt it. the process is very straightforward." You rub a femur under the water. He lifts his head. "maybe i did a sloppy job. i got nervous not wanting to share everything."

 

"Maybe." You lean forward clutching your chest. Your heart's been giving the occasional lurch since the attempt. Sans leans around you.

 

"does it hurt? did i hurt you?" He sounds contrite.

 

"No," you lie, "but you're squeezing me too hard." You gently splash some water his way.

 

 

\--

 

 

"wake up! wake up!" Sans sound frantic. "s'just a dream."

 

"Wha-?" You're gasping.

 

"you were screaming and thrashing in your sleep again."

 

"Again?"

 

"this is the third night in a row." He furrows his brow.

 

"I don't even remember what I was dreaming." You groan.

 

You lie back down and start to drift off, feeling the pain in your chest resurface. It's been getting less sharp and feeling more like a prolonged weight similar to the pain felt during mourning. You fall asleep to Sans massaging your scalp. You wish he'd get the hell out of your bed. Wait, no you don't. What the fuck?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that could have gone better.


	28. De-PRESSED Against Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> get out of bed, kiddo.

 

 

Knock at the door. Don't care.

 

"_________, I BROUGHT YOU SOME SPAGHETTI." Papyrus is so sweet. If only you weren't sick of eating pasta three to five times a fucking week.

 

"I'm good, Paps." You just want to sleep. You're so tired. You've been so tired for three weeks.

 

"ARE YOU SURE? YOU HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING ALL DAY."

 

"I'm sure. Thanks."

 

"I'LL LEAVE YOUR PLATE IN THE FRIDGE THEN."

 

You haven't showered all week. You've been so exhausted. All you want to do is sleep all the time. Your chest has this lumpy weight in it. Let's not even talk about the mood swings. Papyrus is convinced you've been PMSing since he got some human anatomy books from the library in a desperate attempt to figure out what's "wrong" with you. He came in with a bunch of chips and chocolate thinking they'd appease your crankiness. You've been so lethargic and apathetic. You've contemplated calling in sick at work every single morning. Living in your room's not so bad minus the fact that it looks like a war zone because you've been too exhausted to clean it. Everyone seems to be conspiring to keep you from sleeping. They all want you to do things like "socialize" and "go outside" or even, how absurd, "exercise." Little do they know, hauling your ass out of bed every morning is an achievement in and of itself.

 

 

\--

 

 

"hey."

 

"What?" You wake up feeling groggy and nasty.

 

"i uh, baked you a pie." Sans is holding a plate with a slice of meaty-looking pie.

 

" _You_ baked something? You went into the kitchen and made food? Like actual cooking?"

 

"yeah, it's tori's recipe. i've had it for years."

 

"I have the hardest time believing you actually cooked something. I've lived here for over a year and have never once seen you do anything more than pour a bowl of cereal."

 

"well you better eat it then. as much as i appreciate this looking less like an interspecies relationship by the day, i'm pretty sure it's not healthy for humans to lose weight that quickly. really need you to com- _pie_ here."

 

"Ugh, fine." You sit up and grab the plate despite your lack of appetite. It's rich and creamy. _Very_ rich. Springy, spongy, chewy in the good kind of way. Tastes like garlic and butter. Must be some kind of seafood because Sans and Papyrus don't buy meat or any kind of fish with bones. It creeps them out to eat anything with a skeleton inside it. "It's good. What is it?"

 

"escargot." His smile widens to that shit-eating grin.

 

"Dude, did you just feed me snails?" Your mouth is full as you say this.

 

"you said it was good." He winks. "we didn't really have much for meat when we lived underground. monsters turn to dust when they die so we had to get creative. i sold hot dogs made from water sausages, we made steaks out of ground beans that you could shape to your heart's content, heck we even made burgers out of snails. frisk loves the stuff."

 

"I will not get over the fact that you just fed me snails. Also, I thought you worked security, not a hot dog stand." You keep eating. It's delicious.

 

"it's a delicacy. i'll have you know: humans charge an arm and a leg for that stuff."

 

"Thanks."

 

"you wanna go for a walk or something? you've been cooped up in here for weeks. makes me wonder if there's something on your mind."

 

"Nah. Just tired. And sad. I don't know, it's like I have no energy or willpower to do anything. I have this weird pain in my che--" You stop yourself a little too late, Sans' expression looks like a cross between anger and frustration.

 

"you lied to me."

 

"No I didn't."

 

"you're lying right now." His tone isn't threatening; he sounds… disappointed?

 

"it was me, wasn't it?" He takes your empty plate from you. "it was the botched confrontation. it did something to you."

 

"Sans, why would it have done anything to me?"

 

"you're super depressed."

 

"No I'm not. I'm tired." You lie back down.

 

"depression." He pokes you.

 

"Nope."

 

"wanna touch my eye sockets?"

 

"Not in the mood."

 

"depression!" He yanks the blanket off. "sit up."

 

You let out a long, loud, exasperated groan. Dramatic.

 

"Why?" You sit up.

 

"i'm gonna try confronting you again."

 

"Noooo, can you wait until not immediately after I've eaten? It did _not_ go well last time."

 

"i figured it out. took me weeks but i think i know what happened."

 

"What?" You feel cold for the lack of blanket. Your circulation's been garbage lately.

 

"i wanted to pull out our happy feelings. only the happy ones. seems like i did that to you but… lost them? i don't know. i pulled your happy feelings out and… stole your happiness?"

 

"I doubt it. I'm just tired."

 

"nu-uh kiddo. you yelled at papyrus for making you supper the other day. you smacked me and almost broke your hand because i made you take a shower. come on, the mood swings? the exhaustion? your soul doesn't feel warm any more. don't think i can't feel it." Truth be told, the only time you were enthusiastic about showering these past few weeks was when you realized Papyrus had fallen asleep in your bed during a movie. NOPE, that's all you need.

 

"Wait, you can… feel my soul?"

 

"yeah and it needs some love, i can tell you that."

 

"So what are you going to do that'll make this any different from last time?"

 

"i'm not gonna try to extract your soul."

 

"Oh… Kay…? How're we gonna do the soul thing?"

 

"i didn't wanna do this but i'm just gonna try for a full confrontation. no more risky business. no more mood swings from you. no more barely living. i'll try as much as i can to focus on the good things-- maybe that'll rub off on you."

 

"Yes but How?" He's locking the door as you ask.

 

"on your knees." It's an order.

 

You raise yourself up. He mirrors you, holding your elbows.

 

"i'm just going to try to project my soul onto yours." His voice is low but comforting. He sounds… sad? Resigned? "we'll both get equal contact of each other's feelings and memories but it'll be in your body. just, uh, try not to pull yourself out. that's really important."

 

"What'll happen if I do?"

 

"i'll die and you'll absorb my soul, no big." He takes a deep breath and squeezes you into a hug.

 

"Sans?!"

 

W h i t e n e s s.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What colour is your soul? The colours are representative of certain dominant traits.
> 
> Red: Determination  
> Orange: Bravery  
> Yellow: Justice  
> Green: Kindness  
> Blue: Integrity  
> Cyan: Patience  
> Purple: Perseverance


	29. Con-FONT-ation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's warm.

 

 

Sans' soul is white. All monster souls are white. Only human souls have colour. You don't see the colour of your souls so much as you picture them in your mind's eye the way someone with synesthesia would vaguely associate colours. You don't literally see a colour when someone says its name-- you just know what the colour is.

 

A million thoughts and feelings course through your mind's eye but some leave a larger impression than others.

 

The first feeling you feel is love. Undying and eternal affection. Devotion. Agape. Lust. Warmth: Sans' feelings for you. They engulf you like a heated blanket on a frigid winter night.

 

Desire.

Pleasure.

_Protect her.Keep her._

 

Papyrus: Love. Protection. Devotion. The feelings associated with him feel different from yours. The feelings Sans has for you would be a brilliant red. The ones for Papyrus are burgundy. They stand above all other feelings.

 

A memory: a stage. laughs. the audience loves it. hope for freedom.

 

Memory: trial

 

Memory: loss

 

Memory: trial

 

Memory: loss

 

Memory: trial

 

Memory: loss

 

**Infinity.**

 

 **_despair_ ** _._

 

_why even bother trying if you're going to lose it all again?_

 

**_nihilism._ **

 

Frisk: fear

 

Frisk: murder

 

Frisk: respect

 

erasure -- _despair_

 

Tori: respect. deep platonic love.

 

Freedom. Discrimination. Endurance. Value regardless.

 

Bond. Warmth. Confusion. Distress. Shame. Love. Desire.

 

[so hot. can't think. sex. sex. sex. mate. fuck. shit. lust. sex. fuck. hot. sex. need. fucking. fuck. mate. sex.]

 

A memory:

You're in Papyrus' arms. _fear._ "you can't have that. i won't share that." _destroy him._ "i can't, he's my brother." _take her._ "i can't, she's a human." _end this._ suppress.

 

keep her.

 

A memory:

"it's too bad she doesn't have anywhere to go, huh? shame the extra room's cluttered with office stuff."

"SANS, I'M A GENIUS. I'LL CLEAN OUT THE OFFICE AND SHE CAN LIVE WITH US."

"wow, you're so smart, bro."

"WHAT WOULD EITHER OF YOU DO WITHOUT THE GREAT PAPYRUS?"

 

A memory:

 _she's drunk. take her._ "what the fuck, no?" _you want her. she's touching you._ "she won't even remember touching me in the morning." _exactly._ "no, fuck off." aaaand she's puking.

 

A feeling: _a kiss. a lipstick stain._ skepticism. doubt. "why would a human kiss me?" lust. need. love. desire.

 

A feeling: i need her mouth. touch her mouth. touch her face. her tongue. i want it on me. in me, fuck. need. touch. feel. touch myself. touch her. tactile. flesh. squishy. soft.

 

**_shame_ **

 

confusion. resentment. _lust. lust. lust. lust._

 

 _take her._ "does she want me?" _take her_. "is she disgusted?" _take her_. "oh god she's touching me." _kiss her._ "oh god she's touching me _there._ " _touch her. mark her. "c_ an i satisfy a human? _" take her._ "fuck."

 

bliss. love. lust. hnnng. perfection.

 

amalgam:

Scent. not your scent. _not your scent. kill._

 

_survival instinct._

 

_kill._

 

 **_kill_ ** _._

 

_punish. claim. remind. own. "mine."_

 

_destroy._

 

"don't touch him. don't lick him. what are you doing? no. stop it. _stop it!"_ _panic._

 

_kill him._

 

_assert._

_dominate._

_claim._

 

punish.

 

[so hot. can't think. sex. mate. fuck. lust. sex. i'd kill her. fuck. hot. sex. need. fucking. fuck. i'd be too rough. mate. sex.]

 

she's touching him. she's _touching_ him. why are they both naked? _why?_ no stop get out.

 

**-SURVIVAL INSTINCT-**

 

 ** _kill him._** _"_ no."

  **_end him._ ** "no."

 ** _kill papyrus!_** _"_ no."

 

           get him out of the house.

_get him out of the house before i kill him!_

panic.

 

_punish her._

 

_assert._

_assert._

_assert dominance._

_remind._

_claim._

_own._

 

"no that's too far, cut it out."

 

**_punish her._ **

 

"that's enough."

 

 _more. "_ no."

 

 _mark her. "_ she's mine." she's _mine. take her._

 

**_survival instinct._ **

 

 

 

 

**_loss._ **

 

 

 

 

despair. anguish. depression. anguish.

 

"it's my fault."

 

misery.

 

"i deserve this."

 

hunger. fragility. weakness.

 

_"i deserve to die."_

 

 

toriel. pain. fear. threat. death.

survival instinct

 

A memory:

the first time seeing a sunset. freedom. fresh air. wind.

 

Time is a parallel.

 

 **red** **red red red red red red red red**

murder

tear. kill. destroy.

_survival instinct._

**kill them.**

educate.

_kill._

enlighten.

 

papyrus. stop touching her.

     survival instinct.

        destroy. no

          no, stop.

            stop.

          it's okay.

 

A memory:

Frisk meeting my human. A joke.

"heh don't _kid_ me like that."

 

Slightly less impressive memories.

Memories that stand out far less.

Banal memories. 

 

**blackness**

 

 

\--

 

 

You come to. You're dizzy, nauseated, shaking, and overwhelmed. Your arms found their way around Sans during the confrontation. You both grip each other tightly and slump into one another, ugly-crying, sobbing loudly, overwrought with unfamiliar knowledge and emotions. There are no words. You tremble in each other's arms until you've cried yourselves to sleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We feel like the nihilism part is really important. A lot of people interpret Sans' character as being depressed. Depression and nihilism are similar but very different. Doing shit over and over again would most likely detach someone from the idea of a permanent reality or cause them to have an existential crisis, contemplating the meaning of life altogether, which is not the same as actual depression.


	30. LESS-on is More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a teacher can get carried away.

 

You wake up tangled with Sans. Your foot's between his tibia and fibula, your arm's caught up his chest at a weird angle, his phalanges are tangled in your hair. You're sore because he's hard and pokey. How have you gotten used to staying asleep like this? You wiggle free and gently untangle his fingers from your hair. He grabs your wrist as you try to leave the bed.

 

"nooo, stay." He's murmuring into the pillow. "warm and squishy."

 

"Gotta pee," monsters don't understand the discomfort and don't take it seriously, "and I really need a shower."

 

"come back when you're done." Sans snuggles deeper into his pillow.

 

"Fine." You slip out but are ambushed by Papyrus.

 

"GOOD MORNING, ________-- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM?" Aw, crap. Sans' ribs left an imprint again.

 

"Oh, morning Paps. I just fell asleep on, uuuuuh…" you groan, too tired to lie, "something that left an imprint. Doesn't hurt or anything. It'll be gone in a few minutes," you reassure him.

 

"ALRIGHTY. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR BREAKFAST?" He's grabbed your arm to inspect it.

 

"Surprise me." You grin and slip into the bathroom, actually desperate to pee.

 

You dry your hair after your shower and crawl back into bed. Sans hasn't lifted his face from the pillow but utters groan of approval when you crawl back in, entwining his fingers with yours. Breakfast can wait. Zzzzz.

 

 

\--

 

 

You spend most of the day cleaning your room. How did it even get so bad? Papyrus decided to help, throwing the occasional item on Sans as he sleeps. It's a good thing Paps occasionally crashes in your bed so he doesn't even question Sans being there. Awesome? Sans groans as a shirt lands on his face.

 

"SANS, YOU LAZYBONES, IF YOU CAN SLEEP THERE YOU CAN HELP US."

 

"naaaaw, i'm exhausted." He moves your shirt from his face to the space next to him. You wonder how much energy magic use requires… and if the kind of magic from last night might be especially draining.

 

You feel the occasional pang in your chest but the constant dull pain is noticeably absent. Maybe it worked. You feel like your depression's lifted enough for you to want to exist again.

 

At least Sans gets up for dinner. You all sit at the table enjoying some quiche. Sans won't stop rubbing between your legs when Papyrus isn't looking, arousing you. Paps gathers the plates and Sans starts full-on fingering you the second he's busy.

 

"Nn-ah! Cut it out," you hiss and squirm. There's no denying that you're really enjoying it but Papyrus is right freaking there and very much awake. Sans' occasional grazing during the meal definitely got you in the mood. Really in the mood. You've been wanting sex since this morning to be perfectly honest. Maybe it was the confrontation.

 

Papyrus re-appears at the table and Sans withdraws his hand.

 

"I'M GOING TO TEND TO THE GARDEN. I'M READY TO FORGIVE YOU AND START SHARING CUSTODY OF THE TOMATOES AGAIN IF YOU'RE WILLING TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING NEGLECTFUL FOR THREE WEEKS."

 

"sorry for being a bad tomato mom."

 

"YOU'LL HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO THE TOMATOES."

 

"I'll give them some TLC tomorrow." You assure him. "I'll let you have a last evening alone with them as the far greater gardener."

 

"TRUE, I AM VERY GREAT-- I'VE BECOME AN AMAZING TOMATO PARENT." You give him a thumbs-up as he goes out to the garden, leaving you and Sans at the table.

 

You slowly wrap your arms around him.

 

"heya." He lids his eyes halfway.

 

You languidly run a finger along his shirt collar before suddenly grasping a fistful of fabric and yanking him forward in a kiss. You invade, wrapping your tongue around his slowly and greedily, feeling your lips swell with desire. He wraps his arms around your waist. All you want is for him to fuck you right now. You raise a hand up under his shirt and start running your fingers along his ribs, causing him to break away.

 

"whoa kid, you know this is probably a bad place to _jump my bones_ right now. papyrus'll be back inside any minute." He actually looks concerned? Hypocrite. You pull him back and shut his mouth up with yours.

 

You moan the longest, loudest moan you can with your tongue in a skeleton's mouth. His tongue is so warm. So wet. So much better than any human appendage. It's all you'll ever need. It makes you come harder than any fucking dick ever has. He knows exactly how to work you with it. He knows what you want, what you need.

 

Right now you need him.

 

You grind your chest against his as you work and he starts to moan as you move your hand beneath his sternum. He starts growling.

 

"bed." It's an order.

 

You practically run, not relinquishing his collar, slamming your door. You thrust him onto the bed and clamber over him, frantic. Wanton. You're quivering. You're soaked. Why is he looking at you with that smug expression?

 

"a tad needy aren't we?" He moves an arm behind his head to prop it up.

 

You grab his waistband as you run your tongue along his clavicle, nibbling and sucking as you go. Your other hand moves to his wrist and you guide him to your pants. He responds by gently grazing your clit and… stopping.

 

"Nnn." You grind against him, demanding.

 

"d'you want something?"

 

"Come on, Sans."

 

"what was it that you wanted?"

 

"This." You buck your hips into his hand. You're grinding on him, pleading.

 

"i'm gonna need you to say it."

 

"Youuuu." Whine.

 

"you'll need to be more specific." He's winking.

 

"Oh my gosh will you just fuck me?" Your tone is exasperated.

 

"that wasn't very nice." He pulls his hand out of your pants, making sure to tease you by plunging a single finger into your wetness right before it's gone. "shoulda asked more politely." He puts his finger in his mouth to suck your fluids off, removing it in a way that you're sure would have made a "pop" if he had human lips.

 

"Ugh, fine. I don't need you then." You dismount and move your own damn hand to your pants, making sure to be as vocal as possible as you start pleasuring yourself in front of him. He scoffs.

 

"nu-uh. doesn't work that way." He's on you in the blink of an eye, pulling your hands above your head and holding them there. "you're so _eager_ , _______," he drawls. He uses his free hand to raise your shirt and bra, resting them above your breasts without removing them. "heh, i guess it's hotter this way." He grins. "you gonna apologize for being rude?"

 

He pinches your nipple. A little too hard. You recoil and whine, squirming as he tugs.

 

"I'm sorry." You groan.

 

"hm?" He moves to your free nipple and starts running his tongue over it. Lick. Lick. Circle. Lick. Nibble. Lick. CHOMP.

 

You squeal at the pain and squirm but you're not going anywhere. For a thirty-something pound skeleton, Sans sure has the ability to hold you right down.

 

"I-I'm sorry for being rude." You whimper as he chews.

 

He removes his face from your chest.

 

"now tell me what you want."

 

"I want you to make me come," you add a, "… _please_?" Him fucking _with_ you instead of actually fucking you has done nothing to make you less horny.

 

He raises himself and gives you a gentle kiss on the neck.

 

"much better," he coos.

 

You hear Papyrus come back inside and call out to you but choose to ignore him. He decides that you must have left and busies himself cleaning.

 

When did Sans' hand get back in your pants? You try to loosen a hand from where he's pinning you above your head but to no avail. His grin widens and he laughs… excitedly? He usually just chuckles. His expression is impish as he oh-so-slowly works you up. You start writhing and trying really hard to stay quiet as he brings you closer and closer, gauging your reactions to him and… removing his hand as your movements start getting erratic? No? Why?

 

"Whyyyy?" Your whine is pleading.

 

"i don't know if you really deserve this after being so rude." He's smiling maliciously, excited, with relish.

 

"Noooo, please, come on?" You squeeze your legs together and try prying your hands out of his grip again.

 

"i think i changed my mind." He pinches your nipple again. His phalanges are soaked from being inside you and the cold wetness is uncomfortable. "yup, i'm done. can you clean me off?" He shoves his fingers into your mouth before you can respond. You can taste yourself on him.

 

You decide it's best to comply but can't help but whine a small sob of desperation as you clean your own slick off his fingers. He takes a moment to stare.

 

 

He takes a _long_ moment to stare.

 

 

You've been done cleaning him off for a while but he hasn't removed his hand from your mouth. He exhales deeply and makes eye contact.

 

"you're so cute, you know that?" He withdraws his fingers and squeezes your hip. "you're so soft." He lets out a low growl. "it's really amazing that i can do what i want with this, you know?" His tone gets excited again. "that i can give and take? that you want me-- that you _need_ me right now?" He moves his hand back between your legs and rubs you from the outside of your pants. You squirm under his touch, pining for more.

 

"Please?" You turn your head to the side and arch your back.

 

"maybe if you redeem yourself." He chuckles, releasing your hands to remove his shirt.

 

You grip his lumbar with one hand and start stroking his ribs with the other. You get it.

 

"if you're real nice i'll let you use the lube." He purrs into your ear before kissing you, playfully biting your bottom lip before pulling away. He's seen the blisters extended straight skin-on-bone friction can cause.

 

" 'preciate it." You run your tongue over his neck for a while as you play with his ribs and move one hand around in his pelvis. He eventually reaches for the drawer in your bedside table. That'll make everything a lot easier.

 

"any requests?" He rifles through your drawer. He calls it your toy box; not that you have a large selection.

 

"Meh." Frankly you'd be happy with just Sans' tongue right now. He grabs the lube and the stronger vibrator.

 

Sans's rule: never let anything beat him to making you come. If there are toys involved, he's the one using them on you and he's making you come at least once manually before starting with them. Maybe it's a pride thing, maybe it's a jealousy thing, maybe it's a Sans thing. Heck, you're not complaining. Pulling out the toys just means you know you'll be coming more than once. He hands you the lube and you prep your hands. You can work without it but you both of prefer it. He removes your pants in the meantime. Fucking finally. You sit up and he straddles you, giving you a peck, and starting with his fingers. You work his ribs gently, stroking inward and he exhales softly, pressing his forehead to yours. It doesn't take either of you very long to be on the cusp of orgasm. You have to press a hand to Sans' mouth, reminding him to be quiet. He's having a hard time. He gasps loud enough for Papyrus to stop what he's doing and call out, double checking that you guys aren't home. You both try to suppress your laughter as you silence yourselves, waiting for Paps to dismiss the noise. It doesn't take long before you're both coming once, then twice. Your tongue is his favourite. He groans when you remove it after he comes again. You take a moment to bask in each other's afterglow before he grabs the vibrator for a third round.

 

"lay down." He's panting. Why does he even bother voicing it if he's shoving you? He positions himself between your knees and rubs the vibrator over your folds a few times before inserting it. You tighten around it and he thrusts it in and out several times before even turning it on. It's s a bit much when he does considering your increased sensitivity. You groan.

 

"mmm?"

 

"May-aybe it'd be nice to just use it off?" You're the one needing your mouth covered now. That vibrator's usually for when Sans is away working for a week at a time; he normally just uses a simple dildo. He clamps your face rather tightly.

 

"don't think so." He punctuates this with a rather rough thrust. You squeak and tighten the bend in your knees. "not sure if you're gonna be impolite again next time." He presses onto your face a little more forcefully at this. "gotta drive a lesson home."

 

You whine a "huh?" under his hand. You're jerking and trembling. You feel yourself coming again.

 

"there's no need to be so demanding when you know you'll get what you want anyway." He doesn't slow down despite your body arching and tensing in another orgasm. It's too much-- Your muscles hurt.

 

You reach for his hand, begging for him to stop. You're overstimulated and it's uncomfortable. He moves his hand from your mouth to grab your wrist.

 

"nope." He laughs the excited laugh again. He's evil. He's the worst.

 

"That's enough." You sob, writhing.

 

He clamps your mouth shut with your own hand and looms, grinning, relentless.

 

Not only does he not stop but he tugs at your nipple with his teeth again, disregarding your spasms as you climax once more. You push the side of his face with your free hand, your entire body covered in goosebumps and sweat. He only stops to speak again.

 

"you shouldn't take matters into your own hands like that either." He's completely unmerciful, hitting your G-spot with the vibrator over and over, forcing your own hand into your teeth. You can't tell if you're in heaven or hell as you edge again, whimpering.

 

"tsk. tsk. so uncivilized." You gasp into your hand as you come. You're not getting enough oxygen through your nose alone. Your chest is heaving. Sans leans his forearm over your heart to feel the palpitations. His laugh resumes.

 

"you're so lucky i let you get away with all that. i'm not even sure you're really taking this as a punishment. look at you, you're loving this." Tears are starting to well in your eyes because of your sore muscles. Now you really can't breathe, you're sputtering through your own drool. You desperately claw at him with your free hand, grabbing his ribs for dear life, coming again. It's too much. It's too much. It's too much.

 

"Boo--!" Muffled incoherent gasping from under the hand he's pressing to your face.

 

"hmm?" He removes his hand from yours and you pull it from your mouth, choking.

 

"Blue!" You gasp, trying to sit up.

 

Click.

 

Sans removes the vibrator.

 

"aw, you're no fun." He looks legitimately disappointed. His expression shifts to concern as you continue choking. "hey, uh, you okay?"

 

"I'm going," _gasp_ , "to kill you." You sputter, choking on your own saliva. Too many orgasms. Not enough air. You're dead. RIP.

 

"shit, sorry." He slides up next to you and starts stroking the nape of your neck. He gently kisses your jaw by your ear.

 

You flop onto your pillow, chest heaving.

 

"You are _so_ lucky I love you," you puff, contemplating murder.

 

He lies down beside you caressing your neck, relishing your pulse. He wraps an arm around you.

 

"i am." He snuggles up as your high dwindles. "i really am. you have no idea." He pulls your shirt and bra back down but doesn't grab your pants, instead pulling the blanket over you both. You turn into him, leaning your forehead on his. You're both soaked with sweat.

 

"i love you so much." He murmurs as he revels in your heartbeat.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually ready yesterday but we figured it'd be more appropriate to post it today. Happy Valentine's Day, sinners.


	31. cLEAN on Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you live?

 

 

It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming… and you're desperate to crack a window.

 

"Sans, it smells like a dirty birdcage in here." You clamber over a mountain of dirty laundry to pry the window open and air the place out.

 

"yeah, i warned you." He's collecting trash by kicking it into a corner.

 

"How do you live?" You chuckle, finally getting a breeze.

 

"mostly in your room?" Smartass.

 

You've caught glimpses of Sans' room in the past but you've never actually been inside before. He has two days to clean it so you've offered to help. Frisk is coming to stay the week because Tori has to be out of town-- Something about the government standardizing of the monster education curriculum. Monsters and humans don't go to the same schools seeing as it'd be really hard for a human to pass magic classes. Long story short: there was a mix-up scheduling with the friend they were going to stay with so Frisk has nowhere else to stay without being an imposition. It was you that insisted on them not sleeping on the couch for an entire week (you know what a nightmare their couch is after the third day) so Sans offered his room, not allowing anyone to share your bed but him. He's become extremely tolerant of Papyrus occasionally falling asleep there but only because he climbs in as well.

 

"This trash pile is in literal tiers." You gesture at a multi-level trash pile resembling sedimentary rock.

 

"it can get emotional. throw some tissue from that pile onto it."

 

"Do you have a pun for everything?"

 

"obviously."

 

You've decided to liberate the floor of trash and laundry before moving on to the rest. You scoop a bunch of stuff out from under the bed.

 

"oh, i was wondering where that went." He fishes a trombone from the pile. Shame, there's a small dent in the bell.

 

"You play trombone?" You sit up excitedly.

 

"meh, not very well." He fishes out a mouthpiece from his drawer and plays a quick B flat arpeggio before tossing it into the closet.

 

"Don't you have a case for it?" You pick it back up and lay it on the bare mattress as items from the overstuffed closet pool onto the floor.

 

"somewhere."

 

Apparently there were separate dirty and clean laundry piles once upon a time. Sans has six or seven hoodies that are all slight variations of the same colour and cut; fleece-lined, faux-fur hood rim, large zipper, small zipper, linen, polyester, etc. Why do they all look alike? Your excavation's discoveries know no bounds.

 

_"Sans!"_

 

"yeah?"

 

"I lost these panties over a year ago." You dangle the pair on one finger and place your other hand on your hip, leering. "Dude, that's just creepy."

 

"i actually have… no memory of those getting in my room?" Beads of sweat start pooling on his brow.

 

"Sure you don't."

 

You continue to glare at him over lunch. Papyrus assumes you're disgusted by what a slob Sans is. Oh he's dirty, all right.

 

You find an old sandwich bag in a trash pile when you resume.

 

"I don't even want to know how much bacteria is in here."

 

"aw, don't hate on bacteria-- it's the only _culture_ some humans have."

 

Cackling.

 

Another hour and you can actually see the floor. The musky scent is almost completely gone too.

 

"Want me to get the vacuum?" You consider giving it a scrub with the mop too.

 

"naw vacuuming _sucks_." He winks.

 

"Sans."

 

"fine, it's less work than sweeping. i can _sweep_ you off your feet without a broom anyway." He approaches you and scoops you into a kiss.

 

"You're the worst-- ah." He tugs you into the open closet so Papyrus can't see if he walks by and plants a few more kisses on you.

 

"now i've heard of humans with skeletons in their closet but i have to say this is the first time i've seen the reverse."

 

"Huh, seems to me that idiom's about a literal corpse, which I can arrange if you make more terrible puns." You grip him tightly and nuzzle him despite the threat. He pushes you into the closet wall causing a bunch of junk to fall onto you from the top shelf. Guess you're tackling that next.

 

Dusk. The floor's clean, the junk's away, the trash is taken out, _there are clean sheets on the mattress_ , the laundry's done, and you even found the trombone case. Success.

 

"I can't believe we survived that." You huff.

 

"it wasn't even that bad. my old room had a self-sustaining trash tornado."

 

"Dare I ask?"

 

"yeaaaaaah…" He trails off, avoiding eye contact. "i stopped conducting experiments in my room after that."

 

 

\--

 

 

"So where's Sans sleeping if I'm staying here?" Frisk asks, unloading a suitcase.

 

"He said something about having a setup downstairs. He and Paps might take turns crashing with me though. You know, skeletons. We figured you wouldn't want to." You inform them.

 

"Oh right, skeletons." Frisk nods. "I can't believe how clean you got the place." They marvel at the clean floor.

 

"It took an entire day and that was with me helping."

 

"I saw their house underground when I was a little kid. He had a tornado in his room!" Frisk sounds excited.

 

"Oh man, he told me about it!"

 

 

\--

 

 

You feel Sans creep into your bed in the middle of the night.

 

"hey human." He coos.

 

"Hey monster." You whisper back, half-asleep.

 

He grinds up against you and bites your neck.

 

"Nn-ah, no. Frisk is right in the next room and they are _not_ stupid." You hiss.

 

"aw, come on."

 

"Don't you dare."

 

"nnnnn."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made a tumblr a while ago and never plugged it?  
> <http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/>


	32. You're KIDding, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whyyyyyy would you ask that?  
> Also, you dated a human that one time, Paps you hypocrite.

 

 

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut _up_." You hiss.

 

"haaah." Sans shoves his face into your shoulder, whimpering as he edges.

 

"I'm going to sto-op." Not that you're having an easier time with his fingers inside you.

 

"nn-aaah." Whimpering.

 

"Shut your mouth, for real." You moan as you rub both his pelvis and sternum.

 

"uuuh-huh." He bites down.

 

"YEOWCH, that was my shoulder!" The whole house probably heard you yelp.

 

"haaaaaah, sorry. hnn."

 

Knock knock.

 

"_________, ARE YOU OKAY?" Fucking hell.

 

"Yeah, just stubbed my toe, Paps!" Sans starts rubbing himself on you when you stop.

 

"DOES IT NEED ICE?"

 

"I'm good, thanks." Sans is still grinding.

 

"ngaah." Whimper. Arch. Flash. Flop.

 

"OH, IS SANS IN THERE TOO? WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED?"

 

You give Sans an "I'm gonna fucking kill you" look.

 

"Yes, I think he's having a nightmare, should I wake him up?"

 

"YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD."

 

You push Sans off the bed and onto the floor so he lands with a _crack._

 

"ow, what the hell?"

 

"He's awake now."

 

"CAN I COME IN?" Injustice.

 

"Sure, one sec." You sigh and clamber for your clothes, throwing Sans' t-shirt on him. He's actually quick to put it on before flopping back into his position on the floor.

 

"ARE BOTH OF YOU OKAY?"

 

"I'll be fine."

 

"i hate everything."

 

"GET UP OFF THE FLOOR, SANS."

 

"_______ pushed me here. pick me up, ______."

 

"I'm leaving you there to rot."

 

"skeletons can't rot-- they're literally what's left over."

 

"I'm leaving you there for being a smartass then."

 

"CAN I JOIN THE SLEEPOVER?"

 

"no." Sans' tone is flat.

 

"Yes." Revenge.

 

" _no._ "

 

"It's my bed."

 

"fine but i get to sleep in the middle." Sans actually gets onto the bed by himself.

 

"Fine, Sans gets to sleep in the middle." You climb back in.

 

"YAY. NIGHTY NIGHT THEN."

 

"night."

 

"Good night."

 

CHOMP.

 

" _Eeeep_!"

 

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Papyrus is concerned.

 

"N-nothing. Just pulled a muscle."

 

"PLEASE BE CAREFUL."

 

Sans languidly licks your neck in the darkness. You're torn between frustration and wishing he'd finished getting you off.

 

 

\--

 

 

"SANS, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS. NYEH HEH HEH HEH." Papyrus walks into the living room, shaking with laughter.

 

" 'sup, bro?"

 

"FRISK ASKED ME IF YOU AND ________ ARE DATING." You choke on your water as he continues laughing.

 

"Excu-use me?" You manage to sputter through coughs from the floor beneath the couch.

 

"why would they ask that?" Sans draws his handkerchief.

 

"THEY SAID THEY THOUGHT THEY HEARD YOU _MATING_. NYEH HEH HEH. FOR FOUR NIGHTS IN A ROW." He's slain. There are tears in his eyes. "SO RIDICULOUS."

 

"huh. that's hilarious." Sans laughs. It's a nervous laugh.

 

"Yeah, haha." You try your hardest to make your laugh sound convincing. "I wonder why they didn't just ask us." Come to think of it, Frisk has been avoiding eye contact all week.

 

"NO IDEA." Papyrus gulps a breath through laughs. "I HAVE TO POST THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA."

 

"DON'T!" You and Sans scream in unison.

 

"IT'S SO FUNNY THOUGH." He wipes a tear.

 

"Please, Papyrus, don't!" You laugh nervously.

 

"yeah bro, people might start encouraging it." Sans' laugh is artificial.

 

"A MONSTER AND A HUMAN. A HUMAN AND A _SKELETON_." Papyrus is thoroughly amused. "THAT POST WOULD BE SO POPULAR."

 

"I will draft you a _hundred_ posts if you don't post that." Papyrus considers your offer.

 

"GOODNESS, IF YOU'RE THAT OPPOSED TO IT." He capers off, still laughing.

 

"i'm gonna kill the kid." Sans puts his textbook onto the couch with such force you can feel the floor tremble. " _i'm gonna kill the kid_." His eye sockets are black.

 

 

So, do you want to put yourself between Sans and something he's angry with or do you want to let him murder a teen?

 

 

"Sans?" Your voice is meek and shrill.

 

"what?" He snaps.

 

"It's n-not their fault?" Did you just squeak? Yes you did.

 

"i know that." His temper is murderous but his face is in his hands.

 

"Don't kill them?" Why are you shaking?

 

"i'm not actually gonna kill them. i just need… a word." He's seething.

 

"…C-can I come?" Your body is trembling to match your voice. He reaches out to you and you recoil, yelping.

 

"what the hell? i was just gonna scratch you."

 

"S-sorry," you pipe.

 

"oh my gosh, c'mere." His tone is gentle as he wraps you in a close hug and caresses the back of your neck. "calm down. we'll go together. shh. stop shaking." He gently kisses your cheek.

 

You both hit the back yard for a dog treat.

 

 

\--

 

 

" 'Night Papyrus." Frisk enters Sans' room and jolts a bit when they see you both sitting on the bed.

 

"hey." Sans is brusque.

 

"H-hi?" Frisk seems taken aback. They haven't really spoken to either of you all week.

 

"got a couple o'questions for you. 'preciate if you'd have a seat." Sans pats the empty space on the bed invitingly but his tone screams "run."

 

"Sure?" They sit on the bed. You scoot.

 

"first things first: is there a reason you've been avoiding me all week?" You dare not say anything until Sans is done.

 

"Not really? Just figured you were--"

 

"cut the crap."

 

"Man! These walls are paper thin. It's awkward as hell." Frisk surrenders, avoiding eye contact. You feel your face going ten times hotter. So does theirs.

 

"kay, now why'dyou go and ask that kind of question to papyrus?" Sans pulls a knee up and leans onto it with one arm, resting his head on top.

 

"I, uh, didn't want to ask you guys?" They're stammering. "It's so awkward, ohmygosh. How do you even?" Frisk is more tense than you were an hour ago.

 

"kay. now had you considered papyrus not being in on it?"

 

"No…?" Frisk's response is one of complete disbelief. "Are you guys really, like… a _thing_ behind his back? For real?" Frisk looks at you instead of Sans.

 

"I, uh--" You falter.

 

"it's nunnaya business." Sans puts his foot down.

 

"Oooooohmygosh how does that even work? I thought skeletons weren't supposed to like… do the do. That's so weeeeird. Ahahaha." Their laugh is more nervous than amused.

 

"shut your mouth." Sans' words are flat but final.

 

"A-aren't you being a bit harsh?" You flinch as he glares at you.

 

Sans lowers his voice. "look buddy, we're trying to keep this on the down-low. it was a… kind of an accident. the whole thing. the whole monster-human thing's a bit taboo, ya know? plus i'm a bit of an anomaly here-- work with me." He's supplicating.

 

"Right, so you want me to keep it a secret 'cause I suppose you get that luxury." Frisk's tone is bitter.

 

" 'scuse me?" Sans' tone isn't polite.

 

"No, it's not like that. I just-- ugh, never mind."

 

"no, you sound like you need to take a load off. i think you need to talk." Sans sounds really offended.

 

"Just the whole, I don't know, monster-human thing-- I get it."

 

"Frisk, are you… ashamed of your mom?" You can't believe you're asking.

 

"No--! Not at all! I love my mom! I have the best mom in the world! I just… The other kids at school, their parents, the teachers…. They all, I don't know… They love making my life hell because my mom's a monster." Their voice quakes as they add, "Some kids used to make fun of me saying no human would want me so I had to go live with monsters." They swallow hard. The government tried really hard to not let Toriel have custody over Frisk in the first place. It was a legal nightmare.

 

"Frisk," you wrap your arm around their shoulder, "hey, don't forget something."

 

"What?"

 

"Your mom _chose_ you." You rub their shoulder. "…And you chose her. Other kids' parents got landed with them but the bond you have with your mom is special. It's something you had to fight for."

 

"That's so la-ame." Frisk starts laughing? Crying? Both?

 

"Yeah, Sans is rubbing off on me." You pull Frisk into a big fat hug. Sans strokes Frisk's head the way he rubs yours when he's trying to comfort you. You all sit there for a few minutes.

 

"for real though, don't say a word to anyone." Sans' voice is gentle now. " _especially_ papyrus."

 

"Y-yeah, okay." Frisk sobs despite the huge grin on their face. "Please cut it out for the rest of my stay though. It's so _awkward_. The walls are paper thin and the bed's right up against the wall to your room." They sniff. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you expect?


	33. Pa-PRY-us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to pry!

 

 

You feel like Garbage. Your stomach's doing a weird thing, you don't know. Ugh. Whatever. You're queasy and feverish so your boss sends you home after you vomit at work. You hobble there on your own (which was a terrible idea but who thinks straight with a fever, really?) and stumble through the front door. You pour yourself a glass of water before hobbling to bed. Papyrus intercepts you.

 

"_______? WHY ARE YOU HOME SO EARLY?" He's concerned.

 

"I, uh, felt like trash so my boss sent me home." You're so messed up, you're slurring.

 

"PLEASE CALL ME SO I CAN PICK YOU UP NEXT TIME!" He sounds almost panic-stricken but picks you up bridal style, puts you in bed, and tucks you in. "DO YOU WANT ME TO READ YOU A STORY?"

 

"Naw, s'okay Pappy, thanks though."

 

"OKIE DOKIE. PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING." He plants a kiss on your forehead. Well, Papyrus doesn't have lips as malleable as Sans' so it's more of a toothy peck. Funny, when his face passes through the sun beam in your room you could swear it looks slightly tear-stained. He puts a hand on your cheek and gives you an affectionate rub with his thumb.

 

You sleep for hours. Just sweat it out. It has to be food poisoning. You probably should have done a better job washing your produce when you made that salad. It has to be that. It takes you a day and a half to get over it. Sans freaks out when he gets home. He and Papyrus get you some popsicles and fever medication, taking turns to keep you company in your moments of consciousness. It's brutal but brief, thank goodness.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Hey Papyrus?" You linger in the doorway without actually entering his room. You've waited for one of Sans' odd-job weekends.

 

"YES?" He turns around from the wall of code for the puzzle game he's programming.

 

"You know when I came home sick last week?"

 

"YES, I WAS WORRIED SICK." He narrows his eyes.

 

"Um, about that. I, uh, don't know if I'm intruding too much but I thought I saw tear stains on your face-- and I might have just been hallucinating but, um, if there's something bothering you, you know I can lend an ear. That's what friends are for, right?"

 

"…OH." His tone is flat.

 

"Oh?"

 

"I'M NOT SURE I WANT… TO TALK ABOUT IT… EVER." There's a tinge of sadness (pain?) in his voice.

 

"Oh. Okay. I didn't mean to pry. Sorry."

 

"I, UM--" Papyrus chokes and starts crying?

 

"Oh no! Don't cry again! Sorry Paps! I didn't mean to upset you."

 

"WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO HIDE IT FROM ME?"

 

"What?" Shit? Shit? Shit?

 

"DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE THE CONVERSATIONS? THE SECRECY? THE SEX?"

 

"Shit, Paps, I can explain-- Wait, you had no idea last month when Frisk asked you if we were dating."

 

"OF COURSE I KNEW, I WAS JUST-- IN DENIAL? LYING TO MYSELF? PRETENDING IT WOULD GO AWAY IF I TURNED A BLIND EYE?" He takes a moment to wipe his eyes. "HOW DID IT EVEN HAPPEN? WHAT EVEN HAPPENED? SKELETONS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO-- SKELETONS DON'T MATE. THEY DON'T BOND-- LET ALONE TO HUMANS."

 

"How did you find out about the bond?"

 

"I CONFESSED MY SUSPICIONS TO TORIEL AND SHE CONFIRMED THEM WHEN I STARTED CRYING. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING INSANE. EVEN FRISK ASKED IF YOU WERE DATING. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE POSSIBLE. I KEPT BEATING MYSELF UP OVER SUSPECTING IT. SHE TOLD ME TO STOP, CONFIRMING EVERYTHING. WHY DID SHE EVEN KNOW? HOW DID SHE EVEN KNOW? THIS ISN'T FAIR."

 

"How long did you suspect something was going on?"

 

"MONTHS? ALMOST A YEAR? IT WAS SUBTLE AT FIRST BUT I JUST KEPT… WONDERING, PRYING, SNOOPING."

 

"But… why are you crying over it?"

 

" _SANS IS BOUND TO YOU. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG MONSTERS ARE SUPPOSED TO LIVE COMPARED TO HUMANS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TAKING FROM ME? SANS IS MY ONLY FA-AMILY_." He was crying a bit before. Now he's sobbing frantically. His body jerks with each sob.

 

 

 

Is this what dying on the inside feels like?

 

 

 

Poor Papyrus. You don't even know what to say. Should you say something? Should you try to comfort him? Should you hug him? You feel tears start to stream down your face as well.

 

"I'm sorry." You manage to choke out an apology but your stomach churns. You hurt Papyrus. You didn't mean to. You've never seen him like _this_. He looks like Sans is already dead. Like he has nobody left in the world. Like he's alone forever and it's all your fault. It was an accident. You didn't mean for it to happen. It isn't your fault.

 

Why do you feel so guilty watching Papyrus break down like this? Why do you feel like it is your fault when you see him cry like that?

 

Fuck.

 

"Papyrus, I'm so-orry!" You scream it louder. You approach him and grab his cheeks. You place your forehead on his and you both sob. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!" He wraps his arms around you and squeezes you so tightly, you can barely breathe. "It was an a-accident." You both sit there, blubbering. You feel a dehydration headache coming on and you just cover your mouth with your hand. There's nothing you can do. There was never anything you could do. It just fucking happened. You stank up the place with your gross human stink and made his brother fall in love with you. You'll live out your minuscule human existence and Sans'll starve himself to death when you die, leaving Papyrus alone.

 

Fuck. Fuck.

 

Why can't you just make Sans breach his bond with you? Would he be miserable? Would it hurt? How long would it hurt? Would it be worth it? Would he love Papyrus more than anything again? Would Papyrus satisfy the emptiness your absence would cause after a bond? Would Sans be scarred for life? Would you get over Sans and Papyrus? Do you love Papyrus more than yourself?

 

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

 

Why did this happen? Why did this have to fucking happen?

 

"I can try to make S-sans fall out of love with me. Break the bond." You sob an offer. You're an intruder.

 

"D-DON'T DO THAT. I WANT THAT EVEN LESS?" Papyrus rasps.

 

"Why would you w-want that even less?" You bawl.

 

"BECAUSE SANS IS H-HAPPY LIKE THIS. I WANT HIM TO BE," sniff, "HAPPY."

 

Life's not fair, is it?

 

 

\--

 

 

Your cell buzzes. Sans is returning your call. He didn't answer when you tried calling him. He must have been busy working.

 

"Hello?" You try to sound as normal as possible.

 

"knock knock."

 

"Who's there?"

 

"mist."

 

"Mist, who?"

 

" _mist_ your call. what's up, buttercup?" He pops the P in a merry way.

 

"Sans?"

 

"mhm?"

 

"Papyrus knows about the bond."

 

*dial tone

 

 

\--

 

 

Your phone rings two minutes later. Unknown number.

 

"Hello?"

 

"shit. sorry, i crushed my phone. how the fuck does he know?" He sounds livid. You're glad to be on the end of a telephone line.

 

"He's known all along. He was crying and I just… asked him what was wrong? He just gushed? I don't know. He knows about everything."

 

You hear a muffled sob.

 

*dial tone

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck.


	34. Training Pos-SESSION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sans definitely gets his point across.

 

 

 

"hey."

 

It's the middle of the night. Sans still smells like fresh air. He must have beelined to your bed when he got home.

 

"Nnnnhey." You groan. Getting woken up always sucks.

 

"i was, uh, wondering if you could do me a solid."

 

"Mmmwhat?" Serious conversation. Half-asleep. Bad.

 

"could you maybe leave the house for a few hours tomorrow evening? hang out with alphys or something? i need some time alone with my brother." He pulls off his sweater and throws it on the floor.

 

"Yeah, okay. I'll figure something out." Truthfully, you would have liked to be included but you respect his wish for alone time between bros.

 

"thanks." He slowly spoons you and buries his face in your hair, first intaking your scent, then sighing, "love you."

 

"Love you too." You feel his grip tighten uncomfortably when you say it. He plants a gentle kiss on your shoulder before you both fall asleep.

 

 

\--

 

 

You get home with some shopping bags. You and Alphys had a fun time choosing each other's socks and underwear again.

 

"AH, _______, I HOPE YOU HAD FUN SHOPPING." Papyrus sounds oddly cheerful.

 

"Yeah, it was great." You drop your stuff by the door and join them at the dinner table, not mentioning the tear stains on their faces.

 

"hope nobody tried to a- _sale_ you." Sans is wearing the fake smile.

 

"SANS."

 

"Fun times spending money on stuff we mostly didn't need."

 

"OOH, I TRUST YOU AND ALHPYS WILL NEED MY SEWING MACHINE FOR ALTERATIONS." Papyrus is almost done his food.

 

"Oh, yeah, maybe over the weekend. Alphys bought some items that need adjustments."

 

"bro, can you fix my new work pants?" Sans never really talks about work.

 

"DID THEY COME IN YET?"

 

"yeah. they need tailoring." Sans puts his hands behind his head. "a belt'll only do so much."

 

"A belt?" You stop eating. "You actually own non-sweats?"

 

"i work security during the day, remember?"

 

"I thought you were like a bouncer or something."

 

"naw, security guard. uniform and everything."

 

"Can I… see it?" You have a hard time disguising an eagerness to see Sans in a uniform.

 

"nope, i only bring it home for washing. it otherwise stays in my locker."

 

"Aw, come on, you're no fun." You whine. "Describe it. What do you look like when you wear it?"

 

"like a skeleton in a security guard uniform."

 

"HE LOOKS LIKE A MALL COP." Papyrus interjects. Oh well, that's underwhelming.

 

"Boo." You're disappointed.

 

"i work in a very high-end industrial machine factory, thank you very much." Sans says pointedly.

 

"I don't get it, why don't you actually design and build machines for a living?"

 

"meh. too much work."

 

"I misjudged you. You really are lazy." You sniff.

 

"they don't recognize my qualifications-- want me to go through the whole human university system," he waves a hand in the air, "so I just build those energy converters in the basement for some quick cash."

 

"LAZY LAZY. HE'S A LAZYBONES." Papyrus jeers.

 

 

\--

 

 

"So what'd you discuss with Papyrus?" Sans is spooning you and tenderly licking your neck from behind.

 

"mmm." Smooch. "some stuff." He grazes you with his teeth. "just, you know, bonding stuff, mating stuff, skeleton stuff." He exhales deeply as he begins to suck on a mark that's faded a bit too much for his liking.

 

"Naah--" He shoves two fingers into your mouth when you open it.

 

He lifts his mouth only after sucking enough for you to feel a tingling sensation. His tongue clicks softly after the release. "we just talked about the future and stuff. i made some stupid promises." He plants a few kisses on your shoulder and uses his other hand to gently squeeze your hip.

 

"Whakaa--" You stop, sounding stupid with your mouth full of skeleton. He removes his fingers. "What kind of promises?"

 

"i don't really wanna talk about it. it's embarrassing."

 

"We've had a confrontation and now you want to keep secrets. My, my." You click your tongue, teasing.

 

"look, if i wanted you in on it i wouldn't have sent you out of the house." His sounds almost touchy.

 

"Involved a lot of crying, I suppose. I noticed the tear stains all over your faces." You rub a femur, comforting him.

 

"mmm." He nuzzles you. "i'm glad you didn't bring that up earlier. thanks."

 

"The curiosity's going to kill me, you know." You huff, mock-dramatically.

 

"c-can curiosity really kill humans?" So cute, does he actually believe you?

 

"Naw, I'm just messing with you."

 

"man, i was about to spill." He pulls you tighter against him, kneading one of your breasts and growling as he rests the front of his teeth on your neck.

 

"You in the mood?" You moan. He's usually more needy after having been gone for days.

 

"nah, i only wanna cuddle tonight. just enjoying the squishy. you're so soft." He buries his face deeper and whispers, "humans are so fragile," more to himself than you as he lightens his touch to a gentle caress. His growl gradually shifts to a soft rumble.

 

As much as you respect his will to not share right now, your curiosity is killing you.

 

 

\--

 

 

Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask.

 

"ARE YOU OKAY?" Papyrus rubs your knee as you both watch tv. You must have been literally squirming trying to suppress your curiosity.

 

"I, uh…" You groan. "I really want to know what you and Sans talked about the other night but he didn't want me to know what he promised you and I feel like it would be disrespectful to ask you but I really, _really_ want to know." You just blurt it out. Honesty is always best with Papyrus.

 

He wraps an arm around you, pulling you close, and plants a kiss on your forehead before whispering, "YOU'LL KNOW IN TIME. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW." He wraps another arm around you and you both sit there, cuddling on the couch.

 

Sans walks in.

 

Jelly skelly alert.

 

"what the _hell_?" He walks up to the couch, pries you and Papyrus apart, and plants himself between you. "i've had enough of this nonsense."

 

"SANS, YOU ARE SO SELFISH." Papyrus tuts. He likes to squish you just as much as Sans does, even if it's with much more innocent intentions.

 

"so what if i am?" look at this. you see this?" Sans grabs you by the wrist and lifts your arm above your head as he bends you over his lap despite your whimpering and flinching. " _my._ human." He runs his tongue over your neck and bites you in front of his brother. You yelp even though it's not as painful as it normally is when he's biting you out of jealousy. He starts growling and lapping you gently, running the hand that's not holding your wrist all over your body. Okay. Fine. This is okay. Nice even? You let out a small moan.

 

"YOU'RE SHAMELESS, BOTH OF YOU." You've never seen Papyrus look so offended. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS? EVER??"

 

Sans stops licking you and looks straight at his brother.

 

"see this human?"

 

"This human has a name," you remark from his lap.

 

"see this ______ human?" He gropes your stomach without breaking eye contact. You squeal a bit at the tickles.

 

"I SEE THE DISGUSTING THINGS YOU'RE DOING TO HER IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, YOU SICKO." Papyrus is blushing the deepest you've ever seen him go but he looks like he's watching a sewage leak.

 

"good, so hands off and i won't have to remind you like that." He winks at Paps and gives your thigh a hearty slap. 

 

"I HATE THIS??"

 

Sans plants a smooch on your head before releasing your wrist to wrap his arms around you. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's come a long way.


	35. TOE-tally Into It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess he really likes those.

 

Saturday morning. You slip into the shower while Sans sleeps in but he's up and in the kitchen for breakfast by the time you're done. You decide to wear an outfit comprised of nothing but new purchases from your shopping trip. Alphys'll be coming over today for a small sewing party, Papyrus has some stuff to sew for himself, and Sans needs some pants tailored to fit a skeleton. It'll be fun. You skip into the kitchen in a good mood and hear the clatter of a plate being dropped by Papyrus. It didn't break but it still startled you.

 

"REALLY, _______? THAT'S POSITIVELY INDECENT." Papyrus is looking at you like you should be ashamed of yourself. Really, Papyrus? It's just a tank top.

 

"What?" You're indignant.

 

Sans looks over at you and sprays his orange juice everywhere.

 

" _What?_ " You look over at Sans in frustration. What the hell?

 

"c-can you save those for tonight, kiddo?" He's mopping up the mess with a napkin. His expression is lecherous despite the blush creeping on his face.

 

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT." Papyrus is altogether avoiding looking in your direction now?

 

"Can I save what? What's going on? It's just a tank top."

 

"the t-toe socks." Sans gestures toward your feet. He's so aroused that his breathing is heavy. He looks like he wants to jump you right here and now.

 

_Alphys!_

 

"I'm gonna kill Alphys." Truth be told, toe socks aren't the most practical so you were a bit skeptical when she picked them out for you with that lewd expression on her face.

 

"IS THIS GOING TO BE A THING NOW THAT I OPENLY KNOW ABOUT YOUR GROSS SECRET RELATIONSHIP?" Papyrus is still pretending there's nothing to be looked at in your direction. "ARE YOU BOTH GOING TO BE OBSCENE AROUND ME ALL THE TIME NOW?" He sounds nervous, whining an occasional nyeh.

 

"Sorry, I'll change. I didn't think it'd be a big deal." Your apology is sincere but your tone is aggravated. Sorry you can't wear cute socks without monsters putting you on the same level as walking around the house in a lacy bustier. You didn't even know.

 

 

\--

 

 

The sewing party was fun. You even got to watch Papyrus pin some some navy twill pants on Sans, trying not to stare in front of Alphys. (Whooop! Cute skeleton alert!) Everyone had a fun time eating. It's been a long day and you're soaking in the tub. You hear a knock at the door.

 

"________, DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES IN YOUR ROOM?"

 

"I'm getting out now, I'll just grab them on my way." You pull the stopper.

 

"ALRIGHTY, THEY'RE ON MY DESK."

 

You make a quick trip to Papyrus' room and grab your stuff on the way to yours. You drop them the second you close your bedroom door behind you as Sans grabs you and practically throws you onto the bed.

 

"holy crap kid, you're killin' me." He tears your towel off and throws it behind him as he climbs on top of you. He's wearing nothing but a pair of loose gym shorts.

 

"What?" That all happened way too quickly.

 

"i've been dying all day." He grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks your head back to expose your neck.

 

"Ow, ow, ow, what the hell? You squirm as he licks your neck. His fingers spread your folds and go straight for your clit, massaging.

 

" _please,_ _______, can you put those socks back on for me?" He bites you gently. So gently. He's begging.

 

Oh right, the socks.

 

"Maybe if you let go of my hair." You whine. It hurts.

 

He's off you immediately. He thrusts the socks in your arms when you sit up and he sits back to get a good look. You bend over and start putting them on.

 

"no wait."

 

"Can you make up your mind?"

 

"i want you to face me. i wanna see you put them on. don't bend over and hide your legs like that." He quickly adds, "slowly." Monsters are so ridiculous.

 

You lay on your back and bend a leg over you, sticking your foot in the air like a pinup girl with your knee at your chest. You might as well roll with it.

 

"How's this?" You unhurriedly pull a sock over your foot, making eye contact. It goes halfway up your calf when it's on.

 

Sans breathes a faint, "shit." He's sweating bullets. His hand unconsciously moves to his chest and he starts rubbing himself with his thumb. "that's so hot. you're so hot."

 

You switch feet and put the other sock on. You find absolutely nothing sexy about ungracefully shoving your toes in little foot gloves one at a time but Sans is writhing and touching himself and making little noises. You roll onto your stomach and slowly bend a knee, raising a foot in the air behind you.

 

"Hmm, how do I look?" Okay, you have to admit, seeing Sans writhe is incredibly satisfying. You feel a hot pulsing between your legs at the sight. He's over you immediately and you're rolled back onto your back. He's positioned himself between your legs, grabbing your ankles.

 

"like ambrosia." He moves his hands from your ankles to your thighs and lowers himself hungrily. His tongue starts lapping up your fluids as he gently kneads your inner thighs.

 

Lap. Lap. Lap.

 

You feel yourself succumbing to the repetitive motion of Sans' tongue. He alternates between pleasuring your swollen nub and licking up your juices, groaning at your taste.

 

"why do you taste so damn good?" He's moved one hand off your thigh to gently rub himself as he eats you out, alternating between his ribs and his pelvis. Not a single digit has entered you-- Tongue only tonight. Not complaining.

 

"Saaaans." Your breathing is ragged as you twist and turn under him. You have to grip the sheets.

 

"you likin' that, _______?" He raises one of your legs and rests it on his shoulder. You feel his bony scapula under your calf, his clavicle pressing into the back of your thigh. He bends your other leg, bringing your foot up to where he can reach it so he can run a hand over your individually covered toes.

 

"Uh-huh." You thrust your hips, following his motions on you. You're so close. He massages your foot as he licks you and he's starting to get pretty vocal as he pleasures himself, adding to your excitement. Shit. You're coming.

 

He continues to lick you, riding out your orgasm. You feel pleasure blooming a second time as his tongue snakes over your clit and your legs lock in place. He's not done with you. You have to clamp a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from screaming as you come one last time by his relentless pleasuring.

 

"you look so beautiful right now. you have no idea." He hoists himself up so his face is level with yours and kisses you passionately. You can taste your own juices on his tongue as you reach for his ribs. It's about time he got release as well. He's been playing around with himself throughout his ministrations so it only takes a few strokes of flesh on bone to get him arching and gasping in release. He deserves a bit more. Maybe another. You keep going, breaking away from kissing him so you can run your tongue along his ribs. He's trembling and moaning.

 

"hah, sh-shit _______." He squeezes your arm a bit too tightly as he comes again. It's going to bruise for sure. He's panting small moans . "n-no keep goin-- AAH. hah. mmmm." You grip his sacrum firmly and run your thumb along the ridges as you continue to run your tongue over the outside of his sternum. He bucks his hips into you as he climaxes again, putting all his effort into not crying out, and you both decide you've had enough.

 

He collapses onto you, soaked with sweat. You always ask yourself how skeletons sweat. Oh well. You roll onto your side and he flops off you. You run a toe up and down his foot as you both gradually ease back into normal breathing.

 

Maybe you'll get a few more pairs like this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We posted a photo of the socks on our tumblr.


	36. Ch-ARM-ing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Some cute fanart of last chapter by bittersweetdeath.](http://bittersweetdeath.tumblr.com/post/139777575912/why-do-monsters-love-feet-so-much-art-for)  
>  So happy~!

 

 

"_______?" You and Papyrus are hanging out in the living room, waiting for Sans to get home from work. He's on the couch and you're seated on the floor between his legs as he works out a knot in your shoulder.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"HAS SANS EVER… TAKEN YOU OUT ON A DATE?" He moves one of his hands to your other shoulder to just give you a proper massage.

 

"Mmmm… may…be? I think we've gone shopping together once or twice. He's taken me to some fast food places.

 

"THAT'S COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE." You look up and see that he's frowning. "EVEN I'VE DATED A HUMAN."

 

"Paps, you acted like it was completely crazy for a skeleton to date a human and now you're telling me that you've dated one?"

 

"WELL, THAT WAS BEFORE I LEARNED THAT IT… WASN'T OKAY FOR MONSTERS TO DATE HUMANS. I ALSO DIDN'T KNOW THAT SKELETONS JUST… DON'T DEVELOP FEELINGS LIKE THAT SO I WAS TRYING. ANYWAY, I HAD TO DUMP FRISK."

 

"oh my gosh, you dated _Frisk_?" You look back up. "You know that you're not supposed to… date children right? Even humans don't date children."

 

"YEAH, I…" Papyrus starts sweating, "HAD NO IDEA." He looks thoroughly embarrassed.

 

"Sorry you felt pressured to go on dates."

 

"IT'S OKAY. I CAME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT IT'S NORMAL FOR SKELETONS TO NOT FEEL THAT WAY."

 

"You're always hugging and kissing me though." You look up and wink. Okay, Sans is rubbing off on you way too much.

 

"PLATONICALLY." He winks back and you both burst out laughing.

 

 

\--

 

 

"uuuuuuugh." Sans flops onto the bed looking completely exasperated.

 

"What's up?" You're on your laptop at your desk.

 

"papyrus just gave me such a hard time." He kicks his socks off and throws his sweater on your floor. "says i'm dating you wrong."

 

"Oh? What'd he say?"

 

"says i completely ignored some 'important steps' of dating," he scoffs, "you know, because _he's_ clearly the expert."

 

"Ouch."

 

"sorry, just frustrated. he wants me to take you out on dates." He plants his face into the bedding. "he's gonna make my life hell now that he knows about us."

 

"Well, we could always go on a date or two, more than just shopping or burgers."

 

"yeah. what do humans even like? should we go on a picnic or something?"

 

"Whatever you want."

 

"an improv show…? oh man, wait, you know what'd be cool? you know those spa places? i've always wanted to sit in the mud. wanna do that?"

 

"You want to take me to a spa?"

 

"if you want…?" You think about going to a spa and spending the day getting pampered.

 

"Yeah, okay."

 

 

\--

 

 

"HOW WAS YOUR DATE?" Papyrus sounds excited as you both enter the house.

 

"they wouldn't let us in." Sans' tone is calm and collected now but he was more than pissed for an hour after being told that the spa doesn't treat monsters.

 

"They said they didn't want my business if I'm in the company of monsters." You may or may not have cried a bit when they kicked you out.

 

"WHAT, REALLY?" Papyrus looks upset but you and Sans both look positively miserable. Stupid fucking racist spa.

 

"WELL I'M GLAD HE AT LEAST MADE AN EFFORT TO-- SANS, POUR YOUR MILK INTO A GLASS BEFORE DRINKING IT!" He chastises Sans, who's made his way to the fridge.

 

"you're just jealous because you can't purse your lips, bro." Sans winks.

 

"I DON'T NEED LIPS. I CAN DO PLENTY OF THINGS YOU NEED LIPS FOR."

 

"humour me." He takes another sip.

 

"I CAN, ERM…?" Papyrus looks around for something to prove. He walks over to you and plants a kiss on your head with a loud "MUAH" sound. "THAT."

 

"can you not?" Sans' voice is strained and angry. He's already had a long day.

 

"YOU SHOULDN'T CHALLENGE THE GREAT PAPYRUS KNOWING YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE THEN." He plants another kiss on you before putting his hands on his hips and laughing a hearty, "NYEH HEH HEH."

 

 

nope.

 

 

Sans is across the room in a heartbeat. He's planted himself between you and Paps, looking at him with seemingly murderous intent. Terrifying.

 

"i asked you not to do that, papyrus."

 

"SORRY, SANS. DIDN'T MEAN TO BE THE BETTER KISSER. NYEH HEH HEH." Thin ice! Thin ice! You instinctively take a step backward and trip, falling and feeling your wrist crack. You scream. Shit, it hurts. Did you sprain your wrist? No.

 

"_______, DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?"

 

"shit, _______, are you okay?"

 

"Yes? N-no?" You grip your wrist with tears in your eyes.

 

Papyrus slides around Sans and lifts you off the floor. Sans snarls.

 

"Oh my goodness, will you get over it?!" Maybe it's the pain that caused you to yell. You've never snapped at Sans like that before. You've had a shit day. You're in pain. Papyrus is just pulling you up off the floor. You need medical attention. You don't need this right now.

 

Sans recoils. You can't read his expression.

 

"get the car, paps." He grabs the ice cube tray from the freezer and empties it into a sandwich bag before handing it to you for your wrist's swelling.

 

You all ride to the hospital in silence. You still can't read Sans' expression. Waiting room in silence. You go in alone when you're called and get x-rayed. You emerge with a splint and an anti-inflammatory painkiller prescription. The three of you ride home in silence, briefly stopping at the drug store. You go to bed angry and sore. Sans goes to his own room. You wake up in the middle of the night and cry a bit from the overwhelming day. You hear a gentle knock on your door.

 

"What? Who is it?" Your tone is brusque.

 

"I HEARD YOU CRYING. DID YOU NEED SOME WATER OR SOMETHING?" Papyrus' voice is low and soothing.

 

"I'll be okay. Thanks though." You really are grateful that Paps is such a good friend.

 

He comes back with a glass of water. "OKAY, LET ME REPHRASE THAT, I'M LEAVING YOU SOME WATER SO YOU DON'T GET DEHYDRATED." He enters, places it on your bedside table, and leaves without another word.

 

You sit up, accepting what was given to you in the dark.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up to see Sans sitting cross-legged at the end of your bed.

 

"don't you ever scream at me like that again." His tone is vicious. You still can't decipher the face he's making.

 

"No." You sit up, angrily. "You know what? Screw you. I'm sick of being treated like I'm some possession. I get the whole weird monster bond instinct thing but really? You've eased into it by now. You're just being a jealous prick." It's way too early for this. You're grumpy and groggy and need another painkiller.

 

"don't you _ever_. scream at me. like that again." Sans' hands are trembling. He looks like he really wants to hit you.

 

"Get over the fact that your brother treats me like family. Cut it out."

 

He closes the distance between you on the bed.

 

"Sans?" You lean backward. Your voice is shrill. He's won't hurt you, right? Toriel'll kill him, right?

 

He doesn't say anything. He just stares at you. After a minute that seems like an hour, he puts a hand on your arm, ignoring your flinching, and flops sideways, pulling you down with him. He grips you tightly, you wouldn't be able to get up if you tried. You both lie there. You're tense and he's shaking as he spoons you. You start to feel a wetness on your shoulder. He's crying.

 

"Sans?" You try to turn around to face him but he's gripping you too tightly, not speaking. "Sans can you say something?" He just grips you more tightly. It's uncomfortable. You squirm.

 

"don't go anywhere. stay here." He's still trembling.

 

"Let go of me."

 

"never."

 

"Sans, let go of me."

 

"no."

 

"Papyrus!" You call out.

 

"he's not coming." He squeezes you tighter.

 

" _Papyrus_!!" You scream.

 

"he's not home." Tighter.

 

"Sans, let go of me, please!" You sob. You're in pain from the sprain and the crushing.

 

"i'm sorry."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breathe deeply.


	37. wr-ANGLE of Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's more than one way to hurt someone, Sans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [We got some lovely chapter 36 fanart by SecretSantaSansLover/mikyoko](http://mikyoko.tumblr.com/post/139862821515/i-was-supposed-to-be-a-ghost-on-tumblr-i-never)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> All fanart links in endnotes.

 

 

You lie in bed as Sans spoons you tightly.

 

"Please let me go," you rasp, "I need water." Your head is pounding.

 

"don't leave." Sans grips you tighter.

 

"Please, Sans." You sob.

 

"promise me."

 

"Promise you wha-at?"

 

"promise me you won't leave."

 

"You're hurting me!"

 

" _promise me_!" He cries out.

 

"Let me go and I won't leave."

 

"i trust you." He releases you.

 

"Obviously you don't." Your tone is bitter.

 

You get up and grab your pills and what remains of the water. You head to the bathroom to wash up. You grab some breakfast even though it's lunch time. Sans sits at the table, watching you in silence.

 

"We need to talk," you say between bites.

 

"i know."

 

"So why then? Are you insecure or something?"

 

"no i…" He trails off. Silence.

 

"What is it then?"

 

"i just… i've always shared everything with my bro. and you're-- when i see you two together i get these irrational fears like, 'what if he bonds with her too?' or, 'what's keeping him from from fulfilling curiosities?' he's always touching you and pinching you and kissing you and it drives me insane. i can't take it. you're the one thing i don't want to share. i've never had anything like you-- like _this_ , ever. it's not the bond messing with my brain any more but when i freak out and you freak out i snap into survival mode; what if you leave because of that? then what? you've left before. who's to say it won't happen again?"

 

"You can't act that way. You can't treat people like that. You say you love me then you hurt me."

 

"i'm _trying_. i'm trying so hard. i've been so good." He puts his hands in his face and sighs. "it's so hard." He looks pitiful.

 

"You say you've been trying but you still restrained me with such force that I bruised today." Your voice starts to shake.

 

"i-- i panicked. i didn't want you to leave again. it was stupid. i was stupid. i was so scared."

 

"Get out of my face."

 

"what?"

 

"Get out of my _face_!!" You scream at him and he recoils. "You think you can be physically and emotionally abusive and then give me puppy dog eyes and I'll just keep acting like it never happened every time? You think that's _okay_?" Your voice is shrill.

 

"i told you not to yell at me."

 

"Screw you! You're not the boss of me! You know what?! Screw this! I hate this!"

 

"don't say that!" Sans is panicking. "you don't mean it." His whole body is shaking. Your instinctive reaction is fear.

 

"I'll say what I want and. You. Are not going to police my tone!" You get up from the table and put your dishes in the sink. "Who the hell do you think you are?!"

 

"y-you said you wouldn't leave." He grabs you by your good wrist as you pass by and you yank it back. You just want to go back to your room. You accidentally hit him in the face as you pull your hand away.

 

 

Oh shit oops.

 

 

He gets up so quickly that his chair falls backward and clatters on the ground.

 

"I didn't mean it!" You clamp your hand over your mouth and back up. It hurts from the contact of flesh on bone. You start wailing and back into a corner, hands up as you slide against the wall to the floor. He approaches you slowly, looming.

 

"get off. the floor." He speaks slowly, voice trembling. You can't read him. All you can do is cry. He's going to kill you. There's no way he's not going to kill you after everything you've said and done.

 

"Noooo!" You sob.

 

He squats so his face is level with yours. "stop crying."

 

"Nooo-o-oooo!"

 

"please don't cry!" He leans forward and your entire body flinches and tightens. You shriek. He wraps his arms around you. "stop being afraid of me!" His voice is pained.

 

"Stop giving me reasons to be afraid of you-u!" You sputter through sobs. "Leave me alo-one."

 

"calm down. please calm down." He rubs his fingers on your scalp. He's freaking out. " _please_. shhh." Now he's crying too.

 

You cry until you physically can't any more. You're exhausted and drowsy from the painkillers. You grip Sans' sleeve. He picks you up, leaning you against his chest, and carries you to bed. He tucks you in and leaves to get you some water. He sits at the foot of your bed as you lie there feeling exhausted and numb.

 

"i don't blame you for hating me. i'm sorry. just… _please_ , stop being scared of me." He lies at your feet, only moving to wipe his face with his sleeve every now and then.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans must have opened the window while you slept. A cool autumn breeze chills you awake. He looks up from the joke book he's reading at your desk when you stir. You've been changed into pyjamas and there's a slice of butterscotch cinnamon pie on your bedside table. It's late afternoon.

 

"morning." He's careful to keep his voice gentle.

 

"My heart hurts. My whole chest hurts." You glance at the pie. "Tori came over?"

 

"naw, i made it. i've, uh, had that recipe longer than the snail pie. please have some-- if you're hungry, that is." He's avoiding eye contact.

 

You start eating it. It's delicious but obviously not Toriel's.

 

"Huh, it tastes a bit different."

 

"yeah, skeletons can't use fire magic so i used the oven. makes a difference, huh?" He grins for half a second. You both sit in silence as you eat the pie, desperate for something sweet to give you an energy boost.

 

"It's still good though." You continue to eat.

 

"hey, uh…" Sans speaks after about twenty minutes of silence. "so are we still… you know…?" He fidgets.

 

"What were we, ever?" You glare at him.

 

"i dunno, i bonded with you. we've done the most intimate thing a monster or human can do. we loved each other."

 

"I fell in love with a monster who ended up being physically and emotionally abusive. I almost killed you by leaving you. I came back to _this_."

 

"i wanted to kill my own brother."

 

More silence.

 

"are you… gonna leave?" He's so cautious in all his movements.

 

"I don't think this is going to get any better."

 

"it can't get any worse."

 

"I feel caged, Sans."

 

"what if you… stay around? live around me?"

 

"It hurts."

 

"please."

 

"I'll think about it."

 

"can i still… sleep in your bed? like last time?"

 

"No, get out. Thanks for the pie."

 

He complies. Sobs coming from his room fill the house moments later. Those walls really are paper thin. Papyrus gets home a good half hour later and asks if you're okay when he sees you. You probably look like shit after crying and struggling all day. You sigh and tell him you're just a bit sick and exhausted. He makes you a salad with some of the last tomatoes from the garden. You spend the evening in his room as he walks you through some of the puzzles he's constructing and you fall asleep in his bed. He's still awake when you wake up in the morning. Sans is nowhere to be found.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh right, it's fall.


	38. Thera-PAP-py

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's good to talk about your feelings.

 

Sans has been gone for days. You're actually worried. Papyrus isn't because it's normal for Sans to disappear for a few days at a time for a job. Still, the timing has you on edge. What if he did something stupid? What if something happened to him? You called his phone on the first day and heard his ringtone coming from his bedroom. Reassuring. Not.

 

He returns after slightly over half a week of absence.

 

"Are you okay?" You're appalled by his state.

 

"yeah?"

 

"You look like shit, no offence. What do you even do that wrecks you like that?"

 

"it's, uh…" He trails off. "ugh, i just need a shower."He beelines for the bathroom.

 

 

\--

 

 

There's a knock at your bedroom door.

 

"knock knock."

 

"Who's there?"

 

"wooden shoe."

 

"Wooden shoe who?"

 

"wooden shoe mind if i came in?"

 

"I wouldn't." You put the book you're reading on your bedside table.

 

"hey, uh, sorry i disappeared without a word."

 

"I'm used to the disappearing Sans act. It was the timing that spooked me, really."

 

"can i be open and honest for a sec?" Sans sits on the side of your bed.

 

"Okay?"

 

"i've, uh, had a rough week and i know you're really mad at me-- but i was wondering if you could lemme…" He trails off into a mumble.

 

"Pardon?"

 

"i was wondering if you could let me just sit and snuggle for a bit."

 

"What?" That caught you off guard. Sans has barely looked at you since he got home.

 

"look, i'm needy, okay?" He looks and sounds ashamed of himself. "there, i said it." He's not even looking at you.

 

"Well, that was honest."

 

"please?" He fidgets.

 

You sigh and pick up your book, not saying anything as he snuggles up. You ignore him altogether until he falls asleep and his snores distract you from your reading. Ugh, Sans, you suck. He wasn't supposed to sleep here. You turn the lamp off and go to sleep, only waking up the next morning. Sans' hand is tangled in your hair. His face is buried in it. You notice tear stains when you pry yourself away. You sigh and rub your thumb on his cheek with your good hand. Stupid Sans, being needy and cute.

 

He murmurs a, "love you," in his sleep. Frustrating. You leave the room and let him sleep.

 

He strolls in halfway through breakfast and absentmindedly pets you as he walks by your chair to the fridge. You almost get angry. Your heart hurts.

 

"ARE YOU OKAY?" Papyrus probably noticed your incessant sighing.

 

"Yeah."

 

"YOU DON'T SOUND OKAY." Papyrus is squinting at you.

 

"I don't want to talk about it."

 

"WELL, YOU KNOW I'M A VERY GOOD FRIEND. DON'T BE AFRAID TO COME TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS FOR ALL YOUR FRIEND DISCLOSURE NEEDS."

 

"Thanks Paps." You give him a faint smile.

 

 

\--

 

 

"…and then he squeezed me and then he," sob, "told me he was afraid I'd leave and," gasp, "then I accidentally hit him and…" The story comes out when Sans is at work that evening.

 

"DID HE HIT YOU AT ALL?" Papyrus hands you a tissue.

 

"I don't… think so. No?"

 

"WELL?"

 

"I don't know what to do. I'm scared." Truthfully, you only recounted the events from this week and not your entire history.

 

"WHY WOULD HE EVER FEEL THE NEED TO HIT YOU?"

 

"Jealousy? Punishment? Assertion? Wrath for backhanding him."

 

"SANS HAS NEVER BEEN THE VIOLENT TYPE." Paps, you have no idea. "WHY DON'T YOU TRY FOCUSING ON BUILDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AROUND MUTUAL RESPECT? TRUST? YOUR MUTUAL ADORATION FOR ME?"

 

"Papyrus."

 

"I WAS JOKING ABOUT THE LAST PART. I AM VERY FUNNY-- OH, BUT I WAS ONLY PARTIALLY JOKING. PLEASE LOVE ME." You both laugh at this but then he gets serious. "YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER THE RELATIONSHIPS AND BEHAVIOUR YOU ALLOW IN YOUR LIFE."

 

"Thanks."

 

He puts his hands on your shoulders. "WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TALK TO HIM TOO?"

 

"Um, only if you don't mention our conversation."

 

 

\--

 

 

When was the last time Sans physically hurt you aside from the crushing incident? You rack your brain. Papyrus really got you thinking. When did he yell at _you_ unprovoked? He raised his voice at Papyrus when he was drunk that one time. He, uh.

 

Well.

 

 

\--

 

 

"CAN I BE HONEST?" It's been weeks since you've cried about your feelings to Papyrus but you're crying to him again tonight.

 

"Mhm." You blow your nose.

 

"I'VE BEEN A BIT SELFISH. IT'S IN MY BEST INTEREST TO KEEP YOU AND SANS HAPPY AND TOGETHER BECAUSE OF THE BOND. I WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY. IF NEITHER OF YOU IS CONTENT THEN I'LL BE SAD TOO."

 

"It's in your best interest for me to not dump your brother but it's in mine to be safe," you grumble.

 

"SANS ISN'T DANGEROUS. NORMALLY HE'S NOT SELFISH EITHER. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW THE BOND MAKES HIM FEEL. I DON'T WANT TO BE MANIPULATIVE-- I JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT I REALLY WANT YOU TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS WORK. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE SO FRIGHTENED ALL OF THE SUDDEN. YOU ALSO GOT REALLY SCARED THAT NIGHT WE ALL DRANK TOO MUCH. I DON'T GET IT. HE SQUEEZED YOU WHEN HE PANICKED LAST WEEK BUT…?" He trails off. He means well but doesn't get it.

 

Should you tell him about the bath incident? The breakup? The Sans almost dying incident? How much does he know? How much did Sans tell him?

 

"Yeah."

 

 

\--

 

 

You quietly knock on Sans' bedroom door. He opens it a crack. He always opens it just a crack.

 

"hey." He seems surprised.

 

"Can I come in?"

 

Sans looks over his shoulder nervously, hesitating before opening the door. Yup, it's a pig sty all over again. It's got that musky stagnant air to it. He sprawls the blanket over the mattress since the sheet corners have all slipped off and into a mess of lumpy fabric, then invites you to sit.

 

"s'on your mind, kiddo?" He sits on the pillow and leans against the wall.

 

"I, uh…" You exhale. "Um." Your voice cracks and you swallow.

 

"hey, uh, you okay?" He leans toward you but he hesitates when he extends his arm, not sure if it's alright to touch you.

 

You reach out and grab his hand, interlocking your fingers. He scoots up and you lean into him, crying and gripping his shirt. He wraps his free arm around you.

 

"i know. i'm sorry." He plants a toothy kiss on the top of your head and lays you down on his lumpy mattress. You cry yourself to sleep in his arms as he gently rubs the nape of your neck, trying to soothe you.

 

You know he didn't mean what he did.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He really has been trying.


	39. Pal-TRY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sans tries.

 

You're cold. The window's open and the smell of eggs wafts into Sans' bedroom. You're shooed back into bed when you enter the kitchen.

 

"breakfast in bed!" Sans appears minutes later with a plate of scrambled eggs. The fall air is cold so you slip under the blanket you slept on. That's better.

 

"What's the occasion?"

 

"i got to sleep with my human for the first time in forever." He hands you the plate and sits under the blanket with you. They're not as fluffy as Papyrus' and he put too much ketchup on them but they're okay.

 

"Thanks." You look up from your food and see Sans looking… excited? "What's up?"

 

"i'm just… really happy's all."

 

"Happy that I bawled my eyes out last night?"

 

"happy that you came to me to bawl your eyes out." He scoots up to you so your knees are touching. "you know how heartbreaking it is to barely have whole conversations after everything we've done together?"

 

"Can't imagine," you say sarcastically.

 

He takes the empty plate from you and places it on the floor.

 

"Really?"

 

"it won't make a difference. look at the place." Yeah, okay, he's right.

 

He places his arms around you and pulls you to a laying down position with him, touching his forehead to yours.

 

"what made you come back?" He's rubbing you with a thumb.

 

"I guess I realized you didn't have any malicious intent."

 

"what?"

 

"I'm always scared you're going to hurt me but last time you did it was accidental. You were freaked out. The time before was the bathtub incident but you clearly weren't in control. You've never really… wanted to hurt me."

 

"obviously, i never wanted to hurt you." He grips a handful of your shirt fabric, squeezing you tightly against him. You feel his ribs press into you.

 

"I just keep going into flight mode when you get angry or riled up or any kind of dangerous. I'm scared. I'm not sorry for being scared because I have the right to be after what's happened."

 

"it's a healing process. for both of us."

 

"Yeah. We're both in the wrong."

 

"yep." He holds you for a while, pinching you here and there, gently caressing your splinted wrist.

 

"Oh, you don't have to be that careful. It's more or less healed by now. It was a really mild sprain."

 

"d'you know how worried i was?"

 

"It really wasn't that bad." You pause and then give him a mischievous smile. "Want to see my x-rays?"

 

"oh my goodness, you _have_ those?" Sans' face lights up.

 

"Yeah, I'm not really supposed to have a copy but the radiologist thought it was hilarious when I told him I have skeleton monster roommates."

 

"oh maaaaan."

 

You both move to your room and you fish the radiographs out from your desk. Sans holds up the sheet with the postero anterior view and holds his hand up next to it, breathing a small "whoa" as his face turns a bright blue. You remove your splint, being gentle with the velcro, and give him your hand. He looks at the x-ray while gently feeling all the bones, occasionally making marvelling noises.

 

"i'll pay whatever it takes for a full-body version."

 

"No."

 

"no they won't do it or no you won't do it?"

 

"Both." You laugh. "Well, they'll do it if you go private but radiation's not something you want to be exposed to unnecessarily."

 

"oh man, this is surreal." He moves up your arm from your hand. Sans has never been able to make up his mind on whether he prefers feeling up your bones or flesh.

 

"Want 'em?"

 

"obviously?"

 

 

\--

 

 

"kay, i've been working on this thing." Sans guides you to Papyrus' room. "if i may?"

 

"If you may what?" He's being totally suspicious.

 

"if i may have your trust for five minutes?"

 

"Um…." You can't help but feel nervous. He's acting weird. "Okay?"

 

He bursts in. "papyrus! what did you do?" His voice is convincingly whiny.

 

"WHAT DID I DO?" Paps is working on a silkscreen stencil for a new shirt.

 

"______ says i'm not kissing her right since you did. what the hell? how did you do it?"

 

"SANS, WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN DO WITHOUT A COOL GUY LIKE ME TO SHOW YOU EVERYTHING? COME HERE, _______."

 

"No?!" Panic. All you need if for Sans to go haywire. Hell no. Too late, Sans has his arm around you. Shit?

 

Papyrus grabs you and plants a smooch on your forehead with a loud "MUAH."

 

"SEE SANS? YOU NEED TO PUT SOME HEART INTO IT."

 

"ooh, i see. okay. show me again?"

 

"MUAH."

 

"ooh, okay. yeah, i got it. thanks bro."

 

"YOU TRY."

 

"…muah?" Sans gives you a kiss on the cheek. "like that?"

 

"YES, PERFECT."

 

Your heart's pounding so you start speaking very quickly.

 

"Yeah, wow, that was a really good lesson, Papyrus. Sans is already a lot better. Thanks!" You nope right out of the room.

 

Sans follows you across the hall to your bedroom.

 

"soooo? how'd i do?" He's grinning.

 

"What the hell was that all about?" Your hand's on your heart. You need to lie down. Okay. Bed.

 

"i wanted to show you how, uh, i'm not going to go into a jealous rage?" He gets on the bed and eases up to you, placing his chin on your stomach.

 

"Oh. Kay." You whimper. You're in a daze. Too risky.

 

"you don't sound okay." He pouts.

 

"I'm just dead. I'll be okay."

 

He moves your hand away from your chest and places his there, feeling your heartbeat.

 

"i love making your heart do that but, uh, not in that context." He moves up and trails a few kisses along your jaw. You turn to your side and grip him.

 

"I can't believe you did that."

 

"it took a lot of mental preparation." He places a hand on your cheek.

 

"But why?"

 

"i don't want you to be afraid any more."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's not really how it works but...


	40. HOLLOW-een

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wear a mask.

 

 

The costume you're wearing is a masterpiece whipped up by Papyrus in a day. You're dressed in a glittery dress and cape with a pointy hat that flops to the side rather than sticks straight up. You even have a cute wand with a star at the tip. Yes. Perfect. It's not the usual Papyrus quality as it's only for a costume party but you feel like a million dollar witch nonetheless. Papyrus emerges in his costume. He's wearing the pink bunny onesie he made and holding an oversized carrot prop. Sans is waiting in the living room dressed in an old French military uniform.

 

"It's so weird seeing you in clothes that fit." You marvel at Sans. He actually looks really cute.

 

"okayokay. guess who i am."

 

"A ship captain?"

 

"napoleon _bone_ aparte" He looks very pleased with himself. There's no way he made his costume; it has to be a rental.

 

You burst out laughing.

 

"thank you. thank you." He's smug.

 

"It's funny because you're short!" You bend over. There are tears in your eyes. Papyrus starts cackling too. Sans leans backward into the couch, indignant. Offended.

 

"d-don't laugh _at_ me!" he stammers. "that's not why it's funny! it was so clever! my perfect bone pun--!"

 

"Shorty short mini skelly!" You plant yourself on the couch and wrap your arms around him. "Look Papyrus, I have a mini tyrant king bone boyfriend."

 

"I PREFER TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY."

 

"Okay? So how would you like to think about me and Sans?"

 

He pauses awkwardly.

 

"Not in denial, Fluffy Bunny?" You point your wand at him.

 

"i don't really like the word 'boyfriend' either to be honest." Sans flops sideways so he's laying across your lap.

 

"…Oh?" Huh, you never thought about it. "So, uh, what… do you... prefer?"

 

"literally anything else? lover? partner? companion? mate? anything?"

 

"Soulmate?" You wink. Papyrus gasps. Sans flinches.

 

"YOU DIDN'T." Papyrus is in disbelief. You've never seen him blush so deeply. He grips the wall for support, looking away. "NO WAY."

 

"hey, uh, i hadn't told papyrus about that." He sounds angry.

 

"What? What did I do?" It clicks. "Oooooh. No Paps, I didn't mean what I think you thought I meant!" You look at Sans. He's pulled his Napoleon hat to cover his face but you can still see that he's blushing.

 

"WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE PARTY. WE SHOULD GO." Papyrus sounds like he's about to cry. Sans looks like he's about to die of embarrassment.

 

"Papyrus, are you okay?"

 

"Y-YES? THAT'S REALLY… DID YOU REALLY? I CAN'T BELIEVE--" He cuts himself off, clearing his throat. "LET'S JUST GO."

 

 

\--

 

 

The party's in a large lounge bar and attended mostly by monsters. Someone will occasionally stop and marvel at your presence once they realize that you're human. They're not being rude about it but it's making you a little uncomfortable. Papyrus is hanging out with Undyne and Sans is surrounded by a crowd of laughing monsters. He's probably cracking jokes. You're seated on a couch with Alphys, a drink in your hand. Undyne and Alphys both have elaborate anime cosplay costumes from something you haven't seen so you look pretty cute sitting together. Fun times all around despite Papyrus' obvious discomfort. Too bad you didn't do this last year too; it's a blast.

 

The ride home gives you an excuse to talk about some of the monsters that politely asked about you. Alphys isn't really one to take the wheel in social situations so you had to do the talking. Sans, Papyrus, or Undyne would drag you around every now and then but you'd always end up back at the couch. Speaking of couches, you toss your witch hat and wand on the floor and flop right onto yours when you get home.

 

"long night, huh, kiddo?" Sans just flops on top of you, tossing his hat and coat on your costume parts.

 

"PLEASE DON'T THROW YOUR STUFF ON THE FLOOR LIKE THAT." Papyrus always gets stressed when you leave things lying around. He's been wound up all night.

 

"Sorry, Paps, I'll get it." You wiggle out from under Sans and pick up your stuff.

 

It's pretty late so you just head straight for your room and fall asleep. Sans wakes you up sliding in with you in about an hour later. You don't even bother opening your eyes. You stroke his arm when he wraps it around you and-- hang on, what? It's Papyrus? He grips you and presses you to him. He's crying silently. You feel sympathy, knowing it's hard for Papyrus. You also feel fear. What if Sans walks in and sees this? Shit. You want to comfort Papyrus. You don't know what to do. Maybe if you just lie awake and invite Sans to join you when he enters. How long can you stay awake? You're exhausted. You rub Papyrus' cheek with athumb, wiping his tears.

 

"I'm sorry, Papyrus."

 

"DID YOU REALLY DO IT?" It's always weird when he whispers. He squeezes you a bit too tightly.

 

"…Yeah. Sans did all the work though." You're not really sure how to comfort him.

 

"CAN I ASK… WHAT IT FELT LIKE?" Why's he trembling?

 

"Warm? Enlightening? Painfully emotionally draining?" How do you describe your confrontation with Sans without going into detail about his mind?

 

He lies there crushing you as he trembles and cries silently. One of his hands moves to your face and he rubs your cheek with his thumb. Shit, Sans opens the door and you tense up but he… backs up and closes it immediately? It happened so quickly- Did Papyrus even notice? It takes you over an hour before you drift off again against your will.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're trapped until Papyrus wakes up, scared to call for Sans. He finally stirs and you have to dash for the bathroom, having held it for so long. You open your door and trip over Sans, waking him up.

 

"Oh shit, sorry!" He'd fallen asleep sitting next to your door. His face was in his arm, resting on a knee.

 

"oh, uh, s'okay." He looks frazzled but pulls himself off the floor. Papyrus is still in your room. "you okay?" His face is tear-stained.

 

"I'm fine. Are you?" He responds by sighing and pulling you into a long hug. "…Sorry I fucked up last night."

 

"you didn't know what you were saying. i could have recovered but i lost my cool. it's over."

 

"IS SANS AWAKE, _______?" Papyrus calls groggily.

 

"Yeah." You call back.

 

"OKAY, I'LL GET STARTED ON BREAKFAST." You release Sans and head to the bathroom as Papyrus emerges from your bedroom.

 

A heavy atmosphere hangs over the room during breakfast. You don't want to be home but you don't work today. Sans sneaks up on you from behind later when you're in the living room and wraps his arms around you.

 

"hey, wanna go for a walk?" His voice is soothing. He gently kisses the back of your neck.

 

"Yeah."

 

He takes your hand, leads you to the car, and drives to a woodsy area. Just walk it off. The late fall air is chilly and smells like mulch from fallen leaves. You stop at a log and take a seat, leaning into each other, not speaking for a long time.

 

"Why did Papyrus freak out last night," Sans wraps an arm around your waist when you finally ask the question, "and why did you stay out of the room?"

 

"i, uh, wanted to give him some space. he loves you to bits but i don't think he's cool with us being a thing."

 

"It hurts to see him like that."

 

"yeah." He holds you close. "it really does."

 

"Thanks for giving him space, I guess."

 

"thanks for keeping him company."

 

"Surprised you weren't jealous."

 

"oh, i was." He uses his free hand to gently brush your hair aside. "being and acting are two very different things."

 

"You've been getting better."

 

"i wish my brother wasn't getting worse."

 

"Yeah."

 

You sit there for almost an hour, cuddling and not knowing what to say, making out to drown your sorrows and anxiety.

 

 


	41. SEX-curity Office.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He apparently forgets fairly frequently.

You're on vacation. You're entitled to two weeks off so you've decided to take them during the holiday season. Sans doesn't have time off now. You and Papyrus stare at his forgotten lunch.

 

"Should we… bring it to him?" You're hesitant.

 

"I'M NOT SURE HE DESERVES IT. HE'S DONE THIS THREE TIMES THIS MONTH."

 

"You just bring him his lunch whenever he forgets it?"

 

"USUALLY. I THINK I'LL LET HIM GO HUNGRY TODAY. IT'LL TEACH HIM A LESSON."

 

"I'm bringing him his lunch, Papyrus. I'll warn him not to do it again."

 

"TELL HIM I REFUSED TO BRING IT. DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE WORKS?"

 

"I think so. Do you have the exact address?"

 

Papyrus texts you the address and you grab Sans' lunch. The drive isn't long. There's a security checkpoint at the parking lot. You explain your situation and the attendant laughs. She evidently knows that Sans forgetting his lunch is not a rare thing. The same thing happens when you get inside. You stop at the security desk and explain. The man at the counter calls something on his radio and then buzzes you through the access control door with directions and a visitor ID. You wander around for almost twenty minutes after having taken a wrong turn. You finally find the main security office and knock meekly.

 

"saw ya comin'. Sans grins as he opens the door. He motions to the wall of monitors behind him. "you took a left turn too early."

 

"So you just watched me?" You're trying not to stare. Oh man, Sans looks so good. He's wearing those navy pants you saw Papyrus pinning on him. He has a plain light blue long-sleeved dress shirt with epaulet flaps, insignia, and a tie. A _tie_! His outfit's accessorized with a sparsely equipped utility belt, walkie, boots that are actually laced properly, and a vertical photo ID card clipped to his breast pocket.

 

"well, i can't really leave my station on the clock." His grin widens when he catches you staring. "whad'ya bring me?"

 

"Papyrus made you a… I don't know. I didn't really open it. He said he's not bringing you your lunches when you forget them from now on."

 

Sans rolls his eyes and opens the lunch box, finding a thermos of soup, some crackers, fruit, and a bottle of ketchup.

 

"hm, good stuff." He walks over to a row of lockers on one of the walls, opens a particularly messy one, and stuffs it in for later.

 

"I see your locker's in the same state as your room," you joke.

 

"don't judge me," he chuckles.

 

"So you sit on your ass and watch cameras all day?"

 

"yep. gives me time to work on more important projects." He motions to a laptop closed on a desk. "security doesn't actually pay that well so i, uh, do some extra stuff on the side."

 

"How many jobs do you actually have?"

 

"… enough."

 

"Well, I guess I better go then." You turn to leave after giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

 

"yeah, probably, huh."

 

"I'll see you tonight." You turn to walk away--

 

 

Click click.

 

 

"You've got to be kidding me." You turn back and look at him in disbelief.

 

"mmm sorry but this is an area for authorized personnel only. you're trespassing so i'll have to place you under arrest."

 

"Oh. My goodness, Sans, take these off."

 

"you're so uncooperative, i'm gonna have to detain you now." Wink.

 

"Sans. Give me the key. To these handcuffs. Or I will kill you."

 

"you're not really in a position to make threats." He forcefully slams you chest first into the door and clicks the lock shut. "you're gonna have to work for it. if you're real nice i'll let you off with a warning." It's a low growl.

 

"I'm not fooling around in your office at work in a pair of handcuffs. I got you off this morning."

 

"suit yourself." He slowly twists the smallest key off his keyring and fucking. Tosses it. Into his mouth.

 

"Are you kidding me?! Don't you dare swallow that key!" You can't even try to interfere because your hands are cuffed behind you.

 

"hmm?" You hear the faint click of metal on bone as he moves it around in his mouth, taunting you.

 

"What would… happen if you swallowed it?" You wonder if his body would convert it into raw energy like food.

 

"wanna find out?" He asks lazily but guides you to the chair by the desk and sits you down authoritatively with a smug-ass grin.

 

"Oh my gosh, fine."

 

"good girl." He loosens his tie and slowly starts unbuttoning his shirt before pinching your cheek.

 

"Can you uncuff me so I can use my hands?" 

 

"mmmmm nope. you're gonna have to improvise." He casually straddles you in the chair, chest right in your face.

 

"I hate you." You start running your mouth along his ribs, alternating between the inside and outside by curling your tongue around them. He starts groaning immediately. You nibble at his clavicles knowing he enjoys that. You've decided to play his game.

 

You can't bend down enough to reach his lower ribs in this position but at least you can lick up and down his sternum, which doesn't take long to get him making some real noise.

 

"Shh. Someone's going to hear."

 

"nnn less talking more working." He moans and grabs a fistful of your hair.

 

You bite him in protest and he pinches your lips, puckering them. He angles your face so your eyes meet.

 

"d'you need me to teach you some manners?" He squeezes your lips until they hurt. You shake your head and plead silently.

 

It's certainly not your most adventurous time getting Sans off but your repetitive licking and sucking doesn't take long to get his body jerking in small spasms and his breathing just as shaky. He relishes your hot breath and your occasional groan, rubbing your scalp and the nape of your neck. You can taste his sweat as you work him up to his usual noisy squirmy state and, okay, it's really cute to see him like this in uniform with his shirt all untucked and wrinkled from your good deeds. The handcuffs are cutting into your wrists; they're not breaking the skin but it's not what you'd call comfortable.You can feel his phalanges gently pinching and massaging your throat, feeling your pulse as he tries not to gasp too loudly. He's trying so hard to be quiet; it's adorable. Mr bossy skeleton's reduced to a whimpering mess at your hands-- and you didn't even need your hands.

 

"f-fuck, ______, i'm--" He gasps. He's not coming yet but he's not too far off.

 

"Mmm?" You make a quizzical noise as you work.

 

"nnn. haaah. just. keep going." He grips your hair painfully and you whine as he comes. His whole body trembles in orgasm. He gasps. After he climaxes, he presses his mouth to yours, passing the key to you in a kiss: your reward for a job well-done.

 

"i'll get you back tonight, kiddo." He places a hand on one of your cheeks and kisses the other gently before resting his sweaty forehead on yours. "look forward to it."

 

Now you have to keep a straight face walking back outside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, SO WE FOUGHT OVER THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER FOR ALMOST A MONTH SO HERE'S THE ALT ENDING:
> 
>  
> 
> "f-fuck, ______, i'm--" He gasps. He's not coming yet but he's not too far off.  
>    
> "Mmm?" You make a quizzical noise as you work.
> 
> "nnn. haaah. just. keep going." He grips your hair painfully and you whine as he comes. His whole body trembles in orgasm. He gasps and chokes, sputtering and dismounting. He's coughing? Retching? How do skeletons cough with no lungs? You've never heard him do that before.
> 
> "Shit, Sans, are you okay?"
> 
> "i swallowed the key!" He sputters and looks over at you with a mixture of distress and embarrassment. 
> 
> "You can -not- be serious!" You get up and approach him frantically. "Open your mouth!" 
> 
> He complies. His mouth is empty. It's gone forever. You gape at him as he regains his breath, still panting, and then panic hits you.
> 
> "Now what am I supposed to do, genius?" You're torn between being panicked and livid. What the hell was he thinking?
> 
> "did you really think i wouldn't have a spare?" he drawls. He's clumsily buttoning his shirt. Guess it's harder without flesh on your digits. He meanders to the cabinet in the corner of the room and rifles through it for about a minute before extracting a keychain with a spare for the cuffs.
> 
> You grab his tie and yank him forward the second he releases you.
> 
> "Don't you ever pull that shit again."
> 
> "you were totally into it." 
> 
> "It was a terrible idea."
> 
> "don't worry, kiddo, i'll get you back tonight." He places a hand on one of your cheeks and kisses the other gently. "look forward to it." 
> 
> Now you have to keep a straight face walking back outside.
> 
>  
> 
> \--------------TELL US WHICH ENDING YOU PREFER IN THE COMMENTS--------------


	42. SHOW-tel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take me with you.

 

You've been on this bus for six hours. Sans is snoring in the seat next to you and you prod him awake as you approach your destination. Papyrus wanted to have Undyne and Alphys over for the weekend so you offered them your bed as Sans asked you to come along with him for a job. Maybe it was because the destination's one of his favourites. Maybe it was because you pouted at being alone for the holiday season. Either way he threw some of your stuff in his duffel bag and told you to get in the cab with him. He got you a ticket at the bus station and, six hours later, you're getting off this bus and cabbing it to a hotel.

 

"just wait near the doors while i check in." Yeah, it would probably look weird for a human and a monster to be checking in to a one-bed suite. It's a four star hotel. Aw yeah. He comes back with a pair of key cards and grabs the bag. "alrighty."

 

The room's nice. Upholstered armchair, side table, fairly large TV with a million channels, internet access. There's a room service menu. The bath is large and there are heated tiles in the bathroom. Score?

 

"This is awesome? What gives?" You flop onto the bed. "Do you always stay in a hotel this nice?"

 

"yeah i get partially reimbursed. s'part of the deal."

 

"What deal? What do you even do that requires you to come out this far?"

 

"i've got a stand-up routine. nothing fancy. i have an agent who hooks me up with a gig every now and then. takes a cut but i'm not complaining. a show pays about as much as a few days' work but i only have to work for an hour or two so, you know... worth it."

 

"So you just hang around the hotel all day?"

 

"usually but not in this city. there are places to be."

 

"Oh? Like where."

 

"i'll show you."

 

 

\--

 

 

It's hot. You were wondering why Sans packed one of your summer shirts even though it's December. This is why. You walk in and the heat hits you in the face, almost causing you to gasp. Sans walks in and ushers you to the bar.

 

"Grillby's?" It smells like greasy food. The lights are dim. It's cozy.

 

"best food anywhere." He's sweating bullets. He pulls out his handkerchief and mops his brow. "used to be a few minutes away when monsters still lived underground."

 

"You came here often?"

 

"several times a day. papyrus hasn't always been good at cooking. i'd come so often that grillbz'd just bill me once a month." He leans on the counter looking happy to have brought you here.

 

A flaming barman-- that's right, a literal flame shaped like a person, emerges from the kitchen and does a double-take when he notices Sans. He comes over immediately and hugs him over the counter. You scream and clap your hand on your mouth. Heads turn for a brief moment.

 

"S-sorry! Holy crap, that didn't burn?"

 

"no? this is grillby." Sans laughs, gesturing to the fire monster.

 

Grillby nods at you and looks at Sans about as quizzically as a flame can look.

 

"this is my friend, ______." He gestures at you. You're used to introducing each other as friends.

 

After a bit of conversation in which Grillby didn't seem to do much talking, he hands you a menu. Guess he figures Sans doesn't need one.

 

"Oh! Is this the place that makes the burgers you mentioned Frisk loving? The snail ones?"

 

"yep and they _lava_ good burg." He winks and points to one of the burgers. Yup. Escargot.

 

"Oooh, are we doing fire puns? Need me to get all _fired_ up?" Grillby chuckles at your retort.

 

"only if you wanna get _roasted_." Sans winks and orders two of the burgers and Grillbz heads over to the kitchen. The guy's made of fire; barbecue must be his specialty.

 

"Oh, you've _sparked_ my interest now." You smile smugly. "I might just need revenge."

 

"don't wanna get too _heated_ now. didn't you know revenge is a dish best served cold?"

 

"You… need to, uh…" crap, think faster. "…Extinguish that attitude?"

 

"tsk. come on, kiddo." He looks disappointed.

 

"Alright, you win this time." You roll your eyes.

 

"i win every time." He leans over to you smugly and whispers a barely audible, "didn't think you'd fizzle out so soon, hottie."

 

"Oh my gosh, Sans." Why are you blushing? You're used to this corny nonsense by now. This is so stupid. Gah. He noticed. He's leaning on the counter with his face resting on his hand, staring at your reaction. He stares for the longest time before Grillby emerges from the kitchen with two piping hot burgers.

 

"oh, here comes the grub." They smell mouthwatering. Grillby grabs a bottle of ketchup and places it on the counter.

 

It's delicious. The patty's dense. The flavour's rich. It's juicy and cooked to perfection. Oh man. No wonder Sans ate here all the time when he could. No wonder he wanted you to try it so badly. You've never had a snail burger before so the novelty of that itself would be enough to keep you coming back. You wonder how he cooks his other food. You're willing to bet the menu was a lot more limited when they were underground. Grillby brings you each a drink on the house. You clink glasses and down them. It's stronger than you anticipated but the flavour's pleasant.

 

This is probably the best time you've had out with Sans. He's usually a lot more reserved when he's with you in public but maybe it's the familiar cozy atmosphere of Grillby's that's allowed him to loosen up. You know he's a pretty fun guy to have a party or in a crowd even though he's not the type to talk about personal stuff. It's nice to see him looking comfortable around you instead of avoiding eye contact and conversation in general. He's not necessarily publicly displaying his affection but it's a lot less alienating than he is when you're around strangers or even friends. Another round. Another. You're not drunk but you're both a little tipsy. It's great. Sans pays. You leave after a hearty goodbye from Grillby and head back to the hotel. The frigid air chills the back of your sweaty neck and you instantly miss the bar's heat.

 

 

\--

 

 

You run the shower almost immediately when you get back to the hotel and both you and Sans hop in. It takes you both a rather long time because you don't want to get out of the hot water. Showering with another human's awkward because you have to keep switching the person under the stream but fun thing about skeletons: the water mostly goes right through them. You give him a nice scalp rub. He's always more sensitive there after being under hot water though not in a sexual way. Your first night was really nice and Sans has to work tomorrow. You're looking forward to seeing him do his thing. He spoons you and bites your neck almost the second you bury yourself in the plush hotel bedding. He's gnawing. It hurts but he wraps and arm around your waist, gripping you tightly, and slides his free hand down your pants. You let out a moan as he gets massaging.

 

"aw, is my hottie human all hot and bothered? that face you made earlier today was hella cute, you know that?" He's growling but it's practically a purr.

 

He grinds up against you as he works you to a sweat. Why did you bother taking a shower when you got back? You have a feeling it's going to be a long night.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got more Fanart (chapter 41) so check our Tumblr if you're down.


	43. MENacing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans' routine is pretty funny.

 

 

Hotel restaurant breakfast. The hotel staff is a lot more polite about you dining with a monster than the people at the greasy diners you usually eat at together. It really is a relief being able to speak candidly and relax. Maybe you're less paranoid about getting seen being intimate with a monster since you're so far from home and will never see anyone again. Sans sure is a lot more relaxed than usual too. Imagine living in a world where you didn't have to hide your relationship. It sure would be nice if people didn't slash your tires and burn your living quarters.

 

"you okay?" Sans looks concerned.

 

"Just thinking."

 

"uh-oh." He's joking.

 

"Hey." You chuckle and steal his last bit of hash brown.

 

"i got you to smile." He grins. There's too much ketchup on it for you to even taste the potato.

 

"Don't want to talk about it here."

 

"i gotcha. wanna hit the hot tub? talk about it later?"

 

"Oh yeah, there's a pool."

 

"i said the hot tub."

 

"Pool!"

 

 

\--

 

 

"i'm not getting in the pool." You didn't know Sans even owned swimming trunks. He would only come at this time of day since the pool gets less traffic. He made sure there was no one around before he took his shirt off. People tend to stare. Not that they don't normally but he's apparently not very comfortable exposing more than his limbs. You can see right down his shorts-- why even wear them?

 

"Aw come on," you call from the shallow end, "it's heated."

 

"you know human bone density's about 1500kg per metre cubed on average, right? fun fact: my bones are about twice that. no marrow. know the density of water, kid?"

 

"Oooh talk nerdy to me, Mr. Skeleton." You splash him.

 

"1000kg per metre cubed. do the math."

 

"I get it, you'll sink. Why do you feel so light though… and how do you know about human bone density anyway?"

 

He blushes and looks away, choking an, "uhhh."

 

"You won't wade into the shallow end?" You bob up and down in the water.

 

"i'll… sit on the stairs. if it makes you happy." He's embarrassed. He kicks in the water after planting himself on the second step.

 

"There, see? It's nice!" You lean back against the cement pool stairs with him and kick too. "I don't get it, are you afraid of drowning? You don't even have lungs, I don't understand your breathing at all."

 

"air's about 20% oxygen. water's about 30% and i don't have lungs-- i just process it."

 

"So you won't drown?!" You're pretty amazed. That's incredible. "Wait, why are you afraid of swimming?"

 

"i'm not _afraid._ i'm just not in the mood to get trapped at the bottom of the pool. it's, uh, happened?"

 

You cackle. There are tears in your eyes.

 

"No way!" Gasp. "That's not true. Didn't happen."

 

"it did happen."

 

"I refuse to believe you got trapped at the bottom of a pool."

 

"oh no, it happened to papyrus."

 

"Ooooh, that makes so much sense." You're still laughing pretty hard.

 

"he dove right in. fearless. he's so cool." Sans has this expression reserved for Papyrus. He loves his brother so much.

 

"Yeah but I can pull you out."

 

"fair." He winks and whispers, "i can show my breast stroke if you insist." He's suddenly on you, gripping your chest.

 

"Oh my goodness, Sans."

 

"can we hot tub now?" He's grinning.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans loves the hot tub. You sit there for what seems like an eternity. He's almost asleep. It's adorable. He leans onto you and dozes off. Did he actually fall asleep? He's mumbling something. Yup. Definitely asleep. What if someone walks in and sees a half-naked skeleton leaning on you? You lean back into him and sit in the water until you're dizzy and dehydrated. Okay, time to get out.

 

"Sans?"

 

"zzz."

 

"Sans, I'm getting out."

 

"zzz."

 

"I'm going to lean you against the tub."

 

"zzz."

 

"Um." Has he passed out? Maybe you should pull him out. Yeah, okay, pull him out.

 

So. Do you walk through the hotel with an unconscious skeleton? Maybe if you wrap him in a towel he'll look less… unclothed. He might be overheated. It's still probably the best option. Okay. Towel. Dash to the elevator after grabbing your bag with your key.

 

You lay him on the bed in your room. He stirs after about half an hour.

 

"nnn. nice nap." He's slurring.

 

"I thought you fainted in the hot tub. Why are you so hard to wake up? Is it a skeleton thing?"

 

"dunno. papyrus and i've always been like that."He has a drunken expression as he grabs at the air in your general direction.

 

"It took me like half an hour to wake you up on the bus too. We almost missed our stop." You approach and he pulls you down onto the bed. You squeal.

 

"sorry if i worried you. that was so nice. you're so comfy. the jets were relaxing." He pets and squeezes you.

 

"Are you okay? You sound drunk."

 

"mmmyeah s'no problem. happens sometimes." He nuzzles your shoulder and makes a weird squeaky purr noise you've never heard him make for a second.

 

"What was that?" You laugh.

 

"sssh." He falls back asleep almost immediately and stays like that for almost two hours. You turn on the tv to pass the time. He occasionally gropes you and mumbles things in his sleep. You rub his skull absentmindedly.

 

You both shower the chlorine off when he finally wakes up.

 

 

\--

 

 

You both head back to Grillby's for a quick lunch and then walk around town for a bit.

 

"so d'you wanna come and watch tonight?"

 

"Your show? Yeah okay."

 

"cool. i can probably get you a seat if i try. or you can watch from the green room. there's a screen with a live feed."

 

"That sounds more comfortable."

 

"you got it."

 

 

\--

 

 

The venue's nice and Sans gets you into the back as a plus-one. They're very accommodating. There's bottled water, coffee, and snacks. Sweet. The MC hypes the audience and Sans appears onstage, leaving you lounging comfortably on a plush couch. The live feed gets good close-ups and most of his jokes are pretty funny.

 

"Mind if I join?" The MC requests a seat on the couch. The set's almost an hour long so you both watch with the occasional laugh.

 

_"…i like physics. got into chemistry for a bit but couldn't get a reaction from the audience…"_

 

"You're here with the skeleton, huh?"

 

"Yeah."

 

_"…can measure a lot of things but not the weight of an anagram…"_

 

"How much do you charge?" He inches closer.

 

"Excuse me?"

 

_"…ever read a book on teleportation? it's bound to get you somewhere…"_

 

"What's he paying you?" Excuse you.

 

"Sans is my good friend." You're offended now.

 

_"…also reading a book on mazes. i can get lost in it for hours…"_

 

"Aw don't be like that, babe. I mean, the economy's rough and all but surely you can do better than a monster as your client." Okay, now you're mad.

 

"I'm not an escort." You're blunt. Wow. The nerve.

 

_"…i make a better comedian than boxer or fisherman anyway. only really good with one kind of hook…"_

 

"Sure. So, you want to ditch the monster and spend the night with me instead."

 

"No thank you." You're so uncomfortable right now. Sleazeball.

 

_"…my brother thinks i'm lazy so i started cracking sleeping jokes 'til i got tired of 'em…"_

 

"Come on now, no need to be like that."

 

"Sans and I are friends. I'm not an escort and I'm not interested."

 

_"…i work security. always trying not to fall asleep on the job. ironic that i'm the one resisting a rest…"_

 

"Is there a way I can make you interested?"

 

"No. I have a boyfriend. Jealous type."

 

_"…s'why i prefer a bike. can really relate to something two-tired…"_

 

"He doesn't need to know." He's too close now. Part of you wants to scream but you don't want to get Sans in trouble.

 

"Please leave me alone." You get up and make your way to the door to the stage.

 

_"…i'm big on puns. i did a theatrical performance on them once. it was more of a play on words…"_

 

The floor manager's busy but you decide to stick close to her, feeling a lot safer near her than the nasty MC.

 

 

\--

 

 

"you okay, kiddo?" Sans rubs your hand in his pocket as you walk. It's cold outside and you forgot your gloves but he wanted to hold hands. It's linty in there.

 

"Yeah. I just got hit on while you were onstage and I ended up missing some of your routine. The whole thing was really uncomfortable because the guy wouldn't let up and I had to leave."

 

"what the hell?" You can't tell if he's frustrated, angry, or both.

 

"You're squeezing my hand."

 

"… sorry." He loosens his grip. "did he touch you? did he hurt you?"

 

"No." You proceed to give him the details. He's definitely pissed off.

 

"sorry you had to deal with that."

 

You walk in silence for a few minutes.

 

"… d'you want me to give you a private show after we grab a bite?"

 

"Okay."

 

You pick up Grillby's to go and stop at the liquor store on the way to the hotel for a pinot. Sure, why not? Bed picnic. You drink from the bottle and Sans cracks some jokes from his routine to cheer you (and probably himself) up. You take a long bath together and pack most of your stuff so you're ready for the bus home in the morning. He doesn't bite your neck when you cuddle in bed but he grips you, pressing you into his ribs. He buries his face in your hair and starts mumbling about being irresponsible as he drifts off.

 

"What was that?"

 

"mmmm i should have left you somewhere safer."

 

"He didn't touch me."

 

"but he could have." Ouch, he's digging his phalanges into your skin.

 

"Skeletons are painful to fall asleep with."

 

"too bad." He plants a kiss and starts gently sucking on your neck, leaving his mark.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't read the endnotes before the story!


	44. Pur-CHASING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wait for the first day of spring seemed like an eternity. It felt like waiting for your favourite fanfiction to update when the authors decided to take their sweet-ass time only to be incredibly self-aware when they did finally post the chapter.  
> TW: abduction, rape?

 

 

The wait for the first day of spring seemed like an eternity. It felt like winter was taking it's sweet-ass time to leave the party. The holidays were nice; you actually spent Christmas with Sans and Papyrus this year. Sans completely forgot about Valentine's day for the second year in a row and wanted to kick himself when you made him chocolate-covered strawberries and he got home empty-handed. He did make it up in bed that night so whatever. Sans is really silly when it comes to human holidays and traditions. Monsters celebrate Christmas for different reasons humans do and have their own holidays. They're not very inclined to remember the human traditions. Heck, they don't even celebrate birthdays.

 

 

\--

 

 

It's grocery day. Same day, same time every week. You and Papyrus are out filling your shopping cart with provisions for the week. It's always your favourite because you foot the bill and you like to do as much as possible to make sure your housemates eat the best of what they love. It makes up for not being allowed to pay rent. You're loading up the car when Papyrus realizes that he forgot one of the bags in the store. He dashes in for it as you continue to work. You're almost done loading everything when you're lurched backward. You're dragged across the pavement by the hair and thrust into a car where you land across the back seat with your head on a man's lap.

 

"Hey monster fucker," the man coos. He grabs your wrists and zip-ties them. You panic. "Heard you and your little friends gave my brother a bad time."

 

Flailing was a bad idea. The one who dragged you enters the car and sits on your legs, crushing you. It hurts. Your legs were not meant to bend in that direction. Screaming and crying does nothing. You holler and look around desperately as the two men restrain you and the car pulls out, driving by Papyrus. Did he see you?

 

Terror.

 

"Mmmm, don't worry babe. We'll take good care of you. Just going to educate you a bit is all. We're all in agreement that people shouldn't really live with demons. Maybe if humans show you a good time you'll come to your senses." He angles your face by pulling your hair and trails his tongue along your jaw. You tremble and let out a harrowing sob. What the fuck is going on?

 

"Might want to cover her eyes for a bit. Don't want to spoil the surprise." The man sitting on your legs tosses him a fabric bag.

 

"Good thinking, man." Blackness.

 

You cry yourself into exhaustion and eventual unconsciousness. Fuck your life.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're painfully smacked awake.

 

"Rise and shine, sweetheart." The men lift you up and lead you across a paved driveway. You suppose yielding to their guidance is a lot less painful than the alternative, which is getting dragged again. The bruises and scrapes on your legs are painful but not as much as the knot in your stomach and the pain in your forehead. It's quiet. Probably suburban bordering on rural. Are they going to kill you when they're done? You've seen their faces. Fuck. You don't know where you are, how many people there are in the building you've just entered, where to hide, or even where to run. Just let it happen. It'll be over soon.

 

Hopefully.

 

You're thrust onto what feels like a sofa. Is this someone's home? A hideout? A lounge? Your elbow hits the side of the couch painfully and your neck hurts from the ride. You lie there sobbing silently.

 

"We're going to need you to sit tight for a while, hon. Show's not about start just yet."

 

You wait.

 

Forever.

 

Grieving and trembling.

 

They're going to rape you. For existing. For being defended when under attack. For living with your best friend and your skeleton boyfriend mate lover whatever Sans even is. Why?

 

Why?

 

You hear the door open andthe footsteps of multiple people after some engines cut. There's a low murmur of voices and then you're tugged off the couch by your collar. Your hair's not as easily used as a maneuvering device when there's a bag over your head. They thrust you onto the floor and you hear laughter. Excited laughter. They're giddy.

 

You hear a loud knock and then silence.

 

"Move her out." One voice. Panic.

 

Another knock.

 

"Stop the camera." Another. Also panic.

 

Fuck, were they going to film it?

 

A bang. A crash. Shuffling. Running. Flesh being hit. A fight. Screaming, yelling. The deafening sound of wood and wall being split.

 

A trembling snarl. A terrifying monstrous sound you've never heard before.

 

"IS THERE A REASON YOU'VE ABDUCTED MY SISTER?" Papyrus? You've never heard Papyrus get mad. Not _this_ kind of angry.

 

Whimpering.

 

"MAY I HAVE AN ANSWER?" Another blood curdling snarl.

 

More whimpering.

 

You're lifted off the floor and gently placed on the couch. Papyrus removes the bag from your head and moves some hair off your face.

 

"ARE YOU OKAY?" It's a whisper, both gentle and frantic.

 

You nod even though you're still sobbing silently. It's someone's house. The room looks like a bomb went off. Furniture's overthrown, walls are damaged, the wood floor's splintered, there's dust and… bones everywhere. There are six men herded into a corner and surrounded by ivory pillars (bones?) that go from the floor to the ceiling, caging them.

 

Papyrus pulls out his cell phone and gives his exact location to someone on the line. No fewer than six police cars pull up minutes later, which is good because the only thing holding the men in was their own fear-- the bars are far too widely spaced.

 

"I CALLED THE POLICE AS I FOLLOWED THEM IN MY CAR. THEY WERE WAITING FOR AN UPDATE." He's a lot more merciful than Sans would have been to have just captured and held your attackers.

 

 

\--

 

 

Everything that happened afterward was a blur. You were so exhausted and overwhelmed and confused. You had to testify to a bunch of officers. Papyrus brought you to the hospital and you were treated and given medication. Something about acute stress reactions. Shock meds. Paps also ran you a warm bath and washed your hair for you when you got home. He put you to bed early after making you some tea since you wouldn't eat. Sans got home after work and you were already in bed. Papyrus told him what had happened. He hurtled into your room, shaking you awake, _mortified_ , in tears as he grasped at you and inspected every inch of your body, crying and trembling more with every nick and scratch and bruise he found. You were barely conscious when it all happened. It's all a blur.

 

 

\---

 

 

You wake up in Sans' arms. You're a little more rested but you're definitely still in shock. You can't think straight. You're trembling. You sob tearlessly and soundlessly and Sans presses you into his ribcage, cooing.

 

"shh. it's over. everything's going to be okay." He's trying to calm you down but his voice is trembling.

 

He trails kisses up and down your arm and takes the day off to stay with you. You sit on the couch bundled in a blanket and watch some tv as he bakes you a pie. Papyrus sits with you and cuddles you until Sans puts the pie in the oven, then he scoots to make room for his brother. You sit sandwiched between the two skeletons, still trembling a day later, occasionally bursting into tears and needing comfort. Your body and soul are in pain. Time will heal both but right now you hurt. You're so grateful to be loved and cared for.

 

Papyrus leaves you and Sans in the evening. He didn't want to cancel on Undyne for their cooking date. He politely asks if it's okay to let her and Alphys know what happened and you nod.

 

How you ended up spooning on the couch is beyond you.You cuddle watching the penguin documentary Sans picked. He pauses it when you mumble something.

 

"what was that?" He runs his fingers over your earlobe.

 

"Papyrus called me his sister yesterday."

 

Sans squeezes you tightly and hums a note that would have sounded delighted if you weren't both feeling so grim.

 

"he loves you a lot."

 

"I love you a lot."

 

"i love you more."

 

"Fight me."

 

"psh." He picks at a scab on your knee.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up with an extra blanket on you the next morning. Papyrus must have covered you and Sans after you both fell asleep cradling each other on the couch.

 


	45. UNDY-ing Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne's a good friend.

 

 

Sans has been clingy lately. He's always been a little needy but he's not given you much space all week. It's been three days since the incident and you've decided to try going back to work.

 

"are you sure about this?" Sans is walking you this morning. Your arm is wrapped around his.

 

"Yes." You adjust your shirt with your free hand. Sans has been picking out your clothes. Not in a controlling way or anything-- He's wanted to make sure you were always wearing whatever would provide maximum comfort. You're not sure if these clothes are work-appropriate but you're sure your boss won't say much considering your situation.

 

"you're okay to work?" Papyrus had called your boss and explained the situation. You were offered the entirety of the time you took off.

 

"Yes. Just shaken."

 

"you don't want to take an extra day or two off?"

 

"Positive."

 

"need me to get off early to pick you up?"

 

"Papyrus always picks me up after work and you've missed work all week so far."

 

"i know bu--"

 

"Sans." You give him a stern I-can-take-care-of-myself look.

 

"o-okay. just uh, text me if anything's wrong. don't wait 'til i get home at night." He sounds really upset.

 

"Fine." You're silent for a bit and then you utter a, "Sorry we didn't call you right away."

 

"no i get it. you didn't want me to worry. the commute would have killed me had i known." He raises his free hand and rubs you affectionately.

 

You arrive.

 

"in a perfect world i'd kiss you goodbye right here in the open." He grins wistfully.

 

"Maybe someday."

 

"have a nice day, you dirty monster fucker." He winks, teasing.

 

"Same to you, you dirty human fucker." 

 

You both chuckle and part ways.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're reading in the living room when the house's front door bursts open and Undyne barges in. You thought Papyrus was at her house.

 

"HEY, punk! You haven't called me since the incident! What gives?" She beelines for you and plants herself on the couch.

 

"I've, uh, been a little overwhelmed. Where's Papyrus?"

 

"That's a really lame excuse for really lame weenies." She rips the book from you, roughly dog-ears the page, and thrusts it onto the couch before picking you up and hoisting you over her shoulder. "Papyrus is with Alphys. He's helping her with a cosplay."

 

"Noooo, I had a bookmark," you whine, "it was right there."

 

"Whatever," she's carrying you to the bathroom. "I'm going to take really good care of my weenie pal right now and she's going to tell me all about it." She plants you on the toilet and starts running the bath.

 

"Um…?"

 

"Papyrus said baths are good for when you're stressed." She's rummaging through your bath stuff and pulls out a few containers. She throws in a bath bomb, salts, AND bubble bath in comedically large quantities.

 

"That might be a little excessive." You're laughing.

 

"No way!!! I'm going to make the ultimate bathing experience!!! Then you can tell me all about it and I can beat some people up for you."

 

"Pretty sure the perpetrators are in jail right now, Undyne."

 

"Pfffft. So?" She's making a big stupid grin. "When they get out I can find them and make them pay all over again!" She laughs maniacally as she grabs three towels and throws them in the dryer and starts pulling at your clothes.

 

"Alright, alright, I've got it." You pull your clothes off and get into the bath.

 

"So! You want to talk about it? Let me know what happened? Take a load off? Do some friend… things? Cheer up?" She dunks your clothes into the laundry hamper and sits on the toilet.

 

You recount everything that happened as you scrub. Okay it feels good to talk about it, to dissociate, to go over the details of how Papyrus made it before they did anything terrible. You omit the Sans crying bit and tell her he was "upset" instead of going through the details of him examining your body and then clinging to you in your sleep. It's weird tiptoeing around your friends when it comes to your relationship. The water starts to feel lukewarm and the bubbles are almost all gone so you rinse off and drain the bath. Undyne hands you the warm towels and ushers you to your room so she can blow dry your hair. You pull out some cute pyjamas as she grabs some cookies from the kitchen. You're cross-legged on the bed with your laptop open to some animated film. No use starting it until after she's done blow drying. She tears up a bit as she dries your hair.

 

"You okay?" You only speak when she's done.

 

"What?! Of course? I'm tough as hell."

 

"You're crying." You chuckle pointedly.

 

"Shut up, weenie." She wraps her arms around you and suplexes you onto the mattress. You both bounce and start laughing.

 

Alright. Anime until you fall asleep. Undyne really cares.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans gets home pretty late. Papyrus is already in bed. No bedtime story? Huh. Okay then. He usually prefers it. Sans decides to just head straight to bed. He strips to his shorts and snuggles in with you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. What the hell? Why do you smell so different? Hang on…?

 

"NYAAAAAAAAGH!!! WHAT THE HELL, PUNK?!" Undyne is positively freaked out.

 

"shit! shit! what the hell?!" Sans recoils.

 

"Wha- AAAaahhhh, shit?!" Fuck?!" You're startled awake.

 

"WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!" Undyne is pointing at Sans.

 

"why are _you_ even here?!" Sans is trembling.

 

"We fell asleep? Never seen a sleepover, punk? What's your excuse?" She's leering.

 

"m-making sure my r-rommate's okay." He's stuttering nervously, clearly put on the spot.

 

"So you crawl up in _______'s bed in the middle of the night and feel me up thinking I'm her or someth-- Oh. OH." Undyne looks at you.

 

"Th-thank you for your concern, Sans." Shit fuck damn.

 

"s-sorry." Sans is really uncomfortable.

 

"IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?" Papyrus knocks on the door.

 

"Your brother groped me!" Undyne sounds furious.

 

"REALLY, SANS?" Papyrus enters, looking at Sans in disbelief.

 

"sh-she was in ________'s bed! i mistook her!" Sans is a mixture of nervous and indignant.

 

"Are you kidding me?" Undyne utters something halfway between a cackle and a scoff as she looks at you. "You _let_ him do that, ________?" She sounds protective.

 

"Um…?" You squeak and pull the blanket halfway up your face.

 

"You gonna apologize, punk?" Undyne gives Sans a dirty look.

 

"i'm s-sorry."

 

"SLEEP IN YOUR OWN BED FOR ONCE, SANS," Papyrus sounds frustrated.

 

"'For once'? Is this a _thing_?" Undyne sounds appalled.

 

"It's not what it looks like," you pipe.

 

"Oh, what's it look like?" Undyne's smirking.

 

"it doesn't look like anything." Sans is firm.

 

"UNDYNE, I COULD DRIVE YOU HOME IF YOU'D LIKE." Papyrus offers, seeing Sans not wanting to budge from your bed. 

 

"I wouldn't mind it to be honest but I'm not sure I like leaving _______ knowing she's being regularly molested by your brother." She motions to Sans. "What the hell, dude? I thought you were a cool guy."

 

"It's not like that, Undyne." You plead weakly.

 

"I'm not going to let him touch you like that."

 

"I'm uh, okay with him touching me like that." Better admitting that than letting her think he's some kind of creep.

 

"You… wha?" Undyne is aghast.

 

Sans utters a very aggravated-sounding groan.

 

"I'm kind of… seeing Sans," you admit.

 

"What?" She's in disbelief.

 

"THEY'RE DATING." Papyrus confirms.

 

"Aren't skeletons… not supposed to feel that kind of stuff?"

 

"that's a real personal question, undyne." Sans snaps.

 

"And you guys have a bonafide monster-human relationship? _Interspecies?_ That's kinda gross. I mean… I respect you but it's kinda gross."

 

"and that's kinda rude." Sans hisses at Undyne.

 

"Well I'm tired, you're gross, and I just got molested in my sleep." Undyne is irritated.

 

"He didn't know it was you," you advocate. "I didn't give him any kind of heads up because we fell asleep. He thought he was grabbing me-- something I consent to."

 

"I can't deal with how weird this is. I mean I can't imagine that you two are the only monster-human couple that exists but it's so… taboo!"

 

"YES, UNDYNE WE'RE ALL AWARE." Papyrus looks as uncomfortable as you feel.

 

"Ugh, ew, whatever. I'll take you up on that ride offer, Papyrus." Undyne gets out of your bed and starts toward your door.

 

It slams shut with a flash of blue.

 

" 'scuse me." Sans deadpans.

 

"What?" Undyne seethes. She doesn't look very thrilled by this act.

 

"nothing happened tonight, got it? it was an accident. i didn't mean to touch you. you don't know anything about us." Sans is stern.

 

"You got a problem, punk?" Undyne's voice is furious. Sans has definitely crossed a line.

 

"Undyne, don't tell anyone about what happened. Please? It would mean a lot."

 

"You think I'm not gonna tell Alphys that I got felt up by my friend's half-naked brother because he mistook me for you?" She looks at Sans. "Perv."

 

"UNDYNE, PLEASE, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT." Papyrus offers.

 

"I'm telling my girlfriend; she's entitled to know. Let's go Papyrus."

 

You and Sans both let out long exasperated groans when they pull out of the driveway. He pulls you close to him and buries his face in your hair.

 

"fuck."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward.


	46. b-OWNED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne's trying to be respectful. Alphys gives you a piece of her mind.

 

Why are all of Sans' cutest moments in bed? Can you even call it post-coital if you're not actually capable of having intercourse? Sex is great and you're both satisfied but there's just certain… terminology that you're not quite sure you can apply.

  

"What's up?" Sans just made a light growling noise. You don't bother turning around because he's spooning you.

 

"just wondering if i'll ever get used to the smell of your hair."

 

"What?"

 

"i dunno, it always gives me this weird happy feeling," he inhales, "like i'm always smelling it for the first time." He's mumbling, half asleep.

 

"What do I smell like?" It's hard to be aware of one's own scent.

 

"like other humans but… sweeter? i have no idea how to describe it."

 

"Is it a good scent?"

 

"the best. some humans have a nasty scent but yours always smells sweet to me." You look over your shoulder and see that he's blushing slightly. He scratches his cheek with a soft bone-on-bone scraping sound. "…what do i smell like to you?"

 

"Hm. Like… a bird? Chalky but… muskier?"

 

"…is that a good scent?"

 

"Yeah. It's like honey and a dog's paw pads. Mostly like chalk though."

 

"i'm happy." He hums lightly.

 

"Why?"

 

"why do i need to justify being happy?" He chuckles and places a kiss on the back of your neck.

 

"I don't know."

 

"you make me happy." He kneads your flesh and sighs gleefully.

 

"Monster bonding's weird. Bet you only like my scent because of that."

 

"naw i've always liked your scent."

 

"Really?" You did not expect that at all.

 

"yeah. not in an 'i'm attracted to this human' kinda way but yeah, you've always smelled nice to me. I guess the bond just amplifies it." He busies himself biting and sucking on your neck. "i wonder if i'd like your taste as much without the bond." He bites down a bit too hard and you yelp.

 

 

\--

 

 

Movie night.

 

Not a word from Undyne about the incident. She's still cheery and friendly but keeps side-eyeing you and Sans and obviously trying not to make a face. At least she's trying to be respectful. She greeted you with a noogie and enjoyed the film as she normally would, even making conversation despite her disgust. You imagine it's like finding out a close friend has a really weird fetish. Alphys, on the other hand, can barely contain herself. She obviously wants to talk about it so badly. She's bouncing and fidgeting.

 

The movie ends and you head to the kitchen, deciding to make a fresh pot of tea and replenish some snacks. Alphys seizes the opportunity and follows you. She tugs at your sleeve.

 

"Hey, __-_____?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Is what Undyne s-said about y-you and Sans true?"

 

"What did she tell you?"

 

"Th-that he g-groped her thinking she was y-you. She said th-that you two are dating? That he sleeps in y-your bed with you?"

 

"Oh, yeah, that's all true. He really didn't know it was her though. He obviously wouldn't have done it if he knew it was her."

 

"N-no I know that. I was just thinking um…" She trails off and avoids eye contact. Great, she's probably disgusted as well. Okay, you get it, they're likening your relationship to bestiality. Ugh.

 

"What is it, Alphys?" You hope that didn't sound impatient.

 

"It's j-just that ohmygosh I really didn't expect such an unconventional r-romance to bud in an environment where you're living w-with the person." She's suddenly speaking a mile a minute. "The taboo nature of y-your relationship makes everything so risqué and terrifying and you've already had to f-face the repercussions of just being seen with Sans and Papyrus in public so I can only imagine wh-wh-what the world would do if they found out that you were at that level of intimacy. It's so bizarre and unheard of. I sh-ship it so hard. You're like my OTP in a shoujo anime where the protagonist f-falls in love with their pet or s-something but has to hide it from the world-- n-not that I see you as a pet or anything! I mean humans are r-really intelligent and have much more powerful souls than monsters. Th-that said I guess the difference in lifespan is more or less like how humans count everything in d-dog years or whatever…"

 

You kind of zone out halfway through her Alphys Rant™ and hope she doesn't give herself a nosebleed. She's speaking in tongues. You catch things like her supporting you, Undyne being really grossed out but trying to be supportive of her friends nonetheless, her wanting to know the details of how you guys started seeing each other but not tonight because there's not much time… It's never ending.

 

"…Oh b-but I did have a small question that I hope you d-don't mind me asking tonight."

 

"What is it, Alphys?"

 

She mumbles it.

 

"Pardon me?"

 

"How do you… make a s-skeleton come?" It's a whisper.

 

How do you even answer a question like that without encroaching on Sans' privacy?

 

"…Hard."

 

The look on her face is priceless.

 

 

 

 


	47. Gro-SORRY Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping turns into an all-out pun battle. What were you expecting?

 

 

Grocery shopping. Of course it's turned into a pun battle. Are you keeping score? You _might_ be. (You're losing.)

 

"Why do you put up such a fight?" You're exhausted after fifteen straight minutes of punning.

 

"you don't quite grasp the _bread_ th of my experience." He pokes you with a baguette.

 

"Fine but your puns are really cheesy."

 

"oh and you better _brie_ afraid." He wins this round. On to the the dry goods.

 

"i _cereal_ problems in the near future if we don't grab some milk too." Sans winks. Of course he'd pick sugary cereal. You grab some granola for Papyrus.

 

" _Milking_ the opportunity, are we?" You elbow him.

 

"you think i'm done? we haven't gotten the eggs yet."

 

"Oh, what should I _eggs_ pect?

 

"some _eggs_ cellent puns." He elbows you back.

 

"No _eggs_ cuses for when I beat you then." You're smug.

 

"do i need to _eggs_ plain that i'm the pun master here?"

 

"I'm not giving up." You pick up two cartons. They eat a lot of eggs.

 

"suppose that's to be _eggs_ pected."

 

"What about other breakfast foods?"

 

"dunno. s'not really my _jam_. we could do with some root vegetables though."

 

" _Yam_ making this too easy." 

 

"please. that was weak. it's like you don't _carrot_ all, kiddo." You make your way to the produce section and start stocking up.

 

"What about fruit? Think we make a really dorky _pear_?"

 

"you want fruit puns? i'll have to _berry_ you when you lose and die of embarrassment." He shrugs.

 

"Oh, hardy har harr, Mr. Punny Man." Shifty eyes. Think of something. Quickly.

 

"not out of material, are we?" Shit. He knows.

 

"No. I just." You look around. "Need to _romaine_ in the game."

 

"nice recovery. _lettuce_ _turnip_ the _beet_ and celebrate with a victory dance."

 

"I give up!" Dammit, you just can't win, can you?

 

"when have i ever lost?" He smirks.

 

You sarcastically mock dance a victory jive for Sans and he joins in, jeering. You slip on a grape, falling back right into a complete stranger. Brilliance. Majesty. Grace. He has to reach out to prevent you from falling.

 

"Shoot, sorry!" You apologize.

 

"No big deal," he chuckles. "You almost died there."

 

"We're a sight to behold, aren't we?" You laugh, covering your face, embarrassed.

 

Sans is not pleased.

 

"hey uh, buddy, your hand's still on her." Icy. Frigid. Glacial.

 

"Oh, whoops! Sorry, my bad." He instantly removes it. "I'm not a creep, I swear," he chuckles.

 

"It's fine. I would have fallen if you didn't catch me."

 

"No big deal."

 

You can't read Sans' expression and that's almost never a good thing.

 

"A-anyway, thanks for saving me from breaking a hip or something. Gotta go. See you around!"

 

"Later!" He waves as you and Sans walk two aisles down.

 

"do i need to put you on a leash?" Sans normally talks through his teeth but his jaw is clenched so tightly that it's affecting his speech.

 

"Calm down jealous skellous. We were just talking."

 

"you were totally letting him flirt with you. don't do that to me," he groans.

 

"It was just a conversation-- oh my goodness you look like you're about to cry."

 

"no i don't."

 

"Sans."

 

"shut up. stop talking."

 

"Sansy Sans."

 

"what?" Is he shaking? Yes. Yes he is.

 

"I love you. Humans can talk to each other without wanting to fuck, you know."

 

"i know. i just get… scared. there's nothing binding you to me." He's not making eye contact. "you're free to leave any time and it's terrifying." He grips the cuff of your sleeve.

 

"I get it. I'm not going anywhere," you reassure him. You move your hand into his so he's not holding your sleeve and he looks up at you. "You need to lighten up a bit though, okay?"

 

How a spooky scary skeleton can look so much like a lost puppy is beyond you.

 

 

\--

 

 

Checkout goes better than expected. No rude people in front of or behind you. The cashier is a friendly curvy lady. She greets you warmly, uses all your coupons without a fuss, and even makes polite conversation.

 

"How're you doing today? Find everything you need?" Experience has led you to know it's not something they're trained to ask at this store.

 

"yeah. you'll need to restock the ketchup though." Sans grins at her.

 

"We'll get right on it, sweetheart. Got a pallet of condiments coming in tonight. " Not even condescending!

 

"we'll be back for more _tomato_." He pronounces tomato with a short "a" to make it sound like "tomorrow."

 

"Cute  _and_ funny. You're so sweet for a monster." She giggles and hands you the receipt. You had to fight Sans silently for him to let you pay. Why does he suddenly look really peeved?

 

"Thank you," you take a moment to read her name tag,"Alice. It's been a real treat." It's always nice to thank people by name.

 

Sans nods at her as you both gather your bags.

 

"Maybe _you_ were the one getting flirted with." You wink as you both load the trunk of the car.

 

"i'm so done with that racist bullshit." He's loading the car pretty aggressively.

 

"What? She was really nice! Especially compared to the other kind of service we get."

 

"you don't even see it."

 

"See what?"

 

"micro-aggressions."

 

"What?"

 

"you're so sweet," he raises his voice half an octave and whines, _"for a monster."_ He thrusts another bag in. "yeah, real nice. tell me how not nice monsters are, lady."

 

"Awe, come on, at least she didn't lean on the scale. Some cashiers do that when I'm with Papyrus-- charge us for more."

 

"pfft. big deal." He's dismissive.

 

"Our rain cheques somehow being invalid? Not accepting the same manufacturer's coupon the person before us in line used?"

 

"yeah, no. not a big deal." His tone is flat. "just live day-to-day with my coworkers saying shit like, 'we don't see you as a monster,' or, 'you're so civilized.' you know how hard it is to live with that? i'm so sick of people not acknowledging that i'm a monster or not acknowledging that monsters aren't terrible. either i'm some exception to them or i'm the voice of all monsters everywhere. why?" He leans his hand into his palm.

 

"Sorry." 

 

"naw, _i'm_ sorry. i'm ranting." He fake smiles at you and closes the trunk.

 

"You're entitled to feel that way and you're entitled to rant." You give his arm a rub.

 

"thanks, kiddo." 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you find the other fanfic authors who used Accidentally Racist Alices yet?


	48. Couch POP-tatoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night time cuddles and a scary movie.
> 
> (also, we fixed some dialogue at the end of the previous chapter)

 

 

How are lazy evenings with skeletons your favourite thing? It's so much better to stay in with these guys and vegetate than it is to go out. Well, it's always nice to get some alone time but Sans and Papyrus are a little uncomfortable with you being out alone. Sans always nags and chastises you when you do but the looks you get from Papyrus are… worse. He always looks worried and disappointed and like you're trying to hurt him. Why, Papyrus? No. Stop. Please.

 

The three of you are eating nachos and watching a really bad horror film. There are so many cliches in it that you're all cackling and trying to call out what's going to happen next. The hangout's a success and Papyrus has first dibs on the shower after the film. Sans pulls out a joke book and you slouch and read a bit over his shoulder. Pretty good stuff. So comfy. So sleepy.

 

You stretch so far that your elbows pop.

 

"mmm. do that again."

 

"You like that?" You chuckle but he's suddenly on top of you. The book's been abandoned. 

 

"more," he whispers softly into your ear before taking your earlobe between his teeth.

 

You tilt your head back and let your cervical vertebrae crack as you roll it from one side to the other, relishing his reaction.

 

"shit i just want to snap you sometimes." It's interesting that he's more sensitive on his chest but chooses to grind his pelvis into yours. Maybe he's just being considerate. He presses each of your fingers back in turn, being careful not to push them too far as he cracks your knuckles. He shivers with each pop.

 

"You have the weirdest fetishes, I swear."

 

"shh. no talking." He grabs your chin, sliding a thumb into your mouth to depress your tongue. You suck on it.

 

He stops cracking your knuckles and moves his other hand up your shirt to play with a nipple. You reach into his pants and start rubbing his pubic arch. The symphysis is almost softer to the touch than the rest of his pelvis. He's loving it.

 

"hah. shit. how do you do that?" Sans groans into your ear and rocks his pelvis with your hand movements.

 

Everything but his hips is moving so slowly, so gingerly. How are you supposed to use your tongue if his hand's in your mouth? He's been extra careful with you since the abduction even though he obviously prefers to roughly manhandle you. He's grinding against your clit through your clothes even with your hand on him and you catch yourself letting out a small moan.

 

"what was that? you enjoying that?" He gently rakes his teeth over the flesh right behind your ear after he whispers it.

 

You rut into him and reach up his shirt. He can't suppress the low growling and soft whimpers that come when you start stroking his ribs. He pulls your shirt and bra over your breasts and starts gently tonging one of your nipples. You pinch the base of his sternum and he jolts.

 

"f-fuck, _______." He lets out a long groan. "your touch is magic, y-you know that?" He intakes a sharp breath as you keep moving and moves his thumb from your mouth to your pants. He's so cute when he stutters. His thumb is wet with your saliva. Nice.

 

You groan, pleased. Arousal builds and coils within you. Once the saliva's gone from his thumb Sans inserts two fingers into your now soaked core and starts pumping them.

 

He moves in for a kiss, sliding his tongue along yours slowly to contrast the speed of his thrusting into your hand. You can feel the heat radiating off his body and he begins to jerk and spasm more and more inconsistently. He's whining. Both of your breathing becomes irregular. A bead of sweat drips down your chest, chilling you, and you quiver. Sans doesn't remove himself from either of the orifices he's occupying but continues even more intently at this. You feel yourself on the edge of--

 

" _WHY_?!" Papyrus is completely aghast. When did he get there?!

 

"Shit!" You were so into it that you didn't notice the shower turning off. You're completely mortified. You tug your shirt down, covering yourself, wishing you could sink into the couch and disappear into the void forever. What were you thinking? What in the world made you think it was a good idea to fool around on the couch with Papyrus in the shower?

 

Sans' eye sockets go completely black. He's frozen on the spot, sweat still beading and dripping down his face, a fleck of drool at the corner of his mouth. Earth to Sans. Get off.

 

"WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?" Papyrus is hysterical. Good job scarring the cinnamon roll for life. Congrats. "SANS?! ______?! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST NOT… DO THAT?" Oh goodness, Papyrus is trembling. No. Stop. Pappy, no.

 

"Oh my goodness we're so sorry, Paps! It just happened!" You don't even know what to say. You pause for a moment before nudging Sans and whispering, "Sans?"

 

Sans looks like he's literally dead. He's stiff as a board.

 

"I AM GOING TO WALK AWAY… AND PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED…" Papyrus looks like he wants to die. His jaw is clenched. "PLEASE NEVER DO THAT WHERE I CAN SEE IT AGAIN." He walks away slowly and withdraws to his room, thoroughly disgusted.

 

"Sans?"

 

He's still frozen on your lap.

 

"Sans?" You place a hand on his shoulder and give him a shake.

 

"i'm going to bed," he squeaks. His eyes are still blank. He flops sideways onto the couch and just. Lies there.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"no?"

 

"Yeah. I, uh…" Awkward.

 

"yeah." So awkward.

 

"i might just sleep here. i'm never moving again."

 

"Get up. Come to bed."

 

"carry me."

 

"Fine."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well if the horror film wasn't enough to get your heart racing...


	49. What's HEATing You? pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are you so needy right now?
> 
> TW: dub!con, blood, idk

 

 

You wake up completely drenched with sweat. Your shirt is plastered to you. So is Sans. Your face and pillow are covered in drool from sleeping with your mouth open. Sans seems to have shoved a finger into it while he slept. You notice that he's trembling and squirming in his sleep. Great, now you have to try to pry him off you. Squirm squirm. Ugh. You're so uncomfortable. You climaxed in your sleep. Your dream may or may not have involved sexytime with Sans. He's not letting go. You're so horny but you're also all wet and it's freezing. You finally manage to wiggle out from under him and pad over to grab a new shirt. Ugh your breasts have never been this swollen before. They're huge and aching. Fucking. Why? Sans' light snoring fills the room and even that's arousing you. Calm yourself.

 

You tiptoe back to the bed and don't even want to crawl back in. The sheets are soaked and freezing. Ugh. It's probably around 6AM. You did NOT want to have to wake up that early on a weekend. Fine. You flip your pillow, grab a towel and lay it down. You clamber in and Sans immediately grabs you without waking up. He's squeezing you a bit too tightly and is so drenched that it defeats the purpose of the towel altogether. The world is conspiring against you. You sigh and try to fall asleep.

 

About half an hour goes by and you're nothing if more awake. Sans won't stop groping you in his sleep and is now chewing on your neck. Okay, you're done.

 

"Sans." You shake him a bit.

 

"…"

 

"Sans!" You get on your knees and lift him off the mattress.

 

"…zzz…" He's really warm. Actually, his breathing's a bit haggard.

 

"Are you kidding me? Hey. Are you okay?" Is he sick?

 

"…" Maybe you should let him sleep.

 

This sucks. Okay, you're getting up. You groan. Hey, wait, you know what'll wake him up. You reach into his pants and lightly stroke his pubic arch. What the hell? The symphysis is so soft. You stroke it ever so lightly and he flinches and gasps.

 

"wh-wh-what are you doing?" He practically yelps. He's trembling.

 

"I'm so horny," you whine. Why are you whining? Shit he's all sweaty and gross and you're still turned on. Sans takes a moment to compose himself.

 

"i uh," his voice is raspy. He takes a moment to clear his throat. Do skeletons have throats? "i'm uh, not feeling very well. i might be coming down with the flu."

 

"Alphys said skeletons can't get the flu." You reach over and rub his shoulder.

 

"n-no, don't touch me-- _aaaaaaahh._ " He moans when you grab him. He's trembling even more violently. His reflexes are garbage. Shit. That noise he made was so hot. You feel a heavy pulsating between your legs.

 

"Sans." Oh. OH.

 

"Sans, are you in heat? Is that a thing?" Did sleeping with him after that many heat cycles finally affect you? Is that why you're so needy right now?

 

"this is so embarrassing." He's panting and not making eye contact.

 

"Are you?" You climb on top of him.

 

"nnnnn yes, i am, alright?" It's a groan. "can you let me go now? i have to go to work."

 

"No you don't, liar."

 

"move or i'll move you."

 

"Sans, _please_ stay here!" Okay you definitely did not sound very collected just now.

 

"nu-uh. no way in hell." His movements are sluggish and his speech is slurred.

 

"Papyrus isn't home all weekend. I need you. Please don't leave me." You grip each humerus and his breath hitches. He's clearly doing everything in his power to remain calm.

 

"it lasts more than two days, kiddo, and i'm not really, uh, myself right now. I don't want you to see me like thi-i-i-isss aaah." Shit he's arching his back and you're barely rubbing his arms. Shit. Shit. You can't help yourself, you grind your clit against his pelvis. He screams at the top of his lungs. "n-noooo. haaaaaah, please. stop it. fu-u-uck." There are tears in his eyes.

 

" _Please_ , Sans." You lick his cervical vertebrae and his back arches. He wails. The entire room goes blue. He's coming. Hard. His whole body's shaking. Oh man, the face he's making. This is probably the longest orgasm you've ever seen him have.

 

You're suddenly thrust backward onto the mattress. He did it without touching you. He's never used that kind of magic on you before. His left eye is blue. It doesn't go back to normal after he comes.

 

"shit ______, wh-why?" He's panting. "you _like_ seeing me l-like this?"

 

"Yes?" You're writhing as you touch yourself. You've never needed to get off so badly in your life. He slowly peels his shirt off and tosses it to the floor. It lands with a wet squelch. He opens your drawer and pulls out your vibrator, keeping it ready before going down on you. Sans is normally always in control. Is that why he avoids you like the plague when he's in heat?

 

His body temperature is higher than normal. You feel the heat of his tongue. Oh goodness. It's amazing. Your sense of smell is heightened and you wouldn't even need it to be for you to smell yourself and him. You're don't really _stink_ but you both definitely smell muskier. He reaches up for one of your breasts after pulling your shirt off and notices the swelling. He stops his ministrations.

 

"hey, uh, what's g-going on with you anyway?" His trembling hand's still on your boob and he's gently squeezing it, gauging your reactions.

 

"I uh," you intake breath sharply at his squeeze, "think I might be slightly affected by your heat cycle." Your body's reacting almost like you have PMS on steroids. Should you be embarrassed? You move your hand back down to pleasure yourself and he examines you.

 

"shit," he breathes. "i did this?" He looks like a weird cross between astonished and ecstatic. You're twisting under him, silently begging, desperate. He starts growling softly.

 

He buries his face between your legs and works. You're so pent up that you're trembling and gasping almost instantly. His breathing is laboured as he laves you. He's working hard and keeps working you through your orgasm when your body finally tenses and releases. It didn't take long at all. You lie limp and useless.

 

"are you done?" He's gasping. He looks like he just got out of the shower. His eye's still blazing that blue colour.

 

"For now."

 

"okay." He looks uncomfortable. His trembling hasn't stopped.

 

"What's up?"

 

"i'm not." It's almost a whine.

 

"Want me to take care of you?" You level yourself with him and run your tongue along his sternum.

 

He loses it.

 

He grips both your arms and pins you to the bed, grinding his chest against you with more speed and pressure than he's ever used. He's wailing. His fingers are digging into your skin. It's going to bruise. He clamps his mouth onto your neck, breaking the skin as he tries to stifle his own screaming. He comes almost immediately. He pauses his movements for his orgasm and then resumes right away. He's trying not to clamp his jaw on you too tightly but it's not working at all. You scream in pain as he bites a second wound into your neck. There's blood everywhere. You start crying.

 

"Sans, that's enough! Cut it out!" You bawl. It hurts. He's being too rough. The friction's burning you. Your neck is in pain.

 

Sans removes his mouth from you. He's sobbing.

 

"please don't make me s-stop." He sounds like he's suffocating.

 

"You're hurting me!" You struggle under him.

 

"s-sorry! aah!" He comes again and gasps.

 

There's blood on his face. It's mixed with the sweat covering him so it looks like there's more of it than there is.

 

"Get _off_ me!" You bellow through sobs.

 

He recoils, panting. He seems to realize what he's done.

 

"shit. shit, one sec. stay there. don't move." He staggers out of the room, gasping.

 

You lie waiting for about a minute, wiping your sweat and tears on your forearm. Sans returns with a jug of water and the first aid kit. He's wiped your blood off his face.

 

"come here. sit up." His trembling hasn't subsided but his eyes have gone back to normal.

 

He sops up the blood, dabs your neck with disinfectant and clumsily bandages you, looking really worried.

 

Why are you still horny? He's taking care of you and it's turning you on. You literally just got off.

 

"feel better?" He's clearly never applied a bandage before; it's too tight.

 

"Mhm." You sniff weakly.

 

He flops against the headboard with a thunk of bone on wood and reaches for the water. He drinks straight from the pitcher downing about two thirds before offering it to you. You have a bit and hand it back to him. It's too cold to drink much of at once. He downs the rest.

 

"How long does this last?"

 

"about three to four days," he pants. "i don't know if this was a good idea." He looks off to the side.

 

"You need to just, uh," you apply pressure to your dressing, "chill a bit."

 

He laughs.

 

"yeah, about that," he peels his shorts off, "not something i can really control."

 

"So lie down and I'll tie you up or something."

 

He laughs harder.

 

"pft. nope."

 

"Then keep your hands off me." You crawl over him and lay him down comfortably. He quivers at the lightest touch.

 

Let's see now. You place a hand on each humerus. He's strong enough that it won't do anything to hold him down if he didn't want to be but it serves as a physical reminder to play nice. You place a soft kiss on one of his ribs. He looks like you've electrocuted him. You nibble lightly and he gasps and squirms. Let's get it over with. You run your tongue over his sternum.

 

He doesn't _really_ have lips but he bites down on the lower bit of his face-- the malleable part that's almost like a lip. He whimpers and writhes under you as you work. It barely takes over a minute to get him coming. His eyes fill with such relief that his pupils flicker before disappearing and being replaced by his blue iris. He practically squeals. You move the hand that was on his left humerus to his clavicle and stroke it as you keep licking him. His eye stays blue. He comes again almost immediately, arching his back forcefully and almost hitting you in the teeth. You didn't think his mouth could make that shape. You didn't think his voice could make that sound. He trembles powerfully in the aftershocks of his orgasm.

 

What if you… just keep licking him?

 

He roars, gasping, wailing. His body's trembling so violently you'd think he's having a seizure. You have to be careful that he doesn't knock your teeth with his sternum. You slowly drag your tongue up his chest and watch tears well in his eyes. The trail of drool glistens on his face as the light catches it. His jaw locks open when he howls again. You continue. Lick. Lick. Lick.

 

Incoherent flustered noises.

 

You grip his spine as he comes again. You grip it hard. You know what? This is payback for all the times he's taken you to overstimulated bone zone hell. You're just going to keep licking him. Lap. Lap. Lap. You stroke the inside of his sternum.

 

"n-no st-stop i've had en-nough, i'm goo-ood." He pants before wailing again in another orgasm.

 

"Hm?" You stop licking but don't stop your hand. That's not the safe word, Sans. "But you look so good right now." You resume licking. Shit, you're so turned on right now. He's normally always in charge.

 

"nah-hah-hah," He sobs, coming again. "i'm good now-ow. I need a brea-eak." He's gasping. Where does the air even go if he doesn't have lungs? He writhes under you as you lick him. A brighter blue light fills the room as he whines. This one's particularly long. His muscles would be killing him if he had any.

 

"ff-c-cut it ou-out!" He's shrieking. He stops breathing during his next orgasm and then gasps like he'd been underwater before going completely limp.

 

He's stopped moving.

 

"Sans?"

 

"…"

 

You look over. His eyes are completely blank. His breathing is shallow and irregular. He's… passed out?

 

Oops.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not even 10AM on day one yet. Chill, reader.


	50. What's HEATing You? pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can do it.

 

 

Armed with a bowl of ice water, you sponge Sans as he remains passed out for a good ten minutes. When he finally comes to he jolts at the contact of the cloth on his bones.

 

"Hey there."

 

He groans a barely audible, "i'm gonna kill you," and slumps back down. His breathing hasn't returned to normal.

 

"Um, are you okay?"

 

"you literally just fucked me until i fainted." The lights in his eyes are dim.

 

"Sorry."

 

He's laughing to himself.

 

"naw, it was awesome."

 

A sigh of relief escapes you. Part of you was terrified you'd gone too far and he'd be really mad.

 

"is there any water left?"

 

"I can get some more."

 

"you're a blessing." He can barely lift his arms. 

 

You're so focused on how aroused you are that you're having a hard time filling up the pitcher. You're a mess. You need more. You wonder if it's worse for him. Your entire body is covered in goosebumps. You wish you'd stop sweating.

 

Sans looks antsy when you get back to your room.

 

"how's your neck?"

 

"Eeeh, I feel like I'm dying. No big deal."

 

"oh okay, if that's all then." You both chuckle.

 

"How's your breathing? Are you going to be okay? Does it hurt?"

 

"i'm a little lightheaded. nothing i can't deal with."

 

"Good." You let him drink. He places the jug on the floor next to him when he's done.

 

"shit, i want more. it's never enough."

 

"I can get more."

 

"not water." He rolls his eyes.

 

"Oh. Yeah. Same. What's up with that?"

 

"yeah, i don't know… don't humans go into heat?"

 

"Some are hornier when they're ovulating or menstruating but not like _this_."

 

"didn't think so. hormones, huh?" He chuckles through pants. At least he's managing to find the humour in the situation.

 

"You ready to go again?"

 

"yeah. think you can last three days?" He heaves a deep breath.

 

"Nope."

 

"is it… uncomfortable for you too?" He's squirming.

 

"I'm hot and cold at the same time. My boobs hurt. My clit's engorged and won't stop throbbing. Not to mention what you did." You rub your neck.

 

"let me make it up to you." He spreads your legs and gets to work with his tongue. He pads around the bed blindly with his hand as he works, looking for the vibrator. You hand it to him.

 

He's definitely gotten better at using it on you. He doesn't even need to turn it on. The first few times were a nightmare of him getting his sex ed. from free internet porn and boy has he come a long way. This is just what you needed. Every inch of the toy fills you with pleasure. You feel the slow buildup and release after only a few minutes of care.

 

"want me to turn it on? you good for now?" He's squirming, eager for his turn.

 

"C'mere." You sit up and gently run a finger along his ribs. They're so… soft? Is it because he's in heat? His pubic symphysis and lower ribs are… malleable?

 

"ff-haah. can you t-take it easy this time around?" You wonder if you'll ever get over him being like this.

 

"Let me try something." Sans looks highly nervous as you reach for the vibrator.

 

"huh, i'm not sure now's the time for th-aaaht." Maybe it's a bit much. You're barely running the tip down his chest and he's tearing up. Okay maybe using the vibrator on Sans isn't a good idea when he's in heat. He's way too sensitive and you don't want to make him pass out again.

 

"Next time?" You click it off.

 

"y-yeah." He utters a sigh of relief.

 

"Just me then." You run your tongue over his chest and he yelps.

 

You can't help but frantically pleasure yourself as you lick him. It's so hot. His moans make him sound so helpless. You've never felt more wanton in your life. Shit. You can go on for hours.

 

You do.

 

You break every half hour or so to avoid passing out. Your breathing never quite returns to normal and you feel high from the lack of oxygen. You come again and again as you pleasure yourself and Sans licks you. He tries his fingers but it's too painful for his lack of flesh. It's normally not a problem but you're overly sensitive and mildly overstimulated.

 

You fuck until you can't move any more and then sit watching Sans as he squirms.

 

"I'm done for now." You're panting.

 

"i'm just gonna, uh…" He lies there and runs his hands over himself. "do the thing. nnn." You've never really watched him hardcore masturbate.

 

He runs his hands over his ribs barely grazing them. It really is too awkward an angle for him to comfortably stroke the underside of his sternum but he does scrape its surface. He moves his second hand to his pelvis and pinches the pubic arch. He only uses his thumb and forefinger to rub the symphysis. He's moaning softly as he works. You watch as he alternates between rubbing his sternum and ribs with his left hand. Sometimes he rakes his fingers in the spaces between them and releases a particularly loud groan. You're so exhausted but damn if this isn't making you want to jump his bones. You can tell he's close and he hasn't even been going at it for more than two minutes. His breathing's been haggard for hours but it's really hot.He comes completely undone in front of you and you can't help but squeeze your legs together as arousal continues to hold you prisoner. It's too much. Being this horny for this long is exhausting. You let out a small whine.

 

"what's eating you kiddo?" He sounds drunk.

 

"I'm so horny but I'm too tired to masturbate."

 

"that's me at about day… three…" He's rasping. "you should probably take a nap."

 

"Yeah."

 

It takes you hours to fall asleep. You're in complete needy lustful agony. How the hell did you think falling asleep would be easy?

 

 

\--

 

 

You take a long bath with epsom salts for your aching muscles when you wake up. Sans walks into the bathroom nude and holding a glass of slightly opaque water.

 

"here. drink this." He's trembling so much that the drink looks like it's going to spill everywhere.

 

"What the hell is that?" It smells nasty.

 

"it's a home-made electrolyte solution. i just looked up how to make it." He seems pretty insistent.

 

"Do I have to?" You scrunch up your face.

 

"you need to replenish minerals and stuff."

 

"What's in it?"

 

"water, honey, sea salt, lime juice. just pretend it's a salty lemonade." He sits on the edge of the bath and hands it to you.

 

You down it in a quick guzzle failing not to grimace at the saltiness and hand it back. He places a gentle kiss on your cheek before placing it on the bathroom counter and joining you in the tub.

 

"i bought papyrus a concert ticket and booked him a hotel so he won't come home before this is all over." He's grinding against you softly in the water and lapping at your neck wound. Maybe you should have left the dressing on.

 

"That was a good call-- Don't do that the scab's fresh." You place your hand over your neck to shield it and he instead starts sucking on your fingers. Why does that feel so nice? Shit, you can't help yourself. You instigate.

 

Papyrus must never know how much water got on the floor.

 

 

\--

 

 

Day three.

 

 

You're hoarse. It hurts to move. Your chest hurts when you breathe. You just got your period. You whimper as you roll onto your side in bed.

 

"shh. hang on. i'll take care of it." He kisses you on the cheek. "i'm gonna apply this to your bruises, okay?"

 

"Okay." If only he had something for all the bite marks on your neck and shoulders.

 

He dabs some witch hazel onto you with a cotton ball. You're completely covered so he's going to need a while to get all of them.

 

The window's been open for three days and it still looks and smells nasty in your room. You're freezing but Sans is still uncomfortably warm so you've left it open for him. Your urges became decreasingly frequent until they died down completely. Sans is definitely lasting a good two thirds of a day longer than you.

 

"You messed up my menstruation cycle by the way." You grimace as he holds the cold wet cotton to one of your larger bruises.

 

"you messed up my not-having-a-heat-cycle by the way." He's imitating your voice very poorly.

 

"Fair." He finishes tending to your injuries. You're both chuckling.

 

"feel better?"

 

"Not immediately."

 

"honestly i'm surprised you endured the whole thing. you're a real champ." He practically purrs as he kisses your cheek.

 

"It was fun for the first… two hours."

 

"it's not fun at all. i'm really proud of you." He continues to nuzzle your cheek with his teeth.

 

 

\--

 

 

Papyrus romps in looking positively delighted in the evening. He's humming a tune and holding some bags.

 

"Hi Papyrus, how was the concert?"

 

"IT WAS AMAZING. THE MUSIC WAS SO LOUD AND THE CROWD WAS-- OH MY GOODNESS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" He drops his bags on the floor and darts to the couch where you're sitting.

 

"Oh. I uh, got into an accident… doing uh…" you're too lethargic to think. "…sports? Lots of sports. All weekend."

 

Papyrus looks like he's not buying it. He eyes the obviously hand-shaped bruises on your arms. Fuck.

 

"PLEASE DON'T LIE TO ME." He narrows his eyes.

 

"heya bro." Sans just got out of the shower.

 

"SANS! WHAT DID YOU DO?" Papyrus lifts your arm and points at the hand marks.

 

"got a little rough over the weekend." He adjusts his towel and winks despite looking thoroughly exhausted.

 

"Nothing I can't handle." You volunteer a wink as well.

 

"YOU'RE A MESS!" He lifts your shirt and examines the rest of your bruises. He notes the bags under your eyes and your generally dehydrated appearance. "COME HERE." He lifts you onto his lap and starts stroking your head as he gives you a more thorough examination. You wince whenever he touches a tender spot.

 

"she's fine papyrus, cut it out." Sans' voice is suddenly flat.

 

"GO GET DRESSED." He's scowling. You clamber off Papyrus as a precautionary measure and seat yourself on the other side of the couch.

 

"keep your hands off." Sans slips into his room.

 

"WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?" Papyrus is whispering frantically. He moves to you and cups your cheek looking really scared.

 

"We literally just had rough sex." You're not lying.

 

"WHY DID HE HURT YOU?" His voice is trembling as he pulls your shirt collar down and inspects your numerous scabbed-over and bruised bite wounds.

 

"We were really into it?"

 

"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN DAYS. WHY? I HATE THIS? I LEAVE FOR A WEEKEND AND I COME BACK TO THIS? SANS CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF A PET ROCK; WHY DID I THINK I COULD LEAVE YOU WITH HIM?" He's stroking your cheek with his thumb as he continues to inspect the injuries under your clothes.

 

"I'm an adult capable of taking care of myself, Papyrus." You wince as he rubs a bruise under your boob. " _Ouch!_ That really hurts. Cut it out."

 

"SORRY."

 

"Please Paps. I'm fine. I'll be okay. Sans didn't hurt me on purpose. We just had a really long weekend."

 

 

\--

 

 

It's about 2AM when you hear it. You're awoken by soft sobbing coming from Papyrus' room. It takes you almost three agonizing minutes of struggling to wrench yourself free from Sans' death grip as he continues to sleep.

 

"Hey." You knock softly on Papyrus' door despite it being ajar. He's startled but tries to compose himself quickly. "Are you okay?"

 

"Y-YES. I'LL BE FINE." He sniffs. He's cross-legged in the middle of his bed.

 

"Wanna talk about it?" You sit next to him and rub his arm.

 

"NOT REALLY." He wraps an arm around you and draws you close. You can feel his ribs digging into your bruised flesh as he sits there hugging you. "THANK YOU THOUGH." He plants a kiss on your forehead.

 

"Want me to read you a story?" You wipe the tears off his face with your bare hand.

 

"…YEAH, OKAY."

 

You pull an enormous children's literature anthology off his shelf. He falls asleep about three pages in.

 

You're not sure if Sans is completely asleep when he mutters a "love you" as you climb back into bed with him. You can't help but feel terrible inside.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Praise me more, Sansy.
> 
> (Sorry it took much longer than usual to update. We've been helping our friend with an emergency situation and it's kind of taken priority.)


	51. [SIN-namon Roll] April Fool's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here it is. The 2K kudos milestone bonus chapter we promised. In case you don't follow the tumblr associated with this fic, we'd just like to let you know that this counts as a sort of deleted scene. It's not canon to our story. We would have posted it as a separate story but it's too heavily context-dependent and people who haven't read this fic would be really lost. Anyway, this chapter never actually happens in the story. It's just bonus content. April Fool's and stuff.
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> **TL;DR: APRIL FOOL'S**

 

Sans is out of town for work. You wanted to go but you've missed so much work lately that you didn't feel like it was a legitimate reason to call in sick. You and Papyrus are eating some pasta you cooked together from start to finish and you both make quite an impeccable team. You've poured a red to go with it and you're prodding at your food and not really eating much despite it being good.

 

"ARE YOU OKAY?" Sans and Papyrus are both always doting on you and you're used to it but it can be exhausting sometimes.

 

"Yeah. I just wish Sans didn't work so much." You spear a large chunk of tomato and start eating it slowly.

 

"HE HAS A LOT OF JOBS BUT I ASSURE YOU HE'S NOT OVERWORKED. HE'S A BIG FAT LAZYBONES."

 

"It's the absence that bothers me." You smile weakly and down your glass.

 

"YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK SO QUICKLY. YOU'LL GET DRUNK."

 

"Get drunk with me then." A bold request. Papyrus isn't one to drink excessively.

 

"NYEH HEH HEH. THAT'S A GOOD JOKE. SANS COULD LEARN FROM YOU." He's smiling for real.

 

"Drink with me so I'm not alone." Your tone is more bitter than you intended it to be.

 

"WOULD IT… MAKE YOU HAPPY?" Ugh, the look in his eyes.

 

"Don't pity me."

 

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO-- WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO-- UM, ER-- LOOK!!" He pours himself another glass and smiles awkwardly.

 

"It's okay Paps, you don't have to humour me." You grab another bottle of wine from the liquor cabinet and uncork it for yourself.

 

"I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU DRINK WHEN YOU'RE SAD. IT MAKES YOU CRY AND THAT MAKES ME SAD."

 

"I'm sorry." You probably shouldn't drink this quickly. You probably shouldn't get drunk off wine. That's a gross kind of drunk. _Oh well_.

 

 

\--

 

"SO THEN HE TAKES THIS PLANT-- THIS WATER PLANT AND _BOILS IT_ AND STICKS IT IN A BUN AND SAYS, 'LOOK PAPYRUS, IT'S A HOT DOG.' AND I SAY, 'SANS, THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE IS GOING TO BUY THAT,' BUT THEN HE," Papyrus snorts, "COMES HOME THAT NIGHT WITH A WAD OF CASH AND APPARENTLY MONSTERS LOVE WATER SAUSAGES? NYEH HEH HEH HEH." He's roaring drunk.

 

"He _never_ told me about that!" There are tears in your eyes.

 

"I HATE THEM. THE ROOTS ARE OKAY BUT EATING THE TOPS LIKE WIENERS IS INSANE." How you can understand each other's slurring is a mystery.

 

"Hahahaha! Wieners!"

 

"OH MY GOODNESS YOU ARE SO DRUNK, THAT WASN'T THE FUNNY PART."

 

"You weren't the funny part."

 

You both laugh until you can't any more. Yup, okay, stupidity at its finest. You've had enough.

 

"Man, I wish Sans were here right now. I wanna do inappropriate things with him so badly."

 

"WHY DO YOU DO THAT? IT'S SO GROSS, I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT."

 

"It is not gross. It's natural."

 

"NOT FOR SKELETONS."

 

"Okay fair but it's natural for non-skeletons."

 

"IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE."

 

"Sorry then. Anyway, I'm thinking about your bro and it's making me want to touch myself so I'm going to excuse myself." His reflexive wincing is hilarious. You're evil.

 

"YOU'RE THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I'M SO GLAD I LOVE YOU." He trails off into drunken chuckling.

 

"I love you too even though I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to you."

 

"EVEN IF YOU DO MYSTERIOUS SEX THINGS WITH MY BROTHER AND ALSO WITH YOURSELF." He squints disapprovingly.

 

"Mysterious?"

 

"VERY MYSTERIOUS."

 

"Would you… like to see?" Well that's pretty high up on the list of things you would never say sober. It's not like he'd ever accept but it's a mean thing to offer.

 

"NO. IT'S GROSS."

 

"Well, I'm going to play with my toys then. Later."

 

"I'VE SEEN THOSE ON THE INTERNET."

 

" _You've_ watched porn?" It's hard to mask the disbelief in your voice.

 

"I GOT CURIOUS. I'VE SEEN A VIDEO OR TWO."

 

"And?"

 

"LOOKED MESSY. THAT'S IT." He shrugs.

 

"You know porn's all fake, right? Those people are actors."

 

"REALLY?"

 

"Yeah. If you want you can watch me. If you keep it a secret." He'd never actually accept. You're a jerk.

 

"I'VE… HEARD YOU." He looks away.

 

"Curious?"

 

"YES… BUT IT'S GROSS."

 

"Suit yourself."

 

You head to your room and nab your good vibrator from the drawer in your bedside table. You're wet thinking about Sans and his tongue and what he would do to you if he were here. Damn. You strip naked and get to work with your fingers first. Papyrus knows what's up-- no use suppressing moans. You go at it for about five minutes before hearing a creak. Oh right, you didn't bother to close your door all the way in your drunken excitement.

 

"I- I WASN'T WATCHING." Papyrus has a hand clamped over his open mouth. He's blushing.

 

"Mmmmyes you were. Get over here if you wanna see." You haven't stopped your fingers while talking to him but you also haven't started with the vibrator yet.

 

"IT'S WEIRD. IT'S INAPPROPRIATE." He's saying this but he's opened the door wider and is definitely staring at you as you squirm. "WHY DOES YOUR BODY DO THAT?"

 

"It feels so good. You never masturbate, Papyrus?"

 

"Y-YES BUT--" he looks away. "IT'S NOT THE SAME. IT'S NOT MESSY. IT'S NOT HUMAN." He looks like the strangest mixture of fascinated and uncomfortable.

 

"Oooooh Papyrus," you moan, "you have no idea." Why aren't you even bothered that he's watching you? He doesn't care. This isn't sexy to him. All you want is Sans right now. If only he were Sans. If only he could do the things Sans does to you.

 

He gradually approaches the bed, almost unconsciously, as you finger yourself. He's staring harder.

 

"Whyyyyy, Papyyyyrus," you moan, "you've come so close." Your breathing's getting frantic. Maybe you won't need the vibrator after all.

 

He leans over you and touches your chest, feeling your heartbeat. It catches you off guard and you flinch and stop. You didn't expect him to touch you.

 

"YOU LOOK SICK. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE IN PAIN… OR DYING." He sounds really upset. He looks sad and disgusted.

 

"It's the opposite. Sit. Watch."

 

He sits on the side of your bed.

 

"It's the same feeling," you press your body to his back and wrap your arms around him, sliding your hands up his shirt and gently brushing his sternum, "as this."

 

"NO, STOP DON'T TOUCH ME THE-ERE." His body tenses up when you start rubbing with slightly increased pressure.

 

"Mmmmmm, Sans loves it when I touch him here," you whisper into his ear hole. "Doesn't it feel nice?" Alcohol is magical. You'd never do this sober.

 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" He looks and sounds really uncomfortable but he leans backward and collapses into you with a soft moan.

 

"See? No need to be so disgusted. It's nice, isn't it?" You coo into his ear, removing one hand from his chest to rub yourself as you pleasure him.

 

"NO, I DON'T LIKE THIS." He's whimpering but he isn't leaving. He's pressing himself deeper into you. His breathing's getting erratic. "STOP IT." He's panting.

 

"You can leave. Just get up and go if you don't want to be here."

 

He grips your thigh and tilts his head back.

 

"IT'S NOT THE SAME AS WHEN I DO IT. IT'S DIFFERENT. IT'S STRANGE. I DON'T LIKE THIS AT A-AAALL." He whimpers and grips you more tightly.

 

"Shh. Just let it be. Nnn. Enjoy it. You're enjoying it. Haaah." You're rocking your hips with the motion of your fingers. You pull your fingers out and move your hand down his pants to stroke his pubic arch.

 

"OOOOH." He bucks into your hand. "WHAT. ARE YOU. NNNN DOING?"He intakes breath sharply as he squirms. His body's jerking. He looks like Sans does when he's edging close.

 

"Do you want this?" You murmur. "Is this okay?"

 

"NO. STOP." He gasps, trembling in ecstasy. "I CAN'T." 

 

"Too bad. Sans loves that even more than you do. He goes all the way every time." You're slurring.

 

You withdraw and go back to fingering yourself. Papyrus turns around and looks at you intently as he calms down. He watches you for about a minute.

 

"IS THAT HOW SANS DOES IT? WITH HIS FINGERS? WITH YOUR TOYS?" It's a drunken mumble.

 

"Mmmmm and with his _tongue_." You tilt your head sideways as you rub your clit under his gaze. Poor innocent Papyrus will never feel anything. You'd never do this in front of anyone but him or Sans. Fuck, you wish Sans were here right now. He'd take much better care of you.

 

"CAN I… TRY?" You stop.

 

"What? Try what?"

 

"TRY DOING TO YOU WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME?"

 

"Sans would kill us both."

 

"I WANT TO KNOW."

 

"Know what?"

 

"WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE. WHAT YOU TASTE LIKE."

 

You raise your wet fingers and position them in front of his face. He hesitates for a moment before taking you by the wrist and sucking on two of them. He licks them and sucks them for far too long. He's taking his time, running his tongue over and between them. He can't purse his lips the way Sans can. He has to suck with just his tongue and the roof of his mouth. It would be uncomfortably long if you weren't drunk and already aroused from masturbation, and if his tongue didn't feel so nice on your fingers, pruny from your juices.

 

"WOWIE." It's a whisper. "DO YOU ALWAYS… TASTE LIKE THAT?"

 

"Just down there."

 

"NOT IN YOUR MOUTH?"

 

You plant your faces together and run your tongue against his. His kiss is sloppy and clumsy. It's more like he's trying to taste you than trying to reciprocate. You break away after half a minute.

 

"NO, I DON'T LIKE THAT AS MUCH."

 

You rotate your body and spread your legs, inviting him. He bends over and licks around your entrance, lapping up your stray juices. You let out a subtle moan of approval and he flinches.

 

"WHAT AM I DOING?" He plants his face in his hand in embarrassment. "THIS IS SO SHAMEFUL. I-IT'S LIKE MATING." Is he trembling? He's squeezing your thigh with his other hand.

 

You move your fingers back to your wet core. If he's not going to do it then you are. You've had enough humouring him. His face is inches away and you almost hit him with every thrust of your hips. He's breathing heavily, intaking your scent. Suddenly he moves your hand away and starts licking you up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Shit, Papyrus. That's actually just what you needed. You gasp and he pulls away, almost frightened.

 

"More. Please. Stop teasing me."

 

He resumes unskilfully.

 

"Here, lick me here." You move your finger across your clit.

 

He complies. He clumsily plunges one of his phalanges into you and feels around. You clench around him. He stops licking.

 

"IT'S SO… STRONG? YOU'RE… TIGHT AROUND ME?"

 

"It's supposed to be." You reach down and grab a second finger, inserting it, and rock on him. A moan escapes you. You're so close despite all this bullshit. It's been a long, slow crescendo with many pauses and rests but you're finally at the climax. It hits you and your body tenses. Your back arches. You moan. Papyrus flinches and withdraws his hand immediately, gasping.

 

"DID I HURT YOU?!" He looks traumatized. You're too busy with your aftershocks right now. You need a moment.

 

"No." Your voice is weak after your orgasm. "It felt good. You were good. That was a real," huff, "human orgasm."

 

He whispers a, "WOWIE." He doesn't look turned on the way Sans does when he makes you come-- Quite the opposite. He doesn't look excited for you to reciprocate. He just stares as your breathing returns to normal, fascinated by what you made your bodies do together. It was a collaborative effort. He never imagined he'd witness that kind of thing in person, seeing it, smelling it, tasting it. He wouldn't do it again, given the opportunity. You're lucky that you're both too drunk to remember this in the morning-- It's the last memory you need Sans to see during a confrontation.

 EDIT: WE'RE PUTTING AN "APRIL FOOL'S" IN THE CHAPTER BODY BECAUSE PEOPLE'S COMMENTS ARE INDICATING THAT THEY'RE NOT READING THE CHAPTER NOTES. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An afterword from Orange:  
> In case you didn't know, we're now three people writing this fic. Even though it's an April Fool's chapter, this was something I wrote alone in my spare time and is loosely based on my first sexual experience as an asexual. I can't speak for all ace people but I can tell you that, for the most part, it is possible to get aroused. Arousal and attraction are two different things. Generally speaking, asexuals masturbate once in a while. Some have tried sex. It's just not the same when you're with someone. For the most part, it feels weird to me when my body's being touched by my partner-- I prefer to do the touching and even then it's more of a power trip than anything. Anyway, Green got mad when I wrote this and said it wouldn't be a part of the fic because cheater reader is an asshole (accidentally drunkenly cheating is still cheating) so it's **NOT** really a part of the story. You can imagine it being if that's your jam but it's not our intention.


	52. TORI-ture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: in which Sans finally snaps.   
> TW: anxiety attacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE LAST CHAPTER WAS -NOT- A REAL CHAPTER.  
> THE LAST CHAPTER WAS -NOT- A REAL CHAPTER.  
> THE LAST CHAPTER WAS -NOT- A REAL CHAPTER. 
> 
> THE LAST CHAPTER WAS -NOT- A REAL CHAPTER. 
> 
> -READ THE CHAPTER OUTLINES AND NOTES-

 

 

Date night. Alright! You and Sans have opted out of movie night. All the better if you're not bombarded with questions. You still have dark circles under your eyes and your bruises are taking their sweet time to fade.

 

You both walk to a nice restaurant. Mediterranean fusion? Okay, nice. Sans apparently called and made a reservation during the day and you got a nice secluded booth at the back. Nice. You're wearing a nice scarf and some long sleeves so nothing looks suspicious. Alright. The menu looks divine.

 

"Haha, I can order the osso buco and suck all the marrow out," you tease.

 

"i'm not sure if i'd come out of the experience horny or scarred for life."

 

"I'm just kidding, you know."

 

"i know but i'm kind of… curious now."

 

"Sicko." You both laugh entirely too hard. It's going to be a fun night.

 

 

\--

 

 

Warm and full of food and laughs, you and Sans make your way home a little tipsy off wine and a little chummier than you'd normally be in public. Dinner was great and you hadn't been out alone like that in a while. Refreshing. Excellent.

 

You walk in and Toriel's… seated at the table with Papyrus.

 

"Oh, hi Paps. Hi Tori. Funny seeing you… still here so late." Shit, act natural. You're wearing a scarf and long sleeves. She can't see anything but your guilty expression.

 

"h-heya tori." Sans is stuttering. Great. Good job.

 

"Hello ______. Sans. I trust you had a nice evening avoiding us." She's grinning. Papyrus has a really guilty and apologetic expression. What the hell did he tell her? Clearly he told her something. Where's Frisk? Not here?

 

"Not really avoiding! Sans just wanted to take me out to dinner and this was the--"

 

"only free night we both had this week." Sans finishes your sentence for you. All the better; he's quicker in situations like this.

 

"Oh, I see." She gives Sans a look you can't read. "______, would you please come here?"

 

"Uhhhh, I'm feeling really tired right now and I think Sans and I are gonna go to bed immediately… aaaand uh, do the thing. Yeah, locked doors. No entry." You grip Sans' shoulders and practically knock him over as you plough through in a mad dash to your bedroom sputtering, "have a nice evening!"

 

"Please come back out here. I would like a word." Ouch, Toriel's voice can be really… commanding.

 

You lock the door and both sit on the bed.

 

"How does she know?"

 

"i can only guess. maybe papyrus voiced his concern and she put two and two together."

 

"Shit, what are we gonna do?"

 

"i really don't want to tell her. i'd almost rather die."

 

"Almost?"

 

"almost." His face is in his hand.

 

"Sans, you have to tell her. She thinks you beat me again."

 

"i don't like the word 'beat.' please don't use that word." He sounds terrified. "i never 'beat' you." He looks really upset all of the sudden.

 

"Naw, just almost choked me to death. No big deal."

 

"…"

 

Toriel raps on the door.

 

"Sans?"

 

"…" Shit, he's crying.

 

"Sans, don't cry."

 

"i fucked up. i fucked up so badly."

 

"I consented to fucking you in heat, Sans. These injuries are as much on me as they are on you."

 

"that's not what i'm talking about." His whole body is shaking. "that shit still haunts me in my nightmares. i didn't mean it. you know i wasn't in control. i'm so sorry."

 

"Dude, you're hyperventilating, calm down. It's okay." You try to soothe him.

 

"it's _okay_? i physically and emotionally scarred the most important person in my life! tori's gonna kill me if i don't admit to being a freak of nature! i'm constantly in fear of losing my partner because they can't bond to me! my bro's an emotional wreck because of our relationship! shit i can't even feel my face right now. it's definitely not 'okay.' there is nothing 'okay' about our situation right now." He's clenching and unclenching his hands as he looks at them, sobbing.

 

"Can monsters have anxiety attacks? I think you're having an anxiety attack." His chest is heaving.

 

"no shit." You wrap your arms around him as he trembles.

 

"Hey. Shh. Sans, it's gonna be okay. I need you to look at me."

 

He tilts his face up at you but the lights in his eyes are gone.

 

"Are you… looking at me--?"

 

Another loud knock.

 

"I need you to come outside, _____. I would just like to talk." Toriel doesn't sound very reassuring.

 

"yes i'm looking at you." Sans is still crying.

 

"Listen, I'm going to go and talk to Tori. I need you to just lie down. You're freaking out and you need to calm down."

 

He slowly shakes his head in a daze, wraps his arms around you, and doesn't let go.

 

"please don't tell her what happened."

 

"Would you rather tell Tori you were in heat or die?"

 

"both are looking pretty equal in my books to be honest." His voice cracks.

 

"You're being dramatic."

 

"i'm not supposed to have a libido. i'm not supposed to have an estrous cycle. skeletons don't _mate_. it's a big deal." He grips handfuls of your shirt fabric and he squeezes you tightly.

 

"Our friends know we're having sex. Is it really worse if they know that? Clearly there's a libido involved in all that."

 

He looks resigned.

 

"just go."

 

"I love you. Sit tight. Lock the door behind me if it makes you feel better."

 

"okay."

 

"And wipe your face-- _not on my shoulder!_ "

 

"heh. sorry. i love you too."

 

"You'll have to let go of me."

 

He tightens his grip on your shirt fabric and holds his breath for a moment before releasing you. You plant a kiss on his wet cheek and head for the door.

 

Toriel's in the hallway when you exit the room. Persistent.

 

"Hey Tori." You make a point of positioning yourself between her and the door. You hear the lock click behind you but stay there anyway.

 

"Papyrus has told me that he found you in a less than desirable state this weekend. Is that true?" She's eyeing the bags under your eyes. You're glad that your injuries are covered.

 

"I'm fine, Tori." She's not buying it.

 

"May I please see your neck?"

 

"No?"

 

"Lying is not something I appreciate. Sans hurt you again, didn't he?"

 

"Well, not to go into too much detail but we did have some pretty rough sex over the weekend."

 

"Oh?"

 

"He didn't lash out at me or anything."

 

"It doesn't bother you that he has no self-control?"

 

"N-not at all! I love it. It feels great." Take one for the team. She'll just think you're a masochist.

 

"I told him not to hurt you." She lays a hand on your shoulder and you flinch from the pain.

 

She looks completely unamused.

 

"Sans, I would like you to come out here please," she calls out.

 

"Tori, he's really not well. He's freaking out in there."

 

"It's because he knows what he did." She looks… disappointed?

 

"IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT OVER THERE?" Papyrus must be getting worried in the kitchen. This is taking forever.

 

"We'll be fine, Paps! Give us a sec!" Hopefully you didn't sound terrified.

 

"Listen, Sans is going through a lot right now. He didn't hurt me on purpose. He wasn't in control."

 

"I am only looking out for your well-being." She tugs at your scarf revealing your bite wounds and winces. "What could possibly cause him to do this?"

 

"I know what you threatened to do if he ever laid another finger on me. If that happens I'll come to you."

 

"You did not answer my question, child."

 

"stop badgering her." Sans is clearly standing right behind the door.

 

"Oh, are you ready to come out now?"

 

"leave her alone. she's uncomfortable. _____, you're done. come back in here." His voice is shaking. He clearly hasn't stopped crying. Toriel notices this.

 

"Tori, I know you mean well and I'm really grateful that you're looking out for me but Sans didn't intend to hurt me and he really doesn't need more stress right now."

 

"Would you… like to talk about it, Sans?" Toriel reaches over your shoulder and places her hand on the door. Her claws make a distinct clicking sound on contact.

 

"not right now." You hear a similar clicking sound coming from the other side of the door. "maybe someday but not right now. please, tori." His voice sounds pained.

 

Toriel slips around you rather gracefully and leans on the door.

 

"You know we've been friends for a long time. You can trust me and I can trust you."

 

"i know."

 

"I need you to know that I'll be there if you need to talk."

 

"i know."

 

"You can come over for tea any time."

 

A sniff.

 

"I'll be on my way now. I can't leave Frisk home alone at night even though they are old enough. I'm overprotective that way." She winks at you but chuckles to herself. She gently scrapes her claws on the door before stepping away from it. The sound is then lightly mirrored from the other side of the door.

 

With that she announces her departure. She hugs you warmly before leaving, bidding goodbye to Papyrus as well.

 

 

\--

 

 

It takes Sans almost half an hour to calm down. Too bad he's out of dog treats.

 

"I feel like I witnessed something really intimate." You're rarely the big spoon but you felt the need to wrap your arms around him tonight.

 

"we actually communicate better when there's a door between us. that's how we became friends." You tighten your grip on him when he pauses. He sighs.

 

"tori really gets me, you know?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"sorry i freaked out. i panicked."

 

"There's a lot to induce panic. Frankly that went a lot better than I was expecting."

 

"well she _is_ my best friend after all."

 

"Yeah, she wouldn't kill you unless it was justified."

 

"that's what friends are for, right?"

 

"Hey, Sans?"

 

"mm?"

 

"Is our situation really so terrible?" You're talking into his neck.

 

"it's pretty bad. we're not meant to be together."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"i wouldn't change it for the world though. i love you more than anything. you know that, right?"

 

"Yeah."

 

A long pause. Sans turns his head to look at you.

 

"sorry i attacked you last year… and that i'm so possessive. i'm working on that." You tighten your grip on him reassuringly. He's come a long way and has really been trying. You've noticed his gradual progress.

 

"I'm sorry too-- sorry I'm insensitive to your monster instincts… and that I'll shorten your life."

 

"a blessing and a curse, huh?"

 

"At least I've fallen for you."

 

"we'll figure something out."

 

You snuggle until you fall asleep in a tangled mess of slightly trembling bone and tender bruised flesh.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kOFhbLe_cs%20). Lyrics in the description.


	53. Summer S-LUMBAR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's the warm summer air.

 

 

Summertime. Garden time. Papyrus is showing Sans the different kinds of tomatoes you planted so you offered to do the lunch dishes. You see them walk across the back yard through the window. He stops when he sees you. He puts his hand in front of his face and makes throwing motion. What's he doing? He's looking at you expectantly. What? He looks a little frustrated when he waits and you don't react with anything other than a puzzled expression. He does it again, this time, you think you hear a "muah" though the window. Oooooooh, he's placing a kiss in his hand and pretending to lob it at you. Sans' ways of blowing you a kiss? You fake catch it and hold it to your heart before doing the same. Why is he blushing? What the hell, that's so cute. He joins Papyrus who is gesturing wildly as he waters the plants. Sans' grin is extra wide. He's so proud of Paps.

 

Maybe you'll let them hang out alone. You sit down and read a bit. They'll eventually finish their shenanigans. You hear Papyrus' car start. They must be going somewhere. You read for another half hour and then decide to maybe see if there are any ready to be picked. You meander through the yard and inspect the tomatoes. A little distracted, you trip and almost fall. Pay attention, stupid. Wait, what? You tripped over Sans. He's snoring pretty heavily. Why's he napping in the dirt? Seems you kicked him pretty hard because he's waking up.

 

"nnnnn morning." He stretches, popping his joints.

 

"It's late afternoon, lazybones." You're chuckling. "Did I hurt you?"

 

"naw. how was your vacation?"

 

"Vacation?"

 

"you know, your _trip_?" He wiggles his brows.

 

"Oh my goodness." Why are you laughing? "That was bad. That was so bad. Uh, why are you lying in the dirt?"

 

"smells nice. wet soil, tomato vines and bushes. nice place to look at the clouds. didn't mean to fall asleep tho-oough," he yawns. "wanna join me?" He pats the soil next to him.

 

"In the dirt?"

 

"we never did get that mud bath." He continues patting the ground.

 

You lie down next to him and he scoots up and slides his arm around you. It really is a nice day for cloud gazing. The wind's blowing them into different shapes quite rapidly. The wet soil and tomato plants really do smell divine especially when coupled with Sans' musky chalky scent. You can definitely get behind this. You both start identifying shapes in clouds. Sans describes a few as looking like monsters you've never seen or heard of so you have to take his word for it.

 

Something about Sans' above-human body temperature is just so comfortable when you're on the ground. You can't help but snuggle closer until you're completely plastered to him.

 

Papyrus wakes you up. It's twilight. Oh, huh, guess you both fell asleep. He's rambling.

 

"--AND MAKE SURE NOT TO TRACK MUD ALL OVER THE HOUSE ON YOUR WAY TO THE SHOWER. I JUST WASHED THE FLOORS. HONESTLY."

 

"Sorry Paps. It smelled so nice and the clouds were really pretty."

 

"I'LL FORGIVE YOU ONLY IF YOU DO YOUR LAUNDRY IMMEDIATELY." He grins.

 

"deal." Sans sits up next to you, plants a smooch on your cheek, and dusts himself off a bit when he gets up. He offers you a hand and you take it but he pulls too hard and topples over with you landing on top of him.

 

"Ow! Ow! Ow!"

 

"ouch. shoot, you okay?" He seems to have felt it as much as you have.

 

"I hit my teeth on your cheek!"

 

"oooh, ouch."

 

"ARE YOU BOTH OKAY?"

 

"Yeah, I'm good."

 

"yeah, we'll be fine."

 

You all burst out laughing.

 

"YOU'RE BOTH SO RECKLESS. REMIND ME TO HELP YOU UP PERSONALLY NEXT TIME, _______."

 

"Will do."At least your lip isn't bleeding.

 

 

\--

 

 

Showering with Sans is nice because you get to watch him get all flustered when you scrub him. He and Papyrus normally use back brushes but lathering him up with your hands is extremely satisfying. He's so sleepy, he can barely stay awake and groans softly when you occasionally rub a sensitive spot. Groggy skelly is best skelly. He's just letting you wash him. No effort whatsoever.

 

"Ready to get out?"

 

"nnnn, can we stay here forever?" He leans on you.

 

"Papyrus ismaking dinner. Aren't you hungry?"

 

"mmmyes but i'm also sleepy."

 

"You slept all day."

 

"exactly."

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans is ready to faceplant into his mashed potatoes at dinner.

 

"Sans?" A pause. "Is he asleep?"

 

"HE'S SO LAZY."

 

"He's been working a lot more shifts lately though."

 

"HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING AT HIS JOBS."

 

Aaaand there it is. Mashed potato everywhere.

 

"WHY?"

 

"Oh my goodness." You're roaring with laughter. "Let's clean him up."

 

Just a gentle wipe. He's out like a light. You piggy-back him to your bed. He really has been working a lot more lately. Your room's littered with his stuff because he's been beelining straight to bed after work all week. You wonder if he's been doing that extra computer-related job at work too. He's also been taking Saturday shifts, which isn't something he does frequently. You're not that tired but you change and crawl in with him, even if it's to read by candlelight. He gradually moves closer and closer as he sleeps until his arm is wrapped around your legs and his face buried in your thigh. He's mumbling happily.

 

"I love you." You whisper it gently as you stroke his skull.

 

You hear a soft, "mine," mumbled into your leg.

 

He starts chewing on your shoulder in his sleep when you finally lie down. You swear you're going to file his canines down one day. You fall asleep with a small smile on your face and a warm skeleton on your back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why's he been working so much?


	54. SHAFT-ed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really, Sans?

 

You're sprawled on the lawn with a drink each. Late summer evenings together are heaven. Watching the sun go down in each other's arms has become a bit of a thing now.

 

"You coming to the beach party next Saturday?" It's been in the planning for a week now.

 

"not sure if i want to take the time off."

 

"You've been working your ass off all summer. Aren't you going to take a break?"

 

"i'm saving my vacation time for my uh, _cycle_ now."

 

"Can you predict when it's going to happen? Don't you have to give advance notice and stuff?"

 

"it's a spring/fall cycle. i can _kinda_ feel it coming a bit in advance. i've always had those periods where my ribs get soft but now i'm _so horny all the time_ when it happens." He tilts his head back and groans. He clenched his teeth through the second bit.

 

"Wait, so you technically did have a heat cycle? Your ribs get all soft like that so they're easier to tear off or whatever, right?"

 

"yeah but it's not the same. i didn't feel the heat at all before i bonded. didn't affect me whatsoever. now i overheat and can't breathe-- can't even think straight when it happens like all i wanna do is _mate with you._ " He growls, sending shivers down your spine. Why is the way he said that making you blush? You feel a pang of arousal build in your centre as he says it.

 

"Okay, so it's different now. Are you going to tell Tori what happened? You know, so she won't try to kill you and stuff."

 

"i'm probably gonna tell her before it happens again. i don't know if it's a good idea for us to be together when i'm in heat." He's not making eye contact. He tends to look off to the side more often nowadays.

 

"Man, if that's what it's going to feel like every time I don't know if I can stand being alone. Can I just get you a ball gag or something?"

 

"a what?!" He jolts at your suggestion. "no freaking way."

 

"Well if you'd rather be alone."

 

"…" He looks really uncomfortable. "i'll think about it."

 

"So it's just hormonal right? Like if you felt it coming in advance and just avoided sleeping with me for the days leading up to it I wouldn't be affected, right?"

 

"i don't know. probably. i don't get that much of a heads up. you're definitely triggered by pheromones and not hormones though. humans don't go into heat. you're just responsive."

 

You listen to the gradual crescendo of cricket chirping for a while before Sans speaks again.

 

"sometimes i wonder if all skeletons can bond. maybe i'm just hoping that i'm not some anomaly. what if i only feel the way i do because i bonded?"

 

"Do you… like feeling that way?"

 

"heat's so uncomfortable so no. sex feels amazing so yes. i guess it has its pros and cons."

 

You start to shiver as dew accumulates and Sans suggests going inside.

 

 

\--

 

 

There's mail on the table. You seat yourselves to sort it. Nothing important for you. Sans is sweating a bit more than usual as he reads a letter.

 

"i need to go renew my driver's license."

 

"Why do you look so stressed?"

 

"i hate government buildings," he grumbles, "and being a monster inside one."

 

"Want me to come with you?" You drape your arms over his shoulders and he leans into you, grinning.

 

"don't you have work?"

 

"They, uh, want me to start working part-time anyway. Bureaucracy. I don't mind it."

 

"can you not casually mention important news like that in passing?" He looks appalled.

 

"It's not a big deal. I was taking so much time off anyway."

 

"if you want to come then you can."

 

"One condition."

 

"oh?"

 

"Come to the beach with us next Saturday. Frisk has a friend from out of town staying over and they're really excited about it."

 

"fine but i also get a kiss."

 

 

\--

 

 

You already know it's going to take hours. You get into the elevator and Sans stands on his tiptoes to hit the button to your floor. Don't laugh. You're about halfway there when it jolts to a halt. It's pitch black for a second and then a dim emergency light flickers on.

 

"Are you kidding me?! Of course this would happen." You're exasperated.

 

Sans is fiddling with the emergency phone. He alerts the person on the other end and hangs up like it's no big deal.

 

"they'll send someone if the power takes longer than an hour to come back on so we wait it out."

 

"It'll be short if we're lucky."

 

You wait for what seems like an eternity. You're getting more and more stressed out as time elapses.

 

"you okay?"

 

"Not very fond of being trapped in a small box for extended periods."

 

"hey, c'mere" He hold his arms open and you snuggle into them.

 

"Thanks. You nuzzle into the crook of his neck and he starts rubbing the small of your back until he lowers his hand rather inappropriately.

 

"Sans, we're technically in public."

 

"shh, s'not like anyone'll know." He brushes your hair behind your ear as he coos into it. He's now running his hand up your leg. Why did you wear a skirt today?

 

"Really? In an elevator?"

 

"you don't seem to think very _highly_ of it." Of course he'd make a pun. He starts sucking on your neck. Okay, that feels nice.

 

"I'm not having sex in an elevator."

 

"aw come on, it's not like you'd be _lowering_ yourself if we fooled around a bit." Aaaand he's in your panties. Nooo. Stupid magical hands. You might be enjoying this a bit too much. You let out a moan.

 

"pfft, look at you. you sure aren't having a hard time _getting it up_ now." He slides his finger into your sex. It doesn't take him much to get you wet.

 

"Saaaaans are you really going to finger me right here?" Don't buck your hips. Don't buck your hips. Dammit. Your breathing's getting heavy.

 

"mmmnope i'll be _going down_ on you instead." He gets down on his knees and slides his face up your skirt. You can feel him slide your underwear to the side and start running his tongue up and down. Shit. Shit. Shit. Not here. Why does he have to be so good at this? You can't help but lean back against the wall.

 

"I hate you and your stupid puns. Oh my goodness, this is so wrong."

 

"aw, if we're not moving then it couldn't be wrong on _that many levels_ now, could it?" You're going to kill him. Maaaaybe when he's done with you. He's not even using his fingers anymore. He's using his hands to gently massage your thighs.

 

You pull your skirt up and grip his head. He can tell you're close.

 

"i'll make you come so hard. you'll be absolutely _floored_." He chuckles as he continues to lave you.

 

"Why," pant, "do you insist," pant, "on making puns," pant, "at the most inappropriate times?" You can't suppress the moan that follows.

 

You can't contain it any more. You scream his name and grip the rail for dear life as you cry in complete ecstasy at your release. Fuck you, Sans. Stupid perfect tongue. You can feel the heat seeping out from your entire body. Your cheeks must be at least three times hotter than normal. You need to hold the rail to keep yourself from collapsing as your chest heaves and your legs turn to mush.

 

"ooh, did i push all the right buttons there?" He raises himself.

 

"One more." Pant. "One more elevator pun." Pant. "I swear." You finally laugh. You both laugh for way too long.

 

It's a good thing it takes another twenty minutes for the power to come back on, allowing you to compose yourself. You finally get to your floor.

 

Just as you exit the elevator Sans whispers, "so did i _lift_ your spirits or what?"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You little shit.


	55. Feeling BEACH-y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beach day!

 

 

Papyrus pulls into Toriel's driveway and Frisk emerges with a nine-foot tall yellow snake with legs. You now see why Paps insisted on bringing the convertible. How would that kid fit in a regular car? Seems like Toriel will be riding with Alphys and Undyne.

 

"Can I drive?!" Frisk beams, brandishing their new learner's permit.

 

"didn't you trash your mom's car? she hasn't been driving it over for movie night." Sans is sneering.

 

"Aw, come on! I'll be careful. Pleeeeease, Papyrus?"

 

"I CAN'T… SAY NO." Papyrus looks nervous.

 

Looks like Sans has to crawl into the back with you and Frisk's friend who greets him with a friendly, "Yo!" before going back to staring at Papyrus. Sans fills you in that they used to idolize Undyne until he started looking up to Papyrus a lot more. You don't get many details.

 

 

\--

 

 

Not only did you make it one piece but Frisk did an especially good job. Papyrus is a very careful driver and a surprisingly good instructor. The beach is beautiful. The air is clean. Monsters and humans are coexisting peacefully in the sun. You really needed this. Those needing sunscreen start applying it and you all lay your towels and picnic blankets down.

 

"Frisk, can you do my back?"

 

"can i do your back?" Sans looks at you expectantly.

 

"I asked Frisk because it's more efficient if you have flesh on your hands."

 

"Whatever, I'm sure Sans can do a decent job." Frisk is chuckling as Sans fumbles with the cap.

 

"Okay, let's see then." You roll your eyes and turn your back toward Sans.

 

It takes him about twice as long as Frisk would but he does eventually manage to slather it all over. By the time he's done Frisk's way out with their friend. You vaguely wonder what it must be like to be piggybacked by their friend until they trip and faceplant in the sand, sending Frisk rolling.

 

"Are they okay?" You can't help wincing.

 

"oh yeah, that kid's a total klutz but the sand's a good cushion." Sans shrugs on his towel.

 

"Wanna come sit in the water for a bit? It's not a pool." You tug at his arm.

 

"hang on. watching those kids bury papyrus." He gestures with his thumb.

 

You look to the right and it's too adorable. Three kids have buried Papyrus and are now using their spades to unearth him. They're screaming, "dinosaur bones!" over and over again. Sans is laughing so hard. The parents look mortified but too scared to say anything and Papyrus is NYEH HEH HEHing.

 

"Roar for us, Skeleton dinosaur!" The kids are now rolling him to the water.

 

Papyrus roars terribly unconvincingly and the kids' parents visibly relax.

 

"Come on! Let's go." You coax Sans and he finally caves.

 

You grab him by the hand and pull him to the waterside, wading in until you're a few feet deep. He sits and the water reaches his neck.

 

"okay. i'm in." He's grinning.

 

You sit next to him. The water's freezing but you slowly get used to it. You sit there for a few minutes until you feel something dart past you incredibly quickly underwater. It startles you to a standing position. Undyne emerges cackling.

 

"Got you good, huh punk?" She's grinning from ear to ear.

 

"Oh man, Undyne." You're clutching your chest. Okay it was pretty funny. Sans is trying so hard not to laugh.

 

"You want a ride?" Her grin is now slightly malicious.

 

"I can't breathe underwater."

 

"Well duh. I'll keep you above the surface." She offers you her back.

 

"Do I just grip your shoulders like THIIIISSSS--?!" She's swimming faster than you've seen olympians move. It's exhilarating. Though hard, it's not impossible to breathe through the spray. She stops way out where it would uncomfortable to swim back.

 

"I've got you, _______."

 

"Whoa. I had no idea you could go so fast."

 

"Pretty decent, huh?" She's holding you close to her so you don't slip. The tiny speck that is Sans looks like it's gotten to a standing position.

 

"I don't know how long I could last out here."

 

"Party pooper. Wanna lie on my stomach?" She lies backward and becomes your own personal Undyne Boat.

 

"How do I...?" She lifts you and lays you on her before lazily swimming in the direction of the shore. It's like having a very ripped surfboard.

 

"Nice day for a swim, huh? Did you see how cute Alphys looks in a swimsuit?" She's glowing with pride.

 

"Yeah it _suits_ her quite well." You clamp your hand to your mouth.

 

"Oh my gosh. You guys were meant to be." Undyne's covering her eyes with her hand and laughing.

 

"I didn't mean--"

 

"Pft whatever man. It's weird as hell and kinda gross but you guys really fit together. I don't think skeletons can bond like other monsters so if anything that's the best possible match for a human." She's grinning from ear to ear as she gently paddles toward shore.

 

"Glad you, uh, approve and stuff." Don't volunteer any information.

 

"Not like my opinion matters. It's your life dude. Alphys loooooves the idea. Practically has a nosebleed every time she sees you interact. Fuhuhuhuhu!"

 

"Hey so can you breathe in freshwater and saltwater?" Change the subject.

 

"Yeah but saltwater tastes naaaasty. Oh, Papyrus and I are going build sandcastles later. Wanna join?" The competitive glint in her eyes is unmistakable.

 

"Sure. Sans and I can team up."

 

"Oho, it's on."

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans looks anxious when you get back. He wades out to greet you.

 

"you okay? need a rest?"

 

"I didn't do any work. Undyne's like a boat with washboard abs." You did swallow a decent amount of water but you're still okay.

 

"Quit worrying. I had her the whole time." Undyne is indignant.

 

"c'mere you." He reaches out and grabs you as you float toward him. "wanna lie in the sand?"

 

"In the sand with a Sans?"

 

"makes _sans_ to me."

 

"Might not be too unplea _sans_ t."

 

" _sans_ ational, even."

 

Undyne shakes her head, chuckling.

 

 

\--

 

 

You nap in the sun for an hour or two until you're hoisted up by Papyrus.

 

"SANDCASTLE CONTEST!"

 

"Saaaaans! Help!"

 

Well that jolted him awake. He looks around frantically for a second before seeing you and relaxing.

 

"can you not scare me like that?" He sounds winded.

 

"GET UP YOU LAZYBONES!" Papyrus sticks his tongue out at him.

 

Sans lazily raises himself and strolls over to where Undyne and Papyrus have decided to plant you. He sits next to you, ever humouring Papyrus with a smile.

 

"You have one hour, lover punks." Undyne towers over your seated asses with crossed arms and a menacing smile. "Winning team doesn't help pack up."

 

"Fine but make it a fair fight. No magic."

 

She contemplates your terms for a second before saying, "You've got yourself a deal."

 

Seems like Frisk and their monster friend have formed a third team. Alphys and Toriel are judging.

 

It's fun. Sans is actually getting really into it, pulling out his phone to make some calculations after asking you what style you'd like to build. Unlike the snowman contest, he doesn't want to disappoint you by letting you lose. Maybe teamwork was the best idea. Maybe he really doesn't want to pack up later. Alphys keeps hovering as you work, starry-eyed, seeming more interested in watching your "team dynamic" than your actual progress. Undyne and Papyrus keep overpowering each other and knocking their work down in overambitious attempts to defy gravity.

 

That monster kid and Frisk though. They're putting up a real fight. Frisk's dexterity and their friend's assistance and height have allowed them to make a really tall spiral spire. They're decorating it with branches and shells. You have to step up your game. You find a small sun-bleached fish skeleton and start pressing it into your sandcastle's wall.

 

"ew, that's so creepy. get it away from me." Sans visibly shudders.

 

"Really? It's just bones."

 

"no it's nasty and dead and inanimate and gross." He's so disgusted. It's... cute?

 

"Okay fine. No bones. Why are you so weirded out? Can't you and Papyrus just... make bones?"

 

"materializing osseous matter and a bone that came out of a dead thing are completely different. why do you think we don't eat food with bones? it's weird."

 

"No bones then. Sorry."

 

"it's okay. 'preciate it."

 

Alphys signals the final five minutes and the building gets frantic. Undyne and Papyrus have created a monster. It's lopsided and disgusting and they keep having to rebuild parts that collapse. Team Frisk has the nicest one and you hate to admit defeat but it's inevitable; theirs is too impressive. You're more or less done so you watch the chaos as they other teams scramble to finish. You feel really bad because what ensues practically happens in slow motion: Frisk's friend trips and slides into their sandcastle, causing a third of it to crumble. Tragic. Unjust. Terrible.

 

Winning doesn't feel as good as it should have felt because of the circumstances. Undyne and Papyrus aren't even upset that they came in last place because they're too busy comforting the kids. A bittersweet victory. Oh well.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Ow ow ow." You're trying not to wince as Sans slathers aloe gel on your sunburn in your bedroom that evening.

 

"should've re-applied sunscreen." He trails a few light kisses from your neck to your elbow before applying some there too.

 

"I forgot. We were having too nice a day."

 

"at least you don't burn as badly as alphys. glad i took the day off. that was nice." He grins sleepily as he finishes slathering your scorched skin. All the sun seems to do to bone is bleach it slightly.

 

"You slept for most of the day."

 

"watching other humans look at you in that swimsuit was pissing me off and i needed a coping mechanism."

 

"Pft. You would have slept anyway."

 

"well you're certainly not wrong about the sleeping part." He scratches his neck with a light scraping sound as you shimmy next to him. He then moves the scratching from his neck to your scalp. Oh man, that's nice. Just what you needed.

 

You both roll onto your sides and fall asleep cuddling before you could even get under the covers. You feel a light fluttering deep within your soul as you dream of sitting in a field of strawberries with Sans. You eat them happily together and relish their unnatural sweetness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just Peachy


	56. Con-SOUL-ation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't help feeling this way.

 

The end of summer comes and goes. Fall means fall heat. You're not quite sure when it's going to come but you bought a ball gag and a sort of cage muzzle thing just in case. You figure the ball gag is safer but he can still use his tongue with the cage muzzle. You'll see what he's more comfortable with when it happens. You've also decided to keep a few bottles of proper electrolyte solution in the house. Now all you have to worry about is the bruising.

 

You anticipate it for a few weeks, bracing yourself.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans isn't in bed when you wake up. He sends you a text explaining that he'll be away for a few days. He wants an update letting him know if you're affected while he stays in a hotel room for the duration of his heat. Guess he ditched you. You don't feel any kind of need. He must have been right about the pheromone thing. Just a few days.

 

Three days.

 

Four days.

 

Five days.

 

No word.

 

Why does your heart hurt so much?

 

You try to distract yourself by hanging out with Papyrus all week but he looks almost annoyed by your incessant pacing. Sans is taking too long. He's been gone for far too long. He never answers his phone when he's in heat.

 

"Hey so do your ribs get soft around this time of year too, Papyrus?"

 

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?" He looks nervous.

 

"I sleep with your brother?"

 

"THAT'S A REALLY… PERSONAL QUESTION?"

 

"Can I feel them?"

 

"WHAT?! NO?!" He evades as you reach for him. "THAT'S REALLY PRIVATE."

 

"So it does happen to you." Triumph.

 

"…YES."

 

"Why are you so uncomfortable?"

 

"I DON'T TALK ABOUT IT."

 

"Not even with Sans?"

 

"WE HAVE BUT IT'S… PRIVATE."

 

"We've bathed together."

 

"THAT'S DIFFERENT."

 

"Whatever." You shrug it off respecting Papyrus' privacy.

 

You wish your chest would stop hurting.

 

 

\--

 

 

You lunge at Sans when he finally gets home. It's been over a week.

 

"whoa, hey kiddo." He chuckles. "i missed you too. heh, you look like you've lost some weight. you okay?"

 

You pick him up and just hold him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. He definitely needs a shower.

 

"hey why're you crying?" His tone changes from gleeful to concerned.

 

"I don't know." You don't know why you're trembling either. It just hurts. Your head, your heart, your stomach, everything. You feel sick.

 

"you wanna take a shower with me?" He gently massages your scalp with his bony fingers.

 

"yeah."

 

You're glad Papyrus is picking the last of the tomatoes right now so he doesn't see you inexplicably crying like this.

 

 

\--

 

 

You grope Sans here and there in the shower, holding him close. You're making it a little hard for him to get clean and he's chuckling.

 

"miss me?"

 

"Kinda."

 

"seems like more than kinda."

 

"Kinda."

 

"i missed you."

 

 

\--

 

 

You're not sure why you feel the need to not let go. You press yourself to him in bed. Why are you so needy all of the sudden? What caused this? You can feel your heart fluttering now that he's back. Your chest still feels weighted. You keep wanting to cry. It's irrational. There's no reason for you to feel this way but you do. It's painful. You'd give anything for a deeper connection right now. It's not enough.

 

"you wanna talk about what's wrong, kiddo?"

 

"I… don't know what's wrong. I'm in pain for no reason."

 

"your soul is crying out."

 

"My soul is what?"

 

"it's calling out. dunno. it's weird. i've never felt it do that before."

 

"Is that bad?"

 

"don't think so. don't know why it would do that though. i almost wanna take a look."

 

Why does that sound like the best idea he's ever had?

 

"Can you?"

 

"i uh, have some stuff i kinda want to keep secret for now." He's not making eye contact. Oh. Okay then. Why are you so disappointed?

 

"Please?" You grip him tightly. You want the tightness in your chest to go away. Oh great, you're crying again.

 

"what the hell, kiddo?" It's a whisper "hey. heyheyhey. shh. don't cry."

 

You want.

 

You need.

 

It hurts.

 

"Please."

 

"you're crushing me."

 

"Sorry." You loosen your grip.

 

"c'mere. lemme try something. shh." He grips you tenderly.

 

"everything's going to be okay."

 

 

 

W h i t e n e s s.

 

 

 

A warmth engulfs you.

 

Feelings of a cozy tenderness and trust. A bright yellow. **A bright red.**

 

An amalgam of thoughts-- none complete. It's all so fast-- faster than last time.

It's too hard to keep track.

 

Garden tomatoes.

The scent of summer.

a strong connection.

The smell of your skin.

 

gentle. _mine_.

 

Papyrus painting a **landscape** while you and Sans lie on his bed watching.

 

linked. bound. tethered.

 

 

A caress.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's brief-- too brief. Your soul feels anchored again but you want more. The weight feels lighter and you feel content but you still feel a need. You sob as does Sans. Experiencing thoughts and emotions that aren't yours is overwhelming. All you both can do is tremble.

 

"hey," gasp, "i did it." He's laughing as he cries.

 

"Yeah, a partial one, right?" You choke a bit.

 

"uhuh." He gently grips the hair at the nape. "i was scared to over-share."

 

"I didn't grasp too many full feelings and thoughts."

 

"same."

 

You sit there crying like idiots until you can't any more-- until you feel serene for the first time all week.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did that happen?


	57. Relation-SHIT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girls' night!

 

Sans has been spending a lot of time in his room lately. He locks himself up and sometimes emerges with bags of stuff that he loads into the trunk of the car for later. It's winter. Christmas has come and gone and you're anticipating Alphys and Undyne's new year's party. You're going over the day before and crashing so you can help prepare for it. A whole day of girl time and baking? Heck yes. Sans was happy about you getting girl time.

 

Girl's night's great and you've had enough drink to not even mind the invasive relationship questions. You even start asking some of your own as you all curl up on the couch.

 

"So why aren't you guys married or something?" You can't help ask it.

 

"Eeeehhh not sure. Guess we never really looked into it or whatever. We're common-law and didn't really see the need for an event." Undyne looks so passive for once. It's suspiciously out of character.

 

"I-I'm not s-sure I want to be st-stared at walking down an aisle." I was probably a case of Undyne wanting to and Alphys being too nervous.

 

"You cosplay though." You can't help point it out.

 

"Th-that's d-d-different! Cosplay is a costume. I'm n-not myself."

 

"Suit yourself then." You shrug it off.

 

"So what about you?" Alphys is making that mischievous face. Her eyebrows might as well be in orbit.

 

"Me? And Sans?"

 

" _No, you and the houseplant._ Fuhuhuhuhu." Undyne's cackling.

 

"I don't know if he'd ever want to be legally married to a human. It's kind of scandalous." Of course he'd want to spend the rest of his life with you because of the bond but you somehow get the feeling that he'd have already asked you if marriage was his intention.

 

"How long has it even been?" Undyne leans back, smirking,

 

"That's kind of… ambiguous?"

 

"O-oooh d-do tell!"

 

"We kind of… started fooling around a few months after I first moved in with them but didn't become an official thing for a while." You shrug.

 

"WHAT?! You were fuck buddies?!"

 

"F-f-friends with benefits? _Lovers?_ " They're both inching uncomfortably close.

 

"Uh…"

 

"Dude! How'd that even happen? Spill!" Undyne's way too excited.

 

"We, uh, made out on a cliffside and then he had this weird obsession with my mouth for a few months. I don't know. We started exploring each other's bodies for a while and it… escalated? He kind of… took me."

 

"So is he good in b-b-bed?" Alphys is way too excited.

 

"We had no idea what we were doing at first but it got better."

 

"Pft. Well I wouldn't know what to do with a skeleton. Missing some parts, you know?" Undyne's making a groping motion.

 

"They've still got sensitive bits and I'm assuming I don't need to tell you guys about not needing a dick." You smirk.

 

"Oh you know it." Alphys doesn't stutter for once.

 

They're on the edge of their seats. It's going to be a long night over over-sharing on everyone's part.

 

 

\--

 

 

The New Year's party is really fun. There's food and drink and you guys let Frisk have a small flute of champagne for the toast. You and Sans start the new year in a kiss, resulting in a squeal from Alphys. Why hide it anymore? What a relief, actually.

 

Great party. You all decide to walk home, being way too inebriated to drive. Papyrus goes to bed. You and Sans immediately jump each other's bones in a drunken lust. A wholly good night.

 

 

\--

 

 

You deal with a double skeleton hangover in the morning. Sans and Papyrus are both positively miserable so you make them some pancakes and serve them in bed. Spending a day cuddling with sick Sans was a good idea. It's weird for Papyrus to sleep so much but it doesn't seem so out of the ordinary for Sans. You gently stroke his jaw as he cuddles up against you in his sleep. You were both watching a movie on your laptop when he dozed off.

 

He does finally wake up looking a bit better by evening.

 

"Morning sleepyhead."

 

"mmmmhey there." His voice is a little raspy.

 

"Never asked you how your night was two days ago."

 

"ended up using your pillow."

 

"Oh?"

 

"it smells like you." He closes his eyes and hums as gropes you lightly. "how was ladies' night?"

 

"We got drunk after baking all the hors d'oeuvres and talked about relationships."

 

"heh, undyne came over to me last night and asked me what my 'intentions' were." He stretches, popping his joints. "kinda nosy, huh?"

 

"How'd that go?"

 

"n-not that i uh. i mean i um, might have looked into it but uh… you know, just as a curiosity thing or whatever." He's suddenly adorably nervous.

 

"You looked into what?"

 

There's some definite colour in his cheeks. He's not making eye contact.

 

"well i mean it should have seemed obvious but it's not really legal for humans to marry monsters." He's clearly trying to mask disappointment.

 

"…Oh. When did you look that up?"

 

"uhhhh it's gonna sound creepy."

 

"Whatever man, you had a pair of my underwear in your room."

 

"around the week you moved in?" His face is so bright right now.

 

"Is that the big secret you've been hiding?" You kiss the top of his head. The memory didn't even really stand out when he confronted you.

 

"naw."

 

"Made me think you were working so hard to save up for a ring or something." You elbow him gently.

 

"oh what, that? no. haven't wanted to talk about it because human culture's really different but it's not really a secret either."

 

"So where's all the extra cash going?"

 

"frisk's applying to college. we're all pooling our cash. 'course most of it's coming from tori and her ex but monsters help each other out."

 

"That's… really touching. Why didn't you want to talk about that?"

 

"guess it's cause humans don't usually do it that way. didn't want to make you uncomfortable or make you think you had to help. frisk doesn't know-- it's a surprise. the only thing i'm not really comfortable talking about's that stuff i promised papyrus when we had that big talk."

 

"That's been bugging me."

 

"patience."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was underwhelming.


	58. Bone-TROUSERED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some shit gets spilled.

 

 

It's spring. The big day finally comes. Frisk runs in beaming.

 

"I got in! I got in! My first choice!" They're jumping and screaming.

 

It _was_ supposed to be movie night but absolute chaos ensues.

 

Hooting. Hollering. Champagne. Dancing. Eating. More drinking. Toriel even allows Frisk to partake.

 

You know they want to be a sort of diplomat. Frisk wanted to be the ambassador of monsters when they were freed but that only worked as a temporary fix. It's a little hard for a child to be on councils and go to international meetings for diplomatic discussions. They're going about it the proper way now. You suppose it is a little easier on the eyes of the nations if one of their own is a visible representative but you're not sure how much that's really contributing to progress. Either way, Frisk would be an amazing diplomat after having been trained and adequately educated.

 

They explain that they'll be attending college a twelve hour drive away. They'll be living with "dad" while they're there. You've never met Toriel's ex but Frisk always speaks very highly of him. Everyone but Tori does actually. She doesn't talk about him that much and was actually uncomfortable when you asked her about breaching that one time.

 

The party goes on for hours. You're sufficiently wasted. Everyone gradually vacates the premises as it gets late.

 

You, Sans, and Papyrus clean up the mess and all end up in the living room. Papyrus is collapsed on the couch and you and Sans finish the last bottle as you're sprawled on the rug. You offer some to Papyrus so he can help you finish it.

 

"NO THANK YOU. I'M GOING TO RETIRE BEFORE I DRINK TOO MUCH AND FEEL SICK ALL DAY TOMORROW. ENJOY POISONING YOURSELVES. PLEASE DON'T DIE, _______."

 

"I'm not gonna die, Paps."

 

"GOOD BECAUSE THEN I'D BE ALONE. NIGHT NIGHT." He plants a smooch on your forehead with a loud, "MUAH," as you sit up and traipses off to bed.

 

"he's right though. don't drink too much. all we need's a dead ______." Sans is chuckling. He's not quite drunk but he's on the cusp.

 

 

He's right though.

 

 

It sends you into a drunken mess of slurring.

 

"What's Papyrus going to do when I die and you do your monster bond thing? How're we gonna keep living our lives not able to even hold hands in public without stares? How're you gonna deal with a short lifespan? I almost wanna make you breach your bond." Oops. Too much alcohol.

 

You lean onto him slightly as he stammers and continue before giving him a chance to speak.

 

"I don't wanna huuuurt you. I just… think it's the best option for everyone. It's selfish of me to want this. To want you. I don't know. Think of all the sacrifices we're both making and for what? So you can have a shortened lifespan and abandon your friends and family for some human you fell asleep on at the worst possible time?"

 

"…" He wraps his arms around you and stays like that.

 

"Sans?"

 

"no."

 

"What would it take?"

 

"nothing."

 

"I'm serious. What would I have to do?"

 

"you're drunk. yep, you've had too much to drink. i'm putting you to bed. let's go."

 

"No."

 

"goin' to bed. come on, let's go." His voice is a little more firm now.

 

"No."

 

"what would it take to make you go to sleep and wait to talk about this sober?"

 

"I don't want you to die because of me." Don't cry. Don't cry.

 

"i could get hit by a car and die on my way to work every day. i could get struck by lightning. i could eat something poisonous. people die. monsters die." His voice is so gentle.

 

"I'm an assurance of death. I don't want to carry that weight."

 

"why?" Not only has he not removed his arms from around you but he's tightening them.

 

"You and Papyrus are my family."

 

"and?" He's trembling.

 

"You'll die when I die."

 

"so?" His voice cracks. You feel him gripping handfuls of your shirt fabric.

 

"I don't want to hurt you and Papyrus. Papyrus'll be all alone because of me." You know Papyrus said he'd rather Sans be happy than you find a way to breach his bond but it's painful. It hurts. It's heavy.

 

"he won't be alone."

 

"Friends aren't the same as family."

 

"no, he won't be alone…" He releases you and turns away. Is he embarrassed?

 

"…Sans?"

 

"i'm, uh, really uncomfortable. look, don't really wanna talk about it. you're really drunk. let's go to s-sleep." He's blushing really deeply.

 

"What did you promise Papyrus?"

 

"i'm not ready to talk about it."

 

"Tell meeeeee." You get up, wrap your hands around his ulnas, and gently shake him until he raises himself in protest. Okay, maybe you did drink too much. You run your tongue along his jawline and he shivers slightly.

 

"can we have that discussion when you're sober?"

 

"Tell meeeeee." You stick a hand down his pants and start stroking him as you nibble on a clavicle.

 

"n-not yet. haaah. no. wait. cut it out. nnn. that's not gonna m-make me. nnnn. tell you. aaaah." He starts growling slightly.

 

"So don't tell me. You suck and it hurts." Your tone is bitter. Is his hand in your pants now? Guess so.

 

"you know how much i-- hah, love you, kiddo?" He starts running his tongue along your neck as he pants. "you think i l-like keeping secrets?" A particularly loud moan as you stoke his ribs.

 

"You suuuuck and I hate you." He thrusts you onto the couch and you rut into his hand as he continues to pleasure you.

 

"haah. no you don't." He growls softly into your ear before clamping down on your neck.

 

"No I don't."

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up in a tangled mess. You're not quite sure how you got to bed. Sans probably carried you and tucked you in. Your foot's caught between his tibia and fibula again. Not uncommon. Your hair's mussed and you're not wearing any underwear under your pyjamas. Sans has an arm around you and is mumbling a bit in his sleep as he nuzzles you.

 

Ooooh right. You said some stupid shit last night.

 

It's not like you didn't mean it.

 

Ugh. Feelings. Why must you feel?

 

You lie there for another hour or so until Sans wakes up.

 

"Sorry." You whisper it before kissing him gently. "I was a mess last night."

 

"don't be." He really does have an iron grip. "your concerns are legitimate."

 

"Glad we agree on the matter." You're chuckling.

 

"it won't be so bad. i made some promises."

 

"Sorry for being pushy. It's been bothering me forever."

 

"look, i'll tell you but you have to promise to not freak out, okay?"

 

"I can try."

 

"kay um, first of all i need you to not freak out. it's not something that i'd do while you're alive if you're uncomfortable with it. i need you to understand that. you also need to understand that papyrus would be too scared to do it himself because he thinks it'd hurt too much. a-anyway," Sans is sweating bullets and his face is the brightest you've ever seen it go, "i t-told him i'd leave him with a nephew so he wouldn't be alone." He's looking away and fidgeting. He's practically trembling.

 

"You wouldn't do it while I'm alive?" Okay, you're not going to lie to yourself: it is a little bit overwhelming.

 

"well, i mean… that would depend on you." He buries his face in his pillow.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some audience participation is required to proceed:
> 
> Tell us how you'd respond in the comments or on our Tumblr. :)


	59. Im-PACT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We went with the votes.

 

 

You don't see any fairness in leaving Papyrus alone with a baby with nobody to help raise it. Of course you'd agree to Sans having a kid and raising it with him. It breaks your heart that you can't get married first. Sans wouldn't ask you to marry him because it's not even legal. That's actually kind of depressing.

 

Yup. Pretty depressing.

 

Well, he still wants a kid. You're okay with that. You try to imagine a baby skeleton monster. You won't have to do much more imagining seeing as Sans said he'd be wanting to get it over with sooner than later. You discuss it over a few days. There's no way for you to biologically have children together as skeletons reproduce parthenogenetically. The decision you eventually come to is that he'd do it. You think he'd let someone else's seed inside you? Pfft. Not in a million years. Another human in the family would defeat the purpose anyway seeing as the whole point was to have a child with a longer lifespan.

 

Sans finally lets you into what remains of his bedroom. It's not really a bedroom anymore-- more like a nursery. The walls are painted pastel and the ceiling's repainted to look like the night sky. The constellations are mapped accurately and it looks like they're glazed to glow in the dark, which is a pretty nice touch. The room has everything but diaper changing equipment, which makes sense. You didn't need to help much.

 

He's been living in your room anyway. Papyrus also gave you both a hand with the paint job. You know how he likes to paint. He did a darn good job. Sans flips the light off and the ceiling glows faintly when he finishes. It's really amazing.

 

 

\--

 

 

Late spring. You decided to wait until the end of Sans' heat so you can both focus. It's hard for either of you to do anything during those days so it was a logical decision. Of course he wanted you to be present as you'll be raising them with him as their mom. You guys sent Papyrus out camping as a request to have "lovey dovey alone time" and he complied. Sans wanted to kill you when you brought out the ball gag but settled for the cage muzzle. You emerge bite-free though pretty bruised and exhausted. The best part is not feeling sick like last time. You wonder if it's because he left you alone.

 

"So you're going to do it?"

 

"yeah. hang on. i'll do it in the bed. lemme just go get something for him to wear." It's close enough to the end that he can go muzzle-free without you worrying about him destroying your neck.

 

He goes off into the next room and comes back in about a minute with a striped onesie and the bassinet.

 

"It isn't going to hurt, right?"

 

"yeah, it won't. don't worry. it's not supposed to hurt at all. papyrus is totally paranoid."

 

He braces himself and rubs his lower ribs for a few minutes. It seems pretty enjoyable; like he's masturbating. He breathes more and more deeply until, instead of coming, his eye flashes blue and he tears his lower left rib off with a sickening _snap_.

 

 

He screams.

 

 

It's not just any scream-- it's the most blood-curdling shriek you've ever heard. Your entire body trembles as it sends shivers down your spine. You feel your skin prickling with goosebumps as your hair stands. Your chest tightens as he wails in agony and you start to panic.

 

"Shit! Shit! _Shit!_ " You cover your mouth. Don't even bother asking if he's okay.

 

You hover nervously as he holds up a finger. He's sobbing and his whole body is trembling violently. His left eye's ablaze as he holds the fragment of bone. It looks almost liquid. It's terrifying. What the fuck did you consent to being present for? Sans' chest heaves as he grips the free rib with one hand and his side with the other. He doubles over and his eyes are wide. Sweat's pouring down his face and the pupil in his white eye dilates to a huge orb.

 

The rib grows outward. It becomes a spine in Sans' hand. He doesn't let go. He doesn't even seem to be controlling anything about the process. It's creepy as hell. You're going to have nightmares. You want to vomit. It grows in front of you for minutes as Sans tries to compose himself despite the pain. His chest is heaving and he's trembling. It's disgusting. You're probably shaking as much as he is. He finally lets go of it on the bed.

 

It's still growing. It looks like sour milk. Some parts are more solid than others. You both sit there watching it as it forms until Sans passes out from the pain.

 

Shit Sans, can you not?!

 

You're trembling and you finally start to cry. What the fuck? What the royal fuck are you watching? You're pretty sure other monsters don't look this fucking freaky when they reproduce. You envision a normal pregnant Toriel with a baby bump. You know she once had a biological child. That must have been beautiful. You imagine an excited Alphys walking around with an egg tethered to her in a cute bag. That would be adorable.

 

This is fucking terrifying.

 

It takes an hour; the longest fucking hour of your life.

 

Sans is still unconscious. He's gripping his side in his sleep and you had to position him more comfortably without touching the place from which he snapped the rib.

 

The kid finally starts looking like a proper skeleton. You scream when it moves. Sans doesn't stir. You're trembling and overwhelmed and dehydrated from crying. Your head hurts. You lie down next to it so it's between you and Sans.

 

A tiny skeletal hand reaches out and grips you. It's solid and warm-- warmer than Sans. It's asleep? That's a really good idea. You put your arm around the child and try to sleep as well. It takes forever because you're so worried and freaked out but you finally tremble into a dreamless slumber.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're woken up by a scream.

 

Shit. Sans.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"do i look okay?" He's grabbing his side, wincing.

 

"Sorry."

 

"no it's okay." He's groaning and definitely in a lot of pain.

 

The kid's eyes are open and they fix on yours when you look at it. They have large pupils like Sans'. You stroke it and it leans its head into your hand. Humans are born with their skulls in several parts but skeleton monsters don't have to pass through a pelvis so it's it one piece. He's about the size of a two month-old human baby. It's more cute than terrifying now.

 

"Hey. You did it."

 

"yeah. i guess so." He starts crying. He's still trembling from the pain.

 

You let him cry. You put your forehead to his as he lets it all out.

 

"i can't believe my dad did that twice." He shudders.

 

"Papyrus was right." You don't know why you're laughing.

 

He starts laughing too but winces and stops.

 

You lie there in silence, listening to the soft clicking of the child's bones on Sans' as it opens and closes its hand around his ulna.

 

"… like an effect. ramification. some sort of consequence…"

 

"What're you muttering?"

 

"impact."

 

"What?"

 

"i think i wanna name him impact."

 

"Why Impact?"

 

"a high force applied over a short period of time caused by two bodies colliding, usually at a high velocity if you wanna talk mechanics. alternatively you can say he's meaningful." He grins.

 

"You're such a physics nerd and I love you."

 

"heh. love you too." He leans his head in your direction.

 

"What came first the skeleton or the font?" Lightening the mood with a joke's what Sans would do.

 

"papyrus and i are a lot older than the typefaces we share names with and that's rude." He's laughing though.

 

"Impact's a font." You chuckle.

 

"coincidence."

 

"He looks like you. He'll probably have the same square jaw."

 

"cute, huh-- _ow_." He winces as he tries to move.

 

"Shit, be careful."

 

"y-yeah." His breathing's still pretty heavy.

 

"Should we swaddle him or something?" You wonder if he feels cold.

 

"nah just give him a onesie." You've never seen Sans in this much pain.

 

"He's so quiet." You stick his feet into the closed feet of the striped pyjamas and fumble with the long sleeves and snaps as he squirms slowly and kicks sluggishly.

 

His eyes are half-lidded and he's drooling a bit. You wipe it up and he grabs your hand. You hold him close and he clings to you. He looks so sleepy.

 

"Oh no, he's cute."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smol baby skele.
> 
> Well if there's an "overused font" theme going on in the family, you'd think the meme font would be appropriate.


	60. Verte-BABE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help, he's so cute.

 

 

You're asleep with the door open when Papyrus comes home. He peeks in and notes your bruises with a click of his tongue before depositing his stuff in his room. He sees the open window and doesn't want you to catch a cold so he tiptoes in to cover you.

 

He screams.

 

Of course Sans sleeps right through it but you're startled awake.

 

"HE DID IT? HE ACTUALLY DID IT?" He's covering his mouth. He voiced his doubts that Sans would carry through.

 

"Mmmmwhat? Oh yeah." Impact's asleep between you and Sans and the bassinet is on the floor out of view. He wouldn't have seen anything from outside.

 

"A CHILD! DID YOU NAME HIM?" He's more excited than you have the energy to cope with.

 

"Sans named him Impact."

 

"A FINE NAME. NYEH HEH HEH." Papyrus starts practically dancing around the room with joy, laughing and screaming until the baby stirs. Sans is sleeping like a topless log.

 

It finally makes a noise. It's a soft, slightly high-pitched murmur. Oh no, it's too cute.

 

"CAN I HOLD HIM?!" Have you ever seen Papyrus so overjoyed? There are practically stars in his eyes.

 

"I think so." You gently pick him up and hold him out for Papyrus to take.

 

He's holding him like he's the most precious thing in the world. There's this deep look of love and admiration in his eyes. You feel almost like you're intruding on a private moment.

 

He starts laughing. His entire body shakes and he holds Impact and he laughs until he cries. Sans finally wakes up and tries to hide his wincing. Papyrus is too distracted to notice anyway.

 

"hey paps."

 

"SANS I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT."

 

"me neither bro."

 

"DID IT HURT?" Papyrus eyes Sans' ribcage.

 

"yeaaaaah." He's trying to sound nonchalant. "guess you were right after all, huh?" He practically yelps as he reaches for a shirt.

 

"OF COURSE I WAS RIGHT!" He squeezes the baby a bit before exclaiming again. "LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS!"

 

"He's really cute." You're so exhausted but you're feeling almost energized by Papyrus' enthusiasm.

 

"he'll be a real charmer." Sans eases into a sitting position to put his shirt on.

 

"What do we feed him? He has teeth." You're not quite sure how different he is from a human baby.

 

"i wouldn't feed him solid food until i'm sure he can chew." Sans grunts as he rolls over. "maybe not honey either."

 

"I'M NOT LETTING YOU FEED HIM KETCHUP."

 

 

\--

 

 

Undyne and Alphys burst into the house that evening.

 

"NYAAAAAAGH!! WHAT THE HELL?" Undyne's over-excited as she dashes to your room. Noooo. You just want to sleep.

 

"Undyne, shh, come on." Oh well, too late. The kid's awake now. "Papyrus!!" Of course he called everyone immediately. Of course everyone would want to see. Sans is still out like a light.

 

"YES?"

 

"Couldn't you have waited like a day or something?"

 

"UNDYNE'S MY BEST FRIEND! I HAD TO TELL HER." He's giddy.

 

"Let me see him, punk!" She grabs him out of the bassinet.

 

She holds him up in front of her and he makes a stupid noise. Too cute.

 

"He was literally born today, you know. You could try to be a little more gentle."

 

"Pfft whatever man. He's made of solid bone. I could drop him and he'll be fine."

 

She holds him closer and extends a webbed finger for him to grasp. "Alphys!!"

 

Alphys peeks in meekly, her face beet red. At least you put on a long-sleeved shirt. You've been sleeping all day. You feel nasty and need a shower but at least it's just the girls and not Toriel. You sit up and note the soreness caused by four days' worth of Sans' heat before easing out of bed and you move to the living room with Papyrus. At least they won't wake Sans there.

 

You explain Sans doing it over the time Papyrus went camping, the process, the pain, the emotional exhaustion. You tell them to let Sans sleep because he's in pain. They keep passing the baby back and forth and Papyrus keeps hogging him. He finally gets tired of it all and starts crying. Everyone suddenly panics and Impact gets handed back to you like you somehow know how to make a skeleton stop crying.

 

Um?

 

You gently rock and cradle him. Nope. Maybe he's hungry. Um. Sans bought some bottles, right? You grab one from the nursery and sterilize it as he cries. It sounds like normal human baby crying. You heat up some whole milk and try to feed him as everyone watches with bated breath.

 

"Hey bony baby, you hungry?" You try to bottle-feed him.

 

Nope. He is _fighting_ you, hoo boy.

 

"Guys, what do I do?" You look up desperately. This kid does not want to eat.

 

"I DON'T KNOW?!" Papyrus is sweating and looking uncomfortable.

 

You look at Alphys and Undyne who look completely at a loss. The kid's still wailing.

 

The bedroom door slams open. Sans emerges walking slowly, clutching his side and looking unwell. He walks to the kitchen and gently takes Impact from you, wincing at the pain. He holds him to his chest and rubs his scalp the way he rubs yours all the time.

 

The kid stops crying.

 

Relief throughout the room.

 

"can you guys not stress him out so much?" He sounds miserable and goes back to bed with Impact in his arms.

 

Alphys and Undyne get the message. They leave almost immediately. You bid everyone a good night and join Sans.

 

He's awake when you get to your room. He's stripped his shirt off and propped himself up on two pillows holding a sleeping Impact who's clutching his ribs.

 

"Hey."

 

"heya."

 

"How's he doing?"

 

"he's fine." Suddenly his voice pitches upward. "look at the little gap in his teeth!" He's brimming with adoration as he points to Impact's front teeth, "and have you seen his little _toes_?" He starts laughing and immediately flinches and grabs his side.

 

You've been exhausted and you dressed him kind of hurriedly. Looks like Sans undressed him to examine him before putting his onesie back on; the top snaps were left open.

 

"I didn't take a good look, actually."

 

"well he's sleeping now but you should in the morning. it's the cutest thing ever." He chuckles excitedly. "has he eaten?"

 

"He didn't want to."

 

"hmm i'll try when he wakes up."

 

"Are you just going to let him sleep on your chest like that?"

 

"i think he's supposed to sleep like that. he kinda instinctively went for my ribs, clamped down and fell asleep."

 

"You don't want to put him in the bassinet?"

 

"you wanna try pulling him off?" He's smirking.

 

You try to gently pull his tiny hands off Sans' ribs. You try more forcefully. He's not coming off. Sans shrugs. Guess he's staying there.

 

"How's the pain?"

 

"it hurts to breathe. can you get me some milk?"

 

You comply and he downs the whole glass in one go before calling you an angel and falling asleep. You admire the sleeping father and son for a moment before crawling in too. You place a gentle kiss on each of their cheeks and fall asleep with them.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up to the sound of Sans gasping in the kitchen. You hurry to find him doubled over gripping his chest and panting. Papyrus is freaking out.

 

"i'll be okay. i'm good. i'm good." He's doing a poor job of shrugging it off. It's clearly excruciating.

 

"SANS, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS BUT YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN."

 

"y-yeah. okay." He practically collapses onto a chair.

 

Impact's still asleep on him. He's gripping Sans' ribs and just sleeping vertically as he clings like a baby animal. It's so cute, what the hell?

 

"Do you want anything, Sans?"

 

"i was gonna try to get some food for impact. i just want some milk for myself."

 

"Two milks then?"

 

"well, can't not _milk_ the opportunity."

 

"CAN YOU NOT MAKE PUNS AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES?"

 

"How _dairy_ , right?" You wink.

 

"I HATE YOU BOTH."

 

"No you don't. You love your brother's puns and you love mine just as much."

 

Papyrus huffs and you start pouring some milk in a saucepan after giving a glass to Sans.

 

"why're you heating it?"

 

"So it's not cold?"

 

"just pour it in a bottle."

 

"Pretty sure that it'd be better warm."

 

"let me try."

 

You roll your eyes and pass the bottle to Sans. He gently nudges Impact's cheek with a fingertip and scratches him with a gentle scraping of bone on bone. The baby stirs and Sans lifts him off his ribcage and into an arm for feeding. He looks so sleepy-- like he can barely stay awake.

 

He tries giving him the bottle and he won't take it. He looks frustrated and gives up after a few minutes. He stares at the kid and ponders.

 

"do we have something more solid? …sour cream?"

 

"Really?"

 

"humour me."

 

You bring the tub out and hand him a bowl. You don't have any soft spoons but Sans takes the bowl and feeds him with a finger. Impact's half-lidded eyes open wide and he looks excited. He's way more expressive than a newborn human would be. Sans starts feeding him the sour cream. Success.

 

"This is so weird."

 

 

\--

 

 

You run out with Papyrus and buy some baby spoons later that day. Impact has teeth so you don't need them because they're soft but more for their size. Guess it would make sense that he won't use a bottle seeing as skeletons don't have nipples.

 

Toriel's over when you get home. Sans is wearing a hoodie but it's not completely zipped up. You can see that Impact's asleep gripping his ribs. It's really priceless. Toriel stops mid-sentence when she sees you. Oh shit, you wore short sleeves. What you would give to not have to explain right now. She doesn't say anything about it but continues to eye you through dinner and finally asks when Papyrus goes to water the tomato garden.

 

"So are you going to explain yourselves?" Toriel motions to your bruises.

 

You finally do. Sans avoids eye contact the whole time and just busies himself stroking Impact's head and neck as he sleeps. Toriel's shocked at first but open-minded. She tells you to be more careful if you're to continue being with Sans when he's in heat. You refrain from giving Sans an, "I told you so," when she doesn't make as big a deal of it as he anticipated.

 

She teaches you, Sans, and Papyrus a bunch of stuff when Impact wakes up. How to make a carrier wrap out of a piece of fabric, proper swaddling, how to bathe him, etc. You and Sans learn a lot and are exhausted by the end. Sans is having a hard time with his chest pain.

 

"Oh and Sans?" Tori notices his wincing.

 

"yeah?" He hands you the baby and leans back on the couch.

 

"You might be able to get off on medical leave if you cannot get parental leave."

 

"y-yeah. i'll look into it."

 

Impact's trying to grab onto your ribs through your shirt. It's a little hard when you have skin and flesh in the way and he can really clamp down painfully. He seems a bit startled when you flinch but still has that sleepy expression. He gives up after a while and dozes off in your arms.

 

Guess he can adapt to being on a human.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The image was drawn by one of us! We also have it on our [Tumblr. ](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com)


	61. Adap-TASTE-ion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has to be creamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sans and Impact fanart](http://bittersweetdeath.tumblr.com/image/143122686648) by BitterSweetDeath!

 

It takes three weeks before Sans is able to move with ease. It's weird to watch the rib slowly grow back. It's almost at its original length and it's okay when he moves or touches it but it still has a lot of healing to do. It's a good thing his union's pretty good. They landed him a three-week medical leave his application for a parental leave should be approved soon. Impact doesn't do much but cling to his ribs all day and sleep.

 

You've made a list of foods he likes:

 

Sour cream.

Ice cream.

Soft cheeses.

Oatmeal.

Whipped cream.

Custards.

Alfredo sauce.

Yoghurt.

 

That's about it. You and Papyrus have been blending veggies, mixing them with the stuff and feeding him with a spoon. He won't eat anything that's not thick and creamy.

 

"So why can't we feed him solids? It's not like he has airways to obstruct." You're both feeding Impact some carrots and cream and he's flailing excitedly.

 

"sensitive jaws. they get tired easily."

 

You finish feeding Impact and he squeaks. Sans lifts him up and he grips his ribs and falls asleep almost immediately.

 

"This kid's like a koala."

 

"it's such a pleasant feeling. i wish he could do this to you." It's kind of cute to watch him helping you clean up with a small skeleton dangling off his chest. He kind of rests his little feet on Sans' pelvis and sleeps vertically. He's gotten into the habit of just wearing zip-up hoodies and doing them up a third of the way or leaving them unzipped so Impact can sleep on him.

 

"Did you and Papyrus sleep like that as babies?"

 

"don't remember to be honest. long time ago and i was young."

 

You know skeletons don't really have a sex. Sans shrugged it off when you asked about skeleton genders. They kind of default to male but it's not set in stone. It's hazy and ambiguous and complicated and skeletons have a different approach than humans to gender. They can have a gender and can choose to be male, female, etc. but don't generally feel sexual attraction and usually default to male. It's deeper and more complicated than that but you'll deal with the kid's choices when they make them. You suppose it was just weird that skeletons don't have reproductive organs but Sans and Papyrus kept calling Impact a "he" since day one. "He unless she." Guess that's just skeleton culture.

 

Sans keeps calling Impact his and _your_ son. There's a strange detachment from having not contributed anything to his creation-- almost like he'd been adopted. Easing into your relationship with him has been a strange experience so far. Human babies are overwhelming and drain the life out of you and cry all the time. Impact… sleeps a lot. Like father like son. Sans and Impact have been spending most of their days asleep together. You've been joining them in bed, in the living room, in the garden, everywhere that's nice to take a snooze.

 

 

\--

 

 

By the end of Sans' parental leave you find yourself working from home. It might be temporary but you don't really mind it. You spend the days playing with Impact when he's awake and working when he sleeps. Papyrus always wants to hold him but Impact strangely never wants to cling to him the way he clings to Sans. He tried to get him to and was a little bit disappointed when he only latched on once or twice. He seems to know you're his mother though. You wonder if it had anything to do with being one of the first sights and scents he was exposed to when he was born.

 

He's gotten to the point where he grabs things from you and Papyrus all day, examines them, and hands them back. You spend a lot of time in Papyrus' room hanging out on his bed with the baby so he can get his work done on his computer but still be around you and Impact as you work from your laptop. He loves his nephew so much and takes lots of cuddle breaks.

 

 

\--

 

 

By about four months Impact starts to be a bit more active. The second he hears Sans' voice every night is always priceless. He comes in and Impact starts cooing and huffing and making little squeals until he gets to see his dad. It's so cute to see Sans' eyes light up when he sees you holding him. There's a certain glow of pride, love, and protection in his eyes that's not quite the same as before.

 

You plant yourself on him and he kisses you deeply every evening. He emits a soft rumbling and grabs a handful of your hair before grabing Impact and nuzzling him affectionately. Impact clings to his ribs the second he exposes them for him. You're still getting used to being a skeleton mom. You were thrust into the situation too suddenly to transition comfortably but you've slowly become a pretty decent skelemama and you're darn proud.

 

Impact's absolutely fascinated by your eyes. He loves making eye contact. The only thing that can ever distract him when he's staring into them is when Sans talks to him.

 

Sans talking to Impact is the most precious thing. It melts your heart every time.

 

Sometimes you walk in on him doing something silly like making faces or talking in a high-pitched voice and he always looks kind of embarrassed until you join him. It's cute to see him blush when you catch him being silly. Evening family time's the best.

 

"He keeps trying to poke me in the eye." Impact is definitely curious as to why your eyes are different from Sans and Papyrus'.

 

"oh does that make you uncomfortable?" Sans is sneering. You're leaning onto each other on the couch and Impact's clinging to Sans' ribs. He keeps going for your eyes.

 

"Here. Poke dad in the eyes." You tap your finger along Sans' zygomatic arch, trying to draw Impact's attention.

 

He looks Sans in the eye and squeals before trying to poke yours again. He succeeds.

 

"Owww!"

 

"heh, that's what you get." Sans is laughing pretty hard as you cover your eye. He picks Impact up and holds him over his head. "you're such a little troublemaker." He gives him a toothy smooch.

 

Impact sticks his whole hand in Sans' eye socket, causing him jolt and squeal.

 

 

\--

 

 

Frisk loves Impact. They always want to hold him and try to get him to do things he's not really going to do for a while like crawl or speak. Let them have their fun. Impact loves Frisk more than any other non-family member and will even fall asleep in their arms, which only you have succeeded to get him to do much to Papyrus' jealous disdain. It's weird seeing Papyrus being visibly jealous. He gets all anxious around anyone holding Impact like he's his precious treasure. He's almost as bad as Sans is about you.

 

You're in the back yard with your skeleton family and Papyrus is playing with Impact.

 

"SANS, ______, LOOK HOW MUCH HE LOVES THIS LEAF." They're on their fronts in the grass and Papyrus blows a tomato leaf at Impact.

 

Impact roars with laughter when it hits his face. Papyrus peels it off and repeats. They can go on for hours.

 

"i wonder how long 'til he's tired." Sans and you are both reading. You're lounging on long lawn chairs.

 

"Papyrus or Impact?"

 

"paps can go on forever."

 

They keep playing until Impact literally face-plants in the grass, asleep.

 

"yep, there he goes." Sans walks over and grabs Impact as Papyrus chuckles.

 

He can latch onto Sans' ribs even while asleep. It's strange and adorable. Sans doesn't return to his spot but lies on you.

 

"oh no, an attack." He collapses onto you with Impact on him. You're buried under pokey skeletons.

 

"Noooo. Sans, get off." You laugh as he sinks into you.

 

"zzz."

 

"Seriously?"

 

Seriously.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're grocery shopping with Papyrus. Sans is working and you have Impact hanging in a wrap.

 

"Yo, 'scuse me. Can I ask where you got that?" There's a young teen boy pointing at your son asking where you got him.

 

"Impact?"

 

"Yeah! Dude that's such a cool name. Where can I get one?" He's really excited. To be fair, a lot of dog monsters enjoy living with humans as pseudo-pets.

 

"Um, he's not a pet." Why can't you just buy food in peace?

 

"Will he get bigger?" This kid really likes Impact.

 

"Yeah."

 

"Really? How big?" You're making him really happy.

 

"Papyrus!"

 

Papyrus appears from the next aisle.

 

"YES?"

 

"That big."

 

"Dude!" This kid's mind is blown. He turns to Papyrus. "Is that your kid? Can I hold it?"

 

Papyrus looks really uncomfortable.

 

"Please?" He's definitely not malicious.

 

"I'M NOT REALLY COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND, HUMAN."

 

"Nono it's fine. I get it. Can I take a selfie with him? Her?"

 

"HIM. UNLESS HE WANTS TO BE A HER." The kid looks extremely confused by skeleton gender.

 

"Him. Can I?"

 

"Fine."

 

He pulls out his phone and leans down next to Impact who looks at the bright screen excitedly. The picture comes out well and he posts it online immediately with a caption reading, "omg monster babies are so cool wth!!"

 

"Thanks so much. That was so awesome. You're really cool."

 

"Th-thanks."

 

"I'M GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU APPRECIATE SKELETONS." Papyrus is posing dramatically again.

 

"See you around. Bye, Impact."

 

Well that wasn't so unpleasant.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucky he's cute.


	62. FALL-ing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Adorable skeleton family fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/143338781494/im-just-posting-this-and-leave-whisper-i-just) by xsinnercatx

 

 

 

Watering the remnants of the tomato garden with Impact in your arm was either the best or worst idea. He keeps swinging his hand through the hose stream and laughing excitedly. It's the cutest thing. You finish both soaked and freezing and both need a warm bath and a change. You have a big night.

 

 

\--

 

 

Frisk's send-off party! Lots of laughs and cries, well-wishes, hugs and kisses.

 

You're sitting on Toriel's front steps with her, Frisk, and your family. Frisk has a large suitcase and a couple of overstuffed bags. You watch a very small car pull into the driveway. It springs up slightly as an impossibly large bearded goat in a Hawaiian shirt gets out followed by Undyne and Alphys. He spent the night at their place.

 

"Dad!" Frisk runs and jumps into his arms. He twirls once before putting them down.

 

"Howdy!" He ruffles Frisk's hair. "Have you gotten taller?"

 

"I trust you are well, Asgore." Toriel greets him.

 

"Oh, you know. Same old. Same old." He grins sheepishly.

 

He looks like he'd be terrifying if he didn't have an aura of complete tenderness and kindness. He finally cuts his conversation short to greet the rest of the group.

 

He doesn't shake your hand but pulls you into a hug when he greets you. The softness and warmth makes you drowsy. The hug must have lasted a little too long for Sans' liking because he clears his throat.

 

Toriel's ex, huh? They seem rather formal around each other. Not curt but not really warm either. Business. She does give Frisk an extra large pie to bring along.

 

Asgore's pleased to see Impact. He goes on about being happy that the monster population's thriving and expanding. He holds the baby for a while but Impact eventually squeals and flails in your direction. You gently take him and he grabs a handful of your hair when you give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. There's no mention of you being his mother but Asgore seems to note Impact's reactions to you.

 

The visit doesn't last more than an hour. You get a lot of praise for getting along with monsters so well. He's so happy to see humans and monsters not just co-existing peacefully but as friends and equals.

 

Toriel and Frisk say goodbye and Frisk gets into the the tiny car weighed down by the huge goat. He has to hunch to drive. Toriel weeps as they drive off. Her baby's all grown up and headed off to college. You hold Impact on you and wonder what he'll want to do when he grows up.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're getting ready for bed. Sans is already settled in with Impact on him and a book in his hands

 

"Should we start a college fund for Impact?"

 

"you say that like it's not something i've already done." He doesn't even look up from his book.

 

"You _could_ keep me in the loop regarding finances, you know."

 

"don't worry about it."

 

"Are we… okay financially?"

 

"what? yeah, 'course. house's almost paid off. we got a huge sum when we sold our place under Mount Ebott-- way more than it was worth." He pauses to adjust Impact who's shoved a foot down his pelvis in his sleep. "they converted it into a small bed and breakfast for tourists. the underground gets a lot of visits from humans. dunno why they think it's such a cool place to visit." He's shrugging but you've heard him speak fondly of a few areas underground.

 

 

\--

 

 

Fall thunderstorm. The air is thick and damp. Sans always works in the basement when it's thundering; something about the electricity in the air making the process easier. He can't today because Impact's clinging to his ribs.

 

"i can't get him off. i don't want him in the basement. it's not safe for him."

 

"Do you absolutely have to go downstairs?"

 

"it's imperative."

 

"Can't you miss a day?"

 

You can't read his expression. You sit in silence that's only broken by a thunderclap.

 

"i need to go. it's important. ugh." He zips his hoodie over Impact and hurries down the stairs, locking the door behind him.

 

"Sans, you said it wasn't safe for him down there!"

 

Silence.

 

Ugh, he's probably too busy to hear you. They've done some serious soundproofing on the basement. Whatever, you have a key. You fish it out of your drawer and let yourself into the basement, leaving the door open.

 

Sans isn't working. He's seated at his cluttered desk with his hood up.

 

"Sans, are you okay?"

 

He removes the headphones he was wearing under the hoodie.

 

"what brings you down here?"

 

"You said it wasn't safe for Impact here."

 

"y-yeah but it's okay. i'm not working after all."

 

"That's nice then. Are you okay? You don't look well. Want to come back to the couch and cuddle?"

 

"i think i'll stay down here a little longer. not feeling very well."

 

"Are you sick? Can Impact catch it?"

 

"i'm, uh, not really--" A thunderclap. Sans jolts fast enough to wake Impact who starts crying.

 

"shoot. nononono it's okay. shh. stop crying. shh." He gently caresses the back of Impact's skull to soothe him as he touches mostly teeth to him in a kiss. It's pretty darn effective.

 

"Sans, are you scared of thunder?"

 

"i am not scared of thunder."

 

A thunderclap. Another jolt from Sans.

 

"…i'm scared of lightning." He's not making eye contact. "look, we didn't have any of that fatal nonsense weather underground, okay? it's a completely rational fear."

 

"Oh my goodness, are you for real?"

 

"don't judge me." Still no eye contact. Shit smile. Poker face.

 

This is so cute. You pull up a stool from a workbench and sit next to him. He's trembling slightly. It's making a soft vibration noise against Impact, who looks uncomfortable. He coos at you with a spit bubble and you remove him from Sans now that he's awake. He tries to grip handfuls of your shirt. You nuzzle him before returning your attention to Sans.

 

You get behind him and lower his hood. You give him the closest thing to a shoulder massage you can give a skeleton with only one free hand, stroking him gently and lovingly, trailing kisses along his skull and cervical vertebrae. You gently massage his skull the way you learned to massage Impact's when he cries; with the back of your nails instead of the pads of your fingers. The gentle scraping on his bones relaxes him and he leans backward into you as you work. You admire the new photos of the four of you he's tacked to the wall next to that old radiograph of your hand until finally hearing a snore. You place Impact in his playpen before going back downstairs to piggyback Sans to bed.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up in the morning alone in your bed. You notice a text on your phone.

 

 

\--New Text Message-- Sans 6:38AM

**that time of year. take care of impact**

 

 

Oh, of course. He ditched you guys as soon as he felt it coming. Guess it would be stupid to leave Impact alone with Papyrus for over half a week.

 

Except.

 

It's longer? It's been forever.

 

Days.

 

Please.

 

Come back.

 

Why are you so worried?

 

Why does it feel like he's never coming back?

 

It's been too long. It never takes this long.

 

 

Denial.

 

 

You deny the thoughts creeping up into your mind.

 

He left Impact with you and Papyrus. He left you with his family-- _your_ family.

 

A few more days. Your stomach hurts. You can't stop crying. He's gone. He won't answer your or Papyrus' communication.

 

Anxiety bubbles in every fibre of your being. Your heart feels like lead. Your stomach's in knots.

 

You have to deal with a realization:

 

 

_He's never coming back._

 

 

You're huddled with Impact on your bed and crying in just a pair of panties as he pulls on your hand. Why bother even getting dressed after that shower? It took all your energy to shower. You cuddle your son and take in as much of his scent as you can with a snotty nose. It's chalky but not the same as Sans' scent at all. It's sweeter, milder. Why would he ditch you like that? What did you do to make him breach his pair-bond?

 

"______, ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?"

 

"Go away."

 

"PLEASE STOP CRYING."

 

A sob.

 

"I'M COMING IN."

 

"I'm not decent."

 

"YOU SAY THAT LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU NAKED. OR LIKE I CARE."

 

He comes in and fixes you up, combs your hair, and cleans up your tissue pile. Impact falls asleep as Papyrus reads you a bedtime story and you put him in the bassinet so he won't fall off the bed. No Sans to clamp down on. You must look positively miserable.

 

"WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO STAY?" He's whispering as he tucks you in.

 

You murmur a soft, "yeah," and he gets in your bed and spoons you. He wipes the tears off your face every now and then as you cry yourself to sleep in his arms. It hurts.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you sure about this?


	63. REVEL-ations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why would you think that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fanart!
> 
> [Crying reader and Impact fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/143475459424/im-full-of-feels-for-the-actual-chapter) and [Amazing Artist Impact fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/143625653449/one-day-impact-is-gonna-find-a-lipstick-of-his) by xsinnercatx!!

You're painfully jolted awake as he bites into your neck. He presses himself up against you and grinds as he squeezes your breasts.

 

You lose it. You start crying with loud convulsive gasps as he grinds his sternum on you. You just want to turn around but he's holding you in that position and snarling. He clamps his teeth just hard enough to not break the skin and he sticks a hand down your underwear as he moves the other to your throat. You let him in. You reach backward and grip his spine and lean your head back as you ugly-cry and let him noisily fuck you until you both climax. You turn around and grip his skull. You kiss him longingly, passionately before curling up and resting your face in the crook of his neck.

 

"Where's Papyrus?" You're still crying as you grip him here and there.

 

"i sent him out shopping. he has impact. why do i gotta keep askin' you to not do stuff like sleep naked with my brother, huh?" Sans grips your wrist and pulls your arm behind you, shoving his tongue back into your mouth and growling as he kisses you. He grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling you off his face so he can run his tongue along your neck before dragging his teeth over the same path and clamping on your shoulder.

 

"Why were you gone for so long?" Your voice is shaky. Why are you still crying? You won't stop gripping Sans. It's not enough.

 

"i wasn't gone for longer than last time." He sounds confused. He hasn't relinquished your hair and is being punitively rough as he handles you. You start to rub him as you cry.

 

"Yes you, nn-aah, were."

 

You press into him. Physical contact isn't enough. You need more. He's lapping you noisily and starting to squirm as you rub.

 

"nope. same as last time. nnn." He gasps and bucks his hips as you rub his pubic arch. "what's gotten into you? ya freaked out-- hah, last time i left too. you're acting like how i felt when you--" He stops for a moment. He grips your wrist to stop your ministrations. "…uh hey you don't s'pose…" He trails off and is silent for a bit before relinquishing your wrist and slamming his body onto you possessively, taking another bite.

 

"Nnn. What?" It hurts but not more than your average night with him.

 

"dunno. humans can't bond," pant, "but you're acting like you have. it's strange." He's squeezing you more firmly than usual. Every touch feels like he wants to break you. You'd think he'd be more gentle considering how exhausted he looks.

 

"I don't think I could bond the way a monster can."

 

He pinches the sides of your lips until they close.

 

"exactly. doesn't make sense." He shoves two fingers in your mouth. "i mean, unless you're just," he pauses for another bit of sucking, "experiencing a version of what-- haaah, i go through." He moves his hand from your mouth to your throat as his other makes its way to your clit for another round.

 

"What? Nnnn. How would I feel what you're feeling? Aaah." Shit he's got that angle just right.

 

"our souls are linked, you know." It's a low growl in your ear.

 

"Is it," gasp, "because you've confronted me or something?"

 

"s'a side-effect." He tightens his grip on your throat just briefly enough. You feel light-headed.

 

"Wait so," whine, "they're actually tied? Like a-aaah live feed?" Fuck, you're trying to have a serious discussion here. Why does he have to be so good with his fingers right now?

 

"something like that. hah. s'close enough." He punctuates it with a sharp grinding of his sternum on your skin as he pants. "it's permanent you know." He starts laughing excitedly. Triumphantly. "and you're _mine_." He's... crying?

 

"You didn't," gasp, "tell me that would happen! Aaah." Shit shit shit keep doing that.

 

"did i forget to mention that? heh. didn't think it would actually happen with a human." He sounds euphoric as he pulls your head back at an angle exposing your neck to him again and oh-so-gently drags a single canine along your pulsating jugular vein, emitting a low growl while he continues to finger you to orgasm. It hits you hard and rolls through your entire body causing you to scream at the top of your lungs.

 

More. Please. _More_.

 

He finally does it. He presses you to his chest and whispers softly in your ear.

 

"don't move."

 

 

W h i t e n e s s.

 

 

\--

 

 

Papyrus walks in with Impact in a wrap since he won't grab onto his ribs like Sans'.

 

"SANS, _______, ARE YOU UP YET?"

 

The house is filled with screams. How could you have possibly heard him call out?

 

"...make you feel this good, huh?!"

 

"S-Sans!"

 

" _louder_!"

 

"Saa-AAAHNS!"

 

Papyrus puts the groceries down, turns on his heel, and walks right back out the door. Too bad you missed the face he made.

 

 

\--

 

 

Taking a bath together is so pleasant. You love gently scrubbing Sans with your hands.

 

"It feels better after you confront me." You're murmuring.

 

"what does?"

 

"the weight in my chest." You scrub the side of his ribs. "lift your arms?"

 

"huh."

 

You scrub him in silence.

 

Finally he says, "that's how i feel."

 

"What?"

 

"every time we're apart for too long. it's like that. i don't wanna do anything. i get worried. i wanna just make sure you're okay, you're safe, you're coming back. it's the pair-bond." He swirls the bath water a bit. "i mentioned that it's a very preoccupied sort of link. i fret. i never fret about anything but i fret. s'not in my nature to get riled up about anything-- i don't care enough. just…" he takes a moment to squeeze your thighs a bit, "ehhh. it's the weirdest feeling and you'd think i'd've gotten used to it after years of you living here."

 

"Why does it hurt _me_ though?" You hand him the soap.

 

"turn around so i can do your back?" He proceeds to lather you gently the second you finish scrubbing him. "when two monsters allow their souls to confront one another it links them. they become one person. when you separate you'll always have a bit of the other's soul in you. try mixing plasticine and then pulling the colours back. it's impossible do get 100%."

 

 

\--

 

 

Bedtime cuddle time. Impact's on his front between you and he's slamming a rattle against your arm. He's gotten good at rolling over and is starting to scoot forward in a pseudo-crawl.

 

"Do you think we can leave him with Papyrus in the spring?"

 

"huh, not sure. maybe."

 

"Please? It hurts." You squeeze his ulna.

 

"it hurts me too."

 

"Then why?"

 

"i didn't want to charge papyrus with impact for so long. he's too young and needy."

 

"He'll be a year old next time." You scoot up and lean on his shoulder.

 

"we'll see." He gently kisses the top of your head until you fall asleep.

 

He drifts off with his two most beloved in his arms.

 

 


	64. g-ROW-th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adaptations.

 

 

Easing into the realization that you're more or less bound to a monster has been a real task. You hadn't really considered leaving since you tried the first time but this is the first time you're aware that you **cannot** leave. There's a weird daunting feeling that comes with that. Will you love him unconditionally now? Will you be able to get over the past? You can't help but feel scared when he's mad or when Papyrus is too close, etc. even though you haven't had an incident in literal years.

 

\--

 

Frisk comes home for the holidays so you spend Christmas morning at Toriel's. Alphys and Undyne are with Alphys' family this morning. Everyone eats breakfast and opens presents. A good haul this year. Toriel knitted sweaters for everyone but nothing was quite as funny as the one for Sans. It says "bone daddy" and he won't stop taking photos of himself wearing it and holding Impact in his little striped pullover.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're spending the whole day at Toriel's. Frisk and Papyrus are teaching Toriel how to play Frisk's new video game as you and Sans watch with Impact.

 

"Say 'mama,' Impact." You nuzzle him on your lap. He's been babbling nonstop nowadays and you've been trying to get him to speak actual words.

 

"pfft. no way, kiddo." He grabs Impact. "who's holding' ya now, huh?" It's an unofficial contest.

 

"Say mama." You insist.

 

"nuh-uh, dada."

 

"WILL YOU BOTH STOP HARASSING HIM? HE'LL SPEAK WHEN HE'S READY."

 

"Pfft. What does uncle Pappy know?" You gesture at Papyrus dismissively.

 

"Pap-pa." Impact reaches for Papyrus.

 

"NYEH-HEH-HEH!"

 

(Fuck off.)

 

"no. do it again. who's that, impact?" Sans points at Papyrus looking upset.

 

"Pap-pa." He's definitely calling for Papyrus.

 

Slam dunked.

 

 

\--

 

 

Papyrus decided to have a snow day in your back yard in January. You all build a snow fort. The walls are high and they taper inward. Impact's in his little onesie snowsuit and he keeps eating snow when he's not trying to pull his hood and mittens off. Sans builds him a little snow slide now that he can sit up on his own. He starts crying from exhaustion after a while and Papyrus offers to put him to bed. You start getting up seeing as the sun's going down but Sans insists on you staying out for a bit.

 

He enters the house and returns momentarily with the warmest blanket and a thermos. You snuggle in the snow fort and sip on hot chocolate as the sun sets and the sky transitions from blue to black. It's nice to balance your alone time with Sans with the rest of your life.

 

"i think we're doing okay."

 

"As parents?"

 

"that too. kinda just meant everything, ya know? kid's doing fine, papyrus is happy-- or at least seems satisfied for now. i don't know. this is nice. what we have is nice." He wraps his arms around you when he finishes his drink and gently rubs you to keep you warm as you enjoy each other's company in silence for another hour until you can't tolerate the cold any more.

 

You wake upthe next day with a terrible cold. Oops. Good thing it's the weekend. There's nothing like spending an entire day getting pampered by skeletons. Warm baths. Soup. Papyrus made some baked goods for you. Being sick might suck but hell if this isn't the best way to be sick. You watch movies in bed with a baby skeleton on you and a bigger skeleton with his arm around you in all their uncomfortably pokey glory.

 

 

\--

 

 

It's not until a few months later that you notice it for the first time. You're out in the park walking Impact with Papyrus and enjoying the change in temperature when you see a man and a tall slimy monster asleep together on a picnic blanket.

 

You can't help but wonder about them. Are they friends? Dating? Co-workers? Associates? You wonder. They're mighty cuddly as they nap and nobody seems to be pestering them. Wouldn't it be amazing if that became the norm? You can't possibly be the only one involved with monsters but there's so little exposure. Makes you wonder how many other closet cases there are.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Sans!"

 

"what's up?" He gives you your evening kiss before allowing you to answer. You need a moment to remember what you were excited about. Oh right.

 

"I saw a human and a monster _together_ in the park when I was taking Impact for a walk!"

 

"huh. what were they doin'?"

 

"Sleeping? They were all cuddly on a picnic blanket." You hand him a squirming baby. "In public!"

 

"heh. i'll believe it when i see it." He chuckles softly as he grabs the plate of food Papyrus left for him. You hand him some ketchup and he douses the stuff.

 

"It was a long slime woman."

 

"slimes huh? yeah she wouldn't be a pet. dogs maybe but slimes? naw-- shoot." Impact swatted his fork onto the ground. He's been quite competitive for either of your attention lately.

 

"Yeah. I had to keep walking before I got too excited in public."

 

"i'll get you excited in public."

 

"Oh my goodness."

 

 

\--

 

 

Heat.

 

 

Hell if you didn't plan this in advance. Papyrus still doesn't know about Sans' heat so it's still not hard to send him on camping trips. You asked him to take his nephew as a special first birthday bonding trip for just the two of them. Monsters aren't that big on birthdays seeing as they live so long but if Impact's mom is human then they sure as hell are going to start observing some more human traditions.

 

If only it weren't so uncomfortable. The bloating and swelling and pining and dehydration. It's the lesser of two evils so you can deal. On the bright side it's always refreshing to see Sans reduced to a whimpering stuttering helpless mess. Yeah he drools and stutters a bit during normal sex but damn if he's not completely at your mercy.

 

And you should have probably shown some more mercy than you did this week.

 

 

\--

 

 

Justifying your exhaustion and bruises to Papyrus is always awkward. What do you even tell him? "Incessant rough sex?" It works because it's _almost_ the truth.

 

He comes in holding Impact up as he's been trying to walk for a while now and practically swings him away when he sees you lounging on the couch.

 

"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO EXPLAIN THIS TO A CHILD?" He's covering Impact's eyes as he walks by to put him in his playpen.

 

"he's one, papyrus."

 

"HE'LL GET OLDER."

 

"and we'll figure it out when we need to start explaining."

 

"DO YOU THINK IT'S OKAY FOR A CHILD TO THINK THIS IS NORMAL?" He gestures to your bruises in frustration.

 

"It's a natural thing, Paps." You sink further into your bony partner and flinch a bit as bones dig into your bruises.

 

Papyrus takes a deep breath and puts on a poker face before staring and shaking his head.

 

He looks like he's holding back tears.

 

You get up and walk to the playpen where Impact's bouncing on the balls of his feet yelling, "Mama! Mama!" as he grips the playpen's top.

 

"C'mere bony baby." You lift him up and nuzzle him as you return to the couch.

 

You try passing him to Sans but he won't let go of your neck. He's been getting less clingy and preferring you over Sans since he's been learning how to walk on his own. Sans seems to have developed some weird form of postpartum anxiety and keeps trying to get him to go back to clinging. It's probably some animalistic monster instinct. The culture shock can be a bit jarring at times.

 

"He'll be fine, right?"

 

"don't worry about it." Sans whispers as Papyrus huffs off to put his stuff away. "papyrus just cares."

 

"At least it's because of that."

 

"yeah. he's so cool."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He'll be fine, _right?_


	65. inter-LEWD: Bonus Bad End AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER  
> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER
> 
>    
> TW: pain and sad
> 
>  
> 
> An AU in which chapter 12 went terribly wrong. In this version Sans has a dong.  
> Everyone sing the Wrong Dong Song.
> 
> We got a lot of requests to give Sans a dick and we got frustrated and went on a rant about how terrible it would be if he had one. Now we're posting an alt chapter so y'all can stop asking us forever~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 64 [adorable clingy Impact](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/144066276294/moooar-drawings-of-the-happy-skele-family-poor) fanart by the amazing xsinnercatx!

 

 

You're woken up by the sound of Sans' laughter. He's covering his mouth and trying really hard to be quiet but to no avail.

 

"What?" You're still half-asleep.

 

"your. face." It's all he manages to articulate through his snickering.

 

"What?" You ask, sounding irritated. You really wanted to sleep in. Okay, you do kind of feel a faint itchy pressure on your cheek. Whatever. You pull the blanket over your head and turn around so that your back is to him.

 

"no no. you have to look in the mirror before it goes away." His laughter is silent now but just as hard as he shakes you.

 

You sit up and look over to the mirror and can't help cracking up as well. You must have fallen asleep with your face on Sans' chest because you have a perfect imprint of his ribs on your cheek and forehead. It's reminiscent of a really grainy couch upholstery imprint.

 

"Oh my gosh. You gave me couch face." You laugh as you rub your cheek. The imprint will be gone in no time but it's pretty deep so you look absolutely ridiculous. "That's what I get for sleeping with a skeleton." You both fell asleep immediately after fooling around last night which isn't a bad thing because it led you to discover what an amazing source of warmth he is despite being uncomfortably hard and pokey. You lay back down with a fluff sound. The pillows and comforter on your bed are so plush; it's almost like something out of a cartoon… Or a hotel. You roll over to face Sans, who gives you a small kiss on the forehead.

 

"Hey Sans?"

 

"yeah?"

 

"Can I try making you feel the way I felt last night?" You inch closer, less nervous than last night after a good night's sleep.

 

"you really wanna try pleasuring a skeleton?" He's smirking.

 

You get up and move on top of him under the blanket before uttering a simple, "yup," and resting your forehead on his.

 

" _bone_ to be wild, huh?"

 

You roll back to your original spot on the bed, facing away from him. "I take it back. Get out of my room." It's hard to hide the laughter in your voice.

 

"aw, no. come back." He slides toward you, chuckling.

 

"Fine." You roll your eyes and get back on top of him, leaning over to give him a kiss. He playfully bites your lip when you try to pull away.

 

You've already had plenty of time to play around with him and get a general idea of where he's sensitive during the past few weeks. That said, you'd never really gotten a good look at Sans' naked body before last night. It still amuses you that he's so much tinier than his clothes make him look. You don't even start with your hands. You plant your face right on his neck and start sucking at the cervical vertebrae, relishing his low moan. You place your hands on his pelvis and start to gently massage his iliac crests as you lower your mouth and start nibbling on his clavicles. Sans lazily runs his fingers through your hair as he leans his head back, gently scratching your scalp. He's making that low rumbling growl again, nice. Okay, you're feeling a bit more confident than yesterday in terms of skelly pleasuring. You're pretty sure that 90% of that uneasy feeling was nerves at this point.

 

Let's see now, what if you grab the base of his pubic arch? Okay, there's definitely some colour rising on his cheeks. Rub rub. Rub rub. Mmm. He bucks into your hand. Okay that's a hit. What if you lick it?

 

"o-oh." He gulps and huffs.

 

"Enjoying that?" You resume with your hand now that the bone's been lubed up with your saliva. Not that saliva lasts very long.

 

"yes?" You've probably never seen Sans look this defenceless before. He looks needy and desperate for more.

 

"Any requests? Anything you want to teach me?" You move one hand to his coccyx and stroke the tailbone with your thumb.

 

"just keep doing that." He guides your hand back to his pubic arch.

 

You continue to stroke his pubic arch and the soft symphysis seems to almost… soften more? What the hell? It's growing and becoming more flesh-like. It's like his tongue.

 

"You actually have a dick?"

 

"well it serves one of nnn," gasp, "two purposes." He bucks into you as it continues to slowly engorge from practically nothing. How does a small bit of cartilage become so fleshy? Hey, you're not asking questions. If it's anything like his tongue you're in for a wild ride. He's making hella noises as you work, hoo boy. His body starts to tense up and tremble as you work.

 

Bending over, you gently run your mouth over his dick in sync with your hand. He gasps and screams. Jackpot.

 

"n-no th-that's too much!" Sans' stuttering is probably the cutest thing you've ever witnessed. In just a few minutes he's huffing and moaning and bucking and sweating. He's normally so calm and collected. What a treat to see him in such a vulnerable state.

 

"You ready to go for real?" You gently tongue the bead of precum at the head before repositioning yourself.

 

"yeah." You give him a moment to compose himself and you slowly ease it in.

 

It's not even that big-- pretty small in fact, but it's got some kinda girth. Whoa. Sans shoves every inch of himself into you and you can feel yourself clenching against him.

 

"h-holy shit." gasp. "so th-that's what that feels like, huh?" He needs a moment.

 

"Take your time." Shit you're not getting used to the girth.

 

"d'you want me to uh, start slow or something? i think i'm supposed to start slow."

 

"Just ease into it." Okay his girth is almost uncomfortable. It's probably the tightest fit you'll ever have.

 

You can tell he's not going to last long the second he starts thrusting. You have to remind yourself that it's his first time. He's already starting to get erratic. It's really starting to hurt. You're uncomfortable.

 

"Hey can you ease up a bit?"

 

"y-yeah. sure. sorry." His breathing is coming in short busts. He has to wipe the drool from his mouth.

 

He slows down a bit but it really hurts.

 

He continues to thrust and it does feel good but the pain's there too and it's becoming really unbearable. You start to whine.

 

"Sans, it hurts." You can't tell if you're gasping from pleasure or pain. "Pull it out!"

 

"can't--" gasp, "can't do that right now." He continues to thrust in an increasingly erratic motion.

 

You start to writhe. You try to pull yourself off of him but it hurts even more when you do.

 

"What? The fuck? Is going on?" You're trying not to cry. It's getting worse.

 

"i'm-- haaah-- a little _tied up_ right now."

 

"Did you fucking knot inside me like a fucking _dog_?!" You're hysterical.

 

"do humans," huff, " _knot_ do that normally?" Shit it still feels kind of good as he thrusts into you with his fucking monster dick.

 

"NO?!" His trembling gets uncomfortably jerky as you freak out. Fuck your puns right now, Sans. Fuck. Youuuuu.

 

"shit. i uh-- aaaaah, need to uh," panting.

 

He never finishes the sentence. His jaw rapidly clenches shut as he utters a lengthy groan. Another gasp. Another moan. He goes stiff and his back arches. You can feel him coming hard. The volume and strength of his orgasm are huge. His breath hitches and you look him in the eyes as his left one grows a huge blue and yellow iris. He generously pours into you in with a scream. Oh thank goodness it's finally over.

 

You wish.

 

There are tears in his eyes as he keeps thrusting into you. His eye's still blue and it's glowing faintly. You feel more pressure of the fluid filling you. It's thick and warm. More.

 

More.

 

More.

 

_More_.

 

It won't stop. He won't stop.

 

You scream. The pain from the knot is unbearable. It's stretching you and you can't push him off. You feel like you're going to shit yourself every time you try.

 

More.

 

He keeps thrusting. He's out of control. He clamps down on your shoulder and you scream even louder.

 

"fuck ______, i'm so so-orry." He's wheezing.

 

"Sans?"

 

More. 

 

"uhuh?" He almost sounds drunk.

 

"I hate this." You're sobbing. "It hurts!"

 

More.

 

"i kno-o-ow!" Gasp. "i'm so sorry."

 

He won't stop coming. It's sloppily dripping out despite the knot being there to keep it in. There's more every time you think he's done.

 

He clamps down on your shoulder again. He draws blood this time. You did _not_ sign up for this.

 

More.

 

There's semen everywhere. It's running down your ass crack at one angle and thighs at another. It's pooling around you on the sheets.

 

Every time you think it's over he keeps coming. You just want out. He licks the blood off your shoulder and shoves his face in the crook of your neck. He keeps going for an uncomfortable length of time.

 

It's so awkward. He can't even talk because he's in a mindless haze triggered by orgasm after orgasm. It goes on for almost an entire miserable hour. Where is it all coming from? It's everywhere. You're cold from the wetness of his semen and sweat. This is the worst.

 

He finally collapses onto you. You feel like he's yanked out half of your hair. You're covered in bite marks. Nothing but agonizing bullshit.

 

He releases a final gasp before sprawling out, panting.

 

"Are you _done_?"

 

"y-yeah." He shakily moves his hand to stroke your hair.

 

"How long until you can pull yourself out?"

 

"dunno. it varies when i masturbate."

 

"Do you come that much when you masturbate?"

 

"yeah." He's still panting. "don't do it often because of that."

 

 

 

Awkward silence.

 

 

 

"Well I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that."

 

Regret. Hella regret. That should never have happened. Nope.

 

"…sorry. i didn't know that humans didn't do that. i'd've given you a heads up."

 

He lies on you as your breathing both returns to normal. You notice the tightness becoming less and less unbearable until he finally manages to pull himself out.

 

"so uh… we gonna do that ever again?"

 

"I'll think about it." (NOPE)

 

 

\--

 

 

You leave their house forever. You'll never be able to look a skeleton in the eye after today. It's a good thing you never see Sans again after leaving. Sometimes you'll attend a monster-friendly party or festival and catch a glimpse of Papyrus but you keep your head low. Thank goodness you never run into Sans though.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP
> 
> We originally wrote this for our little writers' circle discord chat a while back after having mentioned the idea on Tumblr and being pestered by bittersweetdeath and poubelle_squelette. We then considered making it the 3K kudos bonus chapter but milkynubs wrote a knotting kink Sans fic and people seemed to really dig it SOOOOO we've decided to post it spontaneously.
> 
> ANYWAY, you see why we don't write Sans with a dick? It's _awful._ Pain and sad and dusting Sans?  
>  BAD END.  
> Look at what you've done.


	66. STRAP-eze Artists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying new things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reposting the chapter 64 [adorable clingy Impact](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/144066276294/moooar-drawings-of-the-happy-skele-family-poor) fanart by xsinnercatx because omg

 

 

Impact hasn't been walking so much as he's been running incessantly. He's either stationary or at top speed. There's no in-between. He runs to you and Sans in your deck chairs after having destroyed one of Papyrus' precious tomato plants and being woefully shooed.

 

"Come here bony baby." You smooch him as you wipe drool and tomato juices off his face and hands. He screams and laughs and settles for squeezing your lip when you evade his swipe at your eyes. He's tugging and flailing excitedly. You smooch him again when he lets go and he squeals delightedly.

 

"hey you better save some of those for me." Sans is winking.

 

"Should I save some kisses for daddy, Impact?" Smooch. Smooch. Smooch.

 

"Mama!" Squealing and giggling. He ended up saying "dada" before "mama" when he first started speaking but he's been clingier toward you so Sans has been feeling dejected despite his victory.

 

"I think that's a no." You give Sans a smug mock-apologetic look.

 

"oh you wanna play that game huh?"

 

He grabs Impact from your arms and sits down with him, clacking his teeth over him here and there to more squealing and excited flailing.

 

"lookit my cute son. this freaking babybones." Clackity smooches. "who's the cutest, huh?"

 

"Mama!" He reaches toward you.

 

You wish he was old enough to understand the question because that would have led to hella bragging rights.

 

 

\--

 

 

Papyrus is bringing Great Tomato Thief Impact to Undyne's for an anime marathon. Alphys loves playing with him and gets flustered when he does anything cute.

 

You always enjoy your alone time with Sans. It's nice that you can still be intimate into parenthood. Nothing like being in bed without anyone else in the house.

 

You've been slowly fooling around but he suddenly stops.

 

"can i fuck you like a human?"

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"strap-ons. i wasn't sure about those at first but i did some research and found an adjustable harness. dildo vibrates so i can get some stimulation out of it too."

 

"Wait, you bought a strap-on? For real? You want to fuck me with a dick between your legs."

 

"that's the idea." He's smirking.

 

"why?"

 

"because i want you writhing under me as I _pound_ you? come on." You can't tell if the glint in his eye looks cute or dangerous.

 

 

"I'll believe it when I see it."

 

 

\--

 

 

You still don't believe it.

 

He's strapped it on and it fits but for some reason it's mildly ridiculous. He opted for girth over length and the more you look at it the more you wonder how Sans would perform with it.

 

"uh, so...?"

 

"Do you uh, want to try it without the vibrations first? Get a feel for it?"

 

"i guess so." He leans in and runs his tongue along your folds for a bit. Shit that's perfectly adequate most of the time. He hums lightly as he works you up to a sweat and a good amount of lubrication.

 

"oh man, i can finally say it."

 

"Say what, Sans?" You roll your eyes preemptively. Here it comes.

 

"that i get to," snicker, " _bone_ you." He's wearing the biggest shit-eating grin you've seen in a while.

 

"No you don't." You cover your face with your hand as you laugh. "Get out. Leave forever." You press onto his chest with your foot and push him away.

 

"nope." He guides it in with his hand and slowly fills you.

 

Oh. Okay. That's nice.

 

"uh... so do i just...?" He gives you a few hesitant thrusts.

 

"Yeah just a little slow at first?" You want to give him a chance to get the hang of it.

 

"like this?" He starts to slowly get a rhythm going. Not the most dexterity ever but not at all unpleasant. You feel the shaft gliding in and out of you as he rocks his hips and they bump you lightly.

 

"Mmmyeah. That's nice. You've got this. A bit slower."

 

"want me to turn it on?" He seems more comfortable now. Maybe it because he's getting some noise out of you a few minutes in.

 

"Go ahead."

 

His expression changes the second he turns it on. You haven't used a vibrator on him since that one heat cycle.

 

"You okay?" He's stopped moving and his pupils are slowly dilating.

 

"y-yeah it's just really st-stimulating holy shit." He's having a really hard time keeping it together.

 

He inserts it and starts thrusting more rapidly and powerfully than before. Okay shit this is amazing. He's pounding you with it and gasping with every thrust. He puts a hand around your neck and squeezes you just enough as he screams. He arches his back and moans beautifully in orgasm after barely any time. He has to pause the thrusting and he grips you a little too hard as his entire body trembles in ecstasy.

 

"sh-shit what the hell?" He's still trembling.

 

"Keep going, I'm not done." You rock into him.

 

"hang on. g-gimme a sec." He wraps his arms around your torso and sits there for a second before coming again.

 

The vibrations are nice but you'd like him to keep going.

 

"You okay? Do you want to stop?" Please say no.

 

"i'm good just g-gimme a sec-- aaahh!" Another arch. His eye glows a bit more brightly with this one than the last two and you swear you can feel the magic emanating from his body in a warm tingly burst.

 

"kay i might need to turn it off." He's having a hard time. He's bent over you and his right pupil's dilated to the size of his left iris. Sweat's pouring off his face.

 

He takes a moment to compose himself after pulling out and turning it off. You give him a kiss on the cheek when he finally resumes with the power off.

 

He slides in and out at a moderate pace until he decides to try a different position. He angles you upward and starts hitting just the right spot.

 

"Mmmm. Keep doing that."

 

"only if you keep making those noises for me." He tightens his grip on your thighs and you hope you won't bruise.

 

It only takes a few more thrusts to get you coming hard. You wrap your legs around him-- well, around his spine. Fun thing about skeletons: the void where they'd have a waist makes an unusually comfortable place to put your legs when they're fucking you.

 

You both lie in a tangle of limbs as you come down from your individual highs.

 

"how'd i do?"

 

You give him a weak thumbs up.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up under a blanket and two skeletons. Impact's gripping your hair as he sleeps between you and Sans. Most monsters sleep with their parents until they're almost at school age so even though he does have a crib it's usually used for nap time. You tried to get him to sleep there at night but Sans nervously insisted he come back. This cuddly baby never wants to let go of you now that he's over clinging to Sans. You wrap an arm around your son and lie there until he stirs.

 

"I love you, Impact." Smooch.

 

He's not old enough to string many words together in response but he does cuddle up closer and lightly tap your face as he starts babbling.

 

"shhh. so early." Sans grumbles as he puts an arm around the two of you.

 

"What was that? Daddy doesn't want to wake up?" You're speaking a little louder to Impact as you turn him to face Sans.

 

"DADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADAAAA!!!" He starts hitting Sans in the face with little clacks of bone on bone.

 

"why?" He lifts Impact and places him on his chest despite his reluctance to grip.

 

"ARE YOU ALL AWAKE?" Papyrus knocks gently.

 

"if we weren't before, we would be now." Sans is wiping drool off two faces at once.

 

He enters with a tray of breakfast in bed goodies for the four of you.

 

"Say thank you to uncle Pappy, Impact." You turn him to Papyrus.

 

"No!"

 

"THAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE WORD, ISN'T IT?"

 

"No!"

 

"OH REALLY THEN? WHAT IS THEN?"

 

"No!"

 

"ARE YOU SURE?"

 

"No!"

 

"I SEE."

 

"No!"

 

They can go on for hours.

 

 

 

 


	67. DOG-gone It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A compromise has to be made.

 

 

 

"Can we talk?"

 

"WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH?" Papyrus seems eager to assist.

 

"Um, I don't really think it's up to me to volunteer information but can you trust that Sans and I need some alone time twice a year consistently?"

 

"YES?"

 

"Okay then. So if we charged you with Impact for those times would you be alright with that?"

 

"OF COURSE. YOU KNOW I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU." He scoops you up in a hug and kisses the top of your head.

 

"You're okay with just that information?"

 

"WELL, I WOULDN'T PRY. UNLESS YOU WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER INFORMATION, WHICH YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T."

 

The look in his eyes says otherwise. He's obviously curious.

 

 

\--

 

 

Late fall. Your bruises are almost completely gone but that didn't stop the neighbours from giving you weird looks. You don't talk to them much but they'll occasionally ask invasive questions. Today's question made you rather uncomfortable.

 

"what's eatin' ya, kid? well, you know, aside from me." Sans winks as you give him a hand cleaning the basement.

 

"Neighbours." You huff as you sort some bolts.

 

"oh?"

 

"The couple three houses down asked why Impact calls me 'mama' today."

 

"did you tell them it's 'cause you are?" He stops sorting documents and looks in your direction.

 

"I told them it's what he calls me. It's none of their business." You chuck a bolt into a container too aggressively and another flies out.

 

"they're harmless." What's that tone he's using? You can't read him.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"what? yeah. just… i don't know." He resumes sorting.

 

"What?"

 

"don't worry about it."

 

"You always say 'don't worry' but that makes me worry more. You _can_ communicate outside of whatever weird soul fucking we do, you know."

 

He chuckles.

 

"What?" You're indignant now.

 

"you're so cute when you get riled up." His smile gets more crooked than usual.

 

"Look, a question!" You chuck a balled up piece of paper at him and he dodges it. "Gee, you're real good at dodging those."

 

He's on you in half a second.

 

"i'll kiss you." A mock threat through gritted teeth. (He kisses you anyway.)

 

"Youuuuu! Are the worst!"

 

"love you too." Wink.

 

You exhale and collapse onto him. Fine. Whatever.

 

He whispers softly.

 

"one day i want… to kiss you in public. i want impact to be able to call you whatever he wants. i want to know you'll be safe walking outside alone." He wraps his arms around you and squeezes the breath out of you, burying his face in the crook of your neck. "i want us to live our lives without scrutiny."

 

His stack of documents falls onto the floor but the two of you continue to sit there. He smells so nice.

 

 

\--

 

 

It's Impact's second birthday. He's the only one that gets birthday celebrations in this house. He's been running around with the new pinwheel Sans and Papyrus got him and you enjoy some ice cream cake in the evening after singing. He loved the attention and got cake all over you.

 

You're cuddling on the couch and Impact's falling asleep.

 

"No you don't. We're brushing our teeth."

 

"Teeth!" He bolts upright and runs to the bathroom. He's decent at brushing his teeth on his own but you always make sure he's doing it under supervision.

 

You stroll behind him and brush your teeth together.

 

"Does the birthday boy want a bedtime story?"

 

"Yes please!" He proudly hands you his toothbrush after finishing. He loves routines.

 

"Can you get a storybook?"

 

"Okay!"

 

He dashes to the bookshelf in Papyrus' room and toddles back with Green Eggs and Ham.

 

You always dress Impact in his room even though he sleeps with you. He can take his clothes off by himself but still needs a bit of help getting dressed.

 

Sans joins the two of you in bed for story time. Sometimes Papyrus will read. He used to like being read to but ever since Impact came along he's been proud to do the reading. Well, sometimes he likes being read to but only when he and Impact have sleepovers and you read to them in his bed.

 

You and Sans each read the part of a different character and Impact loves the way you exaggerate the voice. He rarely falls asleep before the end.

 

"Mama's soft." Impact loves squeezing you as he falls asleep.

 

"yes she is." Sans joins in.

 

"Dad's hard." Ouch, that icy judgemental tone. You hear him gently pushing Sans away. Not happening. Sandwiched.

 

" _hard_ ly an insult, babybones. you're hard too." He clacks his teeth to Impact in a kiss.

 

"Want… soft." He's dozing off with one hand in your hair and another on your chest.

 

You gently stroke his skull until he falls asleep. Mama's boy.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're out with Sans and Impact. Clothes shopping is always tricky because monster children wear stripes. Sans is very excited by a little striped hoodie.

 

"check it out!" He's grinning from ear to ear.

 

"You guys'll match. What do you think, Impact?"

 

"Dress!"

 

"You want a dress?"

 

"Like mommy!"

 

"fine." Sans rifles through the racks and pulls out a purple striped dress with a hood. "how about this?"

 

"No!" Impact is suddenly taken by a dog print shirt instead. "Want this!"

 

"You need to wear stripes, remember?" You slowly hold up a similar shirt with a stripe pattern.

 

"No. Dogs!"

 

"monsters wear stripes, babybones." Sans runs a phalange along a shirt. His voice is soothing.

 

"But." Gulp. "Dogs." Sniff.

 

 

Oh no.

 

 

You desperately eye Sans. Can't he have the dogs?

 

Sans shakes his head slowly at your silent plead. Monster kids wear stripes to identify them as being vulnerable. It's a safety thing as monsters come in different sizes and "small" doesn't always mean "child" to them.

 

"You can't have the dogs, baby. We can play with your stuffed doggie at home though. Is that okay?"

 

"N-nooo-ooo?" Oh no.

 

Aaaaand there he goes. Granted, it's a little hard for a two year-old to control their emotions but you feel everyone's gaze crawling on your back as he throws his mini tantrum.

 

You pick him up and he bawls into your shoulder and flails in exasperation.

 

"he'll let it out." Sans stands by as he cries.

 

He has his seemingly infinite cry and calms down. You pull out a tissue and wipe his flushed face. The people around you are staring and muttering. You catch snippets of rude words whispered by other patrons but are too focused on cleaning your son to bother right now. Sans goes over to rummage through the accessories and comes back right away.

 

"hey impact. guess what dad found."

 

Impact looks up weakly.

 

"you can't have the dog shirt _but_ if you're real good we can put this patch on the shirt we do get." He holds up an iron-on patch of a small white dog. One of those pomeranians with the annoying barks.

 

"O-okay." His voice is unsteady after crying. He reaches out, grabs the patch and clutches it to his chest preciously while sniffling.

 

"I think we should get this shirt." You hold up a striped sweater. He does look really good in green.

 

"Okay." He grabs the shirt and holds it to his chest too.

 

"why does he only like what you pick out?" Sans keeps the hoodie with your purchases anyway.

 

 

\--

 

 

"We were getting the dirtiest looks from the other parents in that store."

 

"pft. like their snot-nosed brat human children don't throw tantrums in public. impact's a real star."

 

"He is really good. It's not really fair to him that he has to wear stripes."

 

"he'll get over it. monsters wear stripes until they come of age."

 

"It's not even abnormal for toddlers to cry like that. They can't control themselves."

 

"let it go, kiddo, impact's an angel. no offence but humans aren't usually the nicest people."

 

"We're assholes, aren't we." You grin.

 

Impact runs in wearing his new shirt. Papyrus sewed the patch on instead of ironing it so he can transfer it to newer clothing later.

 

"Dad! Mama! Look at doggie!!" He's beaming with a hand pointing to the dog on his breast.

 

"whoa lookit that. you're so cool." Sans looks so genuinely proud of Impact. He's glowing.

 

"Nice dog shirt, Impact!" Thumbs up.

 

He bounces on the balls of his feet before dashing off to get his dog plushie. Sans is one to spoil (you'd know-- he spoils you rotten) so you had to be firm with him every time he's wanted to buy Impact a tonne of toys. How many toys does a two year-old need? Papyrus needs less moderation because he only ever wants to buy him books and puzzles.

 

 


	68. C-LOVE-r

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bath and Nature

 

 

 

Bath time's become a regular thing. Sans loves buying you different soaps, lotions, and oils and seeing how they mix with your natural scent. He seems to enjoy water with salts. He's sitting between your legs and picking at a scab.

 

"Hey cut it out. That's not ready to come off."

 

"protesting when i _picket_ your scabs?" 

 

"No seriously, stop I'll bleed."

 

"man, if i had skin i'd pick my scabs all the time."

 

You swat him and he discontinues.

 

"bleeding would just be a _bone_ -us for me." He turns and licks what would be his lips. "why do you think i have your cycle mapped out?"

 

"Can you not?" You're cackling.

 

"takes work you know." He wraps his arms around your neck.

 

"Yeah 'cause your damn heat cycles throw me off twice a year." You playfully push him.

 

He sits there for a second before splashing you.

 

"Pft, oh yeah?" You lube up your hands with soap and give his ribs a good scrub. "How about some revenge for that?"

 

You soap him up with a mild pressure, stroking him with both hands. He starts to squirm.

 

"little much for a bath, no?" He's saying that but he's sinking into you and starting to rumble.

 

"Punishment." You move to his sternum and can feel his breathing quicken as you rub.

 

"nnnyeah bu-huut this isn't really a punishment." He takes a deep breath and clenches a hand tightly around your thigh.

 

The more you work the more he squirms. His moans echo off the smooth bathroom walls and his rhythmic motions threaten to spill water out of the bath. You grip his spine with one hand to steady him and move your other up his ribcage. Sensitive ribs are no match for you. His breathing becomes shallow and quick after barely a few minutes. You feel every stroke winding him up as he gently pants your name and you feel a pulsating between your legs as his moans arouse you.

 

"You okay there?" A low whisper.

 

Whining. It's soft and low above his growling. He's close.

 

"You wanna finish?" You practically purr into his ear.

 

"uhuh." He leans his head into your neck. It's barely audible.

 

"Say please."

 

" _please_." His grip tightens. It's not a request but an order.

 

"Well since you're so good to me."

 

His orgasm causes a series of waves under the water even though his body goes completely stiff. You could have sworn it was lukewarm a second ago but it feels warmer than when you got in.

 

"I thought you couldn't do fire magic." You give him a gentle kiss as he slumps into you.

 

"i can't." Panting.

 

"You just reheated the bath."

 

"not really the same." He swishes the water. "just an energy discharge." He definitely sounds drunk.

 

You linger until you realize he's gotten hot tub syndrome. Guess it's bedtime.

 

 

\--

 

 

It's your first time all camping together. Papyrus tried getting Impact to look through the telescope but he seems too young to care. He prefers to sit by the fire and is completely mesmerized by it.

 

"let's show you how to roast a marshmallow, huh?" Sans sits Impact on his lap. "you hold it like this." He takes his branch and holds it over the hot embers until it toasts nicely. He blows to cool it and splits it with his son whose eyes light up at the sweetness.

 

"wanna give it a try?" He spears a new marshmallow and shows Impact how to do it. He mimics his dad.

 

Impact sets his marshmallow on fire and starts panicking.

 

" _Nooo_!!" He throws his branch into the fire and runs to bury his face in you crying.

 

"What happened, baby?"

 

He's too upset. He just points at the fire miserably and cries.

 

"Did you set the marshmallow on fire?"

 

He nods weakly.

 

"Want mama to show you again?" You wipe his face and he nods again.

 

"Look!" You deliberately set a marshmallow on fire. "Wanna know what to do?"

 

His expression is one of mild panic.

 

You blow it out. He starts laughing.

 

"Me?!" He's making grabby hands.

 

"You wanna try again?"

 

"Yes!!"

 

"Manners?"

 

"Yes please!"

 

You set it on fire again and carefully hold it between you.

 

"Blow."

 

Impact blows it out and gets excited. "Again!"

 

"DON'T WASTE THE MARSHMALLOWS." Papyrus sits next to you and ruffles your hair.

 

"Uncle Pappy's right you know."You peel off the burnt part and eat it, leaving the gooey interior for Impact who relishes the sweetness.

 

"you have to roast 'em slowly!" Sans is so offended for someone who eats nothing but garbage.

 

"Wanna try dad's way?"

 

"Okay!" He runs back to Sans who helps him hold a marshmallow over embers so it doesn't flame.

 

"whoa impact. sure looks yummy." Sans cools it before letting Impact eat.

 

Impact beams as Sans nuzzles him.

 

 

\--

 

 

The two-person sleeping bag you bought easily accommodates Impact as well. You note that you'll have to buy a bigger tent when he gets older. He's buried himself in your chest and is drooling slightly. Sans' arm is wrapped around the two of you and he's also drooling. Papyrus isn't asleep but staring at the tent ceiling.

 

"THEY FALL ASLEEP QUICKLY DON'T THEY?"

 

"Yeah. Impact loves squishing me."

 

"DOES HE STILL CHEW ON YOU IN HIS SLEEP?" He turns to his side.

 

"Yeah, they both do. Little bugger has his dad's canines, that's for sure."

 

"NYEH HEH HEH." Papyrus chuckles softly and scoots up against you. Now you're buried under three skeletons.

 

"I LOVE YOU, _______. I'M GLAD TO HAVE YOU AS A SISTER."

 

"Love you too, Papyrus. You're such a cool big bro."

 

You drift off surrounded by family and forest, neglecting to mention that marshmallows are made with gelatine, which is made from bone. What they don't know won't hurt them, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 


	69. Get to the POINT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little monster.

 

 

 

You're sitting on a bench with Sans at the playground. Impact's playing in a snow mound with a rabbit monster his age. He suddenly ditches who he's playing with and runs to the fence.

 

"Garrett! Garrett!"

 

It's that teen you and Papyrus always see. He's with a girl.

 

"Heeey Impact!" He reaches over the fence and gives Impact a high five. The girl next to him squeals and bounces with excitement. That picture of Impact had gone viral.

 

"who's the kid?" Sans sounds suspicious.

 

"Paps and I run into him and his mom at the supermarket every week. He loves Impact."

 

" 's he a good kid?"

 

"Harmless."

 

Garrett waves at you and Sans. You wave back. Sans raises a hand. They talk for a few minutes. Impact shows the two his new mittens and they exaggerate their impressed reactions. The girl whispers something to him excitedly and he nods before pulling out a candy bar and pointing to it, requesting permission. You nod and he gives Impact a piece before the two continue on their way, waving goodbye.

 

Impact runs back to you.

 

"Mama! Dad! Look! Chocolate!" He knows not to take candy from strangers but you see that kid so often he's not really a "stranger" anymore. He knows you're mom to a skeleton. You know he tutors math. Good kid.

 

"Oh my goodness, Sans, you don't need to check it for poison. Ask Papyrus."

 

"papyrus isn't the best judge of character. believes in everyone."

 

"Trust me then."

 

He hands the candy back to Impact who eats it and runs to the rabbit monster.

 

"The younger generation's a lot more open toward monsters."

 

"i know." He's grumbling.

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact sure doesn't love that kid as much as he loves Frisk. Holiday time's his favourite. He follows Frisk everywhere and always wants to play. Frisk won't shut up about their new boyfriend. They show you pictures and they are admittedly adorable together. Toriel seems both open and mortified that her baby's really dating.

 

"come on tori, frisk's in college."

 

"Oh just you wait until it's your turn. You will understand then."

 

"Too bad Impact's a skeleton and that probably won't happen." You shrug. One less thing to worry about.

 

"Oh. You're right." Toriel chuckles. "I neglected that."

 

"Don't worry about it, Tori. I'm sure he's nice."

 

"I will be finding out over spring break. I have extended an invitation."

 

Apparently he found out about Frisk's parents and didn't bat an eye so that's a good sign.

 

 

\--

 

 

Too bad you and Sans are a little too busy too visit during Frisk's spring reading week.

 

You wish the sex didn't come with the discomfort and insatiable physical and metaphorical thirsts.

 

Sans gave you a day's warning. Papyrus took Impact on a road trip.

 

You wake up with the usual symptoms: you came in your sleep, you're bloated, your breasts are swollen and aching-- almost doubled in size. You claw at Sans in your sweat-soaked sheets until he wakes up. He hungrily shoves his tongue down your throat. You rake your nails over his scapulas as he reaches into your heat and pistons his fingers. You were ready and waiting and already so wet; it only makes him look hungrier.

 

You reach for the muzzle you keep for him knowing he hates it, and strap him in anyway. It suits him when he's like this. He's normally in control but he can't help but whimper and writhe like a fucking sub when you touch him. Heat cycles are refreshing that way.

 

You spend the next few days repeatedly bringing each other to orgasm and resting. It's exhausting and your muscles hurt. The doorbell rings and you don't even bother masking your screams and pretending nobody's home. You're not answering that but you're not stopping either.

 

You think he might've had enough at one point.

 

"You okay, Sans?" Your voice is hoarse and raspy.

 

"shit. please. don't. fucking-- aaaah." He gasps. "i'm good."

 

He's come four times consecutively and needs a break.

 

"What'll you do if I stop?" You suggestively run a hand down your body and start touching yourself. His eyes follow you ravenously.

 

"i won't wring your ne-e-eck." His voice pitches upward. Oops, that's five.

 

You lay back and spread, grateful that he can stick his tongue past the cage on his face. We weakly gets to work.

 

You wake up half a day later feeling like shit. Sans usually does his best to prevent you from fainting. Looks like you've gotten your period. Fucking. Every time. Damn it. Ugh.

 

You lie there until Sans checks in and cleans you up.

 

It hurts to live but you want more. More.

 

 _Please_.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Mama, why're you hurt?" Impact isn't stupid.

 

"Dad and I had a very long week, baby."

 

"Dad! Why're you hurt?"

 

"who me? i'm not hurt, babybones," Sans picks Impact up energetically despite looking completely spent, "and your mom just has a weaker body because she's human."

 

He pinches an unbruised bit of flesh to demonstrate. Impact's eyes light up. He loves squishing you.

 

"Human mama! Human mama!"

 

"Ouch, Impact, don't pinch the dark spots!"

 

"DON'T SHOW HIM."

 

" 's too late, papyrus."

 

"IMPACT, DON'T TOUCH MAMA WHEN SHE'S LIKE THAT."

 

"Soft mama! Human mama!" He has some grip. He's climbed onto your lap and is pressed tightly onto you as he kneads bits of you, revelling in your softness.

 

 

\--

 

 

Clean sheets and your son between you makes a huge difference after an exhausting almost-week.

 

"What do you want for your birthday tomorrow, Impact?"

 

"anything you want."

 

You give Sans a stern "within reason" look.

 

"A dog!"

 

Yeah you're sweating now, fucker. That'll teach Sans to watch his mouth.

 

"you wanna go to the dog park?" Nice recovery.

 

"Yeah!" Oh no, now he's too excited to go to sleep. What have you done?

 

"Manners?"

 

"Yes please!" He's gripping your shoulders and his teeth are parted slightly.

 

Huh.

 

"Can you open your mouth, baby? Say 'ah' for me?"

 

"Aaaaahhhh."

 

"what's up?"

 

"His teeth are way pointier than yours." You press a finger to a canine. They're much more like actual fangs than Sans' slightly sharper than normal teeth..

 

"hmm. beastly." Sans' tone is affectionate.

 

"Are my teeth bad?" Impact still has your finger in his mouth.

 

"Not at all, baby." You squeeze him and give him a long kiss. He nuzzles you. "Your pointy teeth are really big. You're turning into such a big boy."

 

He's glowing with pride.

 

 

\--

 

 

He has a strange way with animals. Most toddlers need heavy supervision but dogs react rather oddly to skeletons. There's a strange sort of respect and reverence for even babies. You thought it was just dog monsters but it's also regular dogs. Impact runs around the busy dog park petting and playing with dogs for almost two hours. Not only do the owners not mind but they find it to be an amazing photo opportunity. Impact leaves quite popular, satisfied with his birthday present.

 

 

 

 


	70. Thrill P-RIDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's real proud of themselves.

 

 

You're working in the garden with Papyrus. Impact's napping. Well, he _was_ napping. Now you hear trombone coming from the house.

 

"Sans, he was sleeping!" You swoop in like a hawk--

 

Impact's dancing wildly in the living room as Sans plays.

 

"hey hey check it out!" Sans motions for you to join him.

 

He plays. Impact flails wildly.

 

He rests. Impact stops.

 

He plays. Impact jerks around.

 

He pauses. Impact freezes.

 

"heh?" Sans looks at you expectantly. You're too busy laughing. Okay, that's hilarious.

 

He starts again and you join Impact in a silly dance. You play the game for half an hour but you have some emails to catch up on.

 

You peek in when it goes quiet to see them snuggling asleep on the couch. You let them nap until dinner.

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Sans forgot his lunch again. Papyrus is usually the one to deliver it.

 

"Can I come?!" Impact's excited.

 

"ASK YOUR MOTHER."

 

"Mama?!"

 

"I'll take it, Papyrus." You grab the lunch from him. It's been years since you've delivered Sans' lunch. "Do you want to draw a picture for dad?"

 

Impact nods and you hand him a crayon and a post-it. He scribbles a bit and holds it up.

 

"Finished!"

 

"Get your shoes on then."

 

"Okay!" You got him velcro shoes so he can put them on himself. He's still having a hard time with shoelaces.

 

He runs back in a flash.

 

"Ready!" He's bouncing.

 

"Hang on. Those shoes are on the wrong feet."

 

"Oh." He removes them and puts them on properly.

 

 

\--

 

 

You sign in at the security desk.

 

"Mister here would like to make a special delivery." You motion to Impact who's carrying Sans' lunch.

 

"No freaking way!" Sans' colleague asks a million questions. He comes out from behind the desk and picks Impact up. "He's so light!"

 

"Well yeah, he's a skeleton."

 

"Yeah but shit."

 

"Shit!"

 

"Ahh! Noo! Impact, that's a bad word. Don't say that."

 

The guard's face blanches in apology.

 

"Shit! Shit! Shit!"

 

You motion to the guard to ignore him until he stops saying it. Impact's smile diminishes when he doesn't get a reaction. You make your way to the camera room when he stops.

 

 

\--

 

 

The little shit's asleep at his desk. To think you actually believed he wasn't that lazy.

 

You chuckle and motion a "shh" to Impact, who mimics you as you both sneak in and place his lunch in front of him. You tiptoe out but get an idea.

 

"Can you wait here for a second, Impact?"

 

"Okay!"

 

Impact waits right outside the door as you fiendishly grip Sans' handcuffs from his belt. You wickedly clasp one end through both of his arms between his radiuses and ulnas, and clasp the other one onto his chair. You apply a generous coat of lipstick and give him a kiss on the cheek before grabbing your son and leaving.

 

Revenge.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're so excited to see his reaction. You spend the whole day giggling.

 

"ARE YOU OKAY?" Papyrus stops gardening.

 

"Yeah, Paps. Don't worry about it. I just want to see Sans when he gets home." You snicker and check on Impact in his sandbox.

 

"Mama look!"

 

"What'cha building, bony baby?"

 

He motions to his block tower.

 

"Ohhh, nice."

 

"No! Wait." He's concentrating on something.

 

"What are we waiting for?"

 

"Waaaait! Shush!" He's whining. Guess you're breaking his concentration.

 

He stares at the blocks intently.

 

Nothing happens.

 

He looks nervous.

 

"No mama don't look." He pushes you away, frustrated.

 

You peek over your shoulder to see him back in the same position.

 

Okay.

 

He moves and a small bone flies out of the sandbox and topples his block tower.

 

He squeals excitedly, proud of himself. He picks up the bone and puts it in a pile with his toys. Hang on, there are at least six bones in that pile.

 

"Impact, did you make those?"

 

His smile widens to resemble a certain shit-eating grin far too much.

 

"Yes!" He's beaming.

 

"Papyrus!"

 

"YES?"

 

"Come here!"

 

"WHAT CAN I HELP WITH?"

 

"Look what your nephew did." You turn to Impact. "You wanna show uncle Pappy what you did?"

 

"Yes!"

 

Of course, instead of showing him the toy pile he makes another rocket out of the sand and accidentally hit you between the eyes.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up in Papyrus' bed two hours later with a splitting headache. He's doing some work on the computer and Impact's colouring in a corner.

 

You grumble, not only having missed Papyrus' reaction but not knowing how to react to Impact accidentally knocking you unconscious.

 

"MAMA'S AWAKE, IMPACT. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY?"

 

Impact jumps up and clambers onto the bed.

 

"Sorry mama!" He wraps his bitty bony arms around your neck in a hug.

 

"It's not your fault, baby. I forgive you." You kiss him on the forehead.

 

 

\--

 

 

"do you have any idea how much trouble i would have been in if i was seen the way you left me today?" Sans is furious when he gets home. "h-hey, are you okay?" He seems to have noticed the giant bruise on your forehead.

 

"Impact shot a bone out of the ground and into my face today."

 

"get outta town!" He's suddenly more excited than you've seen him in a long time. "just one?"

 

You point to the kitchen counter where there's pile of bones you cleaned out of his sandbox. Sans picks them up.

 

"impact?!"

 

"Yes!"

 

"did you make these?"

 

"Yes!" He's grinning from ear to ear.

 

"c'mere you!" He scoops him off the ground and nuzzles him. His voice pitches upward. "d'you see what this little babybones did?!"

 

"Yes. I felt it."

 

"right, of course. oh man. our son's cool." He clacks a smooch to Impact before putting him down. He picks up one of the bones. "look at what a good job you did! no gaps, even density, they're not too brittle…" Impact scampers off after being praised and Sans turns back to you. "he's a natural."

 

He inspects every one.

 

"papyrus!"

 

"YES?"

 

"d'you see what impact did?!" You honestly haven't heard Sans this excited in a long time.

 

"YES, HE DID A GREAT JOB MAKING THEM… AND LESS OF A GREAT JOB AIMING THEM." Paps helplessly motions to your face.

 

"he'll get better." He turns to you. "are you okay? what kind of velocity are we talking about here?"

 

"It hit me hard enough to knock me unconscious for a couple of hours."

 

There are practically stars in his eyes. He stands on tiptoe to give you a kiss.

 

"did you take any medication? can i get you some?"

 

Well, he's in a good mood.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Pic of Sans in a very _sticky_ situation](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/144901609059/dont-fall-asleep-on-the-job)


	71. Mis-MATH-ed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

 

 

 

"stop hogging the blanket."

 

"No, my blanket."

 

"Mama I'm squished."

 

"We're burrito filling, baby."

 

"Oh. Okay."

 

"give me some blanket."

 

"Never!!"

 

"i know where you're ticklish."

 

"I know where _you're_ ticklish."

 

"Where's dad ticklish?"

 

"don't you dare tell him."

 

*(whisper. whisper.)

 

"Attack!" Impact squirms out of the blankets and lunges for Sans' kneecaps.

 

"don't you even try it. no! ah! ahahahahaha! cut it--" gasp, "out! stop it!" There are tears in his eyes as he tries to fight Impact off.

 

You tighten your blanket burrito. Ah, the patella. Sans' greatest weakness.

 

 

\--

 

 

A few noteworthy things have happened in the past couple of years: Impact grew old enough to go to school, you spotted quite a few evidently monster-human couples in public, and Papyrus has gotten so good at cooking that you wonder how he could have ever been bad at it. Impact's stopped sleeping in your bed and now has his own but he does like to visit for morning cuddles every once in a while. He's gotten so fast that you can't catch him if he chooses to evade you, which is _extremely_ frustrating for a parent. He seems to have made friends instantly at school.

 

Parent-teacher interviews.

 

…Awkward.

 

The teacher doesn't make eye contact with you and looks almost annoyed by your questions. She has this expression like it's none of your business and is visibly skeptical when you introduce yourselves as "Impact's parents." Completely unprofessional.

 

Damn it, Toriel's the principal of this school. You knock on her office door on the way out.

 

"Tori!"

 

"Hello dear." She greets you with warmth and pride. She was ecstatic when Impact was old enough to go to school. He's had a place here since birth.

 

"Toriel, Ms. Garbageface was extremely rude and unprofessional."

 

"Ms. who now?"

 

"Impact's teacher. She's completely disregarding me and acting as though I don't have custody of Impact. We didn't have that problem when he was in kindergarten."

 

Sans is rather silent during this conversation.

 

"…Oh, really?" Her eyes narrow to that intimidating squint. "I think I'll have a word with her then. If you'll excuse me." She leaves immediately.

 

"i wouldn't have drawn attention to it. parents have been gossiping about us since we put him in kindergarten."

 

"…Really?"

 

"so tori says."

 

"He won't be mistreated now that he's in a real classroom, will he?"

 

"oh-hoh i doubt it." There's something menacing in his voice.

 

 

\--

 

 

Report cards.

 

"Impact's struggling with math."

 

"how the hell is struggling with math?" Sans adores math and science and is clearly having a hard time understanding.

 

"He got a D."

 

"the fuck? impact!"

 

Impact slides into the room.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"d'you want some help with math, buddy?"

 

"Not really…" His mannerisms are too much like Sans'. He's avoiding eye contact.

 

"says you got a D here when you've got a B average. you sure about that?"

 

"Nawww I'm fine. Don't really like math."

 

"wanna talk about it?"

 

"Um… 's not fun." Impact shrugs.

 

"how're you gonna do science if you can't do math?"

 

"I don't like sci'nce." He shrugs dismissively.

 

"you love science. report says you got a B+ in science."

 

" 'S okay then."

 

Sans is getting increasingly sweaty. You start to feel a tightening in your chest that you'd bet money is secondhand.

 

"big kid science gets real hard without math."

 

"Don't care." He so nonchalant.

 

Sans' eye sockets are black. You should probably step in.

 

"Impact, if you get a B in math we'll go to the dog park once a week."

 

"R-really?" He doesn't believe his ears. "…I'm not good at math."

 

"i can tutor you."

 

"Mama, can you do it?"

 

"I can sit with you but you need to let dad help you."

 

"Fine." He rolls his eyes and pouts.

 

"we start tonight."

 

"Don't have my math stuff." Overly smug.

 

"monday night."

 

He groans dramatically and walks off.

 

"Don't sass your dad!"

 

Another dramatic groan from outside the room.

 

 

\--

 

 

"You need to accept that he might not _like_ math and science-- aaah no, it tickles!" Sans is exfoliating your feet in the bath. He loves your skin so much.

 

"how could anyone not love math and science?!" He wiggles your big toe.

 

"Papyrus doesn't."

 

"wrong." He dunks your foot back underwater. Oh, he's smug now. "he applies it to puzzles all the time. got straight A's as a kid."

 

"Okay but Impact isn't you and he isn't Papyrus either. He has his own interests and skills. Just tutor him for now."

 

"what are we gonna do?" He's moved to your legs.

 

"Join the parent association or something? Kids with involved parents usually perform better."

 

"i don't wanna sit at a table with a buncha ex-corporate stay-at-home moms fighting over where to spend money we got selling dry brownies."

 

"Bucket of smiles tonight, aren't you?" You cross your legs around him.

 

"ugh, sorry. just frustrated. he'd be almost at the top of his class if he didn't nearly flunk math."

 

"He's not perfect, Sans. Oh, and it's _grade one._ Didn't you have a topic you sucked at in school?" You lean back and pull him over you with your legs.

 

He suddenly looks nervous.

 

"not telling."

 

"Hypocrite." You give him a kiss.

 

 

\--

 

 

He's not having it.

 

"Maaaaaama! I hate this. I don't wanna do 'ny maaaath."

 

"Stop whining, Impact."

 

"Dad's meeeean."

 

"Sans!"

 

"he's doesn't even wanna try!"

 

"Impact, what about the dog park?"

 

"I don't caaaare 'bout that 'ny more." It's not worth it. He's practically crying.

 

Baby, no.

 

 

\--

 

 

You let yourself into Impact's room. He's just crawled into bed.

 

"Hey."

 

"Hey mama."

 

"Wanna talk?"

 

"No…"

 

"Can I lie with you for a bit?"

 

"Okay…"

 

You crawl in and wrap your arms around him just like when he used to sleep with you and Sans. He buries himself into you. His body's tense.

 

"Don't like dad trying to help you? Asking you to read a question isn't 'being mean,' baby."

 

He huffs.

 

"I don't like numbers."

 

"Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?"

 

"A dog."

 

…

 

You burst out laughing.

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing, sweetie. I love you so much. Dad and I are so proud of you all the time."

 

"Even 'f I fail math?"

 

"Dad might have a stroke if you keep saying you hate it but we still love you."

 

"But I do hate maaath."

 

"What if I tutored you instead of dad?"

 

"…Okay."

 

 

 

 


	72. Give Me a BREAK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's gross.

 

 

Math tutoring isn’t so bad. It’s easy to get Impact to understand basic addition and subtraction using raspberries. He gets to eat them with whipped cream if he gets most of the questions right and he loves anything with whipped cream. He finishes the first grade with a generally high average and a C+ in math, which Sans comes to accept. He took Impact out for ice cream the one time he got a B on a math quiz. Impact seems to be less anxious with math but still doesn’t seem to enjoy it, which is fair.

 

 

\--

 

 

Grade two is actually proving to be less of a challenge seeing as he was struggling with basic logic and seems to have grasped it. You’re watching cat videos in bed with Sans when Impact slides in halfway through.

 

“What’s up, baby?” You give him a hug. He’s around three feet tall now. What happened to you baby? Why is he getting so big? No, stop. Stay little forever.

 

“Just want cuddles.” He crawls over you so he can be in the middle.

 

“you went to bed three hours ago. you okay, impact?” Sans wraps his arms around him.

 

“Yeah. Um… just a bad dream."

 

"d'you wanna sleep with us tonight?" He's scratching Impact's skull like when he's crying.

 

Impact buries his face in Sans' t-shirt and nods. You close your laptop, turn the lights off, and wrap an arm around your son. Poor baby.

 

He sleeps like a log in your embrace.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans has never come home angry after a parent council meeting but he's livid tonight. He won't talk about it no matter how much you pry. Even Papyrus noticed he's in a bad mood and he's _always_ good about hiding the bad from Paps.

 

You manage to get him to talk in bed.

 

“What did they say this time?”

 

“one woman asked if impact was ‘half human or what?’ like it’s any of their damn business. said it with so much damn _hatred_ in her voice.”

 

“Why would they even ask that?”

 

“taking a jab at our family. think the she’s jealous to be honest. her kid’s always getting into trouble.”

 

“Sounds like she’s being petty to me.”

 

“so i told her to focus more on her delinquent daughter and less on my personal life.”

 

“And?”

 

“nothing. it’s not a big deal but it’s the principle. one guy laughed and she sat back down but whatever.”

 

“Guess there’s not much of a difference between human and monster parent council meetings.” You snicker. “People always tell stories like this about competitive parents.”

 

“don’t need her encouraging that shit. monsters aren’t different from humans; they talk.”

 

“Want me to come next time?”

 

“that’s ballsy.”

 

“Well, if they’re going to talk, we might as well give ‘em some straight facts.” You smirk.

 

“you’re something else, you know that?”

 

You can’t answer when he’s kissing you like this.

 

 

\--

 

 

You show up to the parent association meeting with Sans the following month. You get a couple of side-eyes but are mostly welcome with a friendly tone. You introduce yourself as Impact’s mom and there’s a bit of a murmur but more monsters look thrilled than intolerant. Sans warned you about the squid lady, Lucille, before you got there. She’s definitely not among the cheerful greeters. She didn’t even touch the cookies you baked.

 

The meeting went on without a hitch and you leave quite popular and invited to the next one. You walk out hand-in-hand with Sans and wave goodbye to Lucille, whom you see whispering frantically to another monster. She grins quickly before getting in her car and speeding away.

 

That went way better than anticipated.

 

 

\--

 

 

You get a call from Toriel’s cell phone in the middle of the day next Thursday.

 

“Hello, _______?”

 

“Hi Tori, how can I help you?” You hold the phone with your shoulder as you sort documents on your desk.

 

“I’m afraid I have some rather shocking news. I’m in an ambulance with Impact right now. He fell off the climber and I am escorting him to the hospital.”

 

“What?! What happened?! How did he fall?! Is he okay?!” You’re suddenly hysterical and in disbelief.

 

“IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT, _______?” Papyrus peeks into your room and you hold a finger hand to listen to Toriel.

 

“It just seems as though he lost his grip and fell on his arm at an odd angle. It’s clearly fractured. We’ll be at the hospital shortly. The monster ward is in the north wing.”

 

“Thanks Tori, I know where it is. We’ve taken Impact there for paediatric checkups.”

 

“I’ll see you shortly then--”

 

“Wait, can I speak to him?”

 

“I’m afraid he’s busy being examined by the paramedics as we speak.”

 

“Alright. I’ll be there soon.”

 

*(Click)

 

“WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” Papyrus has been hovering.

 

“We have to go to the hospital. Impact broke his arm.”

 

Papyrus gasps and runs for his car keys.

 

 

\--

 

 

You dash into the monster ward and are directed to their ER. You frantically speak with the receptionist to find Impact’s whereabouts and join him and Toriel.

 

“Impact?”

 

He’s waiting for the doctor in a room with Toriel. He’s snivelling on his seat with his right ulna is snapped completely in two. Sans wasn’t joking about not having any marrow. The inside of his bone looks even whiter than the outside. Papyrus’ wince at Impact’s arm is more of a full-body lurch backward.

 

“Baby, what happened?!” You practically tackle him in a hug and start crying. His arm looks so gross. There’s a bit of thick plasma-like fluid beading where his bone is splintered and he wails when he tries to move his arm.

 

“M-mamaaaa I s-slipped when,” gasp, “Iwa-as,” sob, “playing and I,” sniff, hurt my a-aaarm--“ He continues sobbing,

 

“Shhh. Shhh baby it’s okay. Mama’s here with uncle Pappy. You’re going to be okay. It’ll go away.” You scratch his skull.

 

He just cries into your chest as Toriel and Papyrus whisper in the corner.

 

A tall tigress monster doctor walks in and introduces herself. You all greet her.

 

“We obviously didn’t need to x-ray him.” She turns to Impact. “How’re you feeling after that pain medication?” She’s being very maternal.

 

Impact whimpers.

 

“We’re going to get you all fixed up.” She winks at him and pulls up the casting equipment that a nurse had wheeled into the room. “What colour cast would you like?”

 

Impact shrugs. He’s looking at you.

 

“We have this really nice orange if you want.” She’s already put on gloves and pulled out the base layer of the dressing.

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“I CAN DRAW SOME DOGS ON WHEN IT’S DRY, IMPACT,” Papyrus offers.

 

“White then...” He moves from sitting next to you and climbs on your lap.

 

“Sure thing. Now this might sting just a little but I need you to be real brave for me.” She pours clear liquid onto a cotton-tipped applicator and starts dabbing the ends of his broken ulna.

 

The screech that comes out of his mouth makes you want to throw up. You’re trembling almost as much as he is. Shit, you’re supposed to be strong for him. Poor baby.

 

The doctor reassures him. “Shh, you’re doing such a good job. It’s almost over.” Papyrus takes your place under Impact because you were shaking too much. “This might pinch just a bit but I’ll be quick.” She holds a small plastic splint against his ulna and pinches the bones into alignment.

 

Impact flinches and screams at the top of his lungs. Papyrus recoils. You’ve heard him throw tantrums or scrape his bones but you’ve never heard him scream like that before. 

 

“Shhh, shh. I know honey. It’ll be over soon, I promise.” The doctor holds his arm and a faint green glow emanates from her gloved paw as she wraps a dressing around the splinted bone. “We’ll do this in two layers, okay?”

 

He’s too busy crying to answer as she wraps his ulna in soft bandages and then covers his entire forearm in a more traditional-looking cast descending over his hand.

 

“There you go. All done.” She gives him a pat on the head and a lollipop. “This is for being so brave.” She turns to Papyrus. “The paperwork’s mostly taken care of by your school administrator,” she motion to Toriel, “we just need a few sections filled out and a parental signature.” She hands him a clipboard.

 

“OH, NO THAT WOULD BE HER.” Papyrus motions to you, who’ve sunken into a chair, weakly clutching your chest. You raise a hand.

 

The clipboard gets handed to you with an apology. You barely intake what you read as you fill in and sign the documents. You thank the doctor after she explains how to treat Impact and you pick him up before shakily walking out to book your follow-up appointment.

 

“You want to get some ice-cream, baby?”

 

He doesn’t answer. He’s fallen asleep in your arms.

 

You call Sans the second you’re out. He flips, arrives home ten minutes after you, and scrambles to Impact’s room to take a look as he sleeps. You’ve awkwardly changed him into pyjamas and done your best to clean his tear-stained face.

 

“how the hell did that happen?!” He’s livid.

 

“Playground accident.” You explain everything Toriel told you, along with the doctor’s orders, the process, and where the fracture was. Sans winces and you see his pupils actually flicker when you tell him it was split right in two. He never smokes in the house but he lights a dog treat right in the kitchen.

 

“fuck, you know how painful that is for a skeleton?”

 

“I take it you never want another kid then.”

 

“worst pain of my life. i’d never wish that on anyone, let alone our son.”

 

“The doctor said he’ll be alright.” You wrap an arm around him.

 

“i know.”

 

 

\--

 

 

You know when he’s awake because he shrieks. Sans gives him some more pain medication, a bowl of ice cream, and a hug when he comes out to the kitchen. He pulls out a board game and the four of you play together for the rest of the evening. Impact takes the rest of the week off.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was _with_ pain meds.


	73. c-LEWD In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't tell them that!!

Impact wore his cast for four weeks. He hated it even after Papyrus painted cute dogs all over it. He didn’t let anyone sign it, didn’t want to keep it when it was removed, and seemed very bitter about the situation when asked. His ulna was large and lumpy with excess osseous matter where it healed and was back to normal within six months but Impact was extremely self-conscious about it and only wanted to wear long sleeves for half a year despite how much the family reassured him. He gets quiet even when someone calls his scar cool.

 

It’s strange to see how much he still loves climbing things but he never does at school any more. Sans doted on him almost too much when it happened and made sure Impact got nothing but his favourite foods. Spoiled rotten by dad. It took you almost a year to get him acting normal again.

 

The next time you hear of anything negative aside from his math grades is two and a half years later.

 

“What’s wrong, baby?”

 

“Wha? N-nothing’s wrong!”

 

“Impact there’s clearly something bothering you. You’ve been fidgeting nonstop.”

 

“Um...”

 

“Impact.”

 

“Um, no one’ll talk t’me at recess ‘nymore.” He finally spills.

 

“What? Why? What the heck?”

 

“Trophy won’t stop telling ev’one to stop talking to me.”

 

“Who’s this kid Trophy? Aside from having an ugly name?” That’s not a good name for a monster at all.

 

Impact snickers as Sans walks into the living room and sits with you two.

 

“what’d i miss?”

 

“Playground drama.”

 

Impact fills him in.

 

Sans turns to you, “wait, trophy? isn’t that kid’s dad in the parent association?”

 

“Oh, I think you’re right.”

 

He turns to Impact. “we’re gonna have a word with trophy’s dad.”

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

You and Sans catch Trophy’s dad at the end of this month’s parent association meeting.

 

“may i have a word, jerry?”

 

“Hmmm? What? Yeah, fine. Make it quick though or I’ll miss my lift.” He’s picking his nose. Ew. He’s the one always making snide remarks. You wonder if they’re like skeletons and don’t need mates. Who would ever see anything in this loser?

 

“so here’s the thing: your kid’s been bullying mine. don’t really ‘preciate it.”

 

“Pft, not my fault the kid’s messed up.” Oh hell no.

 

“Excuse me? Can you run that by me again? We humans have some pretty weak hearing. I’d just like to confirm.”

 

“My kid thinks your kid’s a freak because I told him his mom’s a human.” This disgusting thing’s shrugging his noodly arms.

 

Sans’ eyes go pitch-black.

 

“n o w   y o u   l i s t e n   t o   m e.” You’ve never heard him sound more dangerous and you’ve been on the receiving end of Sans’ wrath. It sends a pang of fear down your spine that you haven’t felt in years. “if i get one whisper of your ugly kid saying anything about mine y o u ’ r e   g o n n a   h a v e   a   b a d   t i m e.” You can feel Sans’ magic crackling through the air. It helps that he towers over Jerry, which is rare for Sans. 

 

Lucille pokes her head into the empty classroom, “Is everything alright in here?”

 

Jerry turns around very slowly, “Y-yeah. Whatever. Just telling these two that the school needs some better desks and chairs. Who sits in these things anyway?”

 

“Why don’t you bring that up during the meeting, Jerry?” Lucille offers, “You seem to have a lot of suggestions during the meeting.” She actually sounds as annoyed as you are by him. He complains incessantly. “Why would you bring it up with these... people?”

 

“something you’d like to say, lucille?”

 

“Oh no. You’ve heard me.”

 

Jerry sneers, “______ might not have. Humans have poor hearing.”

 

Let it go.

 

Breathe.

 

Calm.

 

Happy place.

 

Naw, fuck these guys.

 

“Let’s go, Sans. I wanna try those new toe socks tonight. I’m pretty sure we’ll need about three and a half hours.”

 

Lucille scoffs, “You don’t!”

 

Sans suddenly looks extremely torn. He obviously wants to provoke them now but would rather keep that kind of stuff private. His expression falters for a second before becoming mischievous.

 

“wouldn’t you like to know?” He pinches your stomach playfully in front of them.

 

“I don’t even want to understand the logistics, man.” Jerry looks incredibly fascinated despite his attempted façade.

 

“You don’t have to.” You wink as you and Sans leave the room. Lucille is still stammering and looking flustered.

 

 

\--

 

 

 

“i. am going. to kill you.”

 

“Ahahahahahaa! No, stop!”

 

Sans tickles you until you accidentally kick him in the face.

 

“Ah! Shit, sorry!”

 

He chuckles before lunging at you again playfully.

 

 

“ ’s fine. i deserved that. you, however, deserve this!”

 

“Ah! Nooooo! Aaaaah!! Papyrus, help!”

 

Papyrus cracks your bedroom door open, “IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?”

 

“Sans is tickling me to--“ gasp, “death!”

 

“SANS WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL _______?”

 

“because she said lewd things.”

 

“LEWD?”

 

“the lewdest.”

 

“Not the lewdest-- Aaahaah!!”

 

“mmmmm i love that sound.”

 

“Let go of meee!”

 

“okay.”

 

He releases you but you can’t get off the bed. You struggle but feel immensely heavy.

 

“What did you do?! Cut it out! It’s freaking me out.”

 

“okay.”

 

The weighted feeling lifts but the blanket flies up and wraps itself around you.”

 

“Sans!!”

 

Papyrus bends over and covers his face as he laughs.

 

“Sans, it’s tight! Ahhhh! No!”

 

“okay.”

 

There are tears in Papyrus’ eyes as he watches, laughing.

 

You wiggle and flail wildly as he tickles your exposed feet.

 

“shoulda worn the socks, huh?” He positions himself on top of you.

 

“Noooo!!” You’re sweating now.

 

Impact peeks in, “Mama, ‘re you ‘kay?”

 

“Nooo!! Save meeeee--Aaaaahaha!”

 

It all happens very quickly. Impact dashes into the room and leaps onto the bed, rolling between you and Sans. Sans hits the ceiling with a loud crack. He... lies up there out cold.

 

Impact starts freaking out, suddenly scared of what he did.

 

“IS HE ALRIGHT?” Papyrus jumps on the bed and pries Sans off the ceiling.

 

“Are you alright??” Impact put a little bony hand on your cheek as you squirm out of the blanket.

 

“Baby, I’m fine.” You’re still gasping for breath. Your eyes suddenly follow Papyrus’ as they dash from Impact to Sans, who’s out cold. “Oh my goodness, is he okay?”

 

“I THINK SO.” He lays Sans on the bed. “IMPACT, YOU CAN’T GO USING MAGIC FOR EVERYTHING. YOUR MOTHER WASN’T IN DANGER.”

 

“But she was crying! Dad was hurting her!”

 

“No sweetie, he was just tickling me.”

 

You start tickling him and he flails a bit, laughing.

 

“NYEH HEH HEH.”

 

Sans stirs.

 

“impact?”

 

“Y-yeah?”

 

“don’t do that again.”

 

“Sorry, dad! I was scared for mama.” He kneels over Sans’ limp body.

 

“i get it but geez kid, you can really pack a punch.” He rubs the back of his skull, “you practice that in school?”

 

Impact nods meekly.

 

“cool. don’t uh, do that in the house and stuff.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Thanks, baby.” You grab Impact and give him a big hug and kiss. Your abs hurt from all the tickling. Impact trots off to bed after a big hug.

 

You chuckle, “Fft. ‘and stuff?’ Suave parenting.”

 

“shaddup.” He nuzzles you.

 

“ARE YOU BOTH ALRIGHT?”

 

“yep.” (You're both a little sore.)

 

Impact pokes his head back in the room and asks to be tucked in.

 

 

\--

 

 

No news about the playground situation. Nothing when you pry. Working from home has its pros. You decided to take a trip and spy on the schoolyard at lunch. Impact’s playing ball with some friends. The teacher on yard duty isn’t even moderating. Looks good.

 

 


	74. GAWK-Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at the TV! Look!

 

 

Impact gives you a drawing of a heart.

 

"Aw. Thanks, baby!" You give him a long kiss on the forehead.

 

"No! 'S not for you. 'S for dad."

 

"…Oh. Okay, Why don't you give it to dad?"

 

"No! You have to!"

 

"Why?"

 

"Because _you_ have to." He starts pushing you in the small of your back.

 

"Okay, okay. I'm going."

 

 

\--

 

 

"Sans?"

 

"mhm?" He looks up from his book.

 

"Here, this is for you."

 

"aw, why didn't you give this to me yourself, impact?"

 

"What?! No! Uh. 'S not from me! 'S from mama 'cause she loves youuuu!"

 

"really?" He raises a brow.

 

"Yeah!"

 

He chuckles and gives you a kiss.

 

"thanks for the heart then. i love you too."

 

The heart goes on the fridge.

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact runs into the room so quickly he has a hard time stopping and almost impales you when he skids. He's only in grade five and he's already as tall as Sans.

 

“Mama! Mama!”

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Mama you have to come see!”

 

He picks you up? He’s not even in middle school and he’s already strong enough to carry you like a rag doll? He dashes into the living room.

 

“Look! Look at the TV!” He sits you on the couch with utmost care.

 

You compose yourself and focus on the television as he climbs onto your lap and wraps his little arms around you. You never really watch Mettaton’s talk shows even though Papyrus loves everything he touches. Frankly, his acting's a lot better than his talk shows and reality TV but at least even those are better than his singing. You know Alphys designed and built him but he really does have ancient vocal technology.

 

“...and I guess we’re not scared anymore.”

 

“Marvellous! Monsters and humans living side by side. Truly touching." Mettaton turns back to a human woman and what looks like an overgrown mantis. "Tell us more about living together."

 

"Well…" begins the woman, "it's not unlike living with another human from my perspective. Except for the occasional magic mishap." She rubs the mantis monster's arm lovingly.

 

"Honestly, I don't see why monsters are so afraid of humans. These aren't the same people that damned us underground thousands of years ago. They've failed to pass down the ability to use real magic anyway." The mantis monster's shrugging.

 

The woman chuckles, "and, I mean, we're not all bad."

 

"Have you had any difficulty with prejudice? Discrimination? Hate crimes? We all know there's a lot." Mettaton sure knows how to dramatize a simple question.

 

"Well… I did lose some human friends when I started socializing with monsters." Too real. You actually can't believe the courage they have going on TV like this.

 

"I didn't have as much of a problem until we started with the PDAs. People don't like what they see."

 

"Would you get married if it were legal? I hear a lot of activists are pushing for marital rights." Mettaton gets out of his chair and leans forward with the weight on his heels like a huge ham.

 

"Of course!" The woman doesn't even hesitate.

 

"Without a doubt. Even if some consider it an abomination--"

 

"--on both sides--" interrupts the monster.

 

"--yeah, on both sides, we'd still do it." Would you? Yeah, probably.

 

"Well, I mean, even if is just temporary." The monster looks really sullen all of the sudden.

 

"Tell us more about how you feel." Mettaton rubs his shoulder. Are those anime sparkle VFX? Oh goodness, they are.

 

"Well, I guess it's just sad knowing we can never pair-bond. I get nervous sometimes. Humans divorce all the time-- it's in their culture. It wouldn't hurt because we're not pair-bonded but it's… sad."

 

"What are your views on bonding, beautiful?" Mettaton looks over to the woman.

 

"Well… I can't say I fully understand how it would feel. Maybe I have a human bias but I'm almost… happier without it? I know how it works and I'm almost grateful that we can't. Wouldn't it be selfish to take him down with me?"

 

"No doubt about it." Ouch, Mettaton. Ice cold.

 

The woman looks sadder now.

 

"I guess that's just a part of life, I suppose…" She trails off.

 

"Back to you, gorgeous! Any thoughts on the lifespan issue?" Mettaton motions to the mantis before sitting back down and dramatically crossing his legs.

 

"One of my coworkers asked if I'll be falling in love with my pet guinea pig any time soon. Five years, eighty years, it's all the blink of an eye, really."

 

"And? Do you liken her to guinea pig?"

 

"Wh-what? What kind of question of that?! Of-- of course not! It's not like that."

 

"And you, darling?" He looks at the woman. "Anyone give you any trouble?"

 

"I did… get a bestiality remark once. It was really horrible. How do you even respond to that?" She's indignant.

 

"Bestiality? My my. That is dreadful." Mettaton leans his head back dramatically with the back of his hand on his forehead for a moment before recovering and asking, "What about mating? We know you wouldn't be able to conceive but how's the sex?"

 

"Mama, what's sex?"

 

Nope.

 

"Oh, I forgot I told you we'd go to the shelter to look at dogs! Let's go before it closes!" You whip the remote out, turn the TV off, and carry Impact to the door in a hurry.

 

"…Did…you?"

 

"Yeah, come on, put your shoes on!"

 

"Oh! Okay! Yaaaay!"

 

 

\--

 

 

"Impact asked me about sex today." You pop into the basement where Sans is working on a commission.

 

"and?" He actually looks up from whatever he's working on.

 

"I distracted him with dogs."

 

"phew."

 

"What do you tell a skeleton about sex?"

 

"well 's not like a confrontation or anything. i suppose we could just tell him it's how most monsters and other creatures are made. mating's not that big a deal-- you just need to caution him 'bout behaviour."

 

"What's too young for a skeleton?"

 

"dunno. monsters learn about mating in school. forget how old i was. 's the soul stuff that you wanna keep 'til later, ya know?"

 

"I guess so. How much later?"

 

"majority, more or less."

 

"That late?"

 

"monsters hit a majority when they finish school."

 

"That's… young! He'll be a baby!"

 

You blink and he's pinned you to the table.

 

"shh. no talking. looking for a cute mute."

 

"None here. Keep looking." You shrug playfully.

 

"never mind. i found something better."

 

"Sans, it's filthy in here. Get your hand out of my pants." You try to play it cool but you can only keep a poker face for so long as he rubs your increasingly pulasting clit.

 

"mmmmmnope." He presses his lips to yours, silencing you for a moment. Oh.

 

"Surprised you didn't, nnnn, crack a better joke. Cute mute's not funny; you're losing your touch, Mr. Scientist."

 

"well if you absolutely must set me up, mr. scientist here doesn't mind doing it on the table, you know, periodically." He snorts a bit; so proud of himself.

 

"Boo, that one's old." You kiss him on the cheek as he glides his fingers into your entrance. He still hasn't even removed your pants.

 

"yeah well so am i compared to you. how 'bout this? 'i play trombone. how else am i supposed to practise my fingerings?'" he repeatedly curls his fingers inside you, "or, 'here's a different kind of slide i like to grease,' heh heh." He alternates between a curling and sliding motion.

 

You lean your head back and mutter a soft, "I regret everything. You're the worst," as he removes himself to slide your pants down.

 

His laugh suddenly turns into growling and he whispers a soft, "yeah but you love me so i win," before inhaling deeply and running his tongue over you through your now saturated panties.

 

Guess he does win.

 

He climbs up and rests his forehead on yours as he continues his ministrations after removing your panties. You gently glide a finger up his spine under his shirt and he shivers as you make your way inside his ribs.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll tell him about the TV show later, you suppose.


	75. r-ALLY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you sure this isn't a festival?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Baby Impact fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/145728153289/impact-tugging-at-his-mamas-skirt-look-at-this) by Poubelle-Squelette! <3

 

 

You run into Lucille at the store. She's with her daughter and the kids start talking to each other as you pick out produce. You try not to let her get to you as she asks invasive questions as to why you're shopping with Papyrus instead of Sans. You politely tell her that Sans works some weekends for her information. So nosy.

 

You hear a crack and look over to see Impact on the ground.

 

"Baby, are you okay?!"

 

"Y-yeah, I just slipped."

 

Having been the victim of the produce aisle yourself, you walk over and pick him up. He's getting to be big enough that he's slightly embarrassed to be doted on in public as you wipe his hands and give him a kiss. It's actually cute seeing him getting flustered but it also breaks your heart. Still, you've almost gotten over the dirty looks you get from strangers. It's interesting how different it is with Impact than Sans. You never wanted anyone to know that you and Sans were seeing each other but how could you hide your baby or your love for him?

 

You excuse yourself from Lucille and her daughter, who seemed more amused than anything by Impact's slip, and make your way to Papyrus on the other side of the grocery store. You can't help but feel suspicious of Lucille's brat daughter even though Impact says he slipped. Does that make you a terrible person? You finish your purchases and make your way to the car.

 

You meet Garrett on the way out. Huh, you missed him this week. He's been doing groceries on his own instead of with his mom now that he can drive. Kids grow up so fast, you swear. He waves and actually dashes up to you.

 

"Hey ______, Papyrus, Impact!" Why's he so excited?

 

"Hey Garrett, how are you?"

 

"I'm good. I'm good. Are you going to the rally tomorrow?"

 

"Rally?"

 

"Yeah! The one downtown! Monster rights? There'll be some speakers and stuff. It's going to be great! You should come!"

 

"OH YES, I READ ABOUT IT ONLINE. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE REALLY BIG." Papyrus looks excited. "I WOULD LOVE TO GO. WE SHOULD GO."

 

"Can we? What's a rally, uncle Pappy?" Impact's definitely on board.

 

"IT'S LIKE A PARTY FOR JUSTICE!" Papyrus is posing dramatically with a grocery bag. Impact's looking at him starry-eyed. Looks like you'll be babysitting them tomorrow.

 

They're definitely set on it. No stopping them now. You've learned that the only thing more intent on shenanigans than Papyrus is the notorious Impact-Papyrus combo. Impact's actually a lot more like Papyrus than Sans in many ways. They get excited and hyperactive and parade through the town up to what they get up to. It's nice that Papyrus has someone with his unnaturally high energy level to keep up with him now. You sure can't and Sans doesn't bother trying as long as he can keep an eye on him from a distance and make sure they're okay.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Sans, you want to come to a rally with us tomorrow?"

 

"rally?"

 

"Haha, that was my exact reaction. Yeah apparently there's a big monster rights rally tomorrow. Occupying the space in front of city hall. Papyrus and Impact are intent on going so I'm roped in. Want to come?"

 

"so it's like… a protest? you're taking our son to a protest? _rally_ not into the idea." He's wearing the poker face and you can tell he's nervous despite the sub-par pun.

 

"It's not really the same vibe. Just a congregation. Some speeches. Some demonstration. Peaceful. I couldn't convince them to change their minds."

 

"eeeeeh. i'll come to keep an eye on things but you owe me."

 

"Lazybones."

 

"shh." He slides two fingers in your mouth.

 

 

\--

 

 

It's a beautiful day and the rally's buzzing. Booths, pickets, a surprisingly large amount of humans. You expected it to be only monsters to be honest. You see some people wearing shirts saying 'would smooch a ghost' and chuckle. It almost feels like a festival. Monsters sure know how to party. A bunch of humans and monsters are openly holding hands. This is paradise. Where did they all come from?

 

Sans has that look in his eye. He's up to something. Oh boy, here we go. You know he's going to disappear; you can feel it in your bones. It happens in under an hour. You turn to keep an eye on Impact and Papyrus who've gone to a corn dog vendor. Papyrus is supplicating Impact not to buy it because he's grossed out by meat from animals with bones. He looks at you desperately. You shrug. If he wants to try it, let him try it. You notice Sans is missing when Impact pours ketchup on it and looks up for reassurance from his dad. No Sans. You give him a thumbs-up in his place and Impact takes a bite. His face lights up. He takes another bite then another, devouring it like a starving animal. He runs up to you.

 

"Mama! Mama! Umm have you _tried_ those?!" He's practically dancing.

 

You chuckle, "I take it you liked it."

 

"Yes?! C'n I have another? I spent all my allow'nce!" Papyrus looks at you imploringly.

 

"I'll buy you another but you have to know that comes from animals. Are you okay with that?"

 

"Y-yeah. We had uh, scallops for dinner last night. They're an'mals!"

 

"You're okay knowing it comes from animals with skeletons inside them? Dad and uncle Pappy think that's pretty gross."

 

"It's okay!" He holds his hands out with a big grin and you hand him some change for another corn dog.

 

"No more treats for today then, okay?"

 

"Okay! Thanks mama."

 

He's just as ecstatic when he eats his second one as he was when he ate the first one.

 

 

\--

 

 

The crowd actually grows enormously throughout the day. It's hard to breathe and harder to navigate. The crowd spans for blocks and blocks, completely mobbing the streets. You walk around some more after hearing some people and monsters get up to a podium. The speakers are huge and it's loud. You're surprised that Impact actually pays attention the them, wide-eyed. The rally lasts almost the entire day as monsters tend to be friendly and peaceful. There's riot police present but the atmosphere is so pleasant that they look really bored and almost envious of people in the crowd. You've never seen a demonstration quite like this. It's unreal. After a long day, you, Impact, and Papyrus start making your way the the edge of the crowd and past the vendor booths. You stop in your tracks.

 

"Guys, keep walking. I'll catch up later."

 

They go on without you and you make your way to a busy souvenir stand.

 

"Seriously, Sans?"

 

He looks up from the stand and utters a guilty, "what?"

 

"Did you really ditch us to sell bone keychains to tourists?"

 

"yep. aren't they _key-_ ute?" He winks and tosses a hefty wad of cash into your chest. "we're going on vacation. vay _key_ tion, even. heh." This is… a lot of money.

 

You lower your voice, "do you even have a permit?"

 

"no one's gotta know," and there's the shit-eating grin. "occasional hustle's the _key_ to success. even papyrus would think it's o- _key_ dokie." Congrats, your monster mate's a total hustler.

 

Monsters and humans sure have a very different way of demonstrating.

 

 

\--

 

 

You sit with Sans and help him at the booth until the crowd dies down and you pack up. The keychains sold out as they were priced extremely well. You find Impact and Papyrus near the car with the top down and the radio blasting. They're fencing with branches. It looks like Papyrus is letting Impact win. What a good uncle.

 

 

\--

 

 

You're watching the news with Papyrus when you see that the rally made international headlines. Literal thousands of humans and monsters congregated from all over the country in favour of voting rights, inter-species marital rights, and things like being allowed on airplanes. An amazing turnout. Some proud couples agreed to be interviewed and a surprising percentage of the crowd consisted of humans. Only twelve arrests-- all human. Not bad. The media's calling it 'Rallyfest' because of how much like a festival a monster rally ended up feeling like. Political leaders were asked to comment and though they tried to sound neutral, a few sounded more than inclined to motion it. Papyrus finally speaks when the report's over.

 

"I FEEL… IMPORTANT… BUT I DIDN'T FEEL IMPORTANT WHEN WE WERE THERE."

 

"Oh? What's up?"

 

"I DIDN'T KNOW IF WE WOULD… MAKE A DIFFERENCE BUT I THINK WE DID. WE'LL SEE, RIGHT?" He ruffles your hair as he gets up from the couch.

 

"Hey Papyrus?"

 

"YES?"

 

"Did you have fun?"

 

"LOTS." He's grinning from ear to ear.

 

"That's what really matters then, isn't it?"

 

"NOT QUITE." He chuckles as he exits the room. Yeah, not quite. Maybe it's time for bed.

 

You turn everything off and make your way to bed. Huh, Impact's asleep face-to-face with Sans and he's gripping his ribs like when he was a baby. Too adorable now that he's actually bigger than his dad. It looks really silly. You snap a photo and snuggle in with them, sandwiching Impact between the two of you. He hasn't slept in your bed for a long time and you wonder what prompted this. You stroke his cheek as you drift off and notice that his cheekbones feel much sharper than Sans'. His shoulders are broader too. He's only thirteen and he's already bigger than his dad. You wonder how Sans feels about this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Impact's new thing is corn dogs with copious amounts sour cream. He makes you buy them at the grocery store. Sans and Papyrus get weirded out when you cook them for Impact and the house smells like meat.


	76. Suspen-DEAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone call you'd rather not receive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sans and baby Impact art](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/145869907969/sans-and-impact-by-razzle-3) by Razzle!

 

 

You get a call from Toriel mid-afternoon. That's never good.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hello, _____?"

 

"Hi Tori, what'd he do this time?" You chuckle.

 

"I'm afraid… I need you to come down to the school at your earliest convenience."

 

"Is everything alright?"

 

"Yes. Impact is having, erm, some disciplinary actions taken against him."

 

…Oh.

 

 

\--

 

 

Um. Okay.

 

There's definitely a firetruck at the school when you pull up. Please don't let that be why you're here. You make your way to Toriel's office and see Impact sitting in a chair next to a large cricket monster with swollen eyes.

 

"You may wait outside, Missy."

 

She sniffs, nods nervously and sits out in the chairs in front of the office. Toriel closes the door and motions for you to take a seat.

 

"I regret to inform you that Impact will be facing a two-week suspension for fighting."

 

"What?" Impact? Your precious innocent baby? Fighting?

 

"Frankly, I feel I am being very lenient as he could have killed her had his attack not missed."

 

"Impact?!" You turn to him as he's slumped in his chair. "What happened?"

 

"Tha's not fair! M-Missy n' Clarissa've been both'ring me for _years_!" Wait isn't the other one Lucille's kid?

 

"Clarissa has a history of disciplinary action taken against her. Missy and Impact do not."

 

You sigh, "so what happened?"

 

"Sh-she kept throwing wet papers at the back o' my head 'cause they stick to my bone. Sometimes they have rocks in them. I uh, got mad and said to stop."

 

"And?" You brace yourself for the worst.

 

"She didn't so I uh…" He's suddenly not making eye contact.

 

"Tell your mother the whole truth, Impact."

 

"I uh… fought back? I stood up for myself!" He's indignant.

 

"Impact fired some very dangerous magic, incinerated part of the schoolyard, and almost killed his classmate. I'm being very lenient in suspending and not expelling him."

 

"Impact."

 

"Mama I--" He chokes back a sob and doesn't continue.

 

You turn to Toriel. "I'll be taking him home then. How bad's the property damage?"

 

"It will be quite expensive but is nothing our insurance cannot cover. I am extremely disappointed however."

 

"Is there something I can do?"

 

"I believe this will suffice as punishment. Perhaps you can make sure he doesn't fall behind in his mathematics during his missed classes."

 

Impact shrinks in his chair.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans gets home in time for dinner and asks how school went. Impact gulps and looks in your direction desperately. You shrug in a mute, "can't help you there," and let him tell him himself.

 

"Uhhh, I got suspended."

 

"pardon me?"

 

"Yeaaahhhh… I uh… Well! It wasn't really all my fault!" He goes into a huge rant about being picked on incessantly for years and finally snapping.

 

You and Papyrus stay silent. Paps got the story and was disappointed but he told Impact it wasn't his place to scold him and that he'd have to tell Sans when he got home. Papyrus is a surprisingly good uncle. He tends to get emotional and overexcited about a lot of things so it constantly surprises you how much moderation he shows with things like that. You'll never quite get over it. Sans listens very carefully without moving as Impact tells the whole story while stuttering and fidgeting.

 

He continues eating without a word when Impact finishes.

 

"A-are you gonna punish me?"

 

"oh you're gonna make sure you don't fall behind in math… and you're gonna build fourteen toothpick bridges over your two weeks. teach you a thing or two about physics."

 

"Th-that's it?"

 

" 's punishment enough. unless you want more."

 

"N-no tha's fine!"

 

"good. we'll start with a prat model and work our way up from there. see how much weight you can hold on each one. if you make enough progress, you can even still make your weekly dog park visit."

 

He spends the rest of dinnertime sketching out schematics on a paper napkin with Impact. Looks like they'll be doing a lot of bonding for the next two weeks. You're actually surprised at how lenient he's being.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans is reading with his head in your lap as you watch a movie.

 

"That was really nice of you earlier."

 

"eh, punishment enough. i'll give him a better talk about using that kinda magic when i check up on his bridge building. i feel like it should be a more private discussion. one-on-one typa deal."

 

Your film ends and you slither out from under him.

 

"noooo, come back. i'm cold now."

 

"I'd have revoked his dog park privileges."

 

"he has to do extra math."

 

"Fine."

 

He gets up and goes in for a kiss but you dodge him and chuckle.

 

"hey, come back here."

 

You angle your face upward. He literally can't reach you unless you bend slightly for him.

 

"No kisses, shorty," you tease.

 

"i will. tickle you." He grips your waist.

 

"Noooo! No kisses ever then!"

 

"what the hell? come here." Your teasing's really working.

 

"Nope! You're being punished for being too lenient."

 

He hesitantly tugs at your collar.

 

"did i do… something wrong?"

 

"Ahahaha, I'm just teasing you, Sans." You lift him up and give him his kiss.

 

He rests his forehead on yours and lightly grips a handful of your hair.

 

"i hate you. you're going to pay for that tonight."

 

"Oh Mr. Spooky Skeleton's going to punish me." You hold your arms out and swing him around in circles for comedic effect. It's really great how light he is.

 

"i will. break you. if you make fun of me."

 

"Small skelly. Mini skelly. Impact's fourteen and he's over a head taller than you."

 

"yeah, so? what the hell? stop making fun of me. there's nothing wrong with being small. he's taller than you too. i just make 'em big." He's so indignant, it's adorable.

 

You grip him in the biggest hug.

 

"You know I'm just messing with you. Come on, Sans."

 

You're both silent in your hug for a moment before simultaneously bursting into uncontrollable laughter. You give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll be bruised and breathless when he's done with you tonight.


	77. BONE-a Fide Frenzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mild DV
> 
>  
> 
> [Look at this adorable teen Impact by BitterSweetDeath](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/146132571829/bittersweetdeath-okay-last-batch-of-kaomoji)

 

 

Impact slides next to you on the couch. You absentmindedly wrap an arm around him.

 

"Mama?"

 

"Mmm?"

 

"Can you sign my report card?"

 

"Sure."

 

"…"

 

"Impact."

 

"I know! I know! Pleeeeease don't tell dad!"

 

There's a first for everything, even this F.

 

"Do you want us to hire a professional tutor? We can afford it, you know." Not you, Sans, or Papyrus has been able to get through to him with math help. It's exasperating.

 

"Mama, I haaaaate math!" He bursts into tears.

 

"Oh nooo. Come here, don't cry. Shhh." You wrap him in a hug and gently scratch his skull as he cries.

 

"I can't do it. I can't! I _tried_."

 

"Shhh. I know, baby. It's okay. It's just a grade. We know you're so much better than a math grade."

 

"I _hate_ this! Why can't I do it?"

 

"You can't be good at everything, Impact. You paint better than most adults, you're really good with history and languages, you're the fastest kid in your school and dad and I are so proud of you. You just need more practise to get better. Baby, it's okay."

 

He whimpers into your chest.

 

 

\--

 

 

"ugh, come on, impact. first you get suspended now this nonsense?" Sans is rubbing the back of his skull. He's completely at a loss.

 

"Dad, I'm sorry. I-- I suck at math. I give up." At least Impact's cried himself dry by the time Sans got home.

 

"you don't 'suck' at math. nobody 'sucks' at math. you keep trying and you learn with practice." He tosses the report card on the kitchen table. "let's go for a walk."

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact's in a much better mood when they get home.

 

"What did you do, magic man?" You rub Sans affectionately after retiring to your bedroom for the night.

 

"eh. just told him not to feel so pressured. i dunno, he's so stressed about it so i told him it's okay if he fails math. what's he think we're gonna do, disown him?"

 

You chuckle, "well it's not hard to get that impression considering how much you love physics." You run a finger along his jaw after he collapses onto the bed with you.

 

"man, i hope i'm not the reason he hates math."

 

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Also, you suck at disciplining him. 'You failed math, let's get ice cream and go to the dog park.' Hahaha."

 

"he needed that. heh. didn't want to come off as _dog_ matic."

 

You rake your fingers through his ribs as you laugh before sitting in silence and stroking one another. You start drifting off.

 

"heheh."

 

"What?"

 

"i love that jerky thing your muscles do when you're falling asleep."

 

"All humans do that."

 

"really? it's the best… except when it startles me."

 

"Shhh, sleep."

 

 

\--

 

 

Spring rolls around. You've gotten Alphys to start tutoring Impact and he's been showing significant improvement. Maybe it's Alphys' meek, anxious nature but you notice that Impact seems much more comfortable with her tutoring him. He even got a C+ this term.

 

You and Sans have started hiding out in hotels when he's in heat. Impact isn't always interested in camping trips without you and Sans also being present. He's started really taking after his dad in the comedy department and Papyrus isn't the best audience for his puns.

 

It hurts to exist after every cycle. It's pretty brutal-looking.

 

"Mama, why're you hurt?" Impact collapses onto the couch next to you with a serious expression.

 

"DON'T ASK YOUR MOM QUESTIONS LIKE THAT, IMPACT." Papyrus freaks out immediately.

 

"I had a busy weekend, baby."

 

He gives you an angry, "I'm not stupid" look.

 

"Mama."

 

"I'm fine, Impact."

 

He grabs you. He's officially way bigger than you. Your hulking fifteen year-old squeezes you. He's not letting you go without answers.

 

" _Mama_ , 't the hell?"

 

"LANGUAGE." Papyrus doesn't know what to do.

 

"No. Tell me what happened!"

 

"Baby, this happens every year. Why are you so upset all of the sudden?"

 

" 'Cause you're always hurt? Did dad do this t'you? Does dad hit you?"

 

"DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT." Papyrus leaves to get Sans.

 

Impact's growl is ferocious and it's a little irrational to be scared of him but something about it is was scarier than Sans', which you've gotten accustomed to mostly hearing in bed.

 

"Impact, let go of me."

 

"No."

 

" _Impact, I said let go of me."_

 

"No! Tell me."

 

"Impact, you're hurting me!"

 

"Oh! Sorry Mama." He loosens his grip but still refuses to let go.

 

"Let me go or you're grounded." Not something that happens often.

 

"I don't care. Tell me!"

 

"Get _off_ me!" You start to cry.

 

"No!" His eyes start to match yours. His tears drip onto you.

 

"Sans!" You scream for him as you flail. You'll never get free if Impact chooses not to release you.

 

Sans pokes his head in and his his expression shifts to a serious one immediately.

 

"impact gaster you let go of your mother this instant or i will make you." Wow, that didn't take long. His calm tone is surprisingly menacing.

 

"No! Dad, she's hurt again! What'd you do?"

 

"three."

 

"Dad! What'd you do?!"

 

" _two."_

 

_"No!"_

 

"one."

 

It happens so quickly you want to vomit.

 

You fall. You fall fast and hard.

 

Rather, you thought you fell. Did you fall sideways? You're in Sans' arms. The collision hurt. You're so confused. It takes you a moment to realize he flipped gravity. Impact's pinned to the other wall.

 

"don't you _ever_ do that to your mother again."

 

"Dad! What did you _do_ to her?! I'm not stupid!"

 

"She's fine."

 

"No she's _not!"_

 

 _"Baby, I'm fine._ Stop it."

 

A bone flies at Sans from outside, shattering the window and making a huge mess. Good thing he's fast. Whoa, okay, that's going way too far.

 

"THAT'S ENOUGH, IMPACT." You've only heard Papyrus this mad once before.

 

Papyrus steps in and takes Impact by the shoulders, guiding him to his room.

 

"WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION. ONE OF A VERY PRIVATE NATURE. YOU ARE COMING WITH ME AND WE WILL TALK SECRETLY."

 

He screams the whole way and muffled screams continue through the door.

 

"are you okay? did he hurt you?"

 

You shake your head as you grip Sans and cry into his shoulder.

 

Fucking hell.

 

"He just wanted to know."

 

"he doesn't have to. he is so. grounded." Sans' voice is trembling with rage.

 

 

\--

 

 

You hear Impact crying from his room and only decide to visit him before bed. You poke your head in after knocking.

 

"Hey babybones."

 

He doesn't lift his face from his pillow. His words are muffled.

 

"Hey mama." Oh no, his voice is all hoarse.

 

You let yourself in and lie next to him on his bed. He's too big for this twin-sized mattress. You make a mental note to browse for something bigger.

 

"You feeling better?" You rub his skull as he exhales.

 

"No."

 

"Want to talk about what you discussed with uncle Pappy?"

 

"No."

 

"Do you believe me when I say dad doesn't hit me?"

 

"No."

 

"Well he doesn't. I wouldn't lie to you."

 

Impact wraps an arm around you and pulls you into a vice grip hug before burying his face into you. You try not to flinch when he squeezes a particularly tender bruise. He mumbles something into your chest.

 

"What was that, baby?"

 

"Nothing."

 

He falls asleep before letting go. There's no way you can squirm out of his arms. You'll just sleep here tonight.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans wakes up in the middle of the night wondering where the hell you are and you wake up under a pile of skeletons both grumbling about Impact needing a bigger bed.


	78. S-Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Development

 

 

 

"Mama, c'we talk?" Impact's not making eye contact.

 

"What's up, baby?"

 

"I… uh… dunno wha's going on… uh… but I think I'm sick. My ribs're all soft when I touch them."

 

He lifts his shirt and pokes his lower ribs. They have a bit of give to them.

 

"Oooooh. Oh. Okay. Yeah. That's normal." You probably shouldn't touch them. "Sans!"

 

"No! Don't call dad!!"

 

"what?" Sans calls from the next room.

 

Impact looks at you imploringly. Fine.

 

"Nothing, never mind."

 

"okay."

 

Hopefully he'll keep reading in the living room.

 

"I'm pretty sure dad or uncle Pappy can give you a better explanation of what's going on, Impact. You're uh, mature enough to reproduce, I think. That's what that means. You learned about reproduction in school."

 

"Y-yeah?"

 

"I think you might have hit sexual maturity or something."

 

"Pft. Mama. Skeletons don't have sex."

 

"Yeah that was probably the uh, wrong way to put it. You know monsters don't really get sick though."

 

"I know that."

 

"So skeletons can snap a rib off and, uh, make a kid that way. That's how we made you."

 

"You snapped your rib off?! How?!" He starts groping your sides, trying to feel your ribs.

 

You chuckle. "No baby, dad did it."

 

"Oh… Tha' makes sense. Duh. Wait, 's that mean you didn't make me?"

 

"Um." Well, this is not where you thought the conversation would go. "Well, dad did the work but I was there."

 

"Does that mean I'm not half human?"

 

"I highly doubt you're half human."

 

"But--! No? What? I thought I was half human!"

 

"Really?" It's really hard to suppress your laughter. "Oh no baby you're all monster."

 

"I told someone I was half human…"

 

"Can you clarify that with them?"

 

He whispers softly, "What if they think I'm a liar?"

 

"You won't be a liar. Tell them the truth: that you were uninformed."

 

"What am I g'na do 'bout my ribs? Will they stay like this? You _sure_ I'm not sick?"

 

"Positive. That only lasts a few days about twice a year."

 

"D'you wanna feel 'em? They feel pretty cool."

 

"I'm not sure that's appropriate, baby."

 

"What? Why?"

 

"It's something that's private and kind of personal."

 

"O-ooh. Okay. Gotcha."

 

"You should also tell your dad. I really insist."

 

"…Fine."

 

 

He's silent for a while.

 

 

"Mama?"

 

"Mmm?"

 

"Humans… mate n' stuff, right?"

 

Oh here we go.

 

"Yes." Tread lightly.

 

"Is thaaaat why uncle Pappy got all scared when I wanted to know 'bout your bruises?"

 

"If only you applied those brains to your math homework."

 

His face contorts into a sort of mischievous suppressed laughter.

 

"Oooooooh my goodness, mama, does dad," snicker, "you know…" He bursts into laughter. "Does dad actually--? How does he--?" His laughter's out of control.

 

Dammit.

 

"Listen baby, dad really doesn't want anyone to know about that. Can that be our little secret?"

 

"How?!" He's laughing so hard he's crying.

 

"Let's just say that's _my_ little secret."

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans is happy about the news. Impact tells him and Papyrus and they both give him the Talk with you in the room. Impact asks if it means he can finally stop wearing stripes, to which Sans and Papyrus give a firm "no." Everyone does go out on the weekend to buy him a bigger bed, which he's needed for a while. Sans wonders why Impact keeps looking at him and snickering. You have to give Impact a dirty look so he'll cut it out.

 

Everything goes well for a while and Impact's doing well in school but you get some interesting news over the phone.

 

*(Ring, ring…)

 

"Hello?"

 

"H-hello? _-___?"

 

"Hey Alphys. What's up?"

 

"Oh n-nothing much. I w-was just calling to tell y-you that Undyne and I'll be out of t-town for a year."

 

"Oh, really?"

 

"Y-yeah. I g-got a r-really large research grant and Undyne's coming with me of c-course. I j-just want to-to-to let you know that I can't tutor Impact wh-while I'm g-gone unless he wants to do it online."

 

"Oh, that's alright, Alphys. Congrats on the grant. I'll let Impact know."

 

"Th-thanks. I hope it's n-not too inconvenient."

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact has taken to Alphys' teaching style so much that he's not having it. Nobody in the family can get through to this kid. He gets all flustered and freaks out every time he goes near his math homework.

 

Okay, plan B.

 

You call the grocery store kid. Garrett gave you his cell phone number a while back and he's learning a trade in town so you're pretty sure he'd be available to tutor math. You know he was a math tutor at some point. He agrees and Impact starts going to his place every couple of days for math help. You've come to the conclusion that he does a lot better when he's not being tutored by immediate family.

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact comes home with a crack on his zygomatic arch one evening.

 

"Impact! What the hell happened?!"

 

"I uh… guess… Clarissa might've pushed me down some stairs after school."

 

"That brat daughter of Lucille's?"

 

"I… dunno her mom."

 

"Impact, you can't let others literally push you around! Does it hurt?"

 

"A little."

 

You reach up and run your thumb over the crack and he flinches and squeals.

 

"Baby."

 

You grip him in a huge hug. He has to bend over slightly because he's so tall now. You grab him some corn dogs (which he now only eats with sour cream) on the way to the hospital.

 

 

\--

 

 

He comes home with a topical ointment after some green magic treatment. At least there won't be scarring like with his ulna. You ask him why he lets someone so small push him around. Apparently she tripped him. It doesn't help that's he's already pretty clumsy.

 

"Sans, what are we going to do about that kid picking on Impact?"

 

"i'd like to have a talk with her mom like we did with jerry. that worked. seems he has a little group picking on him."

 

 

\--

 

 

You've decided to pick Impact up after school and notice Lucille telling her daughter off. Oh, this is juicy. You decide to eavesdrop a bit. Ha! She's been suspended for swearing at and threatening the substitute gym teacher. Guess she thought she'd test the waters now that Undyne's gone for a year. It's interesting to see her start swearing at Lucille. Well, if that doesn't make you feel better about your situation, nothing will. Impact sees you and lifts you up on the way to the car, planting the equivalent of a kiss on top of your head. You win.

 

 

\--

 

 

Parent association meeting. You wait until the end to confront Lucille about her daughter. After politely requesting that she keep her kid away from Impact she says that she won't do anything to prevent him from getting the treatment he deserves.

 

"Excuse me?"

 

Lucille looks smug. "You heard what I said."

 

"You're going to keep your brat away from my son."

 

"Your son's a disgusting human-raised imp and he doesn't belong in this school any more than you do."

 

"I'm entitled to be here as much as you are, Lucille."

 

She snaps.

 

"You think you can come in here all high and mighty imposing your views and opinions on us like you fucking belong here? You think you're entitled to weasel your way into our school government because you're _fucking_ one of us, you sicko? You're disgusting. Let us have this. _Let us have this one thing_." Her face is contorted in rage.

 

"I'm here because this is my son's school. He's here from kindergarten until he leaves for college just like every other kid and I'll be damned if I'm not going to have a say in what happens in his school life. Who do you think you are, telling me what I can and cannot do with my family?

 

"Who do you think _you_ are? You can't _breed_ with us. He's not your son. You have no right to call him that! You're not even legally married. Know why? Because _it's not allowed. You're not welcome._ Why did you have to live in this city with this school? Why couldn't you infect some other district?" The acidity in her tone is dangerous. You can feel her magic flaring up.

 

"I clearly have a better relationship with my son than you ever will with your terrible brat child. Oh, and if she ever lays her slimy tentacles on him again, I will step in."

 

"Is that a threat?"

 

Fuck this broad.

 

"Why yes. Yes it is. Humans aren't all terrible people and I really don't want to have to become one but I will. Don't play with me, Lucille, because you're not going to like the way I play."

 

"I see. I will be reporting your threats of violence against me to the principal of this school."

 

"i heard no threats of violence."

 

Sans and his almost-too-convenient timing.

 

"Yes you did! Just now! She threatened me?"

 

"I didn't threaten to be violent."

 

"I will see. Your son expelled." Pointing with a tentacle somehow isn't as menacing as it should be.

 

"on what grounds?"

 

"I will. Find something." She makes her way out the door. Her already red squid body is redder with rage as she storms off.

 

"i'd like to see her try."

 

 

\--

 

 

You pop into a diner for some greasy food and Sans stops you in a park on the way home. You laugh curiously as he leads you up a hill and plants himself in the grass. You sit next to him and he flops on his back, pulling you with him. A little brave for such a public space. You look up at the sky in his arms. The view of the stars really sucks in the city but at least you have Sans. He still smells the same. He has that same musky chalky smell to him and you can't help but bury your face into him and inhale.

 

"you okay?"

 

"Yeah. Still angry but I'll be fine."

 

The smell of grass and Sans and the slightly chilly air calm you down slightly. He lights a dog treat and smokes it on his back, passing it to you. You wonder what kind of effect it would have on you if you weren't stressed. You've never had one in a normal state. You pass it back after some time and fall asleep right there in his arms only to wake up in bed the next morning.

 

"morning sleepyhead."

 

You reply with a groggy, "hey…" He changed you into pyjamas.

 

"feeling better?" He places a hand on your face and rubs your cheek as you wiggle closer to him and bury your face back into the crook of his neck.

 

"Yeah. Thanks."

 

You sit silently for a while.

 

"Lucille said I have no right to call Impact my son."

 

"pft. he's practically more yours than mine." He nuzzles you. "he's _our_ son. if it didn't hurt so much i'd have more."

 

"Did you want more?"

 

"ehh. always thought six was a good number."

 

"Oh my goodness."

 

"yeah 's not happening though. heh heh." He gropes your hips.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (We know you haven't gotten smut in a while. You'll get some in the next chapter, we promise.)


	79. RUFF Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh hell no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Baby Impact fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/146427662994/impact-fanart-by-filledepluie) by filledepluie.

 

 

You're hard at work at your desk one afternoon when you hear it. There's definitely movement coming from Impact's room. Is he skipping school?

 

"Impact?" You knock on his locked door only to hear the movement get faster and louder.

 

You jump back when you hear something scraping the door.

 

"Papyrus!"

 

"YES?"

 

"I think Impact's hiding something in his room! Do you have a key?"

 

"I BELIEVE I DO SOMEWHERE… BUT I HAVEN'T USED IT IN YEARS. GIVE ME A MOMENT."

 

He unlocks the door minutes later and a small white dog jumps out onto you and starts wagging its bent tail. It has what looks like an ugly burn scar on its entire back and is clearly trying to bark. Is it mute? Impact was explicitly told he was not ready to have a dog. This is pure defiance.

 

"Oh hell no."

 

 

\--

 

 

You intercept Impact the second he gets home from school.

 

"Hey Mama, uncle Pappy-- Oh."

 

He's noticed the dog in your arms.

 

"Oh. Um. Looks like you uh, found Hyphen, huh?"

 

"IMPACT, WE STATED THAT YOU ARE NOT TO HAVE A DOG." Papyrus is gently assertive.

 

"Yeah but uncle Pappy they were gonna euth'nize him! No one wanted him!"

 

"So you adopted him behind our backs?"

 

"Mama _please_!" He immediately starts crying. "Look at him, he's so sweet n' nice n' perfect a-and no-no-no one wanted him because his back's all sca-arred!" He's bawling like an infant.

 

Oh no, your heart.

 

"Impact, we understand that but it's the principle. You deliberately went behind our backs and did something we explicitly requested you not to. Why didn't you ask us?"

 

"I-I was sacred you's say no n' he'd be killed n' it'd be my fault."

 

"How would it be your fault?"

 

"I-I c-could have saved him?" He wipes his eyes on his sleeve.

 

You put your face in your hand. Fucking hell.

 

"IMPACT, WE ARE VERY DISAPPOINTED."

 

"Mama!" He looks at you desperately.

 

"I'll talk to your dad about it. What did you say his name was?"

 

"They called him 'Gnarly' at the shelter 'cause his back's all burned n' his tail's busted. Thought I'd give him a nice name so I called him Hyphen."

 

Skeletons and type.

 

"I don't even know what to do with you, Impact. It was noble of you but deliberately disobeying your parents is not okay."

 

You put the dog down and it runs to Impact who picks it up and cradles it in his arms. Hyphen starts licking his face.

 

Breathe deeply.

 

 

\--

 

 

"absolutely not."

 

"Dad, _please!_ " Impact's holding the dog and it's gnawing on his arm playfully.

 

"what did we say about dogs?"

 

"No dogs." He hugs the dog tightly.

 

"i understand the situation but we're taking the dog to a no-kill shelter and that's that. you can't keep him."

 

"Dad, I'll work twice as hard at math."

 

"you already do your best at math."

 

"I'll-- I'll do anything!"

 

"we're already gonna pay to put the dog up for adoption."

 

Impact withdraws to his room and slams the door.

 

"oh that little sass-master--" Sans groans in exasperation.

 

"Are you okay?" You slide behind him and gently rub his shoulders.

 

"i will be."

 

"Is there something I can do?"

 

He ponders for a moment before smirking.

 

"you can wait for me in bed with nothing but that old necklace and those new blue toe socks."

 

"Really?"

 

"i'm very serious."

 

 

\--

 

 

You wait patiently as Sans has a talk with Impact about the dog. It goes in the morning. You hear quiet sobbing after Sans closes the door to his room and makes his way to yours.

 

"that was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do."

 

He flops on the bed face first and kicks his slippers across the room.

 

"You okay?"

 

"yeah." Maybe your bond's strengthened over time. You can definitely feel his soul. It's screaming at you. He's not okay.

 

You slowly wrap an arm around him.

 

"You sure you're not a plumber?"

 

"huh?"

 

"Because you look _drained_."

 

"…"

 

"heh. heh-ha. hahahahaha. oh man, i love you so much."

 

"And I'm naked."

 

"that too. you're like my own personal garden. makes me think i love you _mower_ that yesterday but not as _mulch_ as tomorrow."

 

"Sans, you can do better."

 

"i'm tired."

 

"I'm going to mock your puns."

 

"i'll _pun_ t you out the window."

 

"Nooo get off me!"

 

"never. look at you. you're dressed up all nice just for me."

 

"I'm not wearing anything but socks."

 

"and a necklace." He fiddles with the chain and slowly moves his face next to yours. He whispers a soft, "i don't know what i'd do without you," in your ear and you can feel the magic roaring inside of him.

 

It's taken years to tune yourself to this but it's the most satisfying feeling in the world. You wonder if he could feel your soul all the time the way you could only feel his when you're alone or he's particularly emotional. Your heart feels heavy yet flutters in response to his emotions. You want nothing more than to fuse your thoughts and emotions when you feel him this strongly. It's like he's calling you through the tight knot in your chest.

 

"hungry?"

 

"What?"

 

"i felt that." He winks. "you want me inside you."

 

He slides two fingers in your mouth as he darkens a faded mark on your neck. You can't help but start sucking. Yeah, so maybe you do want to confront his soul with yours. Maybe he needs it right now. Maybe you need it right now. Maybe you need it _because_ he needs it right now. All these years and it's still a mystery. All you know is that sometimes you need it. Sometimes he needs it. It's so emotionally draining but you can't help it. Your mind is wandering and you didn't even notice him move his face between your legs. He gently nibbles on your inner thigh.

 

"just say the word."

 

"Please."

 

"mm. good girl."

 

He gently runs his tongue over your folds. Why is it so much wetter than a human's? You're throbbing for him and have have to focus on not trusting into his face too hard.

 

"what did i ever do to deserve this? you're so squishy. it's the best." Well, relative to a skeleton.

 

You chuckle and rub the top of his skull.

 

"Don't know, treat me right?"

 

"i can't even deal with how much i love you." He sounds… hungry? You love it when he's like this.

 

You feel his soul is screaming for you, calling, coaxing.

 

"I can feel it."

 

"hm?"

 

"Your soul."

 

"good."

 

"Good?"

 

"yes. good." He doesn't say anything else and you squirm silently as he languidly runs his tongue over you. You'd think the romance would have died after a few years but, oddly enough, the longer you stay together, the more attached you feel. It's so strange to feel the tug at your heartstrings when you're separated for too long or when he's unsettled.

 

You push him off.

 

"Sans, I can feel how upset you are."

 

He sighs.

 

"no shit i'm upset. i just had to shatter our son's metaphorical heart to assert our authority as parents. i don't want him to get rid of that dog. did you see how much they love each other? can we just fuck so i can feel better?" Well that was honest.

 

"Hey, come here. Lie down."

 

He complies begrudgingly as you strip him, grab a scarf and place it over his eye sockets.

 

"I think you need to wind down a bit."

 

He exhales a weak, "fine," and you slip another scarf through his arms. That's so much more effective than tying it around his wrists.

 

"Let me take care of you this time."

 

You feel a tug in your chest and gently kiss a clavicle after reaching for the lube.

 

"you know i hate being tied up. that's your job."

 

"It's not a power thing. It's a reminder that you're taking a break tonight."

 

"well… i do love doing absolutely nothing." His voice pitches upward as you slide your hand up the inside of his ribcage and brush your fingertips under his sternum. That's a tricky place for him to reach by himself and you're going to take full advantage of it.

 

Although you want to take good care of him it's really hard to ignore your own needs. You can't help but slide a hand to your sex and start pleasuring yourself as you work a now growling Sans up. He's positively writhing under you and you're going to make sure he forgets about all his problems tonight. He's probably getting too loud.

 

"Sans, I'll need you to be quiet, okay."

 

"n-nah you know i try."

 

"Try harder."

 

You remove your soaked fingers from yourself and gently pinch his pubic symphysis with them. His gasp is almost a scream as you rub him and he bends his knees to draw his feet toward him.

 

"Shh. I'll have to quiet you." You bend over and give him a kiss, snaking your tongue against his and taking a moment to wipe a bit of drool off his jaw before running your fingers over every individual rib, teasing him.

 

He groans hungrily in an indirect beg for more. He's close and trembling under you, desperate. Normally he's in charge but you think you'll prolong the experience tonight. You ease up on the pressure to a light touch, practically ghosting over him. He can't speak with your tongue in his mouth. His wet. Fucking. Mouth. You remove yourself and stick your fingers inside it. He can surely taste your sex on them. He looks completely intoxicated as he sucks. You feel the tug at your heart. It almost hurts. He wants more. You ease yourself up and gently sit on his face, allowing him to have a better taste as you absentmindedly rub your fingers over his ribs.

 

"Shit that feels so nice, Sans."

 

"mhm."

 

"Keep going and you can have more."

 

"mhm." That one sounded more like a plea.

 

He runs his tongue over and inside you until you're trembling and sweaty. You gently pant his name as you grind into his face. He's loving every bit of this. He's blindfolded and under you but still reducing you to a whiny trembling mess. You can feel him smirking as you climax. He's not stopping there. You grip him for dear life as you ride his face into a second orgasm and then a third. You can feel a patchy heat on your face and chest as you tremble back over his ribcage in a weak attempt to reciprocate after he's completely destroyed you. You can hear him chuckling through the moans. He's so damn proud of himself every time. You're not even going to wipe your juices off his face as you run your tongue over him and work him up. You can taste his sweat. It's milder than human sweat. Less salty. You nibble on his ribs as another hand slowly makes its way down his spine, feeling every vertebra and ending in his pelvis. Your other makes its way back up his ribcage, moving in sync with your tongue on the surface andyou let him edge once more before stopping. You feel an almost painful tug in your chest as you let him calm down.

 

He pants pleas as you gently rake your fingers along the inside of his ribcage. He thrusts his chest up at you imploringly. Maybe you'll show some mercy since he's been so good about this. You increase the pressure and speed slightly. He starts squirming again. He's dripping in sweat and writhing desperately, moaning and rumbling lecherously. You bring both hands to either side of his sternum and rub gently with your palms.

 

He's practically crying in desperation to come.

 

"please. please. just a bit more. don't stop. please, ______, i love you so much. don't you fucking stop. please."

 

You let him. He trembles in earth-shattering orgasm after the denial and his entire body seizes up. You allow him one more as he squeals a little too loudly and the entire house probably hears. Fuck it, Sans deserved that. You place a gentle kiss on his cheek and remove the scarf from his eyes, use it to wipe his face, and toss it in the laundry hamper. He grabs you in a hug when you remove the one holding his arms together and you sit there basking in each other's afterglow for a while before you press your chest to his.

 

It definitely didn't go away. The weight in your chest is still there.

 

He's still calling you, needing a very different form of comfort. You lie on your sides and tighten your arms around each other as you let him do his thing. The whiteness of his soul engulfs you as you unite and feel the weight in your chest increase.

 

 

 

You feel a million thoughts, emotions, and memories flood the essence of your being but the strongest feeling tonight is definitely just

 

 

i j u s t w a n t e v e r y o n e t o b e h a p p y.

 

**it hurts.**

 

 

You both emerge feeling more whole than you've felt all night and wipe the tears from your faces.

 

"Maybe we should just let Impact keep the dog."

 

Sans lies in silence for a while and you stroke him. The metal of your necklace feels cold against your skin after confronting Sans' soul. You take it off and pull the blanket over the two of you.

 

More silence.

 

"Sans, I know you want to let him keep the dog."

 

"ugh," he's so reluctant. "fine but he's grounded."

 

You feel the tightness dissipate as you fall asleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like he's staying.
> 
> also: 
> 
>  
> 
> art by [BitterSweetDeath](http://bittersweetdeath.tumblr.com)


	80. DREAD-ing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Til death or record high divorce rates do you part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adorable [marshmallow roasting fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/146799918459/adorable-sans-and-impact-camping-fanart-we-got) from @Ally_the_Gamer on twitter! <3

 

Impact cried when you said he could keep Hyphen. He gets up at 6AM every morning to walk him and plays with him every day after school. He's actually an amazing dog owner and stopped spending his allowance on anything because he wants to be able to afford vet bills. How did this kid end up being so responsible? He brings the dog everywhere he goes unless dogs aren't allowed. He begged Toriel to let him take Hyphen to school one movie night, to which she had to chuckle a firm no even though he buttered her up with puns. She told him to stop _dog_ ging her.

 

He'll be done school in a couple of years and he's gotten so big that you're glad he has a tiny lapdog with him all the time. It makes him look far less intimidating. He even carries a little bottle of sunscreen to apply on Hyphen's back since he's so scarred. He got him a collar that looks like a bow tie for Christmas that he wears for special occasions and makes him wear little sweaters in the winter so he doesn't lose too much heat off his back. It helps with his popularity since it covers up most of the scarring and people don't act disgusted when they see him. The two are inseparable, sleeping and spending every waking moment they can together. Hyphen gets stressed when Impact has to go to school and had to snuggle into your or Papyrus' lap for comfort. Impact's completely spoiled him but you have to admit that he's the most precious fluffy baby and don't mind his company as you work.

 

Impact's new favourite thing to do is draw pun images. He'll draw something like a heart with handcuffs captioned, "cardiac arrest," or a gopher eating food captioned, "I could gopher a snack." Sans archives every single one of these drawings like they're his most precious treasures. Impact really is Sans' son despite how much of a mama's boy he can be. Papyrus pretends to hate Impact's new hobby but you've caught him chuckling at his drawings. Papyrus taught him to paint and is visibly proud when he finds Impact's drawings despite their pun accompaniments.

 

 

\--

 

 

Frisk is getting married this summer.

 

They've finally decided to settle down with the girl of their dreams. Everyone's really excited for the wedding, mostly because Frisk wanted a human ceremony.

 

You and Papyrus are helping with the preparations at Toriel's one Saturday morning. Sans is "helping" by snoozing on a pile of fabric as you assemble centrepieces.

 

"Hey Tori, can I ask why Frisk didn't want a monster wedding? They were raised by you after all."

 

"Oh, humans cannot have a monster wedding."

 

"Are they different?" She's piqued your curiosity.

 

Papyrus comes back from the kitchen with some of Toriel's pastries.

 

"Oh yes. The couple's pair-bonding is evaluated by the officiant."

 

"OH, ARE YOU EXPLAINING MONSTER WEDDINGS?"

 

"Yeah, she is." You excitedly shush Papyrus. "Wait, so it's a test?"

 

"Not exactly. The couple is kept apart for a week and the two are only allowed to see each other at the wedding to gauge their bond. They are allowed to meet privately for a soul confrontation as part of the ceremony. Rather lewd, I know."

 

Papyrus snickers and you elbow him, causing him to get powdered sugar on his jeans.

 

"I'VE BEEN TO MY FAIR SHARE OF WEDDINGS… AND I CAN TELL YOU THAT THIS PART IS ALWAYS INTERESTING." Papyrus titters as he dusts himself off and elbows you back.

 

"Oh yes. I have seen it go wrong-- couples not being ready. Well, anyway, the couple emerges and a pair of thick flower crowns joined by a satin ribbon is placed on their heads if they're deemed to have a strong enough partnership. Most flowers were really hard to come by when we were trapped underground so we reserved them for food or special occasions. The crowns are lowered over your eyes-- if you have eyes, and you walk through the crowd blinded, relying only on the trust of your partner as the attendants shower you with blessings and magic. The couple walks blindly to the feast area. It is not exactly the same as a human reception.

 

"Sounds pretty similar."

 

"LET HER FINISH." Papyrus is excited for you to hear.

 

"The newlyweds sit together and remove their crowns at the centre of where the banquet will be then brew a tea with them and serve it to the guests."

 

"Sounds complicated."

 

"Much like human rituals, a lot of the events have a rich history and meaning. I, on the other hand, would like to know the human history of garter tossing."

 

"OH, OH, I READ ABOUT THAT. NYEH HEH HEH. IT'S A SORT OF… DEFLOWERING." You steal Papyrus' pastry while he snickers uncontrollably.

 

Toriel giggles. Papyrus doesn't have the whole story.

 

 

\--

 

 

Frisk's wedding will be very traditional and held in the botanical gardens so you've bought a light summer dress and had Papyrus tailor it for you. Everyone else in the family is renting a tux.

 

Sans is griping because he's never had to tie a tie before.

 

"You want some help with that?" You chuckle as he exits the fitting room.

 

"i hate this."

 

"C'mere." You tie his bow tie.

 

"why would anyone wear something so complicated?"

 

"Oh shush."

 

"look at this nonsense." He grabs the edge of the cummerbund. It's not sitting well on him. "what the hell is this?"

 

"To be fair, it's meant for someone with an actual waist."

 

"i'm a skeleton."

 

"Here just," you tug it down slightly, "rest it lower on your pelvis or something."

 

"i feel stupid."

 

"Aw come on, you look really good now, I promise." You give his bow tie a final tug and place a kiss on his cheek.

 

He does look really cute. It makes you want to jump his bones.

 

"can i not wear the jacket?" He sounds unconvinced.

 

"Take it off when you get there. Look, come here." You drag him in front of the mirror so he can get a better look. "See? You look very handsome."

 

"it feels like a costume," he fusses with the cummerbund some more, "and i hate this thing."

 

"Then pretend it's a costume. Nothing wrong with ditching the sash and only wearing a waistcoat. Let's grab a vest and check on Paps and Impact."

 

Papyrus is teaching Impact how to tie his bow tie. Paps opted for a red paisley set himself. Of course he'd choose something fancy. Impact's managing to coordinate his entire tux around his striped accessories despite his options being limited since he needs stripes. These boys. They excitedly help Sans find a more vest-centric ensemble. Impact's the only one out of the three that gets a cummerbund and no waistcoat. Your son is so darn cute. You want to squish him all the time. Too bad he doesn't squish.

 

 

\--

 

 

The wedding itself is beautiful. The air is filled with the smell of flora and you get [a family photo](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/146799816644/family-photo-from-the-event) taken upon arrival. It isn't too hot and everyone's having a great time feasting and dancing. Alphys and Undyne flew in for it. Sans has been in a bad mood all day. He's smiling but you can feel that secondhand weight in your chest. You find a moment when you're alone at your table.

 

"You okay?"

 

"peachy."

 

"Let me rephrase that: Why aren't you okay?"

 

"eh. i don't get human weddings at all. frisk's gone through what, four mates now?"

 

"Humans have different standards that vary from culture to culture, you know. Having only had four partners isn't bad."

 

"how do you even trust each other?"

 

"It's called 'trust' for a reason. You want to dance?" You figure it'll cheer him up.

 

He laughs.

 

"Awe, come on." You top off his glass.

 

"you can _not_ get me drunk enough to dance."

 

"Is that a challenge?"

 

 

\--

 

 

"Mama, I think dad should go home." Impact appears with Hyphen in his arms. He's wearing his little bow tie collar reserved for special occasions and has been quite popular among the guests.

 

"Naw, let him be. Maybe he'll finally dance with me."

 

"I'll dance with you."

 

"don't you dance with her."

 

"I'm going to dance with Impact."

 

"noooo. stay heeeeere."

 

"_____, IS SANS DRUNK?" Papyrus appears looking concerned.

 

"I might have gotten him drunk."

 

"WHY… WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

 

"I wanted him to dance."

 

"you're a terrible person. i haaaaate youuuu." Sans wraps his arms around you and leans his face in your neck. Aaaand there's the tongue.

 

"You know, Sans, I'm pretty sure that's a worse PDA than dancing."

 

"ssssshhhh. shush. don't talk." He takes a bite. You can feel the colour rising in your face and are grateful for the dim lanterns.

 

"Mama, does being drunk hurt? You've never let me have more than a glass of wine." Impact sounds concerned but looks very fascinated as he hands Hyphen to Papyrus so he can pry Sans off you.

 

"Being drunk doesn't hurt, baby."

 

"EXCEPT FOR FEELING TERRIBLE ALL DAY IF YOU'RE A SKELETON." Papyrus is trying to draw Impact away.

 

"impact you can have more alcohol 'f you want. you're old enough."

 

You give Sans a death glare. He is _not_ the age of majority.

 

"N-no thanks dad."

 

You gently pet Sans. "I think you have had a little too much."

 

"yeah but weddings are haaaappy. you gotta celebrate n' stuff."

 

"You're slurring your speech worse than Impact."

 

"dontchu make fun of our son's cluttering." He reaches for a boob.

 

"Oh my goodness Sans, cut it out!"

 

Impact pulls him off you again chuckling.

 

"nooooo. she's so warm n' soft. c'mere."

 

"Okay you're a mess. We're going home." You're only half-joking.

 

"fiiiine i'll dance but you gotta do a slow song or i'll step on your feet."

 

You sit there with the dog on your lap as Impact and Papyrus go dance together to an upbeat song. He loves being pet on the bald parts of his back. Sans starts drunkenly playing with Hyphen's jowls.

 

"i'm glad we kept this dog."

 

"What am I going to do with you?"

 

"this is yoooour fault, you know. you're th'one who kept pouring me drinks."

 

"Sorry. You were grumpy."

 

"no i'm sorry. i'm happy for frisk. i'm just… i don't know. resentful? am i bad person?"

 

"You're a drunk person. I get it. Human relationships freak you out." There's the chest throb. "Oh, right on the mark there?"

 

"yeah."

 

"Slow song's on and you promised a dance."

 

"fine but youuuu owe me." He slurs at you as he puts the dog in the grass. "i want. this human. up in my ribs."

 

"Maybe after you dance with me," you tease. "You can cuddle me on a hilltop in a public park but not dance at a private wedding?"

 

"yeah i… i uh. i don't know."

 

"It's okay. You're allowed to be nervous."

 

You raise yourselves and slowly walk to the dance floor.

 

"Here just move around to the music. It's not like you don't have any rhythm."

 

"it's fine. i'm fine."

 

He doesn't seem to be lying. It takes about a minute for him to relax but everything after that seems completely natural. His hand dips from the middle to the small of your back and he loosens up. Another song comes on and you don't stop. Another. Sans pulls you close and buries his face in your shoulder. You never want another fast song to come on. You lose yourself in the moment. It's just you and Sans in the world moving slowly in time to the music. No one to look or care or judge--

 

"Hey _____! Sans!" Frisk's call from across the garden startles you back to reality.

 

You look frantically in their direction as you feel Sans seize up.

 

"Sans! You should kiss her!" Frisk sounds excited.

 

The crowd hoots and hollers. You can feel yourself growing hot.

 

He looks around frantically in his drunken stupor as the wedding guests start chanting, "Kiss! Kiss!"

 

"sh-should we?"

 

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

 

"They clearly approve."

 

His eyes are half lidded and there's some colour on his face as he moves in. You see a camera flash through your closed eyes. Fuck it, you're with family and friends. Everyone cheers.

 

 

This is right.

 

 


	81. Lake-SNIDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vacation

 

Lucille's been keeping a close watch on Impact. Apparently her brat daughter's been provoking him with her two friends though Jerry's kid and the cricket monster, Missy, seem to be holding back more than usual. You're glad Toriel's on your side in the matter. She's had to have supervising teachers keep a close watch on them. Impact's been very good about not fighting back physically but he's been standing his ground. She's been extremely antagonistic and you're glad that her kid's graduating next year. It means only having to deal with Lucille being on the parent council for another year. Good riddance.

 

 

\--

 

 

Undyne and Alphys are back so the whole gang's rented a lakeside cottage for the week. Impact's discovered how fun it is to lie underwater in the lake.

 

"SANS, SHOULD WE… TELL HIM NOT TO DO THAT FOR TOO LONG?" Papyrus sounds so worried.

 

"nah, he'll learn." Sans is chuckling as you both watch the dog freak out and doggy paddle around where Impact's lying underwater.

 

"Wait, I thought you guys could breathe underwater because you don't have lungs or whatever."

 

"YES. THAT'S THE PROBLEM."

 

"the oxygen content's a lot higher in water than air.he'll come out," snicker, "super high."

 

"Oh my goodness, why would you allow that?! Also, isn't it a _lack_ of oxygen that gets people high?" You get up but he grabs your wrist.

 

"humans and monsters don't react the same way. doesn't last long and it'll teach him a lesson."

 

"No, my baby. Papyrus?"

 

"NYEH HEH HEH."

 

"For real?"

 

"I FELL IN A POOL ONCE AND CAME OUT THINKING I COULD DO FIRE MAGIC."

 

"oh man bro, that was hilarious."

 

"NYEH HEH HEH."

 

Undyne dashes to you guys.

 

"HEY PUNKS! You going to actually do anything today or what?!" She flashes a menacing grin, clearly wanting to go hiking.

 

"Undyne, they want Impact to stay underwater until he learns not to."

 

"Yeah so?"

 

"What the hell, guys?"

 

"Nah, just let him. Kid's my best student. Fufufufufufu!"

 

"You teach gym, Undyne."

 

"So I'll know a thing or two about his stamina. You want to come hiking, punk? Alphys is exhausted."

 

You look over to Alphys who's sprawled on a large rock, asleep after swimming in the lake.

 

"Can we swim instead?"

 

"Fine."

 

You play in the water with Undyne and Toriel as Hyphen continues to be stressed about Impact. Too bad Frisk isn't here. They're on their honeymoon right now. Toriel looks elegant in her sarong and sun hat. Papyrus built an elaborate sand maze and is making a muskrat he trapped scurry through it. He starts griping about it not being very good at solving puzzles when it gets lost.

 

Impact finally sits up and then flops backward into the water again. He takes a moment before staggering toward Sans. Of course the dog waits until he's right next to Sans before shaking all the water out of his coat. You leave the gang to check on him. He looks completely ill.

 

"Baby, you're high as a kite."

 

"tha's fine mama," snicker, "I uh, needed to uh… I don't even know. Was g'na make a joke but uh, I'm'na lie down for a bit." He slumps onto his beach towel and Hyphen spins a couple of times before affectionately curling up against him. These two are too precious.

 

"enjoy your nap then. meet you at _high_ tide." Sans gets up to finally join you.

 

Impact takes a moment to process the pun before giggling and responding, "… _shore_ , dad."

 

They both cackle and high five.

 

"Hahaha. You guys _high_ -fived."

 

Impact laughs until he passes out.

 

"We're terrible people."

 

"he'll be good in half an hour. it doesn't hurt or anything. trust me. you think i'd let my son do something damaging?"

 

"Fair but--"

 

"c'mon. i'll let you bury me in the sand."

 

"You'll just fall asleep cause it's warm."

 

"that's the idea." He makes the most blissful expression at the thought.

 

 

\--

 

Time to go up for dinner. Everyone starts packing up their stuff from the lakeshore. Sans is motioning something to Papyrus.

 

"What was that?"

 

"huh? oh, i was telling him to double check that impact was fine."

 

"What from here?"

 

"yeah, i just sign it."

 

"Wait, I'm sorry, how long have been together for now?"

 

"is that… a test?" He suddenly looks really nervous.

 

"No silly. I just had no idea you knew sign language."

 

"oh that? yeah, of course. don't use it much but it does come in pretty _hand_ -y."

 

"Sans."

 

That shit-eating grin.

 

 

\--

 

 

Table tennis against Undyne was a terrible idea. The only thing scarier than playing against her is watching Papyrus or Impact play against her. You decide to escape after dinner and join Sans and Toriel in the hot tub.

 

"--and I did not think they were capable of it." Toriel has a concerned look on her face.

 

"What's up?"

 

"tori's been keeping an eye on impact at school."

 

"Oh?"

 

Toriel's blunt. "It seems as though Lucille has no influence on her daughter's bullying."

 

"You don't say."

 

You slide in and Sans slides in the space between your legs and sinks into you.

 

"yep. seems the kid just hates impact."

 

"She also seems to do anything that will get her into trouble. She really dislikes her mother. Poor child." Toriel shrugs. You catch a whiff of chlorine mixed with the scent of wet goat and it's strangely not unpleasant. Sweet if anything.

 

"You think she's jealous of Impact?" You're almost more focused on the jets running through Sans than the conversation. It's really distracting.

 

"I cannot be sure, child--"

 

"Mama, c'n I eat in the hot tub?" Impact appears eating sour cream straight from the tub.

 

"not unless you wanna turn it into a _not_ tub." Sans winks.

 

Impact laughs, misses his mouth with his spoon, and has to take a moment to wipe his face covered in sour cream.

 

"Dad, oh my goodness."

 

"like that huh?" Sans grin widens.

 

"It was uh, pretty good but I'm just _wading_ for the chance to make a comeback."

 

You can't help but utter an, "ooooooh!"

 

"heh. think you can out-pun your old man? _jets_ go."

 

"dunno daaaad, my puns're uh, pretty strong. I do _pool-_ ups every day." He drops his food and practically jumps into the hot tub.

 

Toriel's laughing harder than you are.

 

"sure about that? maybe i'm just _bathing_ my trap."

 

"Boo dad. That was bad. _Water_ you thinking?"

 

Toriel snorts.

 

"that i'll own you so hard you'll go running _foam_ whence you came?"

 

"Pft nobody says own 'nymore, dad. Tha's such an old people saying"

 

"wh-what? really?" Sans seems genuinely surprised.

 

"Pft yeah?"

 

"My my. Get with the times, Sans." Toriel chortles.

 

"r-really?" He actually looks embarrassed.

 

"IS EVERYTHING GOING WELL OVER HERE? Papyrus sticks his head out the cabin door before emerging in swim trunks and joining in. Hyphen darts out between his legs and barks silently as he starts pawing at the water, too scared to jump in.

 

"We're doin' fine, uncle Pappy. You missed me destroy dad in a pun-off." Impact ruffles Hyphen's fur with a wet hand. Hyphen sneezes in contempt.

 

" 'scuse me, i didn't lose. you went off topic." He does look proud of Impact though.

 

"Oh yes, Sans used outdated slang and got called out." Toriel is giggling.

 

"OH WELL FORGIVE ME FOR MISSING OUT ON YOUR SUB-PAR HUMOUR. THAT WAS SARCASM BY THE WAY. NYEH HEH HEH."

 

"Yes Papyrus, we get it." You reassure him as he slides next to you and Sans.

 

Huh.

 

You run a hand over each of their arms. Huh, Sans' seems more porous. Strange that you've only noticed it now.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Mama c'we talk?"

 

"What's up?"

 

"D'you care what I do when I grow up?"

 

"Well, I definitely want the best for you. Why?"

 

"I wanted to be a vet for years but I, um… don't really think I've got what it takes… buuut… I uh, I w-was thinkin' of op'ning a dog shelter. Th-the kind that, um, d-doesn't kill the dogs." He's so nervous. He's not making eye contact.

 

"That's wonderful."

 

"Wh-what? Really?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"You're not… disappointed?" He sounds almost scared to speak.

 

"What? Of course not! That's a very noble job and it's something you'll love doing. Why would you think it would disappoint me?"

 

"I dunno… a vet's like doctor and stuff… and the only reason I don't wanna's 'cause I hate math."

 

"Yeah but you'll be doing something you love. You're really passionate about dogs, Impact."

 

"Yeah…"

 

"You know, when you were a baby I asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up. Do you remember what you told me?"

 

"No, what?"

 

"You said you wanted to be a dog!"

 

He bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

 

"No waaaay! I refuse," gasp, "to believe it!" He's howling and wiping tears from his eyes.

 

"Why would I make that up?" You can't help but join him in laughter.

 

The two of you sit there laughing until you can't any more. It's not even that funny but Impact's laughter is contagious.

 

 

\--

 

 

Of the many rooms in the cabin, you and Sans probably have the coziest setup. You've pushed the two twin-sized beds together. The divider's annoying so you've somehow ended up squeezing into a single bed together. It's not so bad except that sleeping on top of a skeleton feels like sleeping on a pile of branches.

 

"Sans?"

 

"mmm?"

 

"Your bones feel more porous than they used to. What gives?"

 

"oh that? heh. i'm aging. it's 'cause i have a kid."

 

"Wait, what?"

 

"impact grows as i age. i age as impact grows. 's how my uh, _type_ of monster works. papyrus looks the same as he did twenty years ago 'cause he doesn't have a kid to channel his soul into."

 

"So he won't age?"

 

"not unless he has a kid. monsters' bodies are attuned to their souls."

 

"Wait, neither will Tori or Asgore then?"

 

"nope."

 

"That so… weird and cool."

 

His grin widens before he starts darkening a mark on your neck.

 

"i think i've seen this outfit on sale somewhere." His eye turns blue and he moves his hand in a downward swipe, causing your pants to drop to your ankles. "yep, looks about 50% off."

 

"Sans, don't you dare. Alphys and Undyne are in the next room."

 

"pft. it'd be the highlight of al's life."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nosebleed of the century as Undyne sits there, mortified.
> 
> EDIT:  
> [this](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/146970851244/so-a-boss-monster-ages-if-they-have-a-kid-but-can) is extremely relevant


	82. CRUSH-er

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's just a phase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: potential trigger for lgbtq&c parental rejection

 

 

Impact approaches as you read in the living room.

 

"Mama c'n I sleep 'n your bed?"

 

"Impact, you're old enough to sleep in your own bed."

 

"Pleeeeeeease?"

 

You laugh. "You're the size of two people. How would we all fit?"

 

"I miss sleeping with you!" He lifts you off the ground causing you to drop your book and lose your page. "You're so squishy! 's not fair!" He's crushing you and groping your stomach. Hyphen starts circling the two of you while mutely barking.

 

"Ahh! Baby no! You're tickling me!" You gasp as you laugh. "Sans! Help!"

 

"hmm?"Sans peeks in.

 

"Dad! Mama says I can't sleep with you 'ny more!" He's still tickling you.

 

" _Sans_!" You squeal. His grip's relentless. Fighting's useless.

 

"put your mom down before she suffocates," he laughs.

 

"Humans don't lemme touch 'em!" He places you in a sitting position on the couch and you need a moment to compose yourself as he joins you. Hyphen jumps on his lap, clearly jealous that you were getting more attention.

 

"Well you're not supposed to touch random strangers."

 

"maybe it's 'cause you're so cool. they're intimidated."

 

He looks down at himself.

 

"Naw I don't think so!" He leans over, flattening you. "Mama!! Wha' do I dooooo?!" Here comes the vice grip hug. He pushes the dog off and pulls you onto him. He can hold you like a child.

 

"I don't know what to say, baby."

 

"What did dad do?"

 

"I met uncle Pappy before I met your dad."

 

"What did uncle Pappy do!?" He flops over onto the couch in a quasi-spoon with his arms compressing you. Hyphen hops up and awkwardly balances himself on your hips and butt, nails digging into you.

 

"how do you all manage to fit on the couch like that?" Sans is laughing.

 

"He approached me in the park when I was eating. I _was_ pretty scared," you offer.

 

"oh?" Sans raises an eyebrow. News to him.

 

"Yeah but he's uncle Pappy so it was easy to pick up on what a sweetheart he is."

 

"why do you want to touch humans so badly anyway?" Sans walks over and sits in front of the couch.

 

"I don't wanna touch humans! I wanna squish _one_ human!"

 

"Wait, what?"

 

"yeah. what?"

 

"I've a cruuuush on, um, this girl who has a big Rottweiler… um, at the dog park… I dunno how to talk to her!" He drops you on the floor as he covers his face.

 

"who's this girl?"

 

"Does she talk to you?"

 

"Y-yeaaah but…! I dunno what to say! I get flustered. She's really squishy-looking n' she has black hair n' she's smart and-- and she tells me dog stories n' I just get flustered! " He picks you back up and squeezes you a little too hard. You yelp.

 

"Sorry mama!"

 

"Baby why don't you just be yourself?"

 

"B-because I'm big n' scary n' loud?! " 

 

Well, he's right about the big and loud parts. Maybe his enormous fangs don't help.

 

"She talks to you almost every day?"

 

"Y-yeah?!"

 

"She probably already likes you."

 

"D-d'you think… she'd go on a date with me?"

 

Sans is shaking. His eyes are blank. "you're not dating a human." Blunt.

 

"What?! Dad, that makes you the biggest hypocrite ever!"

 

"i won't allow it."

 

"Sans, can we talk?" He's always let Impact do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

 

"we'll talk later. impact, i absolutely forbid it."

 

"What?! No!" Impact's so upset he's shaking.

 

"papyrus!"

 

"YES?" Papyrus comes over.

 

"impact wants to date a human."

 

"NO?? UNACCEPTABLE??" Papyrus starts visibly sweating.

 

"What the hell?!" Impact's incredulous.

 

"Dad and uncle Pappy have their reasons, baby." You place a kiss on his cheek. "Monsters are soft too. What about Hyphen?"

 

"What about you, mama?! What do you say?!"

 

"…"

 

Shit.

 

"I wouldn't if I were you."

 

"Why?!"

 

Sans interjects, "because we said so. go to bed."

 

"Dad!"

 

"Baby, we'll talk about it another time. Is that okay?"

 

"No?!"

 

"PLEASE TRUST US ON THIS." Papyrus looks at a loss for words.

 

"Come on, Impact. We'll talk about it tomorrow."

 

"Promise?!"

 

"Promise."

 

 

\--

 

 

"fuck."

 

You two had to take a walk. He didn't want to be overheard.

 

 _"fuck!"_ His forehead's in his hand as he smokes a dog treat. "fuck, ______. what do we do? what if he bonds with her? what if he ends up like me?"

 

"He slept with us for years and he never bonded with me."

 

"yeah but he wasn't pubescent. babies can't pair-bond. parental bonding's different."

 

"You can't stop him from liking that girl, Sans."

 

"no but i can damn well make sure he doesn't date her."

 

You walk silently for a while.

 

"why can't he just crush on a monster?!"

 

"I'm surprised you're not concerned by the fact that he's crushing at all."

 

"you think i'm not?" His voice is trembling. He sounds like he's going to cry.

 

"We'll figure it out."

 

"why is he like this? is it because of us? is he rebelling? did we do something wrong?"

 

"Sans, what the fuck? You make it sound like there's something wrong with him."

 

"there _is_ something wrong with him!" He raises his voice slightly.

 

 _"There is nothing wrong with our son!"_ You stop walking.

 

"you want him to end up like this?" He motions to himself.

 

"I--"

 

"you want him to bond with a human?"

 

"I--"

 

"you want him to deal with heat?"

 

"No but we don't even know if--"

 

"you want him to _die_ before he's a century old?"

 

"No, I--"

 

"you know how _young_ that is for a monster?"

 

"Sans, I--"

 

"i w o n' t h a v e i t ." His eye sockets go black.

 

You haven't been scared of him in years but he looks deadly. You start to cry-- not out of your present fear but out of exasperation. You're both overwhelmed. He watches you, unsure if sudden movements will scare you after he raised his voice.

 

He hands you his dog treat and you sit on the curb as you pass it back and forth.

 

"i'm sorry." His voice is tender when it breaks the silence.

 

"What do you propose we do?"

 

"i… don't know."

 

He wraps you in a warm hug. You sit there for a while as you cry and he kisses you for comfort. You can feel his warm tongue snaking against yours and it helps though it shouldn't.

 

A woman emerges from her house to take out the recycling and screams disgustedly when she sees you. Neither of you even looks up or breaks your kiss as you flip her off.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless.
> 
>  
> 
> Note from Orange: Based on some shit I had to deal with when I came out. RIP


	83. CaNOODLES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you doing it on purpose?

 

 

 

You finally manage to build up Sans' courage and sit down with Impact for a proper talk. Hyphen jumps onto his lap and starts begging for attention as he does when Impact's distracted.

 

"so." Sans crosses his arms and legs. "we need to talk about your ladyfriend."

 

"Oh."

 

"Don't worry, baby." You try to reassure him.

 

"i don't even know where to start. ugh. okay. impact, you know about pair-bonding, right?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"you know monsters can bond with their mates at your age, right?"

 

"Yeah but um, I don't-- I don't need to worry 'bout that 'cause um, I'm a skel'ton n' stuff."

 

"Baby, do you know how long humans live?"

 

"I-I 'member askin' when I was young…"

 

"the average life expectancy of a human is eighty years." Sans sounds almost bitter.

 

"Wait, _what?!_ " He turns to you frantically. "Mama, how old are you, again?"

 

He's not very satisfied by your answer.

 

"W-what the hell? That's like-- I dunno, a pet?! I know humans don't live long n' stuff but that not even--"

 

Sans interrupts, "listen, impact, all i'm saying's i don't want you to bond with a human."

 

"Yeah but… skel'tons don't pair-bond n' mate n' stuff. We um, learned that at school."

 

Sans looks like he'd rather be dead than continue the conversation.

 

"well… here's the thing: i bonded to your mom here so it's not actually impossible."

 

"Are you… messin' with me?" He starts fidgeting with Hyphen's ears.

 

"Not in the slightest. Do you understand why we're so worried now?"

 

"So you're uh… both gonna um, die really young then?" His voice cracks and he swallows hard.

 

"that's the idea. we don't want that to happen to you."

 

"B-but how'd you even bond?!"

 

"We're not sure exactly how it happened. We can only guess."

 

"It's supposed to take long n' stuff. Th-they taught us, um, at school. Humans don't bond."

 

"yeah it's-- well-- i'm not really--"

 

"Dad's trying to say he's not really a normal case."

 

Sans looks really stressed.

 

"But it's poss'ble." Impact's back to focusing on Hyphen.

 

"And we don't want it to happen to you."

 

"So's that why you don't want me near Mira?"

 

"does the ladyfriend have a name now?"

 

"dad, for real."

 

"He's scared being around her will trigger pair-bonding. It might even give you sexual urges."

 

Sans starts visibly sweating despite his poker face when you mention the sex.

 

Impact looks up from the dog. "Okay but… I don't um, feel like that. I just r-really… like her? I'm not um, sexu'ly 'tracted to her or 'nything."

 

"You can be friends with her if she showers a lot and you don't sleep with her and stuff."

 

Sans snaps his head around and you receive the glare for hell.

 

"Can-- can I still squish her?"

 

"what do you mean 'still'?"

 

Impact suddenly becomes really interested in Hyphen again. It's adorable to see the colour rise in his face.

 

"N-never mind I um…"

 

Silence.

 

Long silence.

 

"Impact, you know we only want the best for you, right?"

 

"I-- I know."

 

"No more than the occasional squish."

 

 

\--

 

 

It's the middle of the night when the scraping of claws on the wood floor wakes you up. That's so strange; Hyphen usually sleeps like a baby in Impact's bed.

 

You tiptoe out after taking an eternity to pry yourself out of Sans' arms as he sleeps. Maybe the dog has to go out. You crack the bedroom door and see the problem. This kid's doing it on purpose, isn't he? Hyphen must have been uncomfortable on the bed because Impact's asleep with a girl in his arms. It didn't occur to him to lock the door? Well, you suppose there's no need if there's nothing sexual going on. You're glad you're the one who found them and not Sans or Papyrus.

 

"Psst. Hey." You shake her awake.

 

She stirs and takes a moment before looking absolutely mortified. She looks halfway to an anxiety attack when you calmly shush her and twist Impact off her.

 

You never thought you'd be getting to know Impact's girlfriend over tea at three in the morning but here you are. She's very bright. Impact has good taste. She introduces herself and gives you the whole story about how they met at the dog park and how she just got into university and is studying to be a vet. Good kid. Gorgeous too-- she has enormous brown eyes with heavy eyelids and long lashes. Her long brown hair is really shiny. She's fat and extremely petite. No wonder Impact was talking about squishing her. She definitely looks squishy and has this air of grace and elegance.

 

"Listen, Mira, I know I'm going to sound like a huge hypocrite but I don't think it's a good idea for you to be sleeping with Impact."

 

"Oh no! It's it's not like that at all! We were just sleeping together! I'm not, you know, _sleeping_ with him."

 

"I didn't think you were _sleeping_ sleeping with him. It's just that monsters can get… really attached."

 

"I'm aware that monsters have the ability to form pair-bonding attachments. I've also done a lot of research and found that it's absolutely safe for skeletons as they're not prone to bonding and don't have the same mating style as about eighty percent of monsters. Besides, there is no recoded pair-bonded skeleton or monster-human pair in history."

 

She really seems to know her stuff.

 

"Just because they're not recorded, that doesn't mean they don't exist. I can tell you that it's absolutely happened in this family. It's really taboo so no one's going to go out and announce it to the world. We're just concerned that it'll happen to our son."

 

She takes a moment to process everything.

 

"So are you and Impact's dad… pair-bonded? Is it one-way-- oh sorry, I didn't mean to pry. That was rude of me."

 

"It's alright. As I mentioned, it's happened in this family and we're concerned for--"

 

Impact bolts into the kitchen, "No wait, mama! I-I can explain!"

 

You both look up from the table and Impact realizes you're having a calm conversation. He takes a seat and Hyphen paws at him until he picks him up.

 

"We were just discussing the dangers of you dating a human." You try to be reassuring.

 

"Mama, I just-- just-- I dunno. Mira and I um, really like each other aaand, um, don't think it's a big deal to just hang out and cuddle and stuff."

 

"Impact, you never told me there was a risk." Mira looks more concerned than upset.

 

"It's um… practically impossible though." Impact starts to pet Hyphen very heavily.

 

"If your dad finds out about you two sleeping together he's going to flip."

 

"Dad doesn't have to know."

 

Mira gently elbows Impact for his attention. "I would rather not continue sneaking in and out to be honest."

 

"Has this been going on for long?" You can't believe this.

 

"M-maybe um, 'bout a month?"

 

"Impact."

 

"Mama, Mama, I can't promise."

 

"So what are your intentions?"

 

"D-don't ask that!" Impact's face turns ten shades brighter.

 

"Mira, you'll have to sleep on the sofa bed." You're starting to be grateful that you replaced the living room furniture recently. That old couch was lumpy as hell. "I'll pull it out and get you some bedding. We'll have a conversation with the rest of the family in the morning."

 

"Ma, you're not going to stop us from seeing each other!" Oh, there's a manner of expression Impact hasn't dared show his parents.

 

"You watch your tone with me, young man."

 

Mira's voice drops a bit, "I'm alright with sleeping on the couch."

 

 

\--

 

 

"what the fresh hell is this nonsense?"

 

Sans' outraged voice is the first thing you hear in the morning. Fine. You might as well get up.

 

Ah. There's the problem.

 

"Impact."

 

"What?Nobody said I couldn't also sleep on the sofa bed!"

 

"i don't know what i'm going to do with you." He turns to Mira, who's just woken up and is still being spooned by Impact. "who even are you?!"

 

She stammers a groggy introduction sounding a lot less comfortable than she was last night.

 

"breakfast."

 

Well, at least he's being hospitable.

 

Papyrus seems to have not even noticed with all the noise he's making from the kitchen this morning. You left all the tea stuff out and he's banging passive aggressively the way he does whenever he finds a mess. Fantastic. At least the house smells like eggs.

 

 

\--

 

 

Papyrus isn't as unhappy about Impact's guest as Sans is but he didn't find her being spooned by his son.

 

The same talk as last night though more awake and less comfortable. Sans cracks a few extra jokes to compensate for being nervous. Mira tries a lame pun in return and though it's not nearly on par with Sans', it does seem to gain his favour. She promises not to sleep over any more but Sans finally caves and tells her she's not entirely unwelcome around the house. She's actually very good at charming Papyrus. She works on the newspaper word-search with him after you all have your breakfast and chat. Impact's helping with the crossword. That went way better than you expected. You're glad it's over.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans is quite pleased with your petting him this evening.

 

"You were really good to our son this morning." You're cuddling on the couch with your hand up his shirt as you absentmindedly rub his spine with your thumb.

 

"mmm. you know how hard it is to say no to that kid?"

 

"Sans, you have a hard time saying no to anyone for long." You tighten your grip and you can tell he's reluctantly getting aroused.

 

"no, wait, hang on." He bats your hand away. "do you think we've spoiled him?"

 

"What do you think?"

 

"no? maybe. i don't know. he does really well in school with the exception of math… he does his chores without being told? he also volunteers at the dog shelter… that's pretty good, right?"

 

"Well, there you go." You move your hand back under his shirt as he rereads his quantum mechanics text.

 

Only another five minutes before you're in bed and your books lie forgotten.

 

 

\--

 

 

Mira doesn't come over every day or spend too much time over when she does. Impact isn't showing any signs of being interested in more than kissing and cuddling, which is a huge relief. It really bothers you knowing that the risk is there. They spend a lot of time at the dog park or at her place and you don't really mind. Their favourite thing to do is to be really overt whenever there's a demonstration and part of you really worries that'll make them a target.

 

You're eating the pasta they made together one evening when you decide to voice your concern. "I think you should be a little less cuddly when you're out there."

 

"Don't worry, mama. We're careful about it." Impact looks just like his dad when he winks like that.

 

"Besides, the UN's been discussing the inclusion of monsters in the coverage of human rights and freedoms. They were trying to change the definition of human to include monsters but have decided to try and alter the legal definition of monsters to fit the human criteria instead. The rallies we're going to are more of a support group than a congregation of outraged protesters. It's a very safe environment." Mira's actually really reassuring. It's interesting that Impact fell for someone a few years older than he is. Their knowledge gap sometimes shows quite a bit.

 

"I understand. I just want you to be careful." The last thing you want's for Impact and Mira to be assaulted.

 

Your son's relationship aside, that's amazing news.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. We (*cough* Green *cough*) accidentally corrupted the USB stick with this chapter on it and we had to re-write it from scratch! You had to wait almost an entire week, yikes.


	84. HEAT-ed Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too horny to deal with this right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Impact and Mira](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/147600932354/cuddle-buddies)

 

Fall heat.

 

You're exhausted and in pain as you lick Sans. He melts under you. His helpless whimpering is so fucking. Hot. You can barely breathe as Sans reciprocates. His tongue is just long enough to reach you through that cage muzzle you keep handy for those two weeks of the year. You're pretty much (severe) bite-free and have been for years because of that thing. Sans hates it despite how amazing he looks wearing it. It can be a little scary when he desperately snaps at you from behind it. It's not like you have any more self control when you're like this and desperate for anything.

 

It's the most uncomfortable feeling. You want more. You need more. The pulsing between your legs won't stop. It's never enough. You squirm as he pleasures you and every muscle in your body cries in pain as you've been over your limit for two days now. Your bruises hurt. Your muscles ache. You're done. Except you're not. You'll seemingly never be done. Afternoon. You need a break. It's so hard to pace yourself. Maybe just a few more--

 

The front door clicks open.

 

What. The. Fuck?

 

You and Sans normally go to a hotel for a couple of days but Impact had a week-long field trip and Papyrus was supposed to be camping.

 

"Mama, you home?"

 

Why the _fuck_ is Impact home?

 

Sans looks at you desperately. He's freaking out as much as you are.

 

"what the hell?" Sans is practically crying.

 

You hiss, "I don't know, Sans!"

 

Your housecoat has never been more of a godsend. You throw it on and slip into the hallway, trying not to think about wanting to abort and return to fuck Sans.

 

"Impact, why the hell aren't you on your field trip?"

 

"What? Hey mama. Today was the last day. What happened to you? Did dad hurt you again? You look terrible!"

 

"Your field trip was supposed to be a week long."

 

"Y-yeah? Um, I left seven days ago."

 

Fuck, really?

 

"Mama," Impact looks at you with stern, almost menacing eyes, "are you alright? Your breathing's laboured and your movements are sluggish." He puts a hand on your forehead.

 

"I'm just tired, baby."

 

"You," Impact drops his bag on the spot and lifts you up, "need to cool down."

 

"No please, Impact. Please put me down." You practically sob. You just need to get him out of the house so you can get back into your bedroom. You can feel that secondhand tug in your chest.

 

"Mom, you're sick and bloated." You hate when Impact's firm with you.

 

"No, I'm just overheated. Please let me go."

 

"Yeah, you're takin' a bath first. We need to get your temp'rature down."

 

"No, please, stop."

 

"Mama, stop squirming. What the heck?" He sits you on the toilet and starts running the bath.

 

A moan from Sans is clearly audible. He's undoubtedly taking care of himself. You're jealous.

 

Impact pretends not to notice as he grabs some bubble bath and pours it in.

 

"Is this too cold, mama? I'm not as good with water temperature as you are." He motions for you you test the temperature. You do.

 

"It's freezing."

 

"Good."

 

He strips off your housecoat and plunges you into the bath.

 

You scream at the contact of the freezing water on your skin.

 

"Shh, it's okay mama. It'll bring your temperature down."

 

"No! Let me out!" You struggle exhaustedly and flail as he holds you down in the seemingly glacial water.

 

"No way ma, you need to calm down." You suddenly feel an immense weight on your entire body as an invisible force weighs you down into the tub. " _Stay_." Impact's tone is that of a strict dog trainer as he turns around to pull some clean clothes out of the dryer. He's visibly mystified by them having clearly been left there for days.

 

"Nooo-oh-ohh. You start crying. You just need to get back to Sans. You know you're not in your right mind but you _need._ To get back to Sans. You struggle against the pressure.

 

"what the hell is going on here?" Sans pants as he opens the bathroom door. He must have heard you crying. He's removed his muzzle and slipped into some loose shorts and a teeshirt. They're sticking to him because he's so sweaty.

 

"Dad, what the hell is wrong with you? Ma's temperature's so high. Where's Hyphen?"

 

"he's sleeping," pant, "in your room." Sans is visibly using every fibre in his being to maintain composure and Impact's catching on.

 

"Are you… okay?"

 

"yep. can you leave that to me?" Sans motions to you as you shiver and cry in the freezing water.

 

"Nuh-uh, dad. I think you need some rest too. You don't look so good." Impact grabs a small tumbler and starts scooping up the frigid water and pouring it down your back. You gasp and sob as it chills you. He grabs the shampoo and starts lathering your hair.

 

Sans swallows hard.

 

Suddenly you see it-- That look in Sans' eye you haven't seen in over a decade.

 

 

Nope.

 

 

"i think... you should take that dog for a walk. he hasn't been in a while."

 

"He can wait, dad."

 

You know what's up. Fuck this.

 

"Impact. _You need to take Hyphen for a walk_. He hasn't been since last night."

 

" 'Kay I'll go when I'm done."

 

"get. the fuck. out. impact."

 

"Excuse me?" Impact turns to Sans with a brow raised.

 

"Dad's not really himself right now! You should probably just go, baby."

 

"Why, so he can hurt you when I'm gone like he does every year? What, you think I'm stupid?" He stops shampooing you and leans your head back so he can rinse you with more freezing water. You sob.

 

"Baby, please leave us alone for a minute!"

 

Sans is trembling as he pants.

 

"g e t y o u r h a n d s o f f h e r."

 

"Yeah, no." Impact reaches for the soap. He hasn't even looked in Sans' direction since he's resumed washing you.

 

You blink and Sans has Impact pinned to the wall-- not with magic but physically. They're both snarling and you feel a very different kind of chill run down your spine as you sit forcibly immobilized while the sounds of bones hitting against each other fill the house.

 

"What the _hell_ , dad?!" You've never heard Impact roar like that. You've also never seen how terrifying his fangs can look when borne.

 

"i! will fucking! end you!" Sans has officially fucking lost it.

 

"Sans! Get _off_ him!" You've never screeched like that in your life.

 

They're physically trying to overpower each other. You feel the weight on you lighten with every hit Impact takes until you're finally able to raise yourself and tackle Sans from behind, accidentally slamming his head into the counter as you fall. He hits the floor unconscious.

 

Shit.

 

 

\--

 

 

"You gonna 'splain or what?" Impact's dressed you in light pyjamas after literally hogtying Sans with a chain he found in the basement and locking him down there.

 

"Um. Well…" Your voice is as shaky as your body. You haven't stopped trembling since the bath and your body still needs Sans. You're physically aching for him. That's so fucked up.

 

"Ma!" His tone is almost aggressive as he pours you some soup.

 

"Don't you take that tone with me."

 

"Mama." He's slightly more gentle but still quite demanding. He places the bowl in front of you with more force than necessary.

 

"Dad's in heat. His brain's not okay right now. It's not his fault. I'm not all there myself right now either." You're practically writhing in your seat as your body makes demands. You'd rather not have this conversation while you're this horny. "We've never had someone around us at this time of year. Not sure it helps that you were touching me as I was crying naked."

 

"So's this gonna happen to me too?"

 

"It shouldn't. Shouldn't have happened to your dad either. You see why we were worried about you and Mira though?"

 

"Why'd it happen? _How'd_ it happen?"

 

"Hell if I know, baby. It just happened."

 

He's incredulous. "So what, you guys just frantically mate all week? How do you even?" You can see the colour rising in his cheeks.

 

"Look, Impact, that's not important."

 

"Yeah it's important! He messes you up really badly twice a year! That's not okay, ma! You were really overheated! You think that's safe? You could literally drop dead like a marathon runner!" Hyphen's been lingering, trying to mount your leg despite having been neutered, but Impact's tone actually causes him to fearfully dart into the next room.

 

"What did I say about taking that tone with me?"

 

He gives you the dirtiest look.

 

"Your dad wasn't like that before he met me, you know. That's why we're so worried about you."

 

"Forget about that for now. I don't want you to be near dad when he's like that."

 

"Baby, it's not that simple."

 

"You gonna explain?"

 

"I already told you dad's not alright in his head right now. You should have listened when we told you to get out."

 

You hear Sans sob from the basement.

 

You sigh, "We should untie him."

 

"Mama're you alright in _your_ head? He just _attacked_ me." Impact's voice trembles and he finally breaks.

 

"Nooo. Baby, he didn't. He wouldn't." You haven't stopped fidgeting. You're so damn horny. Fucking. Anything. Would do right now. You don't need anything more keeping you from Sans but you can't leave Impact like this.

 

"Ma-ma-aa-a, he tr-tried to kill me! He's g'na kill me-e-e." He's completely broken down crying. The dog starts barking at him silently.

 

"Impact, you're his son and he loves you. He'll be back to normal in a few days. Just don't touch me when he's like this. He gets… territorial? He hasn't been like that in years."

 

"He s-sees me as a threat or something?" Impact picks Hyphen up and pets him nervously.

 

"Probably."

 

"Mama I d-don't wanna leave you here alone."

 

To be honest, it's probably fucking crazy to go down into that basement.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wait until Impact (finally!) falls asleep and desperately tiptoe down the stairs, peeking around the corner where they end. Sans is nowhere to be seen. Where did Impact leave him?

 

You walk around and discover him unconscious on the ground next to a workbench. Fucking inhumane. You lift him up onto the table and remove his binding. It hurts to see him like this. You sit cross-legged on the table and hold him to you with your eyes closed. He smells so good and you're so horny but you're trying to have a moment here, control yourself. You exhale slowly and feel him wrap his arms around you in a gentle hug. He buries his face in you and you can feel his tears soak through your shirt. You transition from pathetic blubbering to fervent lovemaking and resent how fucked your brains both are right now.

 

You can't believe what he did. You can't believe your body's still aching for him after he did that. This defies all logic. You don't even care. You've been dripping for him all day and you've been absolutely miserable. You need this. He needs this. Just fuck. Just fucking destroy him. You run your tongue along his clavicle and he comes almost immediately after having waited all those hours.

 

"fuck, _____, i don't know why i-- i can't believe i-- i-- shit, i'm so-o-ooo sorry." He weeps into your shoulder as you pleasure each other frantically, desperate to get off.

 

"Sans, you're not okay right now. Shh. It'll be okay. Nobody got hurt." Badly.

 

"you clearly have no idea how bad my migraine is." He grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks your head back before raking his teeth along your neck and biting down. There's that growl again.

 

"You'd never do that if you were in your right mind."

 

Sans' mouth makes a squelching sound as he removes it from your skin. "and you'd never come into the basement to fuck a monster that almost murdered your son if you were in yours-- aaah."

 

"We're ah-a couple of crazies, aren't we?

 

"i'm so glad it was you. i'm so fucking glad it was you." His crying's getting worse, not better. "you know how much i fucking love you, ______?" He takes another bite. You yelp when his teeth break the skin and he laps up the blood after covering your mouth when you scream. He only removes his hand to replace it with his own mouth. You can taste the metallic flavour of your blood on him as he runs his tongue over yours with a gentleness that greatly contrasts the heavy-handed motions as he fingers your sex. You're so close and the feeling is only amplified by the pain in your neck. It's still bleeding everywhere.

 

"I love you too, Sans." You touch your hand to the wound and feel how much it's bleeding. Even Sans notices that you're bleeding way too much once he composes himself after you work him up to another whiny orgasm.

 

"i'm so sorry. i'm so, so sorry. i love you so much." He presses his tongue to the wound and leaves it there as you continue until you physically can't anymore.

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact's still fidgety around Sans and keeps looking at you like you're insane.

 

"you can't tell uncle pappy what happened." Sans gently nudges Impact after serving him some ice cream he made from scratch. An apologetic gesture.

 

"Dad, I'm still trying to _process_ what happened." Granted, it's pretty traumatizing for people to walk in on their parents having sex even under _normal_ conditions, let alone crazed heat. "I c'n never… unsee that." The lights in his eyes flicker for a second.

 

He may or may not have had to deal with you guys in that state for an entire day.

 

"listen, i'm really sorry, impact."

 

"I don't even wanna talk 'bout it 'nymore. I'm'na go walk Hyphen."

 

"You get why we didn't want you around though, baby?" You're probably as mortified as he is from that fiasco. Nothing like your son walking in on you when you're doing the do.

 

"I uh," there's a visible blush on his cheeks, "really don't understand you guys at all. Th-that was, um…" He's avoiding eye contact like the plague.

 

"yeah… we don't really need reminding." Sans sounds like he's more than one kind of ashamed.

 

The two of them had some private talk in the basement when Sans finally started coming to his senses. They both emerged tear-stained.

 

You all sit silently eating ice cream. Maybe it'll help you feel less light-headed.

 

"Mama, you're bleeding through your bandage again." Sans must have snagged your jugular just a bit. Hell.

 

Fun fact about that cage muzzle: it only protects you if Sans is wearing it.

 

"We're out of gauze." Your reply's as weak as your muscles right now.

 

"it's been over a day. we should probably take you to the hospital. i think you need stitches."

 

"I'll be okay." You're only a little fatigued from blood loss. The wound in your neck keeps re-opening.

 

"HELLO EVERYONE!" Papyrus gets home and unloads his bags after being greeted.

 

You weakly dash for a scarf on his second bag trip so as to not draw attention to the bandage on your neck. Huh, breathing shouldn't be that hard after such a short dash. You blame the dizziness on getting up too quickly--

 

 

\--

 

 

You wake up in a hospital bed. You count an IV drip needle, a blood transfusion needle, and definitely some stitches on your neck. Sans is crying softly in a chair in the corner of the room and Toriel's sitting next to your bed.

 

"Ah. Awake, are we?" She looks relieved but absolutely livid.

 

Sans bolts upright, clambers onto the hospital bed, and grips the hair at the base of your neck as he presses his forehead to yours, sobbing.

 

Toriel gives you a moment. It takes Sans a while to stop crying.

 

She inhales before speaking but you don't even let her.

 

"I know, Tori."

 

"Then you should--"

 

"I _know_ , Tori."

 

She sniffs. "I am only looking out for your well-being."

 

"He didn't mean to."

 

"We have already had this conversation."

 

Sans begins to get up off your bed but you cling to him. He gets the message and stays.

 

You fall back asleep before she can lecture you.

 

 

  

 

 

 


	85. Just BREACH-y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long time coming.

 

 

Impact's been taking what happened rather well. You're glad that he's so positive about everything. He's been avoiding the conversation any time you try to ask if he's okay though. He knows about the bond. He knows about heat. What he doesn't know is that you may or may not have formed an attachment through soul confrontation. Impact doesn't know about that stuff at all. You'd rather keep it that way if he's dating a human.

 

You've been slowly getting back to normal. You've learned that Sans is pretty much still himself. You're just never going to be around others while he's in heat ever again. You decided to speak to Alphys in her living room about about it as you help her with a costume when Undyne and Papyrus are out.

 

"So is it normal for monsters to get really territorial when they're in heat?" You're winding a bobbin as she gets some snacks out.

 

"Wh-why would you ask that?"

 

"Just… curious about monsters in general. Sans and I don't really have a normal relationship."

 

"O-oh. Well. It's n-not uncommon for heat to mess with y-you a bit. I-I-I've done some crazy things. Th-that's why m-m-monsters usually lock themselves up in their homes or g-go on v-vacation." She grabs a bite and starts transferring a pattern onto some fabric.

 

"So it's normal to get overprotective or jealous or something." You take a few more bites.

 

"W-well… It's n-not uncommon for it to amplify d-dormant feelings and j-jealousy. I g-got r-really mad at Asgore for c-calling us on the ph-phone when Undyne and I were on our w-week one t-t-time."

 

"Did he understand?" You nibble on your snack and start loading the bobbin into the machine.

 

"Oh, of c-course." 

 

"So if a monster acts a little erm, dangerous during their week, is that normal?"

 

"Depends on the m-monster. Undyne's b-been a l-little aggressive before. C-can you p-pass me the pinking sh-shears?"

 

"Doesn't mean she'd get that way outside of her week though, right?" You do love the zigzag pattern of these scissors.

 

"W-well, I c-can't say for s-sure b-because it's Undyne," she chuckles, "but f-for th-the most part, I'd s-say n-no. It's p-pretty safe. Y-you're not sc-cared of m-monsters all of the s-sudden, are you?" She's just teasing and you both have a laugh. Honestly, you're not sure if you should ever tell her what happened. Sans and Toriel told the doctors that you'd been attacked by a crazy person on the street when he saw you walking with monsters. That's been the story you've stuck with and you're pretty sure it's only amplifies Undyne's disdain for humans. She'd never hate you though, you're her friend, right?

 

 

\--

 

 

The big winter rally happened when you were out of town. You'd promised to go rock climbing with Undyne and Papyrus so it turned into a big camping trip. You would have probably attended if your plans hadn't been made so far in advance. You watch the news. Looks like it got pretty violent. Interestingly, it was the human protesters that got aggressive and then people were arrested in hordes. It made international news and the heat is on now. The politicians are sweating.

 

Impact gets home late, covered in snow.

 

"How was tutoring?" You put his dinner in the microwave for him.

 

He shrugs and dusts the snow off himself. Papyrus got him a really nice striped parka. "Didn't go."

 

You try to sound as cool as possible. "Excuse me?"

 

Why the hell are you paying for tutoring if he's not going?

 

"Well, tha's not true. I went but I uh… well, I got sent home."

 

"What?"

 

"Garrett's girlfriend says he got arrested at the protest."

 

" _What?!_ " He's such good kid. They must have gotten him one of those mass sweeps when they crowd started rioting.

 

"Yeah, I dunno. She started crying n' stuff so we had tea n' I left. They're tryna get him out on bail."

 

"Why didn't you come straight home?"

 

"I uh… went to Mira's?"

 

"Instead of doing your math homework?"

 

"Y-yeah."

 

"Your dad's going to kill you."

 

The pupils in his eyes contract. That _might_ have been a poor choice of words.

 

"Well not literally!" Backpedal! Backpedal! "Look, I'm not going to lie about how much you having an older girlfriend worries me."

 

"I don't want to do gross things with her. I just wanna squish her n' stuff."

 

"You sure she doesn't want more?"

 

"I… I dunno?"

 

"You better have that talk really soon and really carefully."

 

"She kinda does. We've talked 'bout it."

 

"And?"

 

"She says it's okay 'f I don't want her to touch me."

 

"What about her?"

 

"…Ma, c'we not… talk about this?" Oh no, his face has gotten bright.

 

"Impact."

 

"I don't wanna talk 'bout this. 'S private." 

 

"Oh my goodness."

 

"I never said anything. Don't jump to conclusions, mama."

 

"Are you messing with me?"

 

"I might be."

 

"You might not be."

 

"I don't wanna talk 'bout it."

 

Don't think about it. Absolutely do not think about it.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans gets the Garrett story when you have a late supper and is just as incredulous as you were. Even Papyrus is outraged, saying there has to be some mistake. You deliberately neglect to include the part of the conversation that involved Mira. The conversation's cut short by some aggressive knocking at the door.

 

"Hey _fuckwad!_ "

 

You know that voice.

 

 

\--

 

 

There's an angry red squid child at your dinner table.

 

"So how do you do it?"

 

"do what?" Sans is always one to give someone the benefit of the doubt but you never expected him to be openly feeding a kid whom you're all aware has been antagonizing your son since day one.

 

Clarissa huffs, "You know, how do you _deal_? With society?"

 

"Wanna talk?" Impact's being oddly friendly. His guard's up though.

 

"My mom booted me."

 

Okay, now you're curious. They're always fighting so you're dying to know what straw broke the camel's back.

 

"Would you like to tell us why?"

 

She gives you the sassiest look. Daggers coming straight out of her eyes.

 

"You act like you don't know." She's seething.

 

"Know what?"

 

" _Everyone_ knows _._ "

 

You need to be nice to the kid. "Well, we don't know."

 

"My mom caught me with my girlfriend."

 

"What, you're not allowed to date a girl?"

 

Clarissa looks bitter. "Not allowed to date a human girl."

 

Oooh.

 

Shit.

 

"So why'd you come here?" Impact sounds really uncomfortable.

 

"Advice. Guess I thought you'd know how to deal."

 

"DO YOU… NEED A PLACE TO STAY?" Papyrus could have consulted the rest of the family before offering.

 

Impact looks mildly resentful as she starts crying. You don't blame him.

 

 

\--

 

 

You wonder why Lucille even bothered showing up at the parent association meeting. She looks absolutely haggard and thin but still catches you afterward.

 

"My husband has alerted child services and Clarissa will be removed from your house within a week."

 

"Who told you she was sleeping on our couch?"

 

"She did." She spits in your face. Ew, what the hell? It's like thick ink.

 

"Is there something I've done to you to make you hate me so much, Lucille? Like, personally? Aside from being on the parent council? Something that I should be made aware of?"

 

"You fucking. Exist. Humans trapped us underground for generations. We finally emerge and what do we get? Fucking kyriarchy. Humans can't even use magic anymore, it's a lost art to you-- you're just looking to _oppress_. Then my own flesh and blood _betrays_ me and you house her to spite me. I kick her out and my husband. Fucking--" She chokes back a sob.

 

"She came to us. She's been bullying our son since they started at this school. Do you think we mailed her an invitation?" You hesitate before adding, "Oh, and my son's _human_ math tutor is in jail right now because he got arrested at a rally in favour of _your_ rights. Where the hell were you?" Hopefully she isn't aware that you missed it as well.

 

"Don't you act like this," sniff, "has been a walk in the park for me."

 

"What's the matter, Lucille? Didn't push someone over the edge with your knee-jerk reactions, did you?"

 

"Not another. Fucking word. Out of you." You wonder if her trembling really is out of rage. She turns to Sans, who's poked his head into the empty classroom. "And you! You're disgusting!"

 

Sans inhales for a moment. "ya know what? i don't think you even deserve to be a mother. you booted your own child because your pride is more important than your relationship with her. you think _my_ life's disgusting? i think you oughta look in a mirror, lucille."

 

Sans was probably wondering why you were taking so long to meet him at the front of the school. He always gets stuck bringing stuff to the office after meetings and probably never expected to walk in on this kind of encounter.

 

Lucille loses it. "I am _leagues_ above you!"

 

"don't think everyone here hasn't noticed." Sans shrugs.

 

"Not another word from you!"

 

"why are you even here anymore, lucille? you shouldn't even have a say in what happens to clarissa. you forsook that right when you disowned her."

 

"I have been abandoned!"

 

"you've done this to yourself, lucille."

 

"Shut _up!_ Stop talking!" She's shrieking.

 

"hope your ex-husband does a better job alone. let's go, _____."

 

 

\--

 

 

"That's so fucked up." The winter air chills your cheeks as you walk home.

 

"she did it to herself. her pride was more important than her family or herself i suppose." Sans looks really cute in the scarf you got him for Christmas.

 

"Is she going to die?"

 

"probably. most do. did you see how thin she was?"

 

"Should we tell Clarissa?"

 

"i think her dad should be the one to break it to her."

 

"Do you think… she'll care?"

 

Sans shrugs. "don't know the kid well enough."

 

 

\--

 

 

Clarissa moved back in with her dad and started tutoring Impact a month later. Garrett got out on bail but Clarissa insisted she and her girlfriend continue tutoring him. You saw a slight dip in his grades since going to her instead of Garrett but decided not to intervene. Impact doesn't have much school left anyway. Sans practically cried when Impact asked him to start helping him with physics homework. There's so much math involved, he was struggling terribly.

 

The gossip about Lucille spread like wildfire but nobody lashed out at Clarissa. Her dad was especially nice to Impact every time he went over. You're not sure if they'll ever really be friends but the relationship between Impact and Clarissa's very different now. It seems as though she's seeking retribution for her own peace of mind. Impact's hesitant nature around her proves that he still hasn't put the past behind him but they're making an effort, which pleases you.

 

You never thought you'd see the kid who bullied your son for most of his life happily join your family every time they attended a rally or protest. You never thought you'd see them not simply coexisting but actually getting along. People at school act like Clarissa's situation was tragic but she seems so happy and almost normal now. She obviously has a tonne of emotional baggage despite her facade.

 

Lucille was a piece of shit anyway.

 

 

\--

 

 

Spring.

 

Impact insisted you stay home with him while Sans stays in a hotel for the week. He's not having another incident like last time.

 

You were trying to watch a movie but ended up lying facedown on the couch, sobbing.

 

"Mama, is there something I can do to make you stop crying?"

 

You shake your head.

 

"Hey! Cheer up, mama! Look!" He lifts you up. "I've hit the _mother_ load. Hahaha."

 

You don't even laugh at his pun.

 

"Hmmmmmm. This won't do. C'mon."

 

You lie limp over his shoulder as he carries you to his room and sits you on his bed. He turns on the small TV he picked up at a yard sale and fires up his gaming system.

 

"Games cheer me up when I'm sad."

 

You don't even move Hyphen off the controller when he jumps onto your lap. Last place in the race. Whatever. It's just a game.

 

Impact's frustrated.

 

"What if I make you supper? I'll make some chicken 'cause dad and uncle Pappy aren't home to complain 'bout the smell of meat! Sit tight. Hyphen'll keep you comp'ny."

 

You fall asleep only waking up hours later to the smell of chicken.

 

You're not even hungry but decide to check on your son.

 

"H-Hi mama! Look, I made dinner and your favourite side dish and got your favourite ice cream!"

 

You thank him weakly. The smell of meat's nauseating tonight.

 

Sans'll be back. You know he'll come back. He won't ditch you. It's just for the week.

 

"Maaaaama?" Impact leans over and gently touches your forehead with his fingertip.

 

"Nn?"

 

"You haven't touched your food. You've been staring at it for half an hour!"

 

"…Oh."

 

He grabs it from you and microwaves it.

 

" 'S okay. Little things like cold food can't get under my skin." He turns and grins at you. " 'Cause I don't have any n' stuff." He looks so much like Sans when he winks like that.

 

That pun was shitty though. You're not in the mood.

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact's been skipping school to keep you company and you're too exhausted to say anything. Undyne barges in several days later.

 

"Hey Punk! What the heck! Why don't you answer your phone--?" She takes a moment to look at you. "H-hey. Are you okay?"

 

Impact's at a loss. "Undyne! C'you gimme a hand here? She's not eating!"

 

"NGAAAAHH!! What's wrong?!" Undyne practically bowls Impact over when she dashes to the couch where you've planted yourself for the past two days.

 

"Not hungry."

 

Undyne turns to Impact.

 

"What's your dad doing about it?"

 

"He hasn't been home all week."

 

"Papyrus?"

 

"Camping."

 

"What the hell?" She turns to you. "So what, you've been lying here all week?"

 

"No, I get up to pee… and when Impact carries me to the bath against my will."

 

"Okay so no then."

 

You bury your face in the couch and sigh. What the fuck would she know about the suffocating feeling, about the pain, the weight in your chest?

 

"Go away, Undyne."

 

"I'm going to make you some food."

 

"Stay out of my kitchen." Unlike Papyrus, her cooking has not improved much over the years.

 

 

\--

 

 

Alphys has joined Undyne and the two have been trying to motivate you. Alphys got really offended when you fell asleep halfway through her anime like that's important. It's been days. Far too long. Even Papyrus got home and was surprised to see the house full of people. Toriel's been dropping by in the evenings. You're so overwhelmed and just want everyone to leave you alone.

 

Go away.

 

It's a record length of time now. Sans has never been gone this long. You're not even crazy this time. It's been weeks. What the hell happened to him?

 


	86. DIVE-ulgence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took quite a fall there.

 

The pain is excruciating. Your stomach's eating itself. You're dehydrated. Impact tried force-feeding you some soup but you threw up and started crying. Your body's not having it. You've broken out into hives. Even with company and support and the love of your friends and family, you don't want to exist.

 

It finally happens.

 

The door opens and a very spent-looking Sans walks in. Everyone greets him briefly and continues to watch the movie. They're not giving up on at least keeping you occupied.

 

Wait, he's home.

 

You bolt upright and tackle him bawling when he enters the living room. He's stronger than you.

 

"heya kiddo." Sans grips you into a hug as you cry on him. His voice is almost solemn.

 

You cry until you can't anymore. Toriel tries to usher people into the kitchen for pie but it's too big of a scene for people to be drawn away.

 

You're sobbing. "Why were you gone for so long?!"

 

"what? it's only been six days." He's chuckling but he sounds like he missed you too.

 

"What? No? It's been weeks! Where were you?"

 

He pulls out his phone and shows you the date. It's a little awkward considering how you haven't loosened your grip.

 

No?

 

No?

 

_No?!_

 

It's been too long. It's been longer. He's lying. You need to know why. You need. You need him. Right now. _Right. Now._ The pain in your chest takes over. You stop thinking about anything else. You don't care about anything else. _N o t h i n g e l s e i n t h e w o r l d m a t t e r s._ All you want is--

 

 

W h i t e n e s s.

 

 

\--

 

 

\- P A N I C -

 

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

 

not here.

 

not _now_.

 

they'll see.

 

_they'll_ _see._

 

 

\--

 

 

Ah, the view from the floor's quite lovely today.

 

Impact's hunched over you. "Dad, mama're you 'kay?!"

 

Papyrus is aghast.

 

Alphys is the first to speak. "Th-they've…"

 

It clicks.

 

Undyne approaches you and grabs the back of your pyjama collar, lifting you off Sans and the floor. That kind of hurts considering you just hit the ground unconscious. "What just--? Did you just--?!" She's not just angry, she's _pissed_.

 

You squeal like a hog.

 

"It-- It was an accident!" You're still crying. You both always cry after confrontations. They're always so emotionally draining. You're not in the right mindset to deal with people right now. It's all so overwhelming.

 

It takes a moment but Sans seems to have come to his senses. He suddenly looks really nervous and his eyes immediately dart to Impact, then Papyrus, then back and forth between Alphys and Undyne as he wipes the tears from them.

 

He clears his throat. "can you please put her down?" His voice is shaky.

 

Undyne's voice is trembling. "Did you punks fucking _bond_?"

 

You screech and flail with Undyne still gripping your collar. It's choking you.

 

"Undyne, put my mom down!" Impact sounds furious that you're being manhandled.

 

"IMPACT, LET'S GO FOR NOW." Papyrus immediately puts his hands on Impact's shoulders and tries to usher him out of the room. He knows that Undyne wouldn't hurt you and has no idea that Impact knows about the bond. Impact definitely knows nothing about soul confrontation.

 

"What, no? What the hell uncle Pappy? Get off me! Dad, what's goin' on?" Impact's swatting Papyrus.

 

Visible sweating from Sans. "uh well i uh… that's a good question." He's still sniffling.

 

Undyne tosses you onto the couch.

 

"Ow! What the _hell_ , Undyne?" You've had way more than enough.

 

Her teeth can actually look pretty scary. _"I trusted you around my friends!"_

 

Impact dashes in front of you. "Hey!" He rarely raises his voice in a way that sounds menacing but it makes your skin crawl when he does. "What're you doin'?!"

 

Toriel interjects, "Now Undyne, there is certainly no need to be irrational."

 

Undyne slowly turns toward Sans. "Did you?!"

 

"that's nunnaya business, undyne. temper down."

 

"No way, punk! Answer the question!"

 

Sans waves an arm and Undyne's knees hit the ground. "my house. my rules. i said to calm down."

 

"You're… you're _sick!_ Both of you! How did you even manage that?!"

 

You honestly can't think right now. "I-- I don't know. I just--"

 

Papyrus tugs at Impact. "YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THIS CONVERSATION, IMPACT. LET'S GO."

 

"Uncle Pappy, I'm not a kid! I know 'bout that already!"

 

Papyrus' jaw drops. He's appalled that Impact knows.

 

Impact turns to you. "Mama, what's going on?"

 

You're confused and winded is what's going on.

 

"UNDYNE, LET'S BE REASONABLE??" Papyrus clearly cannot even deal with the situation right now.

 

"Reasonable? You want me to be _reasonable_ right now?"

 

"U-undyne?" A beet red Alphys trembles as she tugs at Undyne's shirt. "C-can we go r-right now?" Her expression is such that her nose would be bleeding down her shirt if anime were real.

 

"I'm not leaving until I get answers." She's really fighting that weight. How's she managing to stand up?

 

You speak up.

 

"I don't know what happened."

 

"U-undyne _p-p-please_?" Alphys is shaking. She doesn't want to Undyne upset.

 

Undyne seems to notice. She looks around the room, appalled, confused, and… scared? She looks at you with a terror in her eyes that you've never seen before.

 

"You're-- you're _dangerous!_ Humans are dangerous!"

 

You try to remind yourself that she just cares about her friends. She is very protective. She's not going to hurt you. She's just being Undyne, right?

 

Sans positions himself next to Impact between you and Undyne.

 

"what do you think you're doing, undyne?"

 

"I-- I don't know!" She throws her hands out in angry surrender.

 

"well then get out of my house and away from my family, and come back when you do know."

 

She takes a deep breath before marching out with a very flustered Alphys in tow.

 

Toriel takes a moment to make sure you and Sans are alright.

 

She whispers softly and hastily. "Was that deliberate, dear?"

 

"N-no! I really didn't mean to!" Your headache is worse than five hangovers right now. You feel faint from lack of energy.

 

"What's goin' on, mama?" Impact's craning to listen in."

 

Toriel caresses your cheek worriedly before announcing her departure.

 

She'll be back.

 

So will Undyne. She just needs to take time to calm down.

 

 

\--

 

 

"So what was that about, dad?"

 

Impact's trying to feed you but your appetite still hasn't quite returned. Sans has only been back for a few hours and your stomach's still too upset to deal with anything. Your chest still hurts. You usually get some alone time with Sans when he gets back after having been gone for a while but it's been years since you haven't gone with him. It's also been hours since he's been back and you haven't gotten your fill.

 

"Cut it out, Impact." You brush his hand away sluggishly.

 

"Dad, make her eat."

 

"leave her alone. she'll eat when she wants."

 

"Thank you." Finally, someone gets it.

 

"Seri'sly though, what was all that? I've never seen Undyne so mad." Impact's gesturing with the spoon full of ice cream.

 

"she didn't know about our pair-bonding."

 

"Yeah but she didn't have to freak out." Impact fumbles and drops it on the table. He's so clumsy.

 

"AT LEAST FEED HER SOMETHING MORE SUBSTANTIAL, IMPACT." Papyrus opens a plastic container in the fridge and looks immediately sick. "OH. MY. GOODNESS."

 

" 'sup bro?"

 

"Oh no! I left mama's chicken in that one!"

 

Papyrus shuts the container and throws the whole thing in the trash. "IMPACT, _PLEASE_ DON'T COOK THAT STUFF IN THE HOUSE!! WE ALREADY ALLOW CORN DOGS."

 

Impact rolls his eyes behind Papyrus' back. "Yeah but that's barely real meat anyway." He turns to Sans. "Y'know, I really don't understand why you n' uncle Pappy hate an'mals with skel'tons so much."

 

"i really need to explain why dead skeletons are creepy?" Sans' leans over with his elbow on the table.

 

You wrap your arms around him lovingly and give him a kiss on the cheek. "You know, Sans, some people would argue that moving skeletons are creepy."

 

"heh." Aw, why's he blushing? All you did was kiss his cheek.

 

"Oh man, okay that hunger just hit me. Feed me..." Nauseated by food or not, you need to get something inside you.

 

"I can make you some pasta, mama."

 

"OH, CAN I HELP?"

 

"Naw, s'okay. I've got this." Impact winks at Papyrus who takes a seat at the table with you and Sans.

 

"impact, i wanna have a talk, okay?"

 

"Oh?" He's filling a pot with water.

 

"yeah. it's about what happened earlier."

 

"I um, know 'bout your bond. 'S alright dad. Undyne'll be okay in a day. She's um, always like that, right?"

 

"yeah. 's not about that."

 

He's gotten Impact's attention. After emptying a container of sauce in a pot to reheat, Impact sits down too. Oh man, that pasta can _not_ cook fast enough.

 

"What's up?"

 

"you know about monsters being heavily soul-based, right?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"so when two monsters love each other a lot, they--"

 

"I know, they mate. We've um, had this conver...sation."

 

"hey. interrupting's really not funny, okay?"

 

"Sorry, dad."

 

"SANS, I DON'T THINK HE'S READY FOR THIS CONVERSATION."

 

You rest your head on the table, entirely fatigued. "Paps, he has to know eventually."

 

"listen, when two monsters love each other a lot they bond. you know that."

 

"Happens um, over time. I do... know that."

 

"so when two monsters bond they get intimate."

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

"There's here's more to it than that." This is so important and Sans had to talk about it when all you can think about is pasta. How long's it been boiling? "There's some more intimacy than that involved."

 

"it's possible for two monsters that love each other a lot to confront one another spiritually. you share everything 'bout yourself; your thoughts, your feelings, your being. mind and spirit kinda thing. you know, if you're _soul_ ed on the idea."

 

"My… mind?"

 

"if ya don't _mind._ "

 

Impact snickers. "O-okay, but um, that sounds r-really… invasive."

 

"MORE THAN MATING ANYWAY." Oh no, Papyrus is blushing so brightly. Precious baby.

 

You're too tired to even lift your head. "Imagine losing your soul in another monster's body. That body is made of of their soul, which enters yours. You become a part of them and they become a part of you. When you break free, you never come out quite clean. You'll always have a bit of them in you and vice versa."

 

"you can start to feel what they feel, even if it's really faint. your mom can't bond the way a monster can but we've, um, well, you see..." He's struggling to find the right words.

 

"We've done that so I feel separation anxiety through your dad."

 

Sans leans into you. "you actually feel it worse for some reason. dunno why."

 

"Maybe mom's sensitive to magic. Humans can't use magic 'nymore." Impact's finally getting up to strain the pasta.

 

"IT'S A MYSTERY. ANYWAY, PLEASE DON'T DO IT, IMPACT."

 

"Wha--? Like with Mira n' stuff? I um, wasn't gonna in the first place." Oh no, his face is so bright right now. It's too precious. "That sounds a little too--" Nervous chuckle. Silence.

 

He realizes why he should maybe be offended by what he witnessed. That's really private. Too private. He shouldn't have seen that. Nobody but you and Sans should have seen it. He gets it. He and Papyrus sit awkwardly flushed as you devour your food. You finish with record speed and practically leap up for seconds.

 

"Mama, you haven't eaten in days. You'll throw up if you go for seconds."

 

"I still feel hungry."

 

"YOU ATE TOO QUICKLY, _______."

 

"how 'bout you go to sleep? if you wake up still feeling hungry in a few hours you can have some more."

 

"No?"

 

"Mama, we're looking out for you."

 

"alright kiddo, time for bed." Sans literally positions himself between you and the food. "based on size, what country would you be right now?"

 

You scoff. "What? What's that supposed to even mean?" You're admittedly grumpy from this whole ordeal.

 

"making sure you're not from _hungary_."

 

"Oh. Pfft."

 

"seriously though, you'll be sick if you eat too much."

 

Sans puts you to bed and only joins after finally getting his shower.

 

You slept through him rubbing your cheek and whispering the second he spooned you but you did dream really well that night.

 

 

\--

 

 

Toriel got back to you the next day, making sure you're alright. You needed to inform her that it had been your first time ever instigating a confrontation with Sans. It takes you an entire afternoon of brainstorming before you both give up on any sound conclusion. Maybe you were finally able to do it because you were able to think the way a bonded monster thinks. Who knows?

 

The doorbell rings when Toriel leaves. You were kind of looking forward to an evening home alone to gather your thoughts.

 

You open the door to find a teary-faced Undyne. She's holding a box.

 

"Hey Undyne."

 

"Take this!" She thrusts the box into your hands.

 

"Come in, I guess."

 

You open it and find an incredibly sloppily-decorated cake in the shape of a fish. It has, "I'm sorry," scrawled in clumsy piped icing on it.

 

"Undyne--"

 

"I know! I know! Look, I suck."

 

"It wouldn't be the first time you've overreacted to me and Sans."

 

"Yeah, I-- I don't know. Nghaaah. It's just-- You just-- Man, I still think it's gross. Dude, that was so lewd. You did it in front of everyone." Have you ever seen Undyne blush before now? "I know you didn't mean to but, yeeesh. Anyway, I said some mean stuff about humans but you guys are pretty okay, I guess."

 

"I wasn't worried." You burst out laughing. "You're so brash."

 

She bursts out laughing too. "Oh man, am I a bad person?"

 

"Probably but nah. You need to work on that short fuse of yours."

 

"Fufufufufufu, fine. Let's eat that cake."

 

 

\--

 

 

Despite meaning well, Undyne is still Undyne and her cooking's still terrible. She voiced her concern for the family as you ate. Her apologizing for being contemptible didn't necessarily mean she'd come to terms with humans and monsters being able to bond. She did seem appeased when you explained that it was a peculiar case. Skeletons weren't supposed to bond in to begin with. Admitting your slight feelings of guilt regarding the life shortening was difficult with Undyne. Maybe it's because it's her that you didn't want to mention the lifespan thing, but you decided that it was an appropriate thing to confess. She was extremely sympathetic. You also explained your knowledge of breaching and how you asked Sans what you could do to trigger one when you first found out about it. (She was appalled at how long you managed to keep it a secret from her.)

 

"Fufufu, you know what that means, punk?"

 

"What?"

 

"Well, he pretty much refused the breach. He chose you. He's gotta know what he's doing."

 

"I guess so."

 

"Honestly, I'm not as close to him as Papyrus but I can tell he really knows what he wants. He's a pretty passive dude so for him to be firmly set on anything seems almost out of character. Then again, I noticed a huge change in Alphys when it happened to us. You never know.

 

"Yeah, I know about how it can mess with your brain or whatever."

 

"Eeeh, not as much as heat. I get _messed up_."

 

"Really?"

 

"Oh man, I almost shanked the pizza guy." She looks up at the ceiling. "Not something I'm particularly proud of. We're uh, blacklisted from the place two blocks over."

 

"Hahahaha, no way!"

 

"Way."

 

"Oh man. Does Al get like that?"

 

"Nah, she's the opposite. She starts crying if I look at anyone but her during our week."

 

"Man, you guys are crazy."

 

"Not as crazy as PMSing humans!"

 

"Waaaay crazier!"

 

"No way. You wouldn't even know."

 

"Way. Humans are not that bad at all."

 

You go on for hours despite feeling nauseated by the cake. Undyne's cooking is really abysmal.

 


	87. HURT-les

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting over them one at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Impact in a hoodie fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/148443624649/impact-by-wyxamex) by Wyxamex and [Impact with a puppy](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/148443642024/impact-plays-with-a-puppy-by-2-swain) by 2-Swain

 

 

 

 

Papyrus bursts through the front door so hard he puts a hole in the drywall where the doorknob contacts.

 

"WE DID IT! GUYS! WE DID IT!!" He's crying.

 

You practically run. He almost never goes into a frenzy. "Papyrus are you okay? What happened?"

 

"I WAS LISTENING TO THE RADIO IN THE CAR AND THE NEWS CAME ON! THEY PASSED THE LAW!"

 

"No!"

 

"YES!"

 

Impact pokes his head out of his room. "What's goin' on here?"

 

"IMPACT! MONSTERS HAVE ALL THE SAME RIGHTS AS HUMANS AS OF TODAY!"

 

"L-legally?"

 

"ACROSS THE GLOBE!"

 

His phone starts ringing and he answers it, still in tears. It's Undyne.

 

 

\--

 

 

You party so hard that night, the house is completely trashed and you're all too drunk to clean it. Undyne and Alphys brought booze, Toriel brought a bunch of food, Sans even helped cook dinner! Sans! It was a real celebration. Impact got drunk right under your nose and you didn't even notice until it was too late. Oops. He'll learn his lesson. A full Saturday of bedridden skeletons and you're cleaning everything on your own. You don't even mind. Impact's moved from his bed to the couch despite having such a wide frame that he fits on it awkwardly.

 

"So Mama, are... you n' dad gonna get married now?"

 

"What?"

 

"Now that um, monsters are allowed?"

 

"Monsters have never been forbidden from getting married. They're just not allowed to marry humans."

 

"B-but 's different now, right?" Your poor baby sounds so groggy. Monsters pretty much never get sick so you're not used to seeing your son like this at all and it's completely unsettling.

 

You finish cleaning the trash and sit on the floor next to the couch and lean your head back onto him.

 

"I don't think so, baby. Do you want me to pick up some chicken noodle soup? We don't have to tell dad or uncle Pappy."

 

"That'd… be nice." Impact starts petting your head and falls asleep mid-stroke.

 

 

\--

 

 

The monster serving customers took extra long because they wanted to talk the ears of everyone off with statements about what a lovely day it is. Let them have their joy. You pick up some chicken soup for Impact and some clam chowder for Sans and Papyrus as well as a little something for yourself. You're glad you got out today. Every monster you've come by is ecstatic.

 

You get home to find Impact watching some cartoons. He's really happy about the soup. Sans and Papyrus haven't left their respective beds and are very pleased to have been brought food and water. Sans asks you to stay and you cuddle for about an hour until he falls back asleep. You can count the amount of times this has happened to them in all the years you've been around on one hand. Poor things.

 

 

\--

 

 

Some interesting interviews took place that month. Lots of people started rallying for inter-species union legality. Now that monsters technically all have the same legal rights as humans, many have been arguing that there's still no means to legally form a union between a human and a monster, which angers a lot of closed-minded people. Then again, you think back to when you first started crushing on Sans. Even you wondered how similar having sex with a non-human would be to bestiality. It bothers you that so many people are opposed to humans and monsters being together but you don't completely fail to sympathize. Only a month later and the rallies start getting intense. You urge Garrett to stay away from them even though he only got swept up in a mass arrest last time.

 

 

\--

 

 

Impact gets home early onSaturday night. He usually stays out much later on the weekends.

 

"Hey baby, your dinner's in the fridge."

 

"Thanks ma." Did his voice just crack?

 

He beelines for the bathroom and you hear the shower run. Hyphen jumps onto your lap and starts begging for attention.

 

"You little snugglepup. What do you want from me?"

 

He sneezes on you. Well thanks, dog. You scratch him absentmindedly as you watch your movie. He smells so fresh. Impact keeps him really clean. Why does this dog always want snuggles and petting? He's so dear.

 

That was definitely a sob.

 

"Impact?"

 

Shower sounds.

 

You get up to knock on the bathroom door. "Impact, are you okay?"

 

"I'm good." Yeah, he's definitely crying.

 

"Impact what happened?"

 

"Nothing."

 

You ambush him when he gets out.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"I don't wanna talk 'bout it"

 

"Want me to heat your dinner up?"

 

"'Kay."

 

Sans walks in as you reheat Impact's dinner. Guess you'll be lining his plate up. You both greet him as he sits next to Impact and he's on his case immediately.

 

"what happened?"

 

"Nothin'."

 

"impact."

 

He bursts into tears.

 

"impact, what the hell?" Sans' voice is soothing and he immediately has his hand on the back of Impact's head, scratching him like he's a baby. "hey. hey, shh, it's okay. you can tell us what happened."

 

"I j-just want sour cream."

 

You hand him a tub and he starts shovelling it as tears run down his face. He'd probably be hiccoughing if he had a diaphragm.

 

"Mira dumped me."

 

You and Sans exclaim a, "what?!" in unison.

 

"Sh-she was l-lookin' for more in a rela--" sniff, "tionship."

 

"You've been together almost a year and she knew what she was getting into."

 

"Y-yeaaah, I dunno. It came outta nowhere."

 

"did it really?" Sans looks extremely sceptical. He never _really_ liked Mira. It was more of a tolerance than anything.

 

"Y-yeah?"

 

"sounds like she mighta gotten scared to me. people've been pushing for more union rights. oh, and don't you tell me you haven't been taking care of her." He raises a brow.

 

"Wha?" He shoves more food in his face, feigning ignorance. He's eaten the entire tub of sour cream and is finally starting on his supper.

 

You try to respectfully not make that particular aspect of their relationship any of your business and frankly prefer not to think about it. You and Sans spend the next hour comforting Impact as he eats two plates of food and the entire tub of ice cream.

 

"I don't understa-a-and."

 

"i'm gonna be real with you impact, what's there not to understand? humans are fickle." Sans turns to you hastily, "no offence."

 

You shrug.

 

"Yeah but she, um, she didn't wanna stay n' when I, asked her why, she, um, sh-she said she didn't wanna lifelong rela'ship with a monster. She wants kids."

 

"That's stupid. We have a kid."

 

"Y-yeah. I gu-guess it uh, wasn't," sniff, "for her."

 

"listen impact, i've said it before and i'll say it again; you need to stay away from humans for that kinda stuff. i could introduce you to a manatee monster i've met through work. figure you might like him since you like hu- _manatee_ so much."

 

Impact chuckles slightly. "Sorry, dad."

 

"Don't be sorry, baby. It's not your fault that happened." You try to reassure him.

 

"I j-just wanted to squish a human."

 

"If you want a partner to squish, why not look into dating a monster as dad suggested?"

 

"I uh, don't think that'll work out."

 

Sans scrapes at the ice cream tub. It's futile. "why not?"

 

"I really um, like humans. I like th-their, um, scents aaaand um, the way their skel'tons poke out in some places n' look like me, n' um… I dunno, sometimes they smell a bit like Mama, n' that's nice. I just, um, well, I uh, like the way they are. Ev'thing 'bout 'em. I really don't know what I'm gonna do wi-without Mira." He's crying all over again. Sans looks like it's taking all of his effort to not storm over to her place and demand how she dare hurt your son.

 

You sigh, "I think you should go to bed early tonight, Impact. It hurts now but I promise it'll get better in time."

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans is having a hard time falling asleep. He's squeezing you too hard. You can hear Impact still crying from his room and it's terribly upsetting. Sure, it's a normal part of life (for humans, anyway) but you're heartbroken to see him heartbroken. At least Papyrus is out with Undyne this weekend.

 

"nnnn. he's still crying."

 

"It takes a while to get over, Sans."

 

A frustrated, "nnnn."

 

"Go to sleep."

 

"i think you should sleep with him tonight. he needs comfort and you're the most comfortable thing in this house."

 

"Are you okay with it?"

 

"don't think that matters. our son needs it." He rolls over and buries his face in his pillow. You hear a muffled, "go do your thing."

 

You kiss him on the cheek and promise him some TLC in the morning before slowly making your way to Impact's room.

 

"Impact? Can I come in."

 

"Mhm."

 

"Hey. Still not feeling any better?" You sit on the side of his bed.

 

He sniffs. "N-not really?"

 

"Do you want me to sleep here tonight?"

 

"That'd be nice." He sounds positively miserable.

 

You get in the bed and snuggle up. "I'm sorry, baby."

 

He responds by wrapping an arm around you and crushing you against him. He buries his face in you and you can feel him trembling. Breakups suck but you're counting your lucky stars that he's not showing signs of pair-bonding. He eventually trembles into a sleep and you wonder how you managed to follow suit considering how much he was crushing you.

 

You wake up to Sans gently knocking on the door and cracking it open. He chuckles because Impact's basically rolled halfway onto you and you have that imprint on your face that normally only he leaves.

 

He crosses the room, "i'm going to go pick up breakfast, what do you want?"

 

You give him your order and he plants a kiss on your cheek. Guess he didn't want to wait in bed for you this morning.

 

Impact had the most miserable expression on his face for weeks.

 

 

\--

 

 

"i'm still mad about what happened to impact a couple of months ago." You have to constantly remind yourself that you're blessed to probably be the only one aside from Toriel with whom Sans shares his true feelings.

 

"It happens, Sans. He's gotten over it, more or less."

 

"not to monsters. that kid really hurt him."

 

"He's been volunteering at the dog shelter way more than before."

 

"you think he still wants to do that for a living?"

 

"Don't know." You call out, "Impact!"

 

He pokes his head in.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Do you know what you're going to do this summer? You're graduating."

 

"Yeah?! I'm gonna buy a-a-a buncha solid-coloured shirts n' burn all my striped ones with um, real fire!" He looks absolutely stoked.

 

You and Sans both burst out laughing.

 

"sounds like a real _solid_ plan to me. maybe you'll want something to make you easily _spotted_."

 

"Oh my goodness dad!"

 

"what, just tryin' to be practical. it's what _tightly knit_ families do, no?"

 

Impact loses it.

 

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"

 

"Uncle Pappy! Dad's telling bad puns!"

 

"NO, SANS. BAD."

 

"sorry bro. just thought I'd _thread_ some humour together."

 

You and Impact both snort.

 

"AM I MISSING THE CONTEXT HERE?"

 

"don't worry about it, bro."

 

"I uh, do wanna work with dogs though." Impact picks a lingering Hyphen up. "They offered my a paid position at the shelter. 'S not many hours n' it's min'mum wage but, um, I was thinkin' of workin' there only long enough to gain enough 'sperience to open my own place. I don't wanna work at a shelter that euth'nizes the dogs."

 

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA, IMPACT."

 

"Thanks uncle, Pappy."

 

"i think you're gonna do great, kid."

 

"You think so, dad?"

 

"why wouldn't you?"

 

"I dunno."

 

"get outta here. also, donate those shirts instead of burning 'em. your uncle paid a decent amount for some of that stuff."

 

"Can I burn one shirt?"

 

"one shirt."

 

 

\--

 

 

You don't even remember the graduation ceremony after what happened at the end. It wasn't unlike a human graduation ceremony minus the bullet pattern diplomas and showers of sparks and flames. It was rather spectacular but nothing beat what Impact started. The ceremony ended and Impact and a friend stood on their chairs, pulled their shirts off from under their graduation gowns, and lit them on fire. They whooped enthusiastically and all their classmates excitedly followed suit until it was absolute chaos and the fire alarm and sprinklers went off, dousing everyone in glacial water and endangering a fire elemental. All the diplomas have been ordered for a reprint.

 

"You know, Impact, when we said you could burn a shirt, we didn't mean _at the ceremony_."

 

He puffs his chest out. "I have no regrets!"

 

Sans chuckles "except now you have no shirt 'til we get home." He lent him his cardigan but it's several sizes too small. (You forced him to not wear a hoodie for such a formal occasion.) Impact can't even button it and it's so short that it looks like something Papyrus would wear. 

 

"That's going to be a lot of work and money from the school to get all those diplomas reprinted. You should do something nice for Tori."

 

He huffs a, "Fine," as he continues to proudly parade down the street.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	88. Modes-TEA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you not?

Another day another dollar. Work's not bad. You originally intended to stop working from home when Impact got big enough to attend school but it's admittedly quite comfortable to be a hallway's distance from the fridge and Papyrus' occasional antics. You have no idea how he manages his time because some days he's working and some days he's running amok. Today he's chasing Hyphen across the house. The dog finally dashes into your room and under the bed.

 

"YOU RASCAL!!! GET BACK HERE!" Papyrus bursts into your room, stops himself, backs up, and knocks before dashing back in and grasping for the dog.

 

"Hello Papyrus."

 

"HYPHEN'S A THIEF!"

 

"What did he take?"

 

"THAT'S UNIMPORTANT!! PLEASE HELP ME GET IT BACK."

 

You gently click your tongue and call for the dog who dashes out of the bed and under your desk in an instant. He's wagging his bent tail submissively.

 

"Is that a bone, boy? _Drop it._ "

 

The dog refuses. That's new. He's normally very obedient.

 

"What is this, Paps?"

 

"A BONE."

 

" _Wow, I couldn't tell. Thank you._ "

 

"YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME."

 

" _Papyrus._ "

 

"OH. WAIT. SARCASM. RIGHT… I GOT THAT. OF COURSE I GOT THAT. AFTER ALL I AM VERY GREAT."

 

You wrench the bone out of Hyphen's mouth and hand it to Papyrus who cleans it off. Hyphen's never growled at you before. What's gotten into him?

 

"What's so special about that bone? Can't you just make more?"

 

"OF COURSE NOT, THIS IS ONE OF IMPACT'S FIRST BONES."

 

"Oh! Really? I didn't think you kept them." It probably smells like Impact. Maybe that's why Hyphen's being territorial.

 

"SANS STORED THEM IN THE ATTIC WITH SOME OF IMPACT'S CHILDHOOD ITEMS."

 

You burst out laughing. "What? I though he donated that stuff." All you thought he had was the small bone he keeps in his pencil holder on his desk downstairs.

 

"HE IS MORE SENTIMENTAL THAN YOU THINK." More like a hoarder.

 

"How the hell did Hyphen get into the attic?"

 

"OH NO, THIS ONE'S MINE. HE DIDN'T GET INTO THE ATTIC." He's wiping it off. Looks like Papyrus is just as sentimental when it comes to his nephew.

 

"So what did he keep, exactly?"

 

Papyrus motions you to come with him and pulls down the trapdoor in the hallway. You ascend with him and behold way more clutter than you saw up there when you initially moved in.

 

There isn't much; some toys, blankets, a little hoodie, small booties, etc.

 

"I'M… NOT SURE WHY HE KEPT IT. I DON'T THINK IT WAS EVER A SECRET." Papyrus tosses you a bone. You remember getting hit forcefully with one of these and wonder which one it was.

 

You wander around and look at the stuff. There's old papier-mâché armour that's worn to shreds and definitely Papyrus-sized. You pick it up and slip it on. It's falling apart.

 

"What's this?"

 

"OH! MY BATTLE BODY!" He dashes to you and dusts it off. "SANS HELPED ME MAKE THIS FOR A COSTUME PARTY WHEN WE STILL LIVED UNDERGROUND. I LOVED IT SO MUCH THAT I WORE IF FOR A YEAR." He pulls off his scarf and wraps it around you before frowning.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"THE SCARF NEEDS TO BE RED."

 

"Oh well." You remove the armour carefully to avoid damaging it further.

 

"GOOD MEMORIES."

 

You hear the door open downstairs and descend to greet Impact.

 

"Hey baby!"

 

"Mama, uncle Pappy, don't be mad."

 

Oh boy.

 

"What did you do?"

 

"Um… please promise you won't be mad?"

 

You roll your eyes. "Fine. What happened?"

 

"I brought another dog home."

 

"NO?? I HATE THIS???" Papyrus was quiet until now.

 

"Impact, no."

 

"Nonono wait, you don't understand!"

 

"Where is it?"

 

"Out back?"

 

"IN MY TOMATOES?" Papyrus looks aghast as he dashes off. He is cursed by dogs.

 

"Listen mama, she'll be gone-- soon as poss'ble! We're um, ren'vating space at work n' I… I dunno, I p-panicked."

 

_"Impact."_

 

"I'll make it up to you n' dad!"

 

 

\--

 

 

Sans grills him over dinner. "impact, what did we say about dogs?"

 

"Dad, I promise 's just a temp'rary foster!"

 

Sans has his face in his palm. "look, we can't always be housing whatever dogs you can't fit at work."

 

"IT'S JUST NOT FEASIBLE, IMPACT." Papyrus tries not to meddle when you and Sans do the parenting thing but he couldn't help himself tonight.

 

"I'm gonna build my own shelter when, I uh, can save up for the downpayment."

 

"you know we had a college fund for you, right?"

 

"B-but you n' mom said it was o-okay for me to-- to open a dog shelter!" Oh no, he looks like he's about to cry all of the sudden.

 

"what? oh man. 's not like that. i was thinkin' we could tap into that is all."

 

"O-oh? Really, dad?" Amazing how Impact can go from near tears of sadness to near tears of joy in an instant.

 

"Well, you did go on and on about wanting to be a vet as a kid. That's not really cheap, you know. We've all been pitching in. Myself, your dad, uncle Pappy…" You reinforce.

 

"NYEH HEH HEH."

 

"Mama, can I… really use that money?"

 

"Sans?"

 

"well it's more of a 'let impact build his future or whatever' fund than a college fund now, i guess."

 

"H-how much're we um, talkin' 'bout?"

 

"WELL, WE'RE NOT MADE OF MONEY BUT WE HAVE A COUPLE THOUSAND." Papyrus looks quite proud of your collaborative effort. It's quite a privilege to have three employed adults in the family.

 

"we can hit the bank on friday and talk it over."

 

Impact started crying at that and continued until he went to bed with the guest terrier and a very jealous Hyphen.

 

 

\--

 

 

You open the fitting room door. "What about this one?" Shopping with Sans is always either a hit or miss. He seems bored today. Miss.

 

"eh."

 

"Does this dress make me look fat?" Your voice is rich with playfulness.

 

"is that a trap?" At least you managed to make him laugh. "am i supposed to give a correct answer?"

 

You blow a raspberry.

 

"what? you're the one who ad- _dress_ -ed the issue."

 

"So cold, Sansy."

 

"well you're not being very n- _ice_ about it. here, i found this one while you were changing." He tosses you another.

 

"You really like blue, huh?"

 

"what can i say, you _blue_ me away in that colour."

 

"Pfft. Alright." You shut the door. "Dude, how big do you think I am? It's three sizes too big."

 

As much as Sans tries, buying clothing has never been his strong suit. All his clothes are way too big for him and he probably meant well upsizing for comfort; he seems to have a hard time remembering that some clothes are supposed to fit.

 

 

\--

 

 

You make your way to Toriel's for the party in your new dress. Frisk and company had been away for a year and Papyrus insisted that their homecoming be an excuse for you to buy new clothes. He hates seeing your wardrobe grow stale. If only Sans would listen to him too but Paps seems to have given up on Sans in that department. Your attire, much like the gathering, isn't fancy. You're excited to see everyone. It's been a few years since you've spoken to Asgore and you're never opposed to touching base with him.

 

"Howdy!" He's clearly been there for a while. You can see Undyne seated to his immediate right and Alphys next to her at Toriel's patio table.

 

Despite the fact that Impact hasn't grown much since last time he saw him, Asogre does make a big deal regarding his size and health. You see Sans visibly sweat from across the yard. Asgore's obviously attempting to pressure Sans into further procreation since Alphys and Undyne have left the table for whatever they're up to. You can see the nope alarms going off from across the yard.

 

"Sorry, Tori, I need to make a rescue."

 

She chuckles. "Go ahead, dear." Although Toriel and Asgore eventually managed to get onto speaking terms, it's never been more than a formality. She'd rather be on the other side of the yard showing you her garden and talking to Frisk and company. Asgore did help her build her school before moving but you suppose some wounds leave nasty scars.

 

"Asgore! Buddy. Chum. Pal." You wrap your arm around the former king and Sans snorts. That was a page right out of his book. He can immediately tell why you're here and thanks you with a glance. "How've you been?"

 

"I could not be better. Have you tried the iced tea? I made it myself. Your son seems quite fond of it."

 

You were nervous when Asgore initially noticed that you were Impact's mom but were reassured when he paid no mind to it and gladly accepted you. A little babybones running around calling for his mama before climbing and snuggling you isn't something that easily goes unnoticed. You glance at Impact, who's clearly embarrassed at having drunk an entire pitcher to himself.

 

"Pfft. Impact."

 

"Sorry, mama!" He pours you a glass.

 

Asgore interjects, "Now now. No need for apologies. I brought it to be drunk and there's more where that came from. I'm quite flattered." His laugh is hearty.

 

"ASGORE WAS TELLING SANS THAT HE SHOULD MAKE IMPACT SOME SIBLINGS." Yes, Papyrus. Thank you, Papyrus.

 

"With these old bones?" You gently pinch Sans' arm and shake him. He flushes.

 

He's laughing. "hey, i'm not old yet!"

 

"I um, wouldn't mind… havin' a little bro if you did. I wouldn't be jealous or 'nything!"

 

Sans swats your hand away playfully. "sorry kiddo but 's not happening."

 

"D'you think I should… get married n' have kids?"

 

"OH! WILL YOU HAVE KIDS?" Papyrus has been quiet but his face lights up instantly.

 

"what? of course not. not yet anyway... and skeletons don't usually have mates. have kids when you're ready."

 

"You've got all the time in the world, baby." You rub his shoulder

 

"I'm still mad about you n' dad not being married."

 

"Don't think too hard about it." Asgore's reassuring.

 

Impact sulks. "Wish there weren't um, laws 'gainst humans n' monsters… getting married though."

 

Asgore shrugs. "There aren't anymore." You stop drinking your iced tea. "It's not that it's explicitly illegal-- not since we've been considered the same as humans legally. Nobody will marry a human and monster. At the end of the day it's just a piece of paper to most humans but for monsters it's acknowledgement of their bond. Humans won't do it because they have very strong opinions on the matter. Monsters won't do it because it's disrespectful to the idea of marriage to us. There has never been one and there probably never will be." He looks apologetic.

 

You can see the cogs turning in Impact's head as he speaks. "Would you marry a… um, human n' a monster if they could bond?"

 

"If humans worked that way, sure. Unfortunately, Impact, I cannot officiate any wedding between a couple who have not bonded. It would be far too controversial."

 

"But my parents've bonded!"

 

Papyrus starts fidgeting. "IMPACT, THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT RIGHT HERE AND NOW."

 

"yeah impact, that's enough please." Sans' demeanour is calm but you can tell he's mortified. The fewer informed people, the better.

 

Asgore's looking at you with a puzzled expression. You visibly shrug off Impact's statement.

 

"Mama?"

 

"Mhm?"

 

"Tell him! Tell him to marry you n' dad!"

 

"Sweetie dad said that's enough."

 

"But you _have_ bonded! 'S no reason for anyone to not rec'nize our family! You confronted each other n' everything!"

 

Now Asgore's curious. "Impact, are you sure you know what you are talking about?" That would have sounded discourteous if he wasn't chuckling.

 

"Undyne and Alphys saw it! Auntie Tori saw it. Everyone saw! They hit the ground unconscious n' their breathing got all shallow n' auntie Tori told me not to pull 'em apart. I think they both had orgasms--"

 

 _"Impact!"_ Okay, now you're mortified.

 

He turns to you. "Mama, don't you care?"

 

Sans eyes are blank. "impact i said to cut it out please." His trembling's almost as intense as the colour on his face.

 

Asgore leans over to you with a furrowed brow. "Can you please look into my eyes for a moment--?"

 

"don't do that. cut it out."

 

Papyrus flinches. "THAT'S… RATHER INVASIVE, ASGORE."

 

You look at Sans, puzzled. "What's going on?"

 

"I would like to examine your soul. May I please--?"

 

"no. that's private. don't let him."

 

Toriel arrives at the table with a giant bowl of freshly picked cherry tomatoes. "What is all this commotion about?"

 

"tori, asgore's tryna look at her soul."

 

"You stop that right now, Dreemurr." Ouch, Toriel's commanding voice still chills you sometimes.

 

"Alright, alright. Impact noted something interesting about these two."

 

"Yes, we are all aware of their situation."

 

"What situation?"

 

"Never you mind. Have some tomatoes."

 

 

\--

 

 

"you're grounded. i told you to stop and you kept goin'. i know you meant well but that was completely inappropriate." Sans waited until the second the door closed behind him at home to drop that.

 

"Dad I'm an adult with a job n' stuff. C'you even ground me 'nymore?"

 

"yep."

 

"O… kay?"

 

"Sans, I don't think that's punishment considering how busy he's been."

 

"I SAY NO MORE DOGS."

 

"You're not my dad, uncle Pappy."

 

"your uncle helped raise you and he'll have a say."

 

"Baby that was inconsiderate and disrespectful."

 

"Why don't you-- _try harder?_ " Impact's voice cracks.

 

"try what harder?"

 

"Why don't you _care_?"

 

"Impact we do care. Why are you crying?"

 

" 'Cause 's not fair! You love each other. You live with each other. You had me. You should be 'llowed to do what you want!"

 

"IMPACT, DON'T CRY."

 

"naw. let him cry, papyrus." He approaches Impact and wraps an arm around him. "you wanna talk about it?"

 

Impact shakes his head and wipes his face.

 

"HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT MAYBE… THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY WANT?"

 

Papyrus sometimes… does not improve situations. That's unfortunate considering how well he means.

 

Sans turns his head "what?"

 

Impact sniffs. "Yeah, what?"

 

"I DIDN'T THINK YOU WANTED TO GET MARRIED."

 

"why would you think that?"

 

"Yeah, Papyrus, what gave you that idea?"

 

"YOU NEVER ASKED??"

 

Sans suddenly looks nervous. "it's not like… i don't want to--"

 

Being the emotionally constipated mess that he his and not quite knowing how to deal with his feelings, Sans cuts himself off and locks himself in the bathroom to brush his teeth.

 

You hear him call, "you're still grounded you little shit," from behind the door as Impact enters his room across from it.

 

You ignore Impact's snicker and decide to change into your preferred sleeping attire before gently knocking on the bathroom door.

 

"Sans?"

 

Aggressive brushing. "wha?"

 

"Can I come in?"

 

"mhm."

 

"You okay?"

 

He spits his foam, which always looks awkward since he's a skeleton. "yeah."

 

He leans sideways into you as you brush your teeth and tails you to bed in silence.

 

"I know you want to say something, Sans."

 

He groans and spoons you almost aggressively.

 

"Or not. Whatever."

 

He's kneading your stomach more forcefully than usual.

 

You're almost asleep when you hear the faintest whisper from where he's buried his face in the back of your head.

 

"would you… even want that?"

 

"What, marriage?"

 

"mhm."

 

"I wouldn't make it if you keep squeezing me like that."

 

"sorry. took all my _guts_ to ask that so i guess i needed some of yours."

 

"That was bad-- _ow_ , Sans, your grip's doing the opposite of what it needs to be doing."

 

He eases up slightly.

 

"you didn't answer."

 

"The marriage thing?"

 

"would you ever marry a skeleton?"

 

_"Naw, just move in for twenty years and raise a kid with one. No commitments or anything."_

 

He huffs, "sarcasm isn't funny."

 

"I know. You hate it. I get it. I'm just messing. Of course I would."

 

" _will..._ you marry a skeleton?"

 

"So Impact'll be happy?"

 

"so _i'll_ be happy."

 

"Real romantic proposal you thought up."

 

"do you have any idea how many clever punny situations i thought up over the years?"

 

"Oh so you are a romantic. You blew it," you jeer, elbowing him.

 

"yeah, i don't know what happened."

 

"Pressure?"

 

"naw. probably nerves." You wish he'd stop murmuring. You can barely hear him.

 

"You're so laid back. It's cute when you're nervous."

 

"pft. shut your mouth." He does it himself, shoving two fingers in.

 

"D'you think Asgore'd marry us?" You sound like an idiot with bones in your mouth.

 

"not sure if your soul looks the same as a regular bonded soul so i can't say for sure. didn't you know it's rude to talk with your mouth full?" He adds a digit and you pull his hand out.

 

"You're alright with people knowing?"

 

" 's just paperwork on the human end of things. two names on a sheet for taxes."

 

"All business, are we? And the monster end of things?"

 

You try to glance over your shoulder at him and only get a glimpse of how bright his face is.

 

"not now. it's been a long day and we're both _bone_ tired."

 

"If I had a dollar for every shitty repetitive bone pun you made."

 

"sleep."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	89. FELON-ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you look kind of familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Skeleton family](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/149177643374/im-having-problems-with-my-color-display-so-the) by fatstacksoftrash  
>  AND  
> [Sans biting reader](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/147960739469/sinful-reader-after-reading-this-awesome-sans-x) by sinful-reader.  
> 

The foster dog was returned to the shelter as soon as a space opened up. She wasn’t the worst company but it certainly took quite the effort to keep her out of the garden. Impact signed for a building after getting a sizable loan and has been spending evenings working late with contractors to renovate the space. He was getting home almost as late as Sans most evenings for a while, putting a lot of his own manual labour into the place as well. He still kept his day job at the other shelter but worked on his own place at night. You and Papyrus would sometimes drop in during the evenings to give him a hand with things like painting or grout-- never anything overly complicated but always something that would take long to do on one’s own.

 

You and Sans waited a few weeks to break the news about your intentions to Papyrus and Impact. Your son thought you were playing a cruel joke on him at first and only realized you were serious when you mentioned asking Toriel or Asgore to officiate the wedding. Sans was more comfortable asking Toriel but she politely declined, stating that she would prefer not to do it as she wanted to assist with other preparations. Asgore accepted with a firm warning that he would not proceed if he deemed your bond too weak. 

 

You’re not sure if Toriel’s helping you of you’re helping her with the preparations, honestly.

 

“So… should I get a dress?” You always have a hard time not speaking with your mouth full when Toriel’s made pastries.

 

She pours you some more tea. “Do you insist on a dress?”

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

“Monsters do not wear the same kind of wedding clothes as humans. You would traditionally wear the same high-necked style of robe as I do.” That mama glare stings as she hands you a napkin. You’re admittedly being a pig.

 

“I’m not opposed to that.”

 

“Shall I make one for you?”

 

“Do you think Papyrus would rather he did?”

 

Toriel laughs heartily, “I don’t suppose it would hurt to ask him first.”

 

\--

 

“Papyrus?”

 

“YES?”

 

“Tori offered to make my wedding clothes but wanted me to ask you if that’s alright.”

 

“WOULD YOU PREFER THAT I MAKE THEM?”

 

“I think it really depends on you.”

 

“WELL… I WILL BE BUSY WITH SANS’ SO I WON’T BE TOO BROKEN-HEARTED IF YOU ASK TORIEL. I CAN UNDERSTAND IF YOU’RE TOO UPSET TO GO ON THOUGH. HOW SAD IT MUST BE TO NOT HAVE SUCH IMPORTANT CLOTHES MADE BY SOMEONE AS GREAT AS MYSELF.”

 

“You won’t be upset though?”

 

“NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST.” Why does that surprise you for some reason?

 

\--

 

You’re out shopping. Sans’ favourite pastime. (Not.) You don’t know how he manages to let all his clothes turn to shreds before someone has an intervention. You figured it was better that you take him out before Papyrus had a fit. Somehow you got on the topic of your upcoming wedding. Sans seems incredibly nonchalant regarding preparations.

 

“I’ve never been to one of these. Do we need to feed everyone?”

 

“they’ll usually do a sort of potluck, actually. you might find that rather fortunate.”

 

“Huh, I guess you could-- Oh you asshole, I see what you did there.”

 

That shit-eating grin.

 

“I’ll kill you.” You hoist him up from behind and plant a kiss on his skull before scoffing at how moist his head always is. “Dude, you’re always so sweaty.”

 

“pft. I didn’t ask to be kissed.” He’s chuckling in a way that screams an invitation for more despite his choice of words.

 

“Come on, we’re getting you new pants.”

 

“sweats?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“carry me?”

 

“Not fine.”

 

“shopping cart?”

 

“You’re so lazy.”

 

“i’ll push you around if you push me?”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“very.”

 

\--

 

“Sans! Slow down! I’m gonna die!” You’re screeching.

 

“no way, kiddo.” He’s practically cackling as you cover your eyes and he swerves down the aisles well out of the clothing department. For someone who sweats so much, he’s not even breaking a sweat at the speed he’s going.

 

“Noooo! Oh my gosh!! Aaaah!”

 

“oh man, i’m gonna crash you into that stuffed dog display.”

 

“No! Stop! I’ll kill you!”

 

“heheheheheh.”

 

\--

 

Aaaaand that’s how you got banned from the department store.

 

\--

 

“i have to say shopping was way less boring than usual today.”

 

“I’m gonna rat you out to Papyrus.”

 

Return of the shit-eating grin. “he’ll never believe you.”

 

\--

 

He didn’t.

 

\--

 

You’re sitting in the shade of a tree in the park as Sans has a mini meltdown.

 

“what the hell are we gonna do, ______?”

 

Impact had broken the news about wanting to move out.

 

“He’s an adult and he’ll do what he wants, Sans.”

 

“no??”

 

“It’s a natural thing for people who have a steady job to move out of their parents’ house.”

 

“his income isn’t even steady! he runs a charity! you know how upset papyrus is gonna be?”

 

You wrap an arm around him. “Sans, if he can deal with that loan he took out to open the place he can deal with paying to exist.”

 

“yeah but what about papyrus?”

 

“I don’t know. Do that stereotypical fairytale thing where you buy him the house next door?”

 

“pfft. we can’t afford that.”

 

“I was only kidding.”

 

“the hell are we gonna do?”

 

“Turn his room into a game room? Live the retired empty-nest dream?”

 

“______!”

 

“You know for a comedian you sure can’t take a joke.” You give him a kiss on the cheek.”

 

“sorry. freaking out just a bit.”

 

“He’s not going far, Sans. He’ll just live a few minutes--”

 

“Scuse me.” There’s a an awfully familiar-looking dude suddenly looming over you.

 

“can we help you?”

 

“The fuck do you think you’re doing like that in public?”

 

“What, this?” You literally run your tongue up Sans’ face. Oh how the years have changed you. Maybe it’s age. Who knows. “Free country. Run along.” Sans is so cute when he blushes.

 

The man literally recoils at your actions.

 

“That’s the nastiest shit I’ve ever seen.”

 

“ooooh! I remember you.” Sans is literally pushing you off him at this point.

 

It clicks.

 

“Oh! Yeah! How was prison life?”

 

“Watch your tongue, bitch.”

 

“please go away.” Sans is winking, unafraid.

 

“Um, ‘s everything goin’ alright here?” Ah, Impact came looking for you. Sans did need to dip out suddenly after he broke the news. He probably got worried.

 

“The fuck? There’s _more_ of you?”

 

“Is this guy both'rin’ you, mama?”

 

You can see how aghast this asshole is.

 

“I think he’ll leave us alone.” You turn to the shit-disturber. “You haven’t met our son, have you?”

 

He’s stammering.

 

Impact senses this man’s intentions and immediately positions himself between you.

 

“Hi. Um, please leave my folks alone. They um, don’t seem t’like you very much.”

 

Maybe it’s Impact’s size that caused such a sudden reaction but you somehow get the feeling that you won’t be seeing much of that dude or his friends again judging by the speed at which he’s fleeing. If he almost got his ass kicked by cinnamon roll Papyrus, you can only imagine the kind of danger he'd sense from a hulking Impact.

 

“Um… who was that?”

 

“an old friend.”

 

“Oh, did I scare him away? Sorry, I um, wasn’t gettin’ a good vibe from him.”

 

“You did fine, Impact.”

 

“impact, i don’t think you should move out.”

 

“Dad, I’m an adult.”

 

“who’s gonna keep an eye on your uncle when we’re gone, huh?”

 

“I will?”

 

“from across town?”

 

“Dad, I’m um, gonna move like five minutes away.”

 

“yeah but what if he gets lonely?”

 

“Then he’ll come over? I dunno, I can give him an office at the shelter if he wants to come for a few hours a day.”

 

Sans groans.

 

“Sans, he’s not going anywhere.”

 

“Exactly. Thanks, mama.”

 

You give him a discreet thumbs up.

 

“I um… figured I’d just dump my kids on him for babysitting… when that ‘ventually happens.”

 

“i hate this.”

 

“He’ll get over it, baby. Do what you want.”

 

“I think um, family’s important n’ stuff. I wouldn’t ditch uncle Pappy.”

 

“i need you to do me that favour.”

 

“Sans, it’s unrealistic to have expected him to live with Papyrus all his life.”

 

“ ‘S not like I’m goin’ far, dad.”

 

“i know. i know. i’m just looking out for him is all.”

 

“C’mon dad. We can, um… I dunno, go out and get some fries at the diner you like.”

 

“Oh man, Impact, have we ever taken you to Grillby’s?”

 

“Wha? No. I don’t… think so.”

 

“Sans, we should take a trip! We should show him.”

 

“oh man, i think you’re in for a treat, kid.”

 

\--

 

Impact didn’t think Grillby’s was that special but the several hours in a car together were great. Papyrus didn’t know what the purpose of the trip was until it was too late, much to his dismay. You made it up to him by taking him to the local clothing stores and letting him run amok. You even stayed in a hotel with a water slide, which he and Impact excitedly conquered in the name of monsters everywhere. These two will always be inseparable. Sans has no reason to worry.

 


	90. Matri-BONY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'til death do us part.

 

 

 

 

 

Day six of seven.

 

You wonder if daily video chatting's cheating.

 

"Hey, you know what, we should do this when you're in heat!"

 

A delayed reaction from the other side of the screen.

 

"no?"

 

"Please?"

 

"no way kiddo."

 

"Please?"

 

"nope."

 

"Sansy Sans?" You use your dumbest mock-begging voice.

 

"don't do that."

 

"Awe. Come on."

 

He looks away. "…it's effective."

 

"Pfft." He joins in as you laugh. You're both idiots. "This is doing wonders for whatever weird separation anxiety I usually feel.'

 

"i'd be so uncomfortable doing this while in heat."

 

"Sansy Sans."

 

"oh my goodness cut it out."

 

"Come on, you're laughing."

 

"kiddo you know what i'm gonna do to you when we see each other?"

 

"I'm right here, Sans." Toriel calls from the other end of the room. She's putting the finishing touches on your wedding clothes.

 

"so you know what i'm gonna do to you when we see each other?"

 

"Sans!" You bend over laughing.

 

"okay, how 'bout this: i'll consider video chats if you make it worth my while."

 

"Go on."

 

"puns."

 

"What? Puns during sex are so cheesy."

 

"s'okay though 'cause we make such a _gouda_ couple."

 

"Boo. I've heard that one before."

 

Toriel is dying in the corner.

 

"You okay, Tori?"

 

"Yes. I--" snort, cackle.

 

"heh. looks like my puns are as _sharp_ as ever."

 

"Sans, no!"

 

Toriel's bent over crying.

 

"Sans! Your puns _stink!_ "

 

"Nooo-ho-ho-ho!" She's crying real tears.

 

"Tori's dying."

 

"you might wanna be _caerphilly_ , tori."

 

Did she just bleat?

 

"Ouch! Hahaha. Ow."

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"I," snort, "poked myself with the needle."

 

"Look what you did, Sans."

 

"you helped. i can't _brie_ the only one at fault here."

 

"Alright you two. That's enough for today. I am certain you are both violating the ritual at this point." It still bothers you that a bonded couple about to be married has to be kept apart for a week before the ceremony.

 

"Yeah but I'm eating and my chest only hurts a bit."

 

"yeah, s'easier for me too."

 

"SANS, THEY'RE RIGHT. COME AND TRY THIS ON." You wonder where Papyrus is relative to Sans in the room.

 

"Hi Papyrus."

 

He shoves his face into view. "HELLO, _______. IS IMPACT THERE YET?"

 

"Oh, he's coming down here?"

 

"HE WANTED TO SPEND THE LAST DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING THERE."

 

"look forward to it." Sans is winking.

 

 

\--

 

 

Toriel didn't let you video chat with Sans on the last day before the wedding. Stupid monster rituals. Whatever, you can go about four days before it gets bad to be honest. This is fine. Impact showed up with a handmade ornate hairpiece from Papyrus.

 

Toriel made you try your robe on one last time and was thoroughly inspecting the beading as Impact tried a few different hairstyles.

 

"You know Impact, you can be as nit-picky as your uncle in terms of cosmetics." You can't help but chuckle.

 

"I want you to look good, mama." He's practically dancing.

 

You take a look in the mirror. You can't help but feel beautiful. The sleeveless robe is a deep violet with a mandarin collar. You can feel the weight of it over your long-sleeved silk undershirt. It does resemble the one Toriel wears once in a while but it's made of a thick velvet instead of linen and you can feel the weight of the intricate matching beading. You much prefer the beading to the giant rune on the front of Toriel's. You thought the violet on violet would appear more subtle but the beads shine beautifully when they catch the light. Impact finally decided on a hairstyle so you strip everything off, ready for tomorrow. You didn't think you'd be able to eat your dinner so enthusiastically while listening to Impact talk about his new apartment and volunteer program for the shelter. He's setting up a foster program and working in partnership with his old job. He wouldn't have been able to move so quickly if it weren't for that. You're bubbling with pride. Maybe those are nerves. Maybe it's both.

 

 

\--

 

 

The lump in your throat won't go away. You're trembling. Everyone's on the other side of this tent. Toriel made sure you know the drill. You and Sans are going to meet privately before emerging. No one is allowed to see you interact beforehand. You lie in the tent. It's tall enough to stand in but the floor is covered in rugs and cushions. Toriel and Asgore emphasized the wedding being outdoors. Monsters always do it that way. The couple must emerge together and be seen in the open. You start to wonder if Asgore will allow it when he looks at your souls when your thoughts are interrupted by Sans finally entering the tent.

 

"heya. cutie." He's in clothes identical to yours minus the bead pattern. You notice it shimmering as he moves and realize how intricate the beading is. Did Papyrus do that all by hand? You can see how he wouldn't have minded delegating yours to Toriel. You've never seen such an elaborate pattern.

 

"Hey."

 

He collapses onto a cushion next to yours and edges closer so that your shoulders are touching.

 

"Monster rituals are weird as hell."

 

"pft. never thought i'd have to deal with this to be honest."

 

"So um, we just do the thing?"

 

"guess so."

 

"You're really okay with this?"

 

"why do you keep wondering that?"

 

"I feel like a curse sometimes. We both know that your life's going to be shortened." It's definitely nerves speaking.

 

"shut your mouth." Sans places a hand on your cheek. "listen, i chose this. i chose you. you remember when you asked what to do; you wanted to know what to do to trigger a breach in my bond?"

 

"I remember asking."

 

"why do you think I told you not to try? mortality's a thing. we don't know when we're going to die. stop thinking about death and start thinking about life."

 

"I can't help it sometimes."

 

"listen kiddo, i love you. i love you more than anything. i love our family more than anything."

 

You can't help but place a hand on your forehead. "It was such a rough ride."

 

"well guess what, life's not easy."

 

"You're really sure you want to go through with this?"

 

"of course i am. you say that like a wedding's going to make a difference. don't worry kiddo."

 

"I'll try."

 

"you know i'll be by your side forever, right?"

 

"I know." You can't help but stare at your two sets of bare feet. Sans hates being barefoot.

 

"and that i love you more than anything i ever have or ever will."

 

"I know. I love you too."

 

"when you're gone it won't take me long to keep being by your side."

 

"I know. That's… really sad." It's impossible to suppress your sigh.

 

"it's not though. tori told me she explained monster funerals to you."

 

"That doesn't make it less sad."

 

"well they'll sprinkle my dust… onto yours i guess."

 

"Y-yeah."

 

"you ready?"

 

"Sans?"

 

"mhm?"

 

"When I die… you can absorb my soul. I don't know if it'll do anything but you can… if you want to..."

 

"of course i'd want to." He's fidgeting. "you… really want me to do that?" You look up and see how flustered he is.

 

"What would I be using it for anyway?"

 

He chuckles, "i dunno."

 

"Would it feel like a permanent soul confrontation?"

 

"dunno. never met someone who absorbed a soul. it's not something you really talk about."

 

"I wonder if it'd stop you from feeling withdrawn."

 

"dunno. you won't be around to find out though. probably."

 

"I guess not."

 

"whatever happen happens, i s'pose."

 

"Yeah. We can't see the future."

 

"you ready, kiddo?"

 

"Don't think I ever was, really." You wrap your arms and every thought around him as he does the same to you.

 

 

W h i t e n e s s.

 

 

The emergence feels the same as always; the confrontation the same as always. You lie and cry for almost half and hour before cleaning up. Whoever thought this was a good idea? Who wants to look rundown and puffy-eyed on their wedding day? Why would you want to be this dehydrated? Monster rituals are so damn stupid. It's so stupid you're laughing. Sans starts laughing too. You open the tent-flap and the light hits your eyes and blinds you slightly for a moment as you emerge in your matching garments to walk to the centre of the tiny congregation of your closest friends and family. Sans is standing up straight instead of slouching-- something you've rarely seen him do in all your years together. (It doesn't add much to his height.)

 

Asgore waits at the centre, dressed in formal monster clothing. He looks you up and down when you arrive, inspecting, assessing. He places a hand on your cheek and tilts your head up, staring deeply into your puffy eyes. You feel a weight on your chest. Is he actually prying into your soul?! That's private and you suddenly don't want him to look at that! You feel it. His eyes are burning into yours, his expression stoic. You've never felt this kind of invasion. It feels like he's violating you. _Get out_. You can feel Sans tense up as he watches and his jealous aura fills the air. Your soul is none of Asgore's damn business.

 

_Get. The fuck. Out._

 

You feel the weight lift and Asgore moves in to do the same to Sans, angling his face and poring into his soul. You can feel it through him and watch as he begins to sweat profusely but not back down in staring right back with an almost determined look in his eyes. This has to be the closest thing to determination you've ever seen in a monster's expression. You suddenly feel it. Your chest bubbles with rage as you can feel him poring into Sans' soul. He's looking at all your collective memories and invading someone whom you know would rather not tell anyone anything about himself. The nature of monster rituals suddenly infuriates you. This is outright violation. This shouldn't be allowed. Sans hates this as much as you do. You know he only ever wants you to see that.

 

After what seems like an eternity, Asgore turns to you, smiling. "I'm glad you feel that way."

 

 

"…What?"

 

 

He places a thick flower crown on your head and one on Sans'. They're both linked by a heavy red satin ribbon ending in a bow on each side.

 

"I'm proud to be officiating my first ever monster-human wedding. The bond these two share is unlike any I've witnessed in millennia. I hope to see many more like it."

 

He places a hand on each of your heads.

 

"After close examination of the souls of the couple standing before me, I declare their bond to be authentic and unadulterated. May they never breach the contract which their souls have formed but deepen their bond until the day they die."

 

Asgore waits for the cheering to end before sliding his hands down from the tops of your heads to your faces, pulling the flower crowns over your eyes. You turn around and weave your arm through Sans' before blindly taking a few hesitant steps. You tune your soul to his in complete trust and, almost as though directed by an invisible force, begin to walk confidently toward the edge of the congregation as one.

 

You hear Impact's soft crying as you walk past. Baby, don't cry; this is a happy day. A few more steps and you definitely hear a gravelly sob from Undyne, soft weeping from Toriel, a falter in Frisk's breathing… one or two, NYOO HOO HOOs from Papyrus. You keep walking but the weeping is contagious. You misstep and stumble as you focus too hard on not crying. Sans blindly tries to catch you but gets caught and hits the ground with you when you fall the the sound of collective gasping. The impact hurts your wrist and elbow slightly and you end up laughing in a tangle of flesh and bone on the ground. Of course this would happen.

 

"looks like we've really _fallen_ for each other, huh?" Sans's voice is shaky. He's crying as much as you are.

 

You kiss him blindly right there on the ground.

 

"Bonehead."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **An afterword.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> It's been a bumpy ride but we've made it. Impact and Papyrus will be fine. Don't worry about it. We don't know what the future holds. Nobody knows how they're going to die so take Sans' advice and stop focusing on death when you should be focusing on life. You have a beautiful family that loves you. How blessed you are. 
> 
>  
> 
> For those who don't follow us on Tumblr, feel free to check that once in a while for Q&A, bonus content, fanart, and other fun things. This story will likely be getting a lot of bonus content through there and we intend to eventually write a cute chaste Impact spinoff. For now you can only imagine how many dogs and kids he'll have. 
> 
> For now we'll be working on [Smells Like Chalk and Beeswax](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7880128/chapters/17998429), an Underswap AU fic. We're not that big on AUs but Underswap, where everyone's personality is swapped with their counterpart, is pretty cute. It will have similar themes as SLCaaC but be handled very differently. You'll see.


	91. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Congrats!

A big thank you to everyone for getting us up to 4K Kudos!

As special thanks, we've written a [little bonus](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11730045) featuring everyone's favourite son.

**Author's Note:**

> Send us your comments! Send us your comments!
> 
> We post [Shitty Bonus Content](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/tagged/shitty-bonus-content) on our [Tumblr](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/)  
> (Please ask questions there so we don't flood the comments with rambling.)
> 
>  
> 
> [Buy Us a Coffee.](http://ko-fi.com/796PZ6PB9IB6)  
>  
> 
> [Chapter 35 sock fanart](http://bittersweetdeath2.tumblr.com/post/139777575912/why-do-monsters-love-feet-so-much-art-for) and [Sans and Impact fanart](http://bittersweetdeath.tumblr.com/image/143122686648) by bittersweetdeath.  
> [Chap. 36 sorry Sans fanart](http://mikyoko.tumblr.com/post/139862821515/i-was-supposed-to-be-a-ghost-on-tumblr-i-never), [treating ShittyDinner to drinks](http://mikyoko.tumblr.com/post/140105507880/what-can-i-say-i-always-keep-my-promises-a-round), [Chap. 39 radiograph fanart](http://mikyoko.tumblr.com/post/140111665065/id-like-to-think-that-he-went-to-sleep-like-that), [soul melding fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/140268661074/mikyoko-bad-time-intensifies-this-was), and [ key eating](http://secretsantasanslover.tumblr.com/post/140380513967/are-you-ready-to-have-a-bad-time-wink-bad) by SecretSantaSansLover/mikyoko.  
> [Adorable skeleton family fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/143338781494/im-just-posting-this-and-leave-whisper-i-just), [Crying reader and Impact fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/143475459424/im-full-of-feels-for-the-actual-chapter), [Amazing Artist Impact](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/143625653449/one-day-impact-is-gonna-find-a-lipstick-of-his), [Adorable clingy Impact fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/144066276294/moooar-drawings-of-the-happy-skele-family-poor) by xsinnercatx, [Impact and Mira](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/147600932354/cuddle-buddies), Adorable [marshmallow roasting fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/146799918459/adorable-sans-and-impact-camping-fanart-we-got) from @Ally_the_Gamer on twitter, [Impact in a hoodie fanart](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/148443624649/impact-by-wyxamex) by Wyxamex, [Impact with a puppy](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/148443642024/impact-plays-with-a-puppy-by-2-swain) by 2-Swain, [Skeleton family](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/149177643374/im-having-problems-with-my-color-display-so-the) by fatstacksoftrash, [Sans biting reader](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/147960739469/sinful-reader-after-reading-this-awesome-sans-x) by sinful-reader, and [putrid puns](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/post/150660316464/shtbunny-glad-to-know-someone-around-here) by shtbunny.  
>  
> 
>  **OR** [The Fanart Masterpost](http://shitty-dinner.tumblr.com/tagged/SLCaaC-fanart)


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